A/N:So I suck at updating at the moment, but I've been reading more than I've been writing. You'd think it would be easier to write this since I already know what's happening, but I just haven't had the time to write. Going to try and get back in to regular updates to get this finished :)
"No Naomi last night?" Effy asks as she helps herself to a slice of toast from the plate resting on my lap. Her tone is sharp and cold. She's been back from Tony's a whole five minutes and I can already tell she's got a chip on her shoulder. She's always like this when she gets back from seeing him. Tony's a bit of a wanker and as much as he dotes on his little sister it's not like a weekend of drink and drugs would have done her much good; she's probably been off her meds since Friday. I know how erratic her moods can be when she's like this so I bite back any sarcastic comments to avoid a row.
"She went back to London for a few days." I shrug like it's no big deal, but I'm honestly not one hundred percent sure she'll come back; it's not like she's big on sticking around when things get tough.
"Making a break for it already?" There's no mirth in her voice as she takes a seat beside me on the sofa.
"Just give it a rest, yeah?" I snap at her, my own patience in short supply today. I have enough of my own insecurities about what's going on with me and Naomi without Effy throwing hers in to the mix as well. "She'll be back by Saturday…we have a date." I try to sound confident about that, but my voice sounds strained even to my own ears.
Effy shakes her head at me, wearing one of those you're an idiot smirks spread tightly over her lips. I really don't get her sometimes. She's been telling me to go for it with Naomi, convincing me that there really could be something between us, and now she's done a complete U-turn and is looking at me like I'm thick. "You're not inviting her to the exhibit Friday then?" Friday is my first photography exhibit and I'm stressing about it enough without having Naomi there judging my work. I haven't even told my parents, because god knows I don't need my mother there telling me to focus on my 'real' job. Even Effy and Lara aren't invited until the Saturday. Sean my agent will be there for moral support Friday and the effeminate gay man will just have to do as a stand in for my overbearing mother. I still can't believe Naomi was actually jealous of Sean.He's like the campest man I know, and given my profession that's something of an accomplishment.
I've got to admit it felt good to see her get jealous, like she really does care and this really does mean something to her. I spent so long being jealous of Emily that's it's nice to have the shoe on the other foot for a change. Ems just seemed to know it all when we were teenagers. She knew she was gay and she knew she wanted Naomi, she didn't try to hide behind shagging half the men of Bristol and popping pills to get so fucked out of her mind that she forget how crap her life was. Emily was brave enough to stand up to the world, and most importantly mum, and say 'yeah, I'm gay, so what?'Even now I still can't do that. I could never tell mum and dad that I've been with girls, that I've loved girls…girl…Naomi. Sure I've shagged other girls, but I've never fallen in love with any of them. I've never even come close. It's just always been her.
"I don't want her there anyway. I'm going to grab a shower before my next shoot, do you fancy grabbing lunch today?" I call out to her as I head down the corridor to the bathroom. I peel off my pyjamas once the water is hot enough and step under the spray. It's absolute heaven and I could stand in here all day long. I think I hear the door, but when I pop my head around the shower screen and shout to Effy to ask who it is I get no response. Ignoring it, I go back to washing my hair and forget about the door until I'm wrapped in a towel and padding through the flat.
"Eff?" There's no sign of her anyway and not even a note on the fridge to let me know where she's gone. I hate it when she does this, just goes off wandering on her own. I know she's an adult and she can do what she wants, but she's been starting to slip again and given the mood she was in when she came home this morning I'm not keen on her being out on her own.
I try her phone but she ignores it and it just makes me worry more. I call the model who's expecting me to do some casting shots for her this afternoon and reschedule with her. Hopefully she won't use someone else as I need the money, the bills don't pay themselves and if I want to spend more time on stuff like exhibits then I need to earn as much as I can from the jobs I get. Effy tries to help out when she can, but being a student she doesn't have much money. She offered to get a job last year, working a few nights in some bar in town, but I talked her out of it, insisting she had to focus on passing her degree so she can get a decent job and we can get an even nicer place. The truth is I don't want anything stressing her out. I don't think she's ready to hold down a job right now. I know everyone thinks I'm just being overprotective of her, but they only see what Effy lets them see. They all think she's coping fine, that she's put her depression behind her, but I live with the girl. I see her on her best days and I see her on her worst. Lately there hasn't been a whole lot difference between the two.
