Authors Note:
Hi guys, the feedback on the time jump has been great to be honest, I'm glad you all trust that it was done for a reason, I'm confident that you guys will like where I'm going with the story now. Before, I felt as if I was limited on how fast paced the story was, but now there's literally no limits and I find it easier writing for the characters now that they're a little older, even though I'm actually pretty young. It's back to Bellas POV for now, like I said before, I'll have Edwards POV when I feel it's necessary to the story.
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Fifteen
Bellas POV
"YOU'RE ON IN FIVE!"
I ignore the shouts and count to ten in my mind.
You can do this. You can do this.
"Stop worrying, you'll be fine."
"You're my manager, you have to say that!"
"I'm also your bestfriend, name one time I've ever lied to you?"
"How long do we have?"
She rolls her eyes at me sarcastically before smirking. "Well I swear I'm being totally honest. They're going to love you, hell, they already do! Now go on, you can't keep Mindy LouKas waiting!"
I try and put on the bravest face I can, which must end up being pretty convincing because of the encouraging smile I receive off Alice. I break eye contact with her and walk off, knowing if I stay any longer in her presence, I'll become a nervous wreck.
"Ladies and gentleman, introducing your new favourite author, Bella Swan." Mindys voice almost sounds foreign to me, which is weird because growing up I've seen this show over a hundred times.
I chalk it up to nerves as I walk out focusing on putting one foot in the other without tripping, but also making sure I'm looking towards the live audience and smiling at the same time. It's a lot harder than it seems, especially when there's a million thoughts circling your brain ready to be let out.
I greet Mindy, who happens to be the creator, producer and host of the show, before settling down onto the sofa opposite her.
As I look out towards the audience I see a few plaque cards with encouraging words of love and it puts me at ease. It almost feels as if I'm in a room full of friends here to support me and make sure I'm doing okay.
"Can I just say, I'm a massive fan of your book. When the producers told me we were going to have you on the show, I swear to God I hyperventilated."
"Wow, thankyou so much. I'm a big fan of yours, I love your show, I can't believe I'm actually on it, sitting here on the couch." I can't help but keep the excitement out of my voice. It's inevitable, there's no way I can sit on this couch without gushing to Mindy about how much of a big fan I am of hers.
"You better believe it babe."
Thank god I chose the MLK show as my first live public appearance. Mindy has a way of making me feel at ease. She's like the British version of Oprah, you can't help but love her.
"So let's talk about your book, A Girl Apart. For all of the viewers who haven't read the book yet -I doubt there's much- can you explain what it's about to them?"
"Sure, so it's a romance novel about a girl, Natalie, who experiences love for the first time with a guy called Henry Wyatt. She gets it all, the heartbreak, the happiness, the pain, the cute stuff, it's all in there. It's set in the format of a diary, so a chapter is a couple days each, and she basically let's all of her emotions and feelings out into this diary, and that's what you get as a reader."
"Now, it's a fantastic book, but what do you think made it that extra special for your readers? Why do you think it became a success so fast?"
I've been asked this question so many times the answer comes to me like clockwork. The question itself isn't really that interesting, but it seems to be popular amongst interviewers, so I make sure I always have the answer ready, at the tip of my tongue.
"There's so many romance novels out there where you get these perfect characters, and perfect moments, where everything is great and it never seems believable, like you know you're reading a fiction story. But with my story, I went into it knowing that I wanted it to be raw, I wanted it to be real. I wanted the readers to be able to relate to the characters, and the story. That's why I had it in the form of a diary because what's more real than a private book where you put all your feelings and thoughts into it?"
"Well it definitely paid off, you've been number 1 on the best selling list for 10 weeks now, how does that make you feel?"
Un-fucking-believable. Proud. Strong. Complete. Worthy.
"God, there's no words to describe it. To know that people are going out there and buying a book I writ just for fun is unbelievable. It's such a satisfying feeling, it literally makes me the happiest person alive."
