The next two weeks were boring and miserable for Beast Boy.
The team had eight missions, and he wasn't allowed to go on any of them. Though he was spared the humiliation of having a babysitter, Robin wouldn't even let him come along and wait in the T-Car. "It's dangerous," he kept saying. And it was everything Beast Boy could do not to yell back, "I know it's dangerous, but it's my job!"
He wasn't allowed to morph. He had never gone so long without changing and couldn't stand it, shutting his powers off so completely. It was like being trapped in a small box with limited sight, hearing, and smell. He couldn't fly. He couldn't fight properly. All he could do was sit on the couch and play video games, and even that was losing its appeal.
And the Beast haunted him. Beast Boy felt like he was carrying an explosive, afraid that the wrong move, the wrong step, a noise too loud – and his own self would burst into little bits all over the landscape, leaving only an animal consumed with anger, ready to destroy.
In this state – restless, bored, simmering with an anxiety that was getting closer and closer to the surface – Beast Boy had to spend hours with Raven while she pushed at him and tried to teach him as quickly as she could how to get the Beast under control.
Raven took him on the roof and made him meditate over and over again. She would start him chanting and watch his energy patterns, and when the Beast began to emerge she'd abruptly pull him out of meditation with a hand on his shoulder and a burst of dark energy.
"Don't fight him," she said. "Don't try to resist. Just work on focusing so completely that he can't get past your defenses. You're shielding yourself." Fifty times a day he'd start chanting, and fifty times a day Raven would wake him. "No," she'd say impatiently. "You're letting him through. Try again."
"She's torturing me," Beast Boy groaned to Cyborg. They were both in the garage where Cyborg was working on the T-Car. "She's getting me back for every time I made fun of her meditating. Dude, she's gonna make my head blow up..."
"Trying to make you think for more than two minutes in a row? She might be torturing herself." Cyborg was elbows-deep in an engine. "You've got to get a grip on this, B. You can't be part of the team again unless you've got the Beast under control. Raven's trying to help you."
"Yeah, and maybe she's having some fun too," Beast Boy muttered rebelliously, but not really believing it.
Cyborg glanced at him from underneath the hood of the T-Car. "Man, have you looked at her lately? She's wiped out. Remember she's got to go on missions and try to teach your sorry butt." Cyborg smiled at him, but he was only half-kidding. "Keep working, man. The team needs you back."
So Beast Boy kept working. Slowly he started being able to focus for longer and longer periods of time, and eventually he could keep meditating for ten minutes before the red energy of the Beast started to gather around his heart.
It was strange that something that required so little physical effort could be so tiring, but at the end of each day Beast Boy was wrung out. He fell into bed and didn't even dream.
And that was disappointing too. He kept remembering the dream he had about the Beast and Raven. What she had said to him. The sense of triumph he felt when he finally could change back from the Beast.
The kiss.
Fifteen days dragged by until the end of one meditation session that went for twelve minutes. Raven looked at him a long time after that, her expression unreadable, until she finally said, "Tomorrow you'll change," put her hood up, and walked away.
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Those same two weeks were exhausting and painful for Raven.
The eight missions were tougher without Beast Boy there, and Raven caught herself missing him. Missing him! Not the jokes (she would never miss the jokes) but the strength he brought to the team, and the way he lightened everything. The Titans seemed a little more tense, a little more grim, when he wasn't around. Cyborg in particular seemed to fight with a ferocious intensity that made her glad they were on the same side.
The team would come back from a mission and she'd want nothing more than to take a hot shower and lock herself in her room, but she'd have to have training sessions with Beast Boy. Being around him was like holding a handful of firecrackers that were all about to explode. A happy-go-lucky Beast Boy was bad enough to an empath. A Beast Boy who was bubbling with fear, boredom, anxiety and, increasingly, resentment – it rubbed her nerves raw.
And she couldn't shut him out, because every time he meditated she had to monitor him. She had to watch the energy building around him and feel the stray thoughts as he tried to focus. She had to touch his mind to wake him when the Beast began to appear. And she had to do this over and over again.
Her own meditation sessions didn't add to the peace.
He's trying hard, Brave said defensively.
And so am I, Raven said. But it's tiring. I have to be – aware – of him all the time. I can't -
It's getting better, Wisdom added. He's almost there.
I just want this to be over.
I'm scared of his thoughts, Timid said from far away. They hadn't found her. Raven could still hear her crying sometimes, sounding like she was somewhere deep underground. I'm afraid of him. You should have told him it wasn't a dream. He wouldn't have ki –
Let it go, Wisdom interrupted, sensing Raven's agitation. Just let it go.
In the end Raven had to block everything out and, like Beast Boy, just focus. She stopped looking toward the next month or next week or even the next day. All she thought about was the next training session, watching for the red energy, bringing him back, pointing out his mistakes, making him try again – she felt like an automation. Fight. Train. Meditate. Try to rest. Everything began to take on the gray tinge of nightmare until she wasn't sure if she was asleep or awake...
… until the one day where she had watched Beast Boy meditate, watched the red energy gather around his heart, and, moments before she was going to wake him, watched it shift. The energy became shot through with white, then blue, then became a deep, steady green. Beast Boy hadn't moved, he kept chanting.
"He did it," she breathed to herself, "he took the energy..."
Raven let him chant a little longer, then woke him.
Beast Boy shook himself, then looked at her expectantly, probably waiting to be told how he did it wrong.
She watched him, not sure of what to say. You did it? It's almost over? I'm proud of you? I wasn't sure you could do this and I was starting to think it was impossible but you did it and I lo -
No.
She cleared her throat. "Tomorrow you'll change," she said, and put her hood up and turned away.
The sudden success, the release of tension, left her legs shaking and her walk unsteady. She called for help and Wisdom took over, getting her to her room. Joy laughed and gently teased her into changing her clothes and hanging up her cloak, and Brave made sure the door was locked and everything was secure before Raven fell into bed, unconscious before she hit the pillow.
