Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style


Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

Author's Note: I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. I finally found this! The next chapter of silliness and more chaotic yet, the lizard twins learn their first jutsu. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.


(Important Excerpt so far)

"DAMN DRAGON LADY JUST INSULTED SASUKE!"

"Socking someone solves nothing Naruto," Clarity warned before growling, "No matter how satisfying it is."

"I'm stating a fact," Monique replied, "Sasuke could kill himself if he doesn't heal his own heart."


Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style

Chapter 15: The Great Escape


(Lab at Stanton Island, Clarity's Point of View)

Tick-tick-tick-tick

BOOM

The MRI machine went up in flames. The lab corner burst to smithereens. Nick ran for a fire extinguisher on the second floor down while Yamato already flashed the hand signs for a suiton jutsu. Sasuke dashed over the railing. He hung in mid-air a bit; the flames off his back rocketing him in mid-air. It looked gorgeous, beads of moisture condensing making him sparkle. I went to take a picture . . .

FWASH

THUD

. . . And he crashed face first missing the open window. His whole body slowly slid off the wall. A disgusting thunk was heard from Sasuke landing beside the bags marked Macy's and Fruit of the Loom. Monique leaped after him. Sasuke went rummaging, clothes flying everywhere till he grabbed something and dashed off. He left the lab a complete and total mess.

. . . Just think that all happened in just 28 seconds . . .

"Hey, Heeeeey!" Mendel piteously wailed as the railing stopped him in his tracks. He held onto it for dear life, "No running Naked! It's illeeeeegaaaaaal!"

Randy on the other hand had a good idea where Sasuke was going. He found the stairs and grabbed his jacket by the door. Sasuke stole Mendel's other coat I noticed, his lab one. Before Randy ran for the door I grabbed him by the shoulder. He twisted to look at me with his coat half on/half off. I grabbed my own jacket in an attempt to follow him.

"Clarity, what're you doing?" Randy quipped, "You don't know New York . . . Like I . . ."

"Randy, Sasuke is a rogue ninja, who dedicated his life to taking down his brother and only crashed on my . . ." I began,

". . . Our Couch Clarity, Our couch," Murray corrected me.

"You're right Murray, Our couch, on the weekends, Tuesdays and Fridays between midnight and four thirty in the morning," I continued making sure my arm found the other coat sleeve of my jacket, "and my friends here have known the guy since they were kids! You guys don't know ninjas like we know ninjas."

"Watch it Rembrandt," Elsie retorted, "You don't know mutations like we know mutations."

"Point being?" I challenged, Elsie glared lightning in my direction, I only met her gaze with a smug look of ice. I didn't-no-we didn't have time for any face offs.

K-TONG

"Grrr Clarity will. You. Shut. UP!" Sakura yowled, whacking her fist into my face. Jiminy Crickets, that hurt! "We have no time for quarrels! More importantly as soon as we find Sasuke-kun, I'm going to so kick his butt that he won't be able to tell it apart from his face!"

She stomped over to the coat rack and yanked off her own winter cloak as well as throwing all the ninjas their coats. She ripped the door, the big garage door, off its hinges as soon her fist collided. Mendel ducked for cover under an old magazine. Sakura's chakra enhanced aura took on the same malice of a serial killer's once she stomped in Sasuke's direction. The wall slowly cracked straight to the ceiling. The ceiling falling to the floor. Monique, Nick, Elsie, and the rest of the HEAT team became scared stiff.

"Is it just me or did Buggy's girlfriend look like she was on the war path?" Randy jibed with a thumb in the door's direction. Though all that was left was a big gaping hole that let in the cold.

Sai looked confused as he read to consult his newest book "How to Understand Women: Deluxe Edition" and recited, "The mystery that is a woman is a grenade best kept in a locked closet till she reaches thirty years of age. At age sixteen she will hide her concern under a rage deeper the Marianas Trench. Hmm. . . Sakura-san looked ready to kill Sasuke. She must love him a lot."