"You deserve it! So, speaking of writing the book just for fun, I heard there's quite an interesting story about how you got published?"
"Oh, well me and my bestfriend Alice were at university together and there was a short story contest, I decided to write A Girl Apart, but it was just the first few chapters that I sent in. Alice read it and fell in love with it and told me I had to finish it off for her. So I decided to write this whole story and elaborate on everything just so she got her happy ending. Once she read it, she sent it in to a publishing company, without me knowing, and they loved the format and the characters, and well, here I am now."
"That's definitely some friendship, so I guess we all have Alice to thank for forcing you to write the whole story."
"Haha, yeah, I guess so."
"Talking of ships, is there a relationship your fans might want to know about?"
"Nope, I'm single and I plan on staying single for a while now."
I smile as if to emphasize that I'm happy being single. Just like I've been happy being single for my whole existence to date.
"I don't know if many people know this, but this isn't exactly your first time in the spotlight is it?"
I look out towards the audience, most of them are full of intrigue, while others inch forward in their seats waiting for me to comment on my past. They look like a bunch of lions, ready to pounce and I'm the deer. The deer who probably looks like it's stuck in headlights right now.
My eyes silently plead with Mindy to drop it, but we've known eachother for less than an hour, there's no way she'd be able to read the signs I'm sending her.
Why did I agree to a live interview on Britains biggest talk show?
"A couple years back you dated Britains most eligible bachelor Edward Masen, were the rumours true?"
I laugh but it's a nervous laugh that ends up turning into a cough. I take those few extra seconds to try and sort through the craziness of my mind and think of an answer that doesn't warrantee any more unwanted questions.
"Edward and I were familiar with eachother yes, but there was no dating one another. Infact there was never even a date, the whole story was just blown out of hand."
It's hard to explain everything without calling him and I a 'we' or an 'us' but I manage it fine. For some reason thinking about the two of us as a thing and actually saying it out loud is two different scenarios, the latter being something I could never do.
"So do you guys still speak? I imagine he's congratulated you on your success, maybe even given you a few tips on how to handle all of your new found fame?"
It's fleeting but I catch the hostility towards me before she plasters her million dollar smile back on her face. It both shocks and confuses me as to why I'm on the other end of her obvious hatred, when we don't know eachother personally. It also explains why she's pushing the topic of Edward so much, maybe she can tell how uncomfortable it's making me, but she just doesn't care.
"No. We don't, but I catch a few matches now and then, and he seems to be doing great. I imagine he's a very busy man though."
"Busy with the ladies you mean? Haha."
Her voice has become a pitch higher and it's obvious her laugh is definitely fake. Suddenly something clicks in my brain and the puzzle she is, seems to fit into place.
I rack my brain trying to remember how long ago it was I'd read about Mindy and Edward. I was still in secondary school when the rumours hit the magazines, maybe year ten? Which means I must've been around fifteen, so eight years ago?
I can't help but feel sorry for Mindy, she obviously still has some unresolved issues with Edward, and it seems they'd have to be major if they've kept her bitter after eight years.
You'd think that was a long enough time to get over someone, I hadn't seen Edward in person for over five years but I was confident that if I ever did, I'd be able to handle myself just fine. But then I hadn't loved the guy, maybe Mindy did?
Maybe she hadn't been able to get out of the bubble you could so easily create with someone like him, causing her to fall madly in love with him. My pity only increases as I realise Mindy is probably only one of the hundreds of girls who have been left heartbroken by him.
"I wouldn't expect anything less."
Thankfully she drops the conversation about Edward and only asks me questions about my book, which I'm happy to answer. Once my segments done they cut to a break and I head back stage again, needing the comfort of my bestfriend.
"How did I do?"
Alice beams at me and opens her arms wide to beckon me towards her. We hug for a few seconds and she squeezes me tight before pulling back to look at me with her reassuring eyes.
