Rating: K
Summary: Yusuf was really joking when he said Saito would buy the pickle factory.
Pairing(s): SaitoAriadne, EamesArthur
Genre: Humor
Warning: None
Disclaimer: There would be so much gay sex in Inception if I made that movie.
AN: I saw this prompt in the kink meme on Lj and the following discussion. I just ran with it.
In which Ariadne gets her pickles
To: Boss Man
Subject: Pickles
Attachment: Ariadne. jpg
Ariadne wants pickles, but there are none. Get some.
Yusuf
To: Mister Yusuf Shankar
Subject: RE: Pickles
Mister Shankar,
I'm not your errand boy, nor am I the team's.
Greetings,
Saito
PS: Your attempt at blackmailing me is pathetic.
To: Boss Man
Subject: RE: RE: Pickles
Attachment: List of Ari's favorite food brands. docx; Ariadne12HD. jpg
Then how about this. Also, call me Yusuf.
Yusuf
To: Mister Yusuf Shankar
Subject: Pickles
Attachment: Deed – McClure's. pdf
Mister Shankar,
As you can see, Miss Lavier doesn't need to worry about pickles anymore.
Greetings,
Saito
To: Dom Cobb
Subject: Your aid is much needed
Dom,
Mister Shankar informed me of the lack of pickles. As you may or may not have heard, I bought one, because he included apicture of Miss Lavier in very…revealing attire. My question: why was/is Miss Lavier wearing shorts and how come there are pictures? What should I rename my new food company? Should I get some hit man to kill those man who are blatantly staring at those legs?
Help me. Please.
Saito
To: Saito
Subject: What.
Saito,
First, calm the fuck down, it's 30 degrees Celsius here in Paris. And what pictures?
Secondly, how about you first inform her about your company?
Third, that's overkill. Really, overkill. Don't hire hit man for guys glancing at a pretty girl who you happen to have a crush on. And if you start saying your version of 'dat ass', I will put you back in Limbo.
Cobb
PS: I repeat, DO NOT HIRE HIT MAN. This is important. Saito, DO NOT HIRE HIT MAN. I'm being very serious here. Do. Not. Hire. Hit. Man.
To: Arthur
Subject: Teenage Drama
Why is there a teenage soap drama here and why was I not informed of this? And what kind of speech should I prepare for when Saito finally gets over the fact that Ariadne would like a simple date first and love companies after? (probably no companies at all, you know how practical Ariadne is) Also, find out the source of Ariadne's pictures.
Cobb
PS: Don't bang in the closet, you have a bedroom.
To: Cobb
Subject: RE: Teenage Drama
Attachment: interview Yusuf – 45. docx
Cobb,
I wasn't aware of it either and have already grilled Yusuf about the pictures. It appears that he and Ariadne went shopping, nothing scandalous going on. Also, those pictures didn't contain anything strange, just Ariadne showing new outfits. I think Saito has a thing for legs. Considering his tendency to go over the top, I think you should write a manual instead. You can save it for when Phillipa and James start dating.
About the 'banging in the closet', my apologies. Eames was impatient.
Arthur
To: Arthur
Subject: RE: RE: Teenage Drama
What should I do without you.
Cobb
To: Cobb
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Teenage Drama
Cobb,
Dread the drama, I guess. Do you want Chinese takeout or sushi?
Arthur
To: Yusuf the Chemist
Subject: Love company?!
Yusuf, what the flying fuck.
To: Ari
Subject: RE: Love company?!
In my defense, I didn't know he would actually buy it.
To: Yusuf the Crazy Chemist
Subject: RE: RE: Love company?!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS. I WILL CALL EAMES HE MIGHT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
To: Ari
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Love company?!
ARIADNE!
Don't follow his advice if it contains:
Casinos
Gambling
Surprise sex
Stealing
Breaking and entering
Dating other guys
Or girls, for that matter
Shopping at that terrible boutique
Unsafe sex
You understand?!
Yusuf
To: Yusuf the Crazy Fucks My love Life Up Chemist
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Love company?!
What if it includes halfway emptying my bank account, going on a surprise visit and asking him out on a date to a restaurant he wouldn't even look at, never mind eat there?
To: Ari
Subject: Too many RE: Love company?!
Sure. I see some Arthur there. I demand pictures of the first date.
To: Yusuf Save my Love Life Chemist
Subject: RE: Too many RE: Love company?!
Attachment: plane ticket japan link. txt
Yup, they had an argument about broom closets and pants, it seems.
You're coming with me, you started this and if I get rejected, I'm going to gut you and you will die.
To: Ari
Subject: RE: RE: Too many RE: Love company?!
I don't want to know. Why didn't you just put the link in the mail, you daft bitch.
To: Yusuf the Chemist
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Too many RE: Love company?!
Just because, you lousy bastard. Get Cobb to take care of your cat. We leave in two days.
