"No one could blame you babe, I'm fit." I make some wise crack and she rolls her eyes at me before climbing in to bed beside me. I cuddle in to her side and she kisses my cheek as she wraps her arms around me. It's all pretty domestic.
"You're beautiful." She sighs against my cheek and my lips curl up in to a smile.
"I think I've already fallen babes." I wait with baited breath, expecting her to run away; but she doesn't. She clings to me all the more tightly, like she thinks I'm the one that's going to run. "Better not screw it up with a crappy date." I crack, trying to lighten the mood. She laughs and things feel easy between us again. I could have killed Effy for bringing her to the gallery tonight, but I guess she did me a favour in the long run.
It's been a long night and it doesn't take either of us long to fall asleep. Naomi's pretty restless throughout the night though and she wakes me up more than once. "Babe, go to sleep." I grumble at her as I turn over, my lips brushing against her cheek. She turns to meet my lips and we just lie there in the dark kissing. "Baby…" I bite at her lip, my body beginning to wake up. Her hands slide under my nightshirt and I know exactly what she's after as she kisses my neck. I play hard to get, pretending to be asleep again as she sighs in my ear. "I've been thinking, I want you to come to London with me. Today, for our date." She catches me off guard and I sit up, giving up the act that I'm still sleeping.
"I've got a shoot at eleven." Our date is supposed to be at the weekend. I can't just drop everything to go to London with her. I do love her, and I want to spend time with her, but I have a life to live. When the summer's over and she goes back to London I'm still going to be here, doing my job. I can't afford to potentially lose clients by rearranging shoots.
"We'll go after then! Cone on, you said you wanted to be impressed…" She pushes and I know she's not about to back down on this. It's not what she does. "So let me impress you." She leans in for another kiss and I pull away with a smirk.
"First time for everything."
She ignores my attempt to wind her up and instead kisses my neck again, running her hands along my stomach and pushing my top up. Her head drops to my stomach as she kisses her way down to the waistband of my shorts. Then she stops. "Why'd you stop?" I grumble impatiently. "For fuck sake Naomi!" I practically growl at her as she pulls down my shorts and kisses me everywhere but the one place I want her lips.
"It's ok Katie…I'm not that impressive anyway, am I?"
Except she is and she fucking knows it as her skilful tongue finds my core. My hips buck forward and I'd probably be off the bed if Naomi wasn't pinning me down. "Fuck, you are, ok? Just…please…" I'm Katie Fitch; I'm not used to begging. She knows this too and she pulls away again. "I'll come to London, ok? Whatever you want babes…" My fingers tangle in her hair as I try to push her head back down. Her lips find me again and I cry out, because fuck me, she knows exactly what she's doing to me.
We fall asleep what seems like hours later, curled up together and both as naked as the day we were born. When I wake up again Naomi is still pressed up against my back with her arms wrapped around my waist. I lie there for a bit, not wanting to move a muscle. I want to stay here in bed with her all day, but I know I've got to get dressed for the shoot I've got in a couple of hours. I slip quietly out of bed and take a shower before getting some breakfast. I potter around in the flat for a bit and as I'm leafing through the post I feel Naomi's arms slip around me and her chin resting on my shoulder. "Morning." My lips curl in to a smile as I turn and catch her cheek.
"Morning babes."
She nips at my neck and I laugh as I try to pull away. Her arms are still wrapped around me though, stopping me from going anywhere. I toss the letters in my hand aside and turn to face her, giving her a long and lingering kiss. "Mhmmm…good morning."
She tries to talk me out of going to work, but I've already moved my schedule around to spend the day with her tomorrow and I can't cancel this morning's shoot on such short notice. In this business I need my reputation more than anything. I give her a kiss before I leave and she's still pouting as she sees me to the door. "I'll be back in a few hours. Then I'm all yours." I laugh, I never had her down as the clingy type; I've got to admit it's kind of nice to have her trying to persuade me to spend the whole day with her as she helps me carry my equipment to the car. I cut her off with another kiss, even though we're standing on the street and anyone could see. I guess I'm just not that scared of people finding out about me now. I see why it was so easy for Emily to come out; she had Naomi and those baby blue eyes there for her. Maybe if I'd had Naomi on my side back then I could have been a little braver too. "I'll see you this afternoon babe."
