~Chapter 5~
~Chiaki's POV~
"STOP! Please! I don't want this!" she screeched. "LET ME GO!"
She opened her eyes. They were lavender. She was Kaitou Jeanne. Tears flooded her eyes as she wondered why this was happening to her. But what was "this" exactly? Why was she crying? Why did she look so pained? Her face was red, but I didn't know why. There was a greyish surface behind her head. There was a tint of red. What was it? Was that blood? Was she bleeding? Why was she bleeding? What had happened?
She squirmed. She was underneath me. Why was she underneath me? Had she been in some kind of danger? This had happened once before, where she had been in danger and I'd saved her at the last minute. I'd protected her by tackling her to the ground. The force pushed both of us backward and she'd ended up under me. Was this a flashback of that time? No, it couldn't be. She hadn't been bleeding that time. She also hadn't screamed, "I don't want this!".
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she cried out suddenly. "HELP! Please, somebody! ANYBODY!"
I placed a hand over her mouth, muzzling her voice. Why did I just do that? Her voice echoed throughout my mind. Was I trying to protect her from something? If so, what was that something? Wait, I couldn't be trying to protect her. She wasn't screaming because she was mad at me, like she always was...she was screaming out in terror. What...what had I done though? I would never hurt her. Never. How was it even remotely possible that I, of all people, was the threat? ...That was it. I wasn't the protector this time. I was the danger! Oh, God... WHAT DID I DO?
She continued to resist, she was trying so hard to fight back, but somehow she didn't have the power. Make it go away... I didn't want to see the ending of this! Please, don't be what I think it is! This had to be some kind of mistake, some kind of sick trick. It had to be wrong!
I made a single swift, involuntary movement. She stiffened. There wasn't a word to describe her voice. Even suppressed by my hand, her voice shrieked and seemed to shake my very heart. It was the loudest, most agonizing thing I'd ever heard in my entire life. I wanted to cry right then. I didn't. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for whatever that movement was. I couldn't. I wanted to hold her and tell her I regretted that. I wouldn't.
I uncovered her mouth. "How did that feel?" No, God, please...don't answer that, Maron...
She hiccuped as new tears came to replace the old ones. Her voice quivered. Her words were just barely below a whisper. "It...hurts..."
I knew that if I continued to watch this, my heart would explode. If it didn't, I would pull it out and crush it.
"Say my name, Jeanne. I want to remember this moment."
She hesitated, probably wondering if I was going to do something else to her.
"SAY IT!" I held her chin up. My other arm grabbed her shoulder and squeezed. Somehow I took pleasure in all this. I didn't want to take pleasure! How could I...why would I do this to her, even in a dream? This was so horrible... There was no way this was a flashback. I would never do anything to harm her. Granted, I still didn't know what was going on yet, but I knew I was doing something bad.
She yelped. "Sinbad! Your name is Sinbad!" The poor girl's chest shook as she struggled to breathe through her fear. No... N-No... I couldn't have done this. I couldn't have hurt her like this! I couldn't have hurt her at all!
I slapped her and she cried out in both pain and terror.
"Louder!"
"SINBAD!" She closed her eyes. She didn't want to look at me. I didn't blame her. I was crushed. I was put on this earth to protect her. And now...now... What would she think of me if she found out Chiaki was Sinbad? After Sinbad had done all this to her... No, that couldn't happen! This wasn't real! Wake up, wake up! Please, wake up!
I smoothed a finger over her forehead, making her flinch at my touch. She turned her head away.
"N-No more...please..." she begged softly.
I raised a fist and punched her, instantly silencing her. "I'll do what I want with you!" I realized a moment later that I'd punched her neck. It was already turning red, meaning that it would be one heck of a bruise later.
She whined lowly. It was too obvious that she wanted it to end. But why was I doing this? I didn't even want to know what "this" was. But it was looking more and more like rape. That was the last thing I would do to her. It hadn't ever even crossed my mind to do such a thing. I wasn't that kind of person! She had to understand! It couldn't be me doing this! Please, let her understand!
As soon as I relaxed my muscles, she thrashed violently in a desperate attempt to get away. I tried to hold her down, but I was too unprepared for this. She made it out from under me. She stood. She looked at me. I thought she was going to fight.
She turned heel and ran as fast as she could.
I ran after her and tackled her. At first she withstood my assault, but I turned her sideways and in a split second, I rammed my knee into her stomach. It had to be the hardest hit I'd ever thrown at anyone.
She crumpled in on herself like wet paper. She stumbled around for a second, then collapsed, still fully conscious. Why would I do this? I hated doing this to her! Why was this happening? This...this couldn't be real! There was just no way! Besides, I had no memories of this ever having taken place. I would definitely remember something like this. Something so gut-wrenching...
