Chapter seven – Hope is a Terrible Thing

Run run run. Tosh kept repeating the word in her head. Faster. Run run run run. All of them were panting for breath, stunning ridiculously dressed cat-nuns left and right. She knew the Doctor was there, but he was tied up just like Ianto and couldn't help him.

Ianto the Time Lord. Oh my god.

A thought struck her, making her stumble a few steps. Jack won't have to be alone. She glanced at their leader. Ianto would never leave him. Somehow her steps were lighter after that, but no less urgent.

-'-'-

Ianto was gasping for breath, the Doctor instantly recognizing the signs of a panic attack. He felt a bit like having one himself, because Crikey Charley there was another Time Lord in the room! He could feel it. A sense of... kinship. But not quite. He frowned. Ianto was a Time Lord almost. Something, he couldn't quite put his finger on it, was missing. Suddenly the electricity turned itself off (or more likely got turned off by the Doctors brilliant team) and the bonds holding him down opened themselves up. The Doctor instantly sat up and rushed over to Ianto as he pulled out his trusty screwdriver. He ran a quick, maddeningly unhelpful scan, before helping him to sit up before the backup power came on.

Ianto looked awful, leaning most of his weight on the Doctor.

"Stop right there," not-nurse-Hilly said.

"No can do." The Doctor looked around, hastily coming up with a plan. He soniced some equipment hanging from the ceiling making it make wonderful sparkly sparks fly everywhere. While the cats were distracted he dragged Ianto across the room, sonicing the door before dramatically kicking it open. He quickly locked it behind them, using his sonic to make it Very Difficult to open.

"Watch out, sir," Ianto cautioned, pointing at the earpiece he'd almost stepped on. The Doctor refrained from objecting to the title as Ianto seemed quite out of it. Instead, he picked up his lost earpiece, shoving it in his pocket. Peetha must have left it there.

As he could hear the sound of fighting to his left, he and a staggering Ianto went to the right. He decided to, for once in his life, wait in the sidelines until the action had died down then go straight back to the TARDIS. They stumbled down a few corridors and around a couple of corners before the Doctor found an empty room to hide in. Putting the earpiece in, he looked worriedly at Ianto as the other man let himself slide to the floor, back against the wall. "Hello, anyone! Testing testing. Red fez here. Do you copy?"

"Sweetie." River sounded a bit out of breath. "We're a bit busy. You okay?"

"Yes. Can you track this ear-thingy?"

"No problem," Tosh answered.

"How's Ianto?" Jack asked, cursing silently at something.

"Alive. Gotta go." He took it out again, not wanting any distractions. "How do you feel?" he asked, kneeling in front of Ianto.

"Peachy." Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Not sick enough for sarcasm," the Doctor remarked.

"I'm different. Something is not... settled. I feel... wrong." He shivered. "Incomplete."

"No, no you're not," the Doctor insisted. "There's something different about you, but-"

"You feel it too." Ianto closed his eyes with a sigh, shivering once more. "They needed alive Time Lord DNA to make this work," Ianto told him. "Does this make you my dad?" He gave a weak grin, nudging him.

"Uncle. Definitely uncle. Or your cousin. Twice removed." The Doctor smiled back, taking his pulse, petting his hair. A jolt went through the young man.

"Oh." He shivered violently. "I- I think they failed," he got out.

"No. No they didn't." The Doctor pulled him into his arms in a vain attempt to offer warmth. "I can sense the difference," the Doctor insisted, frantically trying to convince the young man. "You are a Time Lord." Ianto didn't answer, just clutched his head. "Ianto, Ianto focus on my voice." The Doctor dragged his upper body into his lap. "Ianto. Listen to me, you're going to be okay. Your- your body is just adapting to the change," he lied, trying to sound convincing. "Don't give up. You'll be fine."

"I- shit it hurts." Ianto curled in on himself. "I can't-"

"Yesyou can," the Doctor insisted, aware of the rest of team TARDIS (catchy if he did say so himself) jogging into the room, stopping short a few steps away. "Just get through this and you'll be fine. I've got you. I'll look after you." He gently rocked back and forth, holding the other man tightly. The other Time Lord. He got a flashback to a moment similar to this, when he'd been holding the Master in his arms. Begging. Unable to stand the loneliness of being the last of his kind.

And now he'd gotten another chance.

"I can't see," Ianto whispered. "I-" He shook his head. "It's like-" He shuddered, eyes unfocused. The Doctor could taste his own panic, feeling utterly helpless. "I won't die," Ianto whispered. "I bloody well didn't live through all this shit to die now."

"That's the spirit." The Doctor forced a smile.

Don't leave me. I don't want to be the last one. Please pleasebe strong enough.

"What's going on?" Peetha choose that moment to run through the door, blood running down the side of his face.

"You'll know when you're older," Jack sassed.

-'-'-

Tosh heard Ianto mumble something to the Doctor who laughed softly. They'd shooed Peetha out together with Rory and River to watch the exit. Ianto remained lying on the floor, the Doctor refusing to let him go, refusing to move him, talking softly to him.

