Hello all. First of all, my apologies for being gone for so long; in addition to some writer's block, this past semester was one of the worst. I tried getting what I could do over Christmas break but I was sick for most of it. Anyway, here's the next chapter; it was a bit rushed so I'm sorry if it's poor quality. As far as when this takes place, the best would probably the night of 'How Trina Got In.' Enjoy
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious
Even though Trina had been planning it for months, she wouldn't have been able to put her plan into play until tomorrow when no one else was around. None of them knew what would happen and most likely none of them would care. She herself wasn't sure what would happen, but she'd tried to think of other solutions and while some might have worked, they weren't likely to fix things or survive in the long run
It had all started three months ago…
(Flashback)
Trina was up in her room looking at two different things from school. One was an advertisement for a new musical that Hollywood Arts was putting on in a few weeks. There was a need for several singers; mostly for backup, but there were also two or three female lead singers which Trina was certain she would get one of.
The other was the basic script that had been sent to everyone interested in auditioning: lyrics, lines, and basic interactions each character had. To get ready for her practice, she'd been warming up her vocal cords all day around Hollywood Arts before singing on the ride home, which Tori complained about. 'It's just jealousy,' Trina told herself.
After looking over both for a while, she put them on her bedside table before she got up. Giving herself a quick look in the mirror, she adjusted her hair a bit before standing grabbing her purse to head out.
Exiting her room she made her way to the stairs when she heard voices downstairs. As she got closer she knew it was Tori and her friends she was hearing; not surprising since none of them ever seemed to open up their homes for the entire group. Since she would pass them anyway, Trina decided to grace them with her presence for a bit.
After she'd gotten down a few steps, but still remained out of their sight, Trina was able to overhear the exact comments the group was making.
"What did you expect when you asked Cat," a voice Trina recognized to be Jade's, "you said she had no talent dozens of times before you heard the real story."
"I wasn't there to see her audition," Cat replied, "For all I knew Andre's story was true and she just lost her talent."
Trina was curious who they were talking about. She couldn't deny there were a number of people at Hollywood Arts who met that description. Sometimes it even seemed like she, Tori, and her friends were the only ones who were actually even trying out for stuff. 'Probably Sinjin's sister; still have no idea how either of them got in.' she thought.
"To be honest I'm a little surprised you didn't even know the whole story Tori," Beck said.
"For goodness sake Beck, you think after years of living with her and putting up with her awful singing that I hadn't done everything I could to just tone all her antics out," Tori answered.
Trina went wide eyed at her sister's statement. They weren't just talking about some nameless person at the school; they were talking about her.
"You know, if Sikowitz regrets letting Trina in because he only saw her doing talented stuff because of spoiled coconut milk, you'd think he'd stop drinking it," Robbie said.
"Well, one thing was proved today: Trina's never had an ounce of talent in her life," Andre said.
"And probably never will," Beck added.
"Maybe she'll find some one day," Jade started, "when she's washing dishes or maybe even being a janitor somewhere. If she gets one at Hollywood Arts, maybe then people would think she belonged at that school."
"I admit I'm not really that surprised," Tori said. "Sure I thought she might have been different at school than she was here, but I guess she's annoying, self-centered, and deluded everywhere she is."
"I'm guessing those doubts still weren't even confirmed when your parents bribed you to leave her in Yerba or took off so they wouldn't deal with her after she had her wisdom teeth out," Andre said, "Me, Beck, and Robbie still aren't over you girls leaving us here with her then."
Trina flinched at the comment; it felt as if each word were knives stabbing her all over her body.
"Yeah well I'm still ticked about the whole Helen thing," Jade said. "She points out that Trina's irritating and talentless and is about to get kick her out so we wouldn't have to put up with her anymore, but you three just had to have Robbie act like he's trying to rob Helen and get her to let Trina stay."
"First of all, I tried to tell her when I found out, but she wouldn't let me," Tori said, "Even if I did, she'd probably pester Helen about letting her back in or she'd just be whining and moping around here every day. Like I want to put up with that."
"Okay we all get it: Trina has no talent and she shouldn't be at Hollywood Arts. Can we just get back to the game please?" Andre asked.