The morning passes agonisingly slow. All I can think about is Naomi, and for once it's me screwing up the shoot, not the models. I eventually call it a day around noon and pack my stuff up as quickly as I can, all but throwing the expensive equipment in to the boot of my car. My phone goes off a couple of times, but as I'm driving I just ignore it until I pull up outside the flat. I frown as I see Emily's name on the screen. She's tried to call a couple of times, but it can't be that important if she hasn't left a voicemail or even bothered to text. I ignore her and shove the phone back in to my purse. I'll call her later. I'm not exactly going to win any sister of the year awards as it is anyway. I'm practically skipping up the stairs, looking forward to my date with Naomi, when I crash straight in to her as she comes storming down the stairs. I laugh as I latch on to her arm to keep me on my feet. "What's the rush? Eager to-" She cuts me off with a kiss. It's not like one we've ever shared before. Her lips are possessive and insistent; almost desperate. Something's wrong.
As she finally pulls away, though she keeps her arms locked around the back of my neck to keep me close, I notice her watery eyes and red cheeks. "Come with me. Right now. Let's just leave, ok?" Her voice is choked and she's trying to tug me towards the door.
"What's up with you?" I laugh. I think it's more nerves than anything else, because something is very wrong. In my experience there's only one thing that unnerves the blonde this much; I'm praying I'm wrong as I tug my hand free of hers. "I've got to pack a bag and check on Effy. I'll be an hour tops, then I'm all yours." I smile at her, trying to reassure her as I lean in for another kiss, she stiffens as my lips find hers.
"Please." Her eyes are wide and full of fear and I feel like I'm on a train that's about to run out of track.
"Babe, what's wrong?" I try to cup her cheek but she pulls away from me all together. "What is it?" I know. I know what she's about to say before her lips even part.
"Emily. She came home early. She's upstairs."
And just like that everything changes. I'm a seventeen year old kid again, watching the girl I love crying her heart out over my sister. Emily's back and nothing matters anymore. My highflying career, my gallery exhibit, my expensive apartment….none if it means a damn thing anymore; not when Emily only needs to snap her fingers and I'll lose everything that matters to me. I'll lose Naomi. "Come with me." She tries again, tugging on my arm. I pull away and wrap my arms around myself; to stop from reaching out for her. I can't fool myself in to thinking that we've had can last. She can tell me she loves me all she wants, but we both know I'm her second choice.
"I'm sorry."
After Naomi storms out of the front door I'm left on my own halfway up the stairs. I slump down on to one of the steps and draw my knees up to my chest. I bury my face in my hands and try not to let out the scream I feel welling up inside of me. My whole body's shaking as the first sob escapes and after that I'm fighting a losing battle trying to stop the rest. It takes me a good long while to sort myself out, but eventually I push my hair back from my face and pull my compact out of my purse to fix my makeup. Somehow I make it up the rest of the stairs and get my key in to the front door without throwing up. "Eff…I'm home." My voice comes out stronger than I expected and I think I might just be able to do this; then I walk in to the living room and straight in to my sister. We haven't spoken much in months, not since she walked in on me and Effy sleeping together last year. "Hey…you're here then." It's more than awkward as we stand there in the middle of the living room like we're about to have a standoff.
"Yeah, I tried calling…it's good to see you."
Emily makes the first move and steps forward to pull me in for a tight embrace. I hug her back, but it's an automatic response. I love her and I want things to be ok between us, but right now I just feel numb. I want to go to my room, slam my door shut like stroppy teenager and scream in to my pillow until I lose my voice. It doesn't happen of course. It's my house, I'm the host and I have to entertain my sister. I'm like a robot for the rest of the afternoon, going through the motions as we make small talk. Emily mentions seeing Naomi earlier and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. I don't miss that look in her eye, the little glint as she says the blonde's name. She still loves her. I know for a fact she does. I want the floor to open up and swallow me whole, luckily I get the next best thing as Effy suggests an afternoon out at the pub. My omniscient best friends can see I'm coming apart at the seams and I'm grateful when she talks Emily in to going.
"You coming Katie?" She asks, though she already knows the answer and doesn't put up much of a fight when I decline.
"Uh, no. Thanks, but I've got a migraine. I'm just going to go lay down."
"Ok, we won't be late." I could care less. She could walk Emily out of that door and never bring her back for all I care. It's selfish I know, but I put my sister first when I walked away from Naomi. I could have just let her lead me out to the car. We could have been miles away by now, far away from Bristol and every fucked up thing in it. No, I can't think about Emily right now, or even Naomi. I need to focus on me right now.
