So, if you've read my profile, you know I'm currently sick as a dog - I'm seriously thinking of killing the dog who gave me this sickness - and can hardly go twenty minutes without running for the nearest bathroom. If you didn't know... well now you do. It took me forever writing this in between nausea sessions but I got it done. It's unedited and completely raw but I'm not in the mood to edit it right now and I'll go back over it later. If anyone finds any obvious mistakes: please tell me.
Disclaimer: Seriously, if I'm writing fanfiction on it, how can I own it? This would've been the original book.
When Draco woke up, he was on the couch and Hermione was taking a nap on the loveseat curled up in an oversized blanket to keep her warm. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. Hermione stirred and he quickly donned his neutral face – never in the seven levels of hell would he let her catch him smiling.
After a yawn and patting her stomach, Hermione looked around for what woke her and saw Draco standing in front of her staring at her stomach. "Is it true?"
"Hmm?" Hermione murmured, rubbing her belly.
"There are three in there."
"Nope, there are eight," Hermione grinned playfully much to Draco's annoyance.
"Don't play with me Granger-"
"Hermione!"
"I'm not in the mood," he hissed and turned away dramatically. "Just great! It was bad enough having one brat with you but now I get the honor of three. Three! What the bloody hell did I do to deserve this? I must've pissed somebody up there off in another li…"
He froze when he felt a chill run up his neck and turned around to see a glare that would make even his uncle Severus shudder in fear.
"If they're brats then you don't have to be involved in their raising, oh high lord mayor," Hermione hissed. "I'll be just fine raising them myself; I am after all going to be a motherfucking house wife."
There was so much venom in her voice that Draco took an instinctive step back as she stood up. "I feel sorry for the bitch who marries you. She'll have made the worst decision of her entire life because she won't have one left once the vows are said."
With a final glare, Hermione turned and left the living room and marched up the stairs to her room, fuming.
Who the hell did that ferret think he was? God? Hah! Don't make her laugh. He was going to regret calling her babies brats if it was the last thing she ever did. No gingerroot tea or other food would change her mind. Draco Malfoy was a dead man; he just didn't know it yet.
Meanwhile, the said dead man was on his way to Harry and Ginny's restaurant – though it was the last place he should go after angering his 'wife' – to seek counsel with them on how to fix his problem. Why you ask? Well, Crabbe and Goyle weren't smart enough for this, Pansy would tell him it served him right – she'd probably help Hermione for revenge despite Hermione being a mu-muggleborn – Blaise would laugh his butt off, and Theo… Ah, good old Theo would just sit there, book in hand, with an expression plainly stating 'well, what the hell you want me to do about it? It's your problem not mine.' He could just see it now – and no, it was not because he just passed the house that was currently Theo's and whomever he happened to be paired up with and Theo just happened to be on the front porch reading at that very moment.
Upon reaching Potters Muggle Cuisine – probably Ginny's idea – Draco entered and asked one of the waitress' – who in their right mind would hire Lavender to be a waitress? – where Ginny was and was directed – reluctantly – to one of the tables where a just beginning to show Ginny was sitting down and taking a break.
"What do you want, Malfoy," she sighed, taking another sip of her decaffeinated tea – damn the little midget gnome, she wanted her caffeine.
"I need help."
Ginny arched an eyebrow.
"I accidentally pissed off Hermione…"
"Accidentally?"
"It was more a slip of the tongue but I didn't really mean it…"
Eyebrow.
"Okay, maybe I did at the time."
Even higher.
"Okay maybe I still do mean what I said, but I want to fix it. I swear!"
"Depends on what you said and what's in it for me…"
"I'll give you anything I can get."
"Hermione said you make very good soup and I'm in the mood for clam chowder with extra hot sauce."
"Deal!"
"But you still have to tell me what you said."
"I called the triplets brats when she told me and maybe implied that she was dirt and wasn't worthy of bearing my children… And maybe in different words…"
"You're on your own. Get out. Now."
"But I…"
"Don't fucking care. Out before I have Harry throw you out. Or maybe I'll ask Blaise – did you know he's Lavenders husband and spends a lot of time here. We actually get along swimmingly and I'd bet he would enjoy this very much."
"But…"
"Oh, Blaise!"
"I'm going, I'm going…"
"Very good. And don't come back until you're on speaking terms with Hermione and she personally brings you back."
On his way out, all the women who'd been within hearing distance of his and Ginny's conversation glared at him while all of their partners gave him looks that plainly said 'it was nice knowing you'.