"I'm j-j-j-just glad she's not my doctor-r-r." Mendel gulped, his voice taking on the pitch of a shivering squirrel.

(Somewhere on the Pier in Stanton Island; Sasuke's Point of View)

My lungs heaved, with the effort of just breathing. I limped down a random street. I don't know which street I'm on, I can't read English. My head felt like it hit a brick wall. I don't know what I did. The last thing I remembered was Macy's and Fruit of the Loom. I wore the white jacket to avoid indecent exposure. At least until I found a restroom to change clothes in.

"Hey Sasuke!" yelled a familiar yell, no, no, anyone but the HEAT team, "C'mon Amigo, I'm sorry for whatever Monique said. Why don't we let bygones be bygones eh por favor?"

ROWR

I tripped over a cat as I dashed across the alley putting on my pants. Randy ran in my direction. I ran down the other way behind him pulling on a high collar shirt. I knocked over some trash cans, Randy went the other direction and I jumped up the fire escape to put on my shoes. The lab coat I stole was kind of thin but at least the extra layer kept off the draft. What I didn't expect was . . .

"Ojii-saaaan!"

. . . The twins, I still got tailed by the lizard twins.

"What?" I hissed, my voice taking on the tone of acid. Shogi stood vertical to the wall, his foxy grin showing rows of crocodilian teeth. Jira was bouncing, hyperactive and wild all over the place, the twins scrambled around me and hugged the air out of me.

"Hide & seek! Hide & seek!" Jira screamed.

"Grarrrr, Grarrrrrr," Shogi agreed.

My cheek would not . . . Stop . . . Twitching. The twins had mastered Chakra control in less than 24 hours. It was not fair! It took me a week to master tree climbing then at least another week to master water walking. These two were taking to chakra control training like a fish to water; not fair. Who taught them and why were they catching on so fast?

(We interrupt these messages with an amusing flashback)

Too many hours of Elmo(1). I was really beginning to hate Elmo's inane childlike prattle! Elmo am so glad to see you my foot. I want to strangle that furry little monstrosity! I felt like I was going to die.

"Ojii-san! Dance with us!" Jira cheered, and she grabbed me by the wrists.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed, than paused, an idea came to mind, a wonderfully awful idea, I cackled to myself, "I mean no thank you Jira. How about your Ojii-san teach you two some very wonderful tricks called Water Walking and Tree Climbing. Your Kaa-san calls it Chakra Control!"

" . . . Cha-Cha Control?" Jira murmured, she had me dangling from her hands which luckily, those digits looked very well suited for making normal hand signs.

"Grab-ba Rar-rar," Shogi growled . . . I couldn't make heads or tails what Jira's brother was saying.

"Ohhhhh, Chakra Control!" Jira mused turning her narrow black head, Shogi's direction. Apparently, thanks to all that demon chakra running through their systems. Jira picked up Clarity's knack for multiple languages . . . Except among species.

"YAAAAAY!" The twins cheered even though Shogi's yay was more like gravel ran through a blender.

(Now onto the Story)

I couldn't believe it. I shook the cobwebs from my head. I still could not believe I just taught a couple lizards jutsus. Still they were young and from what I could tell at that stage where their brains could soak in anything. Randy's shouts were getting closer and closer and he had whipped out a tracking device(2). Great, Sasuke, how are you going to get out of this one?

"Good job on finding me you two, now let's play ninja." I explained, inwardly cringing at the thought that me, a half mutation half ninja-well a kaiju ninja, was using a childhood game to outwit my old teammates and a bunch of nerds. "See that person over there, he's trying to find me and you're supposed to keep them from finding me."

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr?" Shogi keened.

"Oh good point bro, Ojii-san, we'll play but on one condition," Jira chattered.

"I don't care, anything, just name it." I moaned.