I go in the kitchen and check the pill box that I fill every week for her so that she takes the right pills on the right day. The last couple of days are still sitting in it, though I could have guessed that they would be since she didn't take the pill box to Tony's with her. I check the bottles and count each one just to make sure and sure enough there's an extra three pills that she should have taken over the weekend. "Effy." I grumble to myself as I replace the bottles back in the kitchen cupboard. I'm pretty sure Effy knows that I count her pills, though we don't really talk about it. Effy's illness is right up there with all the other things we don't talk about, like Freddie's death and the fact that we've shagged a couple of times.
I try her phone a few times throughout the afternoon and she keeps knocking off my calls. I'd go out and look for her if I had any idea where she could be. She finally comes home and the mood she comes home with is even worse than the one she had this morning. Her eyes are red from crying and she goes straight to the fridge for a beer. "Bit early isn't it?" I try to be tactful and smile like I'm teasing her, but she sees straight through me.
"Just don't, yeah Katie? Just fucking don't start!" She shakes her head at me as she gets another beer out of the fridge and takes the two of them to her room. She slams the door shut behind her and the noise echoes through the flat. I sigh as I follow her, bracing myself for World War III.
"What's going on? Where've you been?"
"With your girlfriend." She snarls at me and she's already started on the second beer. "She came by when you were in the shower; we had a nice little chat...She's going to break your heart you know. People like me and Naomi, weren't not meant to love people, we just end fucking them up." She laughs and I can smell something stronger than beer on her breath.
"Eff, that's not true." I try to talk her down, but she's having none of it. I know this isn't about me or Naomi, but it still hurts to have her say what she knows I'm thinking. "You don't fuck people up-"
"Oh no? I hit you in the head with a fucking rock, Katie!" She giggles again and I'm not sure whether it's the drink or going so long without her pills. "Cook, Freddie, Em-" She stops mid-rant and I'm not sure what she was going to say, but something seems to sober her up as she puts the half empty bottle down and shakes her head at me. "Just leave me alone Katie, please?" She doesn't wait for me to answer as she lies down on her bed and pulls her blanket up over her head.
I leave her to sleep off whatever's she's going through. I don't know what's gone on with her and Naomi but there's more than one way to find out. If Effy won't tell me I'll go and see Naomi. I'll ask her why the hell she lied about spending the week in London too. I mean if she didn't want to fucking see me she could just say so, she doesn't need to lie to me! Picking up my keys from the table by the front door I pull on a jacket and head down to my car. In the time it takes me to get to Naomi's house I've managed to work myself up in to a fit of rage. I'm stressed out as it is right now without having to worry about Effy having a minor melt down, which I can only presume has something to do with Naomi, and on top of that I'm exhausted from not sleeping right for the last few weeks; again Naomi's fault.
So when she opens the front door to me with a wary smile, I'm instantly on the attack. "What the fuck did you say to Effy?" I shove her back in to house and invite myself in as I kick off at her.
"Nothing she was the one who had a go at me! About our date, thanks for telling her by the way!" Naomi and I are too similar, faced with someone shouting at us we'll both always react the same way; by shouting louder. I tell her to forget about our date, though I regret it as soon as I say it. I know I'm not really mad at her. I'm mad at myself for not keeping a closer eye on Effy. The signs that she's struggling have all been there for weeks, I've just been too wrapped up in my own shit to realise. I've been focusing on Naomi too much, leaving my best friend to fend for herself.
"Fine by me!" She snaps back and I know I've screwed up by coming over and making a scene, but it's too late to do anything about it now.