Struggling, she brought herself to her feet. The reputable Kaitou Jeanne was reduced to nothing.
No... That wasn't me! I was the one who always showed up to save her! I was the hero! I-I couldn't believe I was doing this... This was...unthinkable...unimaginable... Poor Jeanne... So much pain brought upon one person... She was already lonely, she had already been hurt by that loneliness. She didn't need this! No one did!
"You're weak, Jeanne," I remarked. "You've always been weak. You'll always be weak. Aren't you supposed to be the famous Kaitou Jeanne? Aren't you supposed to be worthy of that name? Look at you! You can't even defend yourself! You're worthless, Jeanne. Your own parents abandoned you. They never loved you, their only child. If you had just been better, maybe they would have actually hugged you. Maybe they would have been there on your birthdays. Maybe they would have loved you."
"You...you're..." She fell to her knees, her entire past cracking and changing. This was such a huge blow. After this there was no doubt that she would count herself as nothing.
"Am I wrong, Jeanne? You can tell me if I'm wrong," I added.
The girl remained silent, except for a few quiet sobs. I didn't want her to cry... I never wanted to hurt her... Why was I doing this? WHY? I loved her, I had never done such a horrid thing! I would never do such a thing, especially to her! I wanted to wake up. This had to be a dream. Please, someone wake me up! Tell me this never happened!
A thick wooden board suddenly seemed to pop up in my hands.
God...please don't... Don't...don't do this...
I knew Jeanne saw the plank, but part of me thought she wanted to die. After all she'd been through, even having her parents kicked through her skull, perhaps she didn't find life worth living anymore. Maybe she just wanted everything to end, right here, right now. Although I didn't blame her for it, I couldn't help but want the opposite. She was Kaitou Jeanne. She was Maron. She shouldn't be experiencing the most brutal rape in history, she should be making the police look like fools. She should be planning something for her birthday, which was almost here. She should be at school or practicing for gymnastics or planting flowers. She should be having a good life.
And I was shattering her.
I held the board above my head, then slammed it on her with all the physical strength I could summon. I'd hit her so hard that the board itself had snapped in two.
It seemed like an eternity had passed as I watched her fall. Her long blonde hair was immediately tainted with red. Her eyes seemed to close ever so slowly. Her mouth parted slightly. Her entire body had gone limp. She hit the concrete hard. Blood pooled around her head, staining even more of her beautiful hair.
"MARON!" I shouted.
I panted as I began to realize that it really had been just a dream. The sun had already risen. Access was hovering over me, a worried look on his face. I slowly sat up, still in a bit of a daze from the unbelievable dream I'd just had. I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest.
"Sinbad...are you alright?" Access whispered.
I didn't answer him. I quickly got dressed and hurried out the door, not forgetting to grab a paper clip on the way out.
~Maron's POV~
I sighed. I was still on the couch, the same place I'd been since last night. Normally I'd be late for school. But I'd stopped going at all. How could I face my teacher, and Miyako? I'd alienated them all. The only one who would want to stay now would be Fin. ...But even she could only take so much. I gritted my teeth and frowned, new tears coming to my eyes. I was so stupid. If only I'd been more cautious... None of this would have ever happened...
And to spoil something else while I'm at it, today was my birthday. It was my birthday, and my hair still wasn't brushed, I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet nor flossed them, I'd bitten my lips so much and so hard that they were scabbing and bleeding, tear trails always streaked my face, whether they were dry or wet, and finally, my eyes were still so red and so puffy. The odd thing was, I didn't really care. This was nothing compared to...it.
"I hate you, Maron," I mouthed to myself. I don't think I was psychotic for saying that. After everything Sinbad had told me, all of it turning out to be true, I had a right to hate myself. He'd told me I was weak. I was. He'd told me I was worthless. I was. He'd told me I wasn't worthy of being a Kaitou. I wasn't. He'd told me I was unloved even by my own parents. I was.
He had beaten me. He had bruised me. He had torn me apart. He had ripped out my heart. He had shredded my soul. He had used me. He had thrown me away like I was a dead rat.
I lifted my shirt up a bit to reveal only the edge of a black and purple bruise. Well, at least the edges were blue now. At least it was healing. Even after this whole time, it was still black. I couldn't even lay on my stomach without tearing up from the sheer pain it inflicted. But now it was healing, now it was going away. A shame it was a little swollen... I sighed. He'd kneed me so hard the bruise itself had swelled into a small bump. Why would he do something like that? I'd never been hit that hard in my entire life. And when the blow finally came, it was from the last person I had expected. Kaitou Sinbad.