While the gang got back to their poker game, none of them could guess that Trina was still out of sight, frozen on the steps at what she'd just heard. As the words repeated in her head, she suddenly felt sick and quickly but quietly rushed to the bathroom.
After she got there, Trina locked the door still trying to process this new information. 'It just can't be true right?' she thought. How could it be possible that she got in to Hollywood Arts by mistake and should have been kicked out last semester?
Trina remembered when she auditioned: Principle Eikner and three of the other judges had run off to help Sinjin (no surprise there) so the only judge left was Sikowitz. Trina had wanted to go to Hollywood Arts for so long so she had been practicing all summer before she could start her freshman year there. She thought it had paid off; throughout her performance Sikowitz kept giving her praise and was fiercely applauding her by the end. There was no way Tori and her friends' claim that some spoiled coconut milk had made the man hallucinate the whole time. What kind of crazy nonsense was that anyway?
'Think about what teacher you're asking about?' her mind countered Trina's reasoning. If there was any teacher in the world that such a weird thing could apply to it was Sikowitz. And he had been saying a lot of weird things throughout the audition before telling her she got in and stumbling his way out. Then did that mean…
As the thought began to sink in, Trina had to lean against the wall to keep her from falling.
'Well, who cares about how I got in? I've been there for my entire high school career. That counts for something. Plus, it was Tori who was getting kicked out by Helen. And I helped her stay in by saving Helen from that burglar,' she tried to convince herself.
But what had she heard Tori and the others say: it was all a set up and Trina was supposed to be kicked out because Helen thought she was "irritating and talentless." Now that Trina was thinking about it, when it was Tori being kicked out, her friends weren't over at their house like they always were to try and console her. It had just been the two of them and Tori trying to tell her something the night after they found out.
'Then that means…oh God!' Trina thought. She suddenly felt sick and had to run over to the sink. She didn't throw up, but she gagged several times only bringing up sour spit. At the same time, tears had slowly started to flow from her eyes. She tried to calm down, but she just couldn't. How could she? Four years of thinking she was special and could make it as a singer or actress was all based on a mistake and deception.
Downstairs Tori and the others were leaving, but Trina barely paid them any mind. All she could think about was how all her efforts at Hollywood Arts had been wasted. After her nausea passed, she was finally able to look up from the sink. As she did, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her mascara was smudged leaving black trails down her face, her eyes were red, and her hair looked a mess. She used to think she was beautiful, but the face looking back at her only seemed to match the worthlessness she'd just been described as.
Trina couldn't stand looking in the mirror anymore so she rushed out of the bathroom to her room to try and calmly think things through. Unfortunately, her plan didn't work the way she had hoped it would. Once she was in her room and had locked the door behind her. She tried taking several deep breaths while looking at the floor to try and steady herself. When she thought she finally had her nerves under control, she looked up at the room and gasped as her panic returned.
On her slanted walls Trina had strung up posters of her favorite celebrities: singers, actresses, and all the other famous people she admired and had hoped to be like someday. Her dresser, desk, and bedside table had several things that Trina thought represented her accomplishments over the years. Pictures of her and her family, playing soccer when she was younger, karate practices and tournaments she had gone too, and several at Hollywood Arts including the day she was accepted, plays she was in, and any ceremonies she got recognized at. There were also trophies around the room from sports, karate, and some that she just ordered for herself for practically no reason.
For so long, Trina had valued them; it all made her feel worthwhile and like she could do anything. But hearing that people thought she had not talent at all and just completely devalued her, she knew that all of it meant nothing. She was never supposed to get into Hollywood Arts and nobody thought she had any talent at all; that meant that everything from there was worthless.
At first she just felt completely ashamed at how meaningless so much of her life had been. Then she started to feel something else, something more powerful. She was angry, but not at all the people around her; just herself. She felt nothing but self-loathing and hate for herself, for thinking she was special, for lying to herself all these years.
She hated everything around the room, as if the signs of achievement were silently mocking her like everyone else. She recalled all the insults that she had convinced herself no one really meant: Monster, insane, untalented; reek of desperation, stupid, what isn't wrong with you; no one likes you. Clenching her fist tight, there was only one thing on her mind.