"Now how am I supposed to do this?" Draco groaned once outside the restaurant. Chocolates and flowers wouldn't work:
1) they weren't involved
2) she was too mad for them to work and
3) he didn't know what kinds she'd like
Writing her a song was out as well – he just wasn't that musically gifted no matter how much his parents said otherwise. Maybe borrowing someone else's song? Nope… she'd be insulted.
A light bulb flashed into existence above his head and started flashing and a Ding-Ding-Ding noise came from nowhere. Hmmm… maybe… that last idea might just work. Now to go set everything up. And it wouldn't hurt to have a couple pieces… or boxes of chocolate and flowers in reserve.
Hermione was at home in the kitchen. She had thought up the perfect revenge against that ferret bastard. Food Poisoning. And so here she was cooking dinner for the both of them. While the food would be poison for him, as a pregnant person the food wouldn't faze her. That is why she made a stir-fry with chicken, mushrooms, assorted veggies, hot sauce, soy sauce, mayonnaise, ketchup, and I probably shouldn't tell you the rest… it's not very pleasant.
So she finished it, set the table for two and served the food. Now she just had to wait for Draco to return home. Speak of the devil, the sound of a door opening and closing reverberated through the house just as she started to hide – I mean remove the mechanisms she used to create her concoction.
"Hermione?" Draco called uncertain from the hall. She refused to answer. So he searched the whole downstairs. When he came to the kitchen he sighed in relief at seeing her there and smiled – something he never thought he'd do in her presence. "Found you."
"Oh yippee joy," she said dryly.
"I went to the office to pick up the furniture book and the baby names book. I need help with picking out what colors and I couldn't decide on the cribs and the rocking chair… can you help me?"
Hermione's eyes nearly bugged out of her head.
"And while we do that, I picked up some chocolate pastries from Theo's bakery; he had extras so he game them to me for discount," never mind that it was only a five dollar discount but hey, it was a discount. "And Pansy thought that you'd like to put these daffodils in the nursery…"
Who was she kidding; Hermione knew exactly what he was trying to do. And curse her, it was working… What mother wouldn't forgive someone who went to such extremes to try and fix something like what he'd done… this was probably killing the ferret.
Poisoned food forgotten, Hermione gave Draco a big hug – didn't work as well as she'd wanted with her belly – and nodded. "I forgive you… for now. Don't ever do it again or I'll kill you."
"Yes, ma'am," Draco nodded and then saw the set table with dinner already laid out. "Now lets eat and then we can go through the books together."
Hermione knew she was forgetting something at that point but she just couldn't remember what. She was so happy that she didn't even really care… Until she put a forkful of her stir-fry in her mouth and remembered something very important.
"Oh, Draco! I would…" Hermione started. Too late... He'd already eaten a two forkfuls before he realized that something just wasn't right before actually looking at the food, turning green and passing out.
Ring ring… ring ring… rin- caching.
"Hello, Potters residence," Ginny said picking up the phone. "This is Ginny speaking."
"Ginny! Oh my god, help!" Hermione wailed through the phone. She was very noticeably hyperventilating. That could not be good for the babies, Ginny thought.
"Hermione calm down and tell me what's wrong," Ginny sighed. She guessed it would have something to do with what Draco'd said earlier.
"I… I… I…"
"Shh, everything'll be all right. Calm down and speak coherently."
"I think I killed Draco!"
"Huh…?"
"Well I made us dinner as revenge for something he said earlier…"
"Yeah…"
"And then he came in with the baby books and the chocolate pastries and the damned daffodils and I completely forgot about the poison and completely forgave him and then we sat down to eat and I forgot to mention that I killed the food and I don't think he's breathing and HELP!"
"Okay, Hermione calm down," Ginny sighed not caring at all about the dying Slytherin. "I'll grab Harry, Ron, Blaise, and Theo. They'll be able to help while I go get mme Pomfry. Now remember: Don't Panic. It's not good for the babies."
"O-okay…"
"Very good, now we'll be there shortly and if you need anything while we're on our way, I'm sure a neighbor can help. Actually, I think Theo and Luna live next door to you so call for them while I'm coming. Okay, I'm going to hang up now."
"Bu…"
Caching.
"We'll at least things will never be boring around here…" Ginny sighed before calling for Harry to close the restaurant and grabbing Blaise and Lavender and heading over to Hermione's house while explaining everything along the way.
Word Count: 1,721