"You deserve a medal, you handled it great. The tweets are rolling in, everyone loves you."
I let out a long awaited breath as my brain decides it's okay to calm down now. I was never one for needing others approval in what I do with my life or anything I do in it, but ever since my career jump started, I've realised just how much I crave to be seen as 'normal'.
If I'm perceived as being a normal girl then no-one will think to check into my background to see just how fucked up I really am. Plus, I like pleasing my fans, knowing I have people who love my writing and support my work makes me feel incredibly happy.
A psychologist would probably say that I seek approval and love from strangers because I grew up in a house where no-one cared for me.
Well I say, fuck you. Just because I like being liked, doesn't mean I won't stand up for myself, or fight for what I believe in.
Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just let go and be this whole different person but then I realise it's not what I want. I don't want to do anything crazy. I wish I could just rebel for once and go mad, but it doesn't interest me.
I can't be that girl who goes crazy on the dancefloor, I can't be that girl who let's herself fall in love, I can't be that girl who takes chances.
I like to tell myself it's because I'm stronger than that, and that if I wanted to do insane things then I would, but deep down I know that there's no way I could ever bring myself to just let go and breathe.
My brain is constantly thinking about the repercussions of my actions. If I get drunk I could hurt myself, I could spill my secrets, I could become an alcoholic. If I fall in love I could get myself hurt emotionally, or like they say, love is blind. I don't want to be so madly, deeply in love with someone so that I lose my inhibitions, it's too dangerous.
I push aside my inner reasoning as my agent comes running upto me, thrusting a phone at my ear.
"There's someone on the phone who says they really need to speak with you. Be quick though, we have a meeting about the movie rights to your book in thirty minutes, and it takes twenty minutes to drive there. Oh, and would you go get out of those clothes, quick!"
I grab the phone assuming it's someone phoning to congratulate me on how well I did in the interview, or to criticize me on how bad I did.
I run towards my dressing room as my agent frantically ushers me out of the room and pull off my heels as I go.
I take the phone off hold and put it on loudspeaker before pulling off my clothes. I must sound like an out of breath lunatic to the person on the other side of the phone but I don't have time to care.
"Bella Swan speaking."
"Isabella."
I'm half way down my shirt when I stop dead in my tracks. I stare at the phone for a few seconds, wondering if I'd just imagined that voice speaking. Maybe I just think it's him because I have him on my mind.
Why is he ringing me? How did he even get my number?
"Isabella, are you there?"
Nope. Definitely did not imagine his voice. I reach for the phone and see that it's an unknown caller, he must've gotten his manager to get through to my agent somehow.
No-one ever refuses Edward Masen.
I'm angry that he still affects me in the same way he did years ago. I'd like to think that time has made me wiser when it comes to men, but in reality I'm still as stupid as I was back then.
Or at least, still as inexperienced as I was.
Yep, still a virgin. A virgin at 23. Wow, and I thought being a virgin at 18 was bad. I guess you just can't miss something you've never had.
Just like I shouldn't miss Edward when I never really had him in the first place.
But you do miss him.
Suddenly I realise I'm Mindy LouKas. I'm that girl who's still hung up on a mere crush from years back. The realisation hits me hard and I stand there for god knows how long wondering when this happened.
I was so sure that I'd be fine if I ever seen him, and here I am freezing up at a phonecall, a phonecall where we haven't even spoken properly.
Am I not as strong as I thought I was? Maybe I am weak like my family said, maybe I am really just a no-one with self expectations I can never meet.
"I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number."
I end the call before he has a chance to say anything, proving to myself and the world that I am strong. I know what I've done is silly and that he'll know I was lying because I introduced myself as Bella Swan but I'm not Mindy, I never will be. I won't ever let a man define who I am.
Love is a weakness I can't afford myself.
Authors Note:
What did you think? Do you prefer the time jump setting or would you have preferred it to stay as it was? Let me know!