"Fine!" I huff at her, not wanting to lose face by admitting that I'm bothered that she's just given up on our date so easily. All we seem to do is take two small steps forward and then a giant leap backwards. I'm ready to turn and walk out, I can already feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes; but then I see something on Naomi's expression. I see the hurt look in her own eyes and realise we're both in the same predicament. We both want to take back what we've just said, but neither of us is good at saying sorry. So of course I do the only logical thing and push her up against the wall and slip my tongue in to her mouth as I kiss her like it's the last chance I get.
She's startled by my reaction but it doesn't take long for her to start kissing me back and she puts up no objection when I unbutton her jeans and slip my hand down them. Fuck, I've missed this. She was only away for one day, but I still feel like I've gone stir crazy in twenty four hours and I need to make up for lost time.
"Fuck!" She gasps in my ear as I slip two fingers inside of her and build up a steady unrelenting pace. One of her hands pushes against my elbow, urging me on as her other hand tugs at my hair. "Upstairs." Our lips part long enough for her to get one word out and we start heading for the stairs. I keep my hand exactly where it is though and feel her muscles clenching and unclenching around my fingers as we stumble towards the staircase. We end up falling as we reaching the landing at the top of the stairs and I just can't wait long enough to get to her room, so I end up straddling her as I push her jeans down and push her legs apart with my knees as I bury my fingers deeper inside of her. She gasps and moans as I fuck her right there on the floor and I'm so lost in what we're doing that I don't notice the pain from her nails digging in to my back. I don't miss the sound of the front door opening though.
"Shit!" I scramble off her and we rush towards her room. Naomi stumbles as she struggles to pull her pants up from around her ankles. We slam her bedroom door behind us and sink to the floor and I can't help but burst in to a fit of giggles at Naomi almost being caught with her pants down; quite literally. She's red faced and out of breath and I love the fact that I caused that glow on her cheeks. She tries to scowl at me, but she can't quite manage it and ends up laughing along with me.
"Naomi, you in, luv?" Gina calls up to her and I have to bury my face in her lap to smother my giggling as she shouts down to her. I feel her breath hitch as my cheek rubs up against her thigh. She absently runs her fingers through my hair and I'm glad I'm hiding my face right now because I'm grinning like an idiot. Once I wipe the stupid smile off my face, I get to my feet and go over to her bed.
Once she's happy Gina isn't going to come upstairs she turns her attention back to me and apologises for upsetting Effy. I shrug it off and explain that Effy was in a mood long before she spoke to Naomi. I don't mention how worried I am about her because I know how much Effy hates people treating her like she's a nut job, or even worse, pitying her. "So where are you taking me Saturday then?" I ask her, like the argument downstairs never happened. If there's one thing I got from my mother it's an amazing sense of denial. Our date seems to be the last thing on Naomi's mind as she crosses the room and kneels down in front of me. I'm wearing a skirt so when she presses her lips to my thigh she's kissing my bare skin and I know where this is going.
"Naomi, stop." I try to pull away and she goes in for another kiss. I don't want this to just be about sex. She promised me a date and she's not getting out of it that easy. It's also a bit weird being in her room for the first time, knowing she's slept with my twin countless times on this very bed. I remind her of this and it seems to do the trick as she lets out a heavy sigh and nods in agreement. "I've got this work thing on Friday and shits loads to do for it tomorrow, can we just…" I don't really know what I want to do. I don't want to go back home, but I don't want to fuck Naomi in this room either. I just want to spend some time with her, but I'm scared to say it out loud. I don't want to push her away. I don't want to be one of those fucking needy clingy girls, but I just can't help turning in to one around the blonde that I've fancied for years.
Thankfully I don't have to ask her for anything. "How about I order a pizza and we watch a movie?" She suggests as she climbs on to the bed beside me; but doesn't try anything on. She cuddles in to me as we argue over what to watch and it feels nice to just be doing something normal and not be worrying about Effy for a change. I even manage to forget about Emily for a while; though the fact that she's coming home soon is never far from my mind.