Now there was a guy worthy of the title. A real Kaitou would stand strong and let no one get in his or her way. When had I ever done that? Sinbad had knocked me down. I hadn't even tried to get back up. I still didn't want to get back in the game. Checkmate.
I was the beaten end of Kaitou Jeanne. Forget about all that incarnation crap. The real Jeanne, Jeanne d'Arc, would've taken up her strength and would never have backed down. I wasn't like that. I wasn't her. I had let myself be dominated.
Congratulations, Sinbad. You've managed to pick off all the competition. As for the human souls and all, well...humanity was a plague anyway. I proved it. Sinbad proved it.
And then what came next? I had continued his work by beating myself up. Whether it was physically, like punching holes in the wall or breaking mirrors, or mentally, like reliving the nightmares each time I went to sleep, I was drowning myself.
I spent the rest of my day staring at nothing. I didn't really think about anything in particular. I just kept wondering why this happened.
Sometime at around seven or eight in the night, something clicked. It was Fin. She must've finally found a way to get back inside. That little angel could be smart, whether I wanted her to be or not. Sometimes it was a hindrance, like in an instance such as this. But back when I was Kaitou Jeanne, her brains were a huge help. Back then she gave me advice, told me what to do in certain situations, and helped guide me along. Now I didn't need that. I'm not saying I didn't need her, but right now I just couldn't stand to talk to her. I couldn't see her, talk to her, feel her... Really couldn't do anything with her right now.
Maybe not ever again.
I could easily imagine Fin outside, baffled at my behavior. Probably remembering the times we shared as friends, partners, and family. We argued, we made up, we talked, we helped each other, we had fun, and we enjoyed each other's company. Maybe I would miss those times. Maybe I would go so far as to forget them.
A second click came. Fin had to stop. I would think that even she would know when enough was enough. And this was enough.
The thing that changed my mind, the thing that told me it wasn't Fin, was the sound of my doorknob opening. The door itself didn't open, the person outside could possibly be wondering if they actually wanted to come in. For the first time, I wouldn't stop them. Part of me missed human contact. The other part of me loathed human contact. The latter part had had enough of that with Sinbad.
I sighed, closed my eyes, and tried to block out the memories. If someone was going to see me, I was going to make sure that they weren't going to see me like this. I don't know why I even cared. It wasn't like they were going to stay here forever. Hopefully in a few years, whoever it was would forget about me and let me rot in here...alone.
~Chiaki's POV~
I peeked through her door, just now removing the paperclip from her doorknob. She didn't move. Either she was asleep, or she didn't notice that her door was being opened. Or maybe she did, but didn't want to move. In any case, she just lay there, motionless, on her couch. Her normally sleek, pretty brown hair was tangled and messy. From what I could see, she had been crying recently. Also from what I could see, one of her arms dangled limply over the edge of the couch. She was in her pajamas.
I was right about to slip quietly inside, but a small hand grabbed my wrist. When I turned to see who it was, I found that it was Miyako holding me back. There was a pained spark in her eyes, but also determination and the longing to help.
I sighed. This was Maron. And a few weeks back she had fallen apart. I wasn't entirely sure from what, but I had a feeling that her current state was somehow linked to my dream.
"Chiaki," Miyako whispered, tears starting to well, "help her."
I nodded. She seemed to understand that Maron wouldn't respond positively to more than one person at a time in her apartment. Maron needed to be reminded of who she really was. And that just wouldn't happen if she felt uncomfortable.
I picked up my present from off the floor and tiptoed inside. I don't know why I was being so quiet. In fact I kind of felt like I was trespassing. Technically I was. She hadn't let me in, I'd let myself in. But it was for her own good. If I was pushed out, that was fine. But I wanted to give her a birthday present, just so she knew there were people who still cared about her. Just so she knew there were people she could talk to.
I closed the door gently behind me and locked it. Now there would be no one to disturb her.
"Maron?" I whispered. She didn't move. She didn't give any indication she'd even heard me.
I walked over to her, dropping the whole "silent" deal, to find her fully awake. She didn't look at me, she didn't even seem to be alive. So you can only imagine how relieved I was when she blinked.
Some people would take this offensively, but given what she possibly had gone through, I didn't blame her one bit.
"Happy Birthday, Maron!" Well, I tried at least. She still didn't do anything. Probably didn't care that it was her birthday. Probably too focused on...well...whatever it was she was thinking about right now. That is, if she was thinking at all.