With a scream that radiated through the house, Trina let loose her fury by destroying everything around her room. She tore all the awards for achievements or completions to shreds; she threw all the framed pictures of her being in plays at the wall to break the frames before grabbing the pictures and ripping them up; she took her school yearbooks and blacked out every mention of her name and every photo of her. She made sure she was destroying everything having to do with Hollywood Arts.
When she was sure she'd taken care of everything related to school, the phrases 'Trina has no talent' and 'No one likes you' echoed in her mind once more. So she started again, but this time she destroyed everything having to do with her. Any pictures of her (when she was younger, with family, at karate) were shredded like her school photos; she took all the trophies she had and broke them over her dresser before she scratching over her name off with a nail file; and she finally ripped all her celebrity posters off the walls before crumpling them up and tossing them to the side.
Afterwards, when her room was a complete wreck, shredded paper and broken glass all over the floor, Trina felt her rage slowly subside only to be replaced with the sorrow she'd felt before. She fell against the door to try to keep standing, but she literally felt like the pain was weighing her down. So she slid down until she was sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest while her eyes leaked tears onto her jeans.
She never thought she could feel this hurt. Trina knew that there were people who didn't like her just and that she didn't always give her best performances. Before tonight she would have even admitted she might be a little conceited…but so did everyone at Hollywood Arts!
Despite all the cooperation teachers expected from students when they were giving out parts, competition was extremely high. Friendships had ended because one person got the part someone else thought they deserved, some people gave up on trying, there was even the occasional fight breaking out. If you couldn't get over losing a part, then you were less likely to get one later.
That was why Trina had always tried to stay positive. Even if she didn't always get a role at least she tried out and then did her best to move on. But even if she was satisfied with her performance, it hadn't been enough to get her into Hollywood Arts four years ago, and it wasn't good enough to prove she'd ever belonged there.
Even when she'd felt rejected she still thought she had Tori, her friends, and their parents to fall back on. But they considered her the same thing everyone else did: a nothing. She knew well enough that Jade's repetitive, "No one likes you," made her point clear, but only now did she understand the others views.
Back when Trina had spread the rumor about Beck asking her out to get attention, she had always intended to come clean about it. No matter who it was all she wanted was someone to look at her the same way Beck looked at Jade, with affection and care in their eyes. When Beck had said he liked her, she thought her life was really turning around. But it was all a joke; just something to humiliate her enough so she wouldn't do the same in the future. Trina still couldn't believe she thought Beck was capable of loving anyone but Jade.
Trina had always had an idea how Andre thought of her; she guessed he was even less thrilled to be paired up with her than she was with him back in the showcase. It might have brought him and Tori together, but that was all Tori's doing, no one else's.
Trina had thought she at least had Robbie and Cat as friends, but once again she was wrong. Apparently, all the times she'd used Robbie had finally driven him away from her so that he no longer thought of Trina as someone pretty he might like. As for Cat, Trina thought the two of them had shared some good times, but Cat didn't feel the same. Cat may have enjoyed being around Trina some, but it wasn't enough. Cat just simply went with whatever everyone else said regardless of what her own thoughts were.
But that wasn't the worst of what Trina felt. No, what felt worse were her sister's words. For so long, Trina thought Tori was the one person who was always there. Ever since Trina turned 13, their parents had started leaving them on their own so they could have time to themselves. Whereas originally it was just for special occasions like their anniversary or one of their birthdays, now David and Holly took every single chance they had to get away. After hearing that they wouldn't her abandoned in Yerba, Trina realized it was more out of a desire to get as far away from her as they could afford at the time.
For years it was just the Vega sisters by themselves. Trina knew the two of them didn't always get along; they argued over clothes, what to watch on T.V., where to go shopping, etc. On the outside some people might think it was normal, but looking back Trina knew how horrible a sister she'd been.
Despite Tori probably being the best little sister anyone could ask for, Trina had never returned her sister's gestures. She'd forced Tori to be her assistant/servant for a week for something that took place over ten years ago, blackmailing her into making her the lead in her play, downplaying her talent, and interrupting her when she was with her friends. For a while, Tori was willing to put up with Trina's craziness, but eventually it was too much. Like everyone else, Tori lost all consideration and love for Trina to the point that she was too ashamed to even admit they were related.