"Ano . . . Ojii-san Could you teach us a Jutsu. Pweeeeeeeeze?" Jira begged, agh her shiny teeth glinted the sun into my eyes and my sensitive nose could smell Fish and ramen breath; yuck. Well, if it'd get Randy and the others off my back till I can wrap my head around things. Then I'll teach them anything.

(Back Alleys of Stanton Island, 3rd Person Point of View)

"Sasuke," Randy yelled, his throat felt dry and hoarse, "Sasuke where are you? I've got cannnndyyyy. What like I don't know you don't like candy? Either way you're addicted to it Amigo. One smell of this and you'll come running to me."

Randy opened his backpack and fumbled through it hoping to get some twinkies, ding dongs, and any other treat of sugary goodness he himself hadn't eaten yet. He went rummaging further hoping to hear that familiar crinkle of plastic wrappers only to find something hard and square. He took it out, disappointed that instead of finding good junk food to bait Sasuke with. He only found the original radar device Dr. Nick Tatopolis used to track the original fire bug.

"Great," Randy muttered to himself, "Just-just that's just great. The one time I have a great idea, that doesn't involve blowing NIGEL to smithereens. Only I grabbed the wrong bag. Paging Jefe, paging Dr. Nick, Dr. Nick, your bag is in my office . . . Stat."

Randy chuckled at his own joke when a couple of lanky Brown and Black lizards stormed into view. Shogi and Jira skidded to a stop at Randy's feet. They flailed their arms. They keened, hissed, growled, and roared something unintelligible while jumping up and down like someone lit a roman candle beneath them.

"Yo twins what's up," Randy spoke. The lizards stopped their howling. ". What did you wanted to show me?"

(Back Alleys of Stanton Island, Sasuke's Point of View)

I about fell off my perch from laughter. The twins exchanged glances. Their clawed fingers curled around the beginning handsigns.

"Oiroke no Jutsu(3)," the twins gushed, and in a puff of smoke Randy got surrounded by two gorgeous females. Luscious black hair, that was short yet deliciously thick. Tanned, toned body hung on either arm, soft perky breasts pressing the rib cage. The twins used Dragon Lady, for inspiration? That's just wrong, but then again, Monique have a pretty hot . . . A pretty hot . . .

'Sasuke get to running!' I commanded myself and pulled myself off my perch to hit the roof tops. Why did my knees feel like jelly? Something about naked chicks fogged my brain. My minds never been in a fog before. It felt weird . . .

. . . And euphorically nice.

"Rawr !," The twins purred, and there was the turn-off. Figures, they're able to do the Monique body with the voice of T-Rex off of Jurassic Park. I keep forgetting Shogi and Jira are practically Naruto's biological babies. I ran and make a jump to the roof.

BZZT

I hit a power line; a freaking power line. The ten thousand watts screaming through my body didn't hurt much; just a lot. I felt the hard ground crunch beneath me and almost struggled like a bug on its back. I don't know how many more bug jokes I can take but the next time I see Orochimaru I'll kill him. Whelp rolling over is pretty easy, Randy's incapacitated thanks to hemorrhaging of the nose, and the twins make for an excellent patsy. Now all I needed to do was ignore the pain and crawl away.

"ugh," I grumbled flipping onto my chest, every nerve screaming, "Easier . . . Said than done."


Entertaining Footnotes: This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

(1)Elmo-The cute little furry red monster off of Sesame street. The same monster that will probably haunt Sasuke for the rest of his life since Clarity and Naruto locked him in a room with the T.V. show stuck on repeat.

(2)Tracking Device-name sounds lame but it's the same device Nick used to track the firebug.

(3)Oiroke no Jutsu-Sexy Jutsu. A jutsu devoloped by Naruto Uzumaki for diversion and prankster tactics. The twins perform the original version. Yet Konohamaru also developed a Sexy Jutsu meant to affect females as well as males. Clarity hasn't seen it yet but she shall be perturbed it involves a little brother figure and her art apprentice.