"I got you this gift," I coaxed, mustering a smile for her. "Of course, if you don't like it...uh... So hey, why don't I take you somewhere special for your birthday? That sounds nice, doesn't it? Going somewhere?"
My smile dropped. It was like she was unconscious, like she was in my dream. She literally didn't care about anything anymore. It was like she just wanted to leave the world behind, go somewhere else and get away from everything.
"I know!" I said, as if some brilliant plan had hatched inside my brain. "Why don't I make you a special dinner? Oh, and a cake! I'm not all that great at cooking, but I'm sure I can borrow a recipe book from Miyako's mom. What do you think?"
She furrowed her eyebrows and turned onto her side, facing the other way. She went so far as to grunt to show her displeasure. I wanted to reach out and rub her arm, to tell her that everything was going to be okay and that I would try to make this the best birthday she'd ever had. But in order to do that, I would have to bring her parents. And I didn't even know where they were. Oh, this was going to be hard.
Maybe she thought I wasn't seriously going to do anything. Could be that she thought I was just saying things to get her to talk to me. I already knew she didn't want to talk to me. Or anyone, for that matter. Besides, there was a reason she'd isolated herself.
I rushed out to get a recipe book from Miyako's mother. I was right back in in a flash.
It took at least five pots to finally not burn the contents to dust, but I succeeded in making Maron's birthday dinner. I had made lemon-seasoned baked chicken with dumplings as a side dish. It might not have been the best dinner ever, but I hoped this was good enough.
I'd decided I would just get her cake from a local bakery rather than try it out myself. I wasn't exactly a master chef...
I arranged her food neatly on a plate, one that wasn't dirty, and put it on the table in front of her couch. I fixed myself a plate and sat on the floor across from her. I'd have sat on the couch but she seemed pretty reluctant to get up. And right now I wasn't very willing to test her.
I blew on my steaming food, waiting for it to cool down. The only thing indicating Maron was still among the living was her side, rising and falling with her every breath. Part of me was hoping the food would help cheer her up and maybe even get her to tell me what was wrong, but somehow I knew it wouldn't be enough. What she had been through was simply too powerful. For a guy, food might fix it, but for a girl...nothing might fix it.
It was still shocking. Maron, the girl who stood up for herself and constantly told herself she was strong and could handle anything, wouldn't even talk anymore. Now she had nightmares. Now she sat and cried. Now she didn't really do anything. It had gone far beyond sulking. This was a serious depression she was going through. I know for a fact that this wasn't caused by me, but I needed to know who it was in my dream. True, she'd directly told me it was "Sinbad". However, I could've put myself in place of whoever had done that- Agh, what was I thinking? It was just a dream. Maybe my subconscience was worried about her and had conjured up those images. My dream probably didn't have anything to do with her.
"It's getting late. You should eat. It's really good!" I mustered another smile, as though she could see it while facing away from me, but quickly turned it upside down. She wasn't listening in the slightest.
I looked down at my food. I doubted she would touch hers. It would probably still be there in the morning. I couldn't help but feel bad even though this wasn't my fault. Here she was, stuck in her apartment day after day, aside from that one time she'd come out to seal a demon. No doubt that was Fin's doing. But even so, her first trip outside in awhile, and somehow I'd spoiled it for her. How long would it be before she came out again? All things considered, it may very well take years.
I sighed and picked up my plate, returning it to the kitchen. There, I put my food in plastic containers and stored them in the fridge. The food itself was still warm, and it still smelled really good. I even managed to make it look appetizing. But it didn't seem to do anything for Maron. I didn't want to eat it anymore either. Seeing Maron like this had made me lose my appetite.
I returned to her living room and made sure she was okay. If my dream had been real, then all her bruises had healed.
I reached out to gently touch her shoulder.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she screeched.
My hand snapped back as soon as the sonic boom came.
She sat up and glared at me. "I do not want you to touch me. I do not want you to talk to me. And I do not want you to look at me."
Her voice was saturated with venom. She'd never talked so harshly to me before, even when I was making perverted comments about her. Her eyes had never looked so hurt and angry before now.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"SHUT UP!"
I stood up and looked at the door. At first I thought it was a good idea to leave. But then I realized that it was exactly what she wanted me to do. She probably wanted someone to help her, but she didn't want to get hurt again. It made sense when you put it that way.
I sat back down and smiled. I was most likely irritating her right now, but she knew how stubborn I could be. And God knows I knew how stubborn she could be. Now it was kind of like a game between Kaitous.
I held the board above my head, then slammed it on her with all the physical strength I could summon. I'd hit her so hard that the board itself had snapped in two.
I blinked. This wasn't a game, this was for real. The girl needed help and I was the only one capable of giving it to her.