'I failed as a singer and actress; I failed as a friend; I failed as a daughter; I failed as a sister…I failed as a person,' Trina thought.
Wiping her eyes with her right hand, Trina started to drop her left to the floor only to pull it back quickly when she felt a sharp pain in her palm. When she looked for the cause, she noticed that there was a piece of glass from one of the destroyed picture frames and, judging from the small drop of blood on the tip, she'd just set her hand on it.
After checking to make sure no glass had gotten embedded in the cut, Trina clenched her fist to try and stop the bleeding before turning back to the shard. She didn't know how long she simply stared at it before looking at her wrist for a moment. She started reaching for the glass when, for some reason, she stopped halfway.
As Trina felt herself start to tremble, she was waging a war inside her mind. 'Come on,' she told herself, 'it won't be so bad. It'll just be a few minutes of pain and then nothing. Nothing could feel worse than this. And everything will be better for everyone. I won't be torturing anyone with my so called 'talent' and my family won't be burdened with a disgrace anymore.' Finally, she moved her arm closer to the glass till she was less than an inch away before she jerked it back and burst into tears again.
'You're pathetic,' Trina told herself. She truly believed that, but she just couldn't gather the strength to go through with it. Even though she thought it would be the best thing she could do for anyone, there were ways it could backfire. She might be ridding her family of her craziness, but it could also hurt them in the long run by drawing negative attention to them and Trina felt she had already done enough of that in her life.
She tried to think of someway she could make it up to everyone, but try as she might, Trina couldn't think of a thing. 'How do you make up for so many mistakes?' she thought. She simply sighed in frustration before standing up and starting to clean up. After she made sure she'd gotten up all the broken glass, she started to gather up all the "trash" now strewn about her room and throwing it into a wicker bin normally reserved for laundry.
After throwing in a few handfuls, Trina noticed that one of the things she'd picked up was a college brochure she'd got in the mail. With another sigh, Trina wadded it up and added it to the rest of the garbage. The thought of college only brought more pain.
Trina remembered when she was younger, and not the conceited, spoiled girl she was now. Back then, she didn't know what she wanted to do when she grew up; she only wanted to be like her parents. As such, she said she either wanted to go to USC (where her dad had gotten his degree in criminal justice) or UCLA (where her mom was trained to be a nurse's assistant); she and Tori had even planned that once Trina graduated, she'd live at home until Tori had graduated too and they could maybe get an apartment together. But no one else wanted that anymore.
Two weeks ago, Trina and her parents had been filling out college applications. Even though Trina would have been more than happy to go to USC or someplace close to home, her parents had insisted she expand her options and apply to several other colleges, even places in Washington, Texas, Florida, and even New York. At the time, Trina had been thankful that her parents were so encouraging in her getting the best education she could. After what she'd heard shortly ago and remembering the time her dad had said, "Promise me when you go to college, it'll be some place far, far away," she knew differently.
Her parents didn't care about her education; they just wanted her gone. She had abused their trust to where they couldn't tolerate or love her anymore: she'd wasted their money on expensive clothes and fruitless activities, and constantly embarrassed them. She made them so miserable that they were willing to do whatever they could to get Trina out of their lives. But Trina knew that even if she did leave home for college, she still might be burdening her parents if she had to ask them for help to cover her expenses and if she came home for breaks.
'The best thing I could do would be disappear or drop off the face of the earth.' Trina thought. As she bent to pick up more paper, Trina stopped. That same thought started to repeat in her head.
And that's when the planning all started.
Well there it is. I know most of it seems similar to Chapter 2 of my other story, but I really couldn't think of how to make it completely different. Some things may seem a bit too much, but it seems everyone has been harsher on Trina in Season 3 and Season 4. Don't worry, it'll develop its own plot in the next few chapters.
Again, sorry if it's bad; I admit I kinda rushed to get it done close to when tonight's episode aired. I'm going to try and update more often. It seems more necessary than ever since the last episode of Victorious is airing next week. As if it didn't suck enough that the show's ending, the final episode isn't even a series finale. By that I mean whereas iCarly got the hour long episode to explain why the series was ending, the last episode of Victorious is looking like just another 30 minute episode.
Anyway, enough of my ranting. Please read and review. If I get enough, it might give me more inspiration and help get future chapters up.