Locking my bedroom door behind me, I peel off my clothes and climb in to bed. I'm fighting back tears as I bury my face in the pillow, trying not to make too much noise until Effy and Ems have left the flat. I'm lying on Naomi's side of the bed though, with my face in her pillow and the familiar scent of her overwhelms me. The tears fall thick and fast as I curl up with the pillow pressed against my chest and end up crying myself to sleep. I could have been with Naomi right now. I could be cuddling in to her, rather than just her pillow; I could have been, if I'd just been a little braver. If I'd trusted her to still want me now that Emily's back. I didn't though. I pushed her away without giving her a chance. It just scared me though. Emily comes back and her first instinct is to run.Maybe she hasn't changed all that much since college? Maybe none of us have.
Sitting up I wipe away my tears and rummage through my purse for my phone. I can't just leave things how they are. I need to talk to her. I need to be strong enough for the both of us. My hands are shaking as I dial her number and bring the phone up to my ear. After a couple of seconds the call connects and Naomi's phone starts shrieking from over under the covers, where she left it this morning. Fuck! My eyes well up again as everything gets the better of me and I toss my phone away, not caring when I hear it thud off the floor. I bury my face in her pillow again and let it all out.
I manage to get a couple of hours of sleep and when I wake up I'm slightly more functional. I change in to a pair of sweatpants and an old T-shirt and make myself some dinner. It ends up in the bin though, I just can't stomach anything. My guts are churning and I feel like I'm going to throw up everything I ever ate. I get a beer out of the fridge instead and nurse it over on the sofa until I hear the front door banging open. Here we go again. Cook, Effy, Emily and Naomi pile in to the living room and Naomi ends up on the sofa beside me, with Emily on her other side. She giggles, apparently over nothing, and I think she's either drunk or high; or maybe a little bit of both. "Anyone want a beer?" I ask, playing the part of the good little host. My mother would be so proud.
Naomi doesn't say anything; she just quietly shrinks in on herself. The others all want a drink so I get four bottles out of the fridge. I think I'm going to need something stronger soon though. I'm trying to remember where I hid that extra bottle of Jack Daniels when I walk back over to the others and find Naomi missing. I excuse myself to the bathroom and carry on walking past it towards my room. Sure enough, when I push the door open, I find Naomi slumped on my bed. She watches me as I close the door behind me and cross my arms over my chest. I don't get a chance to open my mouth when she gets to her feet and suddenly her hand is at the back of my head, pulling me flush against her as she crushes our lips together. It feels the same as it did before; desperate. Like it's the last kiss we'll ever share.
"So that's it, yeah? She's back so you want her again…" There I go on the defensive again, being a bitch and presuming the worst. I think I get it from my mother. The women in my family are all slightly nuts; except Emily. She's pretty level headed. Maybe I got her share of crazy too. Naomi's eyes widen at me as her mouth falls open.
"What? No! I…me and Ems…that's over Katie!" I bite my lip as I look down at the floor. I want to believe her. I really do; but there's this tiny nagging voice in the back of my head reminding me how much she hurt my sister. "I saw how upset you were this morning Naomi. If it's no big deal than why did you get so worked up? I'm nobody's second choice Naomi. If you want her…if you want her, then you can't have me." The words leave my lips before I can really think them through. I know I've said the right thing though. She needs an ultimatum. Me or Emily; there's no middle ground, no compromise. One or the other, time to choose.
She tries to answer there and then, but I don't want a spur of the moment answer. I want, no, I need her to think this through. I need to know that if she chooses me now she isn't going to change her mind halfway down the line. I take a steadying breath and take a step back, putting some distance between us so I can say what I need to as I stare her down. "Just think it over, ok? I'm giving you a chance here Campbell, you can walk away and that's it…but if we do this, then I've got to know it's me you want to be with. Not her. I'm not a fucking substitute for anyone." She stares back at me, her tears drying up as I take a step forward and press my lips to her cheek. "Think it over." I walk out, leaving her alone in the dark in my room. Taking my place on the sofa back I pick up my bottle of beer and finish it in one long gulp. Naomi follows me in after a couple of minutes and takes a seat next to Cook.
I sneak subtle glances her way when I can; and every time I do I find her looking at Emily. My stomach churns as she catches me watching her watch my sister and I'm not so sure giving her time was a good idea. I should have just thrown a giant Katie Fitch tantrum and demanded that she stay away from Emily; but I can't. We really aren't the people we were in college. I just have to trust she'll make the right choice; and trust that I'm it.