"I'm cold." Ianto sounded childlike, small and scared.

"You're a Time Lord, we have lower body temperatures," the Doctor assured him. He looked old, Tosh thought. Weary.

"'s not that." Ianto shook his head. Tosh hugged herself, wanting to go over, but Jack had already been shooed away once. She glanced over. Jack was holding Gwen's hand, Gwen rubbing his shoulders. His eyes never left the scene in front of them, his throat kept working like he wanted to speak.

They should get going, only they were afraid to move Ianto who seemed weaker by the second.

And then there was the matter of Peetha, Tosh had no idea what they were going to do about him. Something told her Jack would refuse to give himself retcon, then again, he'd said he was missing memories...

"Ianto, focus on me." The Doctor kept talking, treating Ianto like a long lost friend. It felt weird, but she supposed she'd latch onto the last human if it had been the other way around. No matter how the person had come to be that way.

"I see things." Ianto smiled. "I know-" He paused, a brilliant smile lighting up his face. "Gallifrey, it's beautiful."

"My memories." The Doctor looked tired. "Those are all that's left. Some of them must have been transferred."

"Mmm." Ianto shivered, body relaxing. It made Tosh uneasy.

"What is that?" Gwen whispered. A soft, golden light was surrounding Ianto's hands.

"He's regenerating," Jack said, relief evident. Tosh recalled the, rather bizarre in her opinion, fact about Time Lords Jack had told them once. She hadn't been sure wether he'd been lying or not. Well, obviously not.

"What-" Ianto began, staring at his hand, holding it up in front of his face.

"Just give in to it," the Doctor urged. Ianto shook his head no. "It's natural for our kind. You'll be healed." The Doctor looked so hopeful, all intense focus on Ianto.

"N-no." Ianto started shaking. "I won't be me."

"You will be. Just a little different. Not much. Hey, might turn out ginger! Wouldn't that be brill?" The Doctor forced a false-looking smile. "Regenerate. Please." His voice became hoarse at the end.

"I- I don't know how- I'll try-" Ianto's shaking got worse, the light flickering around his hands until it went out and he stilled. Tosh's stomach did a painful lurch.

"Ianto?" Jack's voice sounded broken as he stumbled over.

"Nonono," the Doctor whispered. "Come on. Please." He was crying, Tosh realized.

"No pulse," Jack said dully and Tosh suddenly felt nauseous.No pulse.

"Shit." Amy breathed the word, eyes fixed firmly on the sobbing Doctor.

-'-'-

No-one questioned it when Jack lifted Ianto bridal style. He wondered how he looked to them. Gutted? Devastated? He felt worse. Peetha – and he had to think of him like that, distance himself – startled as Jack walked past him.

"He was supposed to live. They said he'd live if I brought the Doctor."

"Obviously not," Jack told his younger self cruelly, jerking away when Peetha reached for the man in his arms. He could hear Tosh silently updating Owen on the situation, words coming out chipped and controlled. He shut it out.

Ianto was gone.

Dead.

He tried to focus on the now, keeping the rest of his team safe, but his mind unhelpfully supplied him with images of a happy, smiling Ianto. And, which was worse, memories of when Jack had hurt him. He gritted his teeth together, scanning his surroundings. Gwen briefly pressed her hand against his back, and it was good to know she was there. They would be there for each other. All of them, sharing the grief of a lost family member. Jack clung to that.

They almost got all the way to the TARDIS before four of the fucking cats caught up with them.

"I'm abbess Norwich, I'll have to ask you to leave the Time Lord with us," one said, gesturing towards Ianto. Like she had any right to even look at him.

Jack wanted to rip her throat out. With his teeth.

"He's dead," the Doctor said dully. Jack had never seen him so... defeated. Not even after the Master had died.

Hope is a terrible thing.

"Impossible," another nurse denied, possibly frowning, it was hard to tell.

"Obviously not," Jack sneered.

"Leave the body then, and we'll let you leave without making a fuss," the Abbess said, hands folded in front of her. "We'd have preferred him alive, but we can still use his DNA."

"So you can kidnap someone else?" Gwen snapped.

"We'll only use volunteers," the Abbess promised.

"I don't trust someone who'd run a hospital without a shop." The Doctor glared at the nuns. Jack suddenly understood why he was sometimes referred to as the oncoming storm. He took an involuntary step back.

"Without a-" The abbess frowned in confusion, then changed tracks. "Ah, yes. Your reputation proceeds you, Doctor. We know the devastation you caused our order in New New York-"

"You said you'd let him go," Peetha snarled.

"We would have liked to, but he's far too rare-" She didn't have time to say more before she got shot in the head. Jack blinked, staring at his younger self as he ruthlessly executed the other three cats before they had time to even react.

"TARDIS. Now." Everyone rushed after the Doctor, Jack hitching up his heavy burden. "Not you. Paradox. Sexy doesn't like paradoxes." He glared at Peetha like he'd created the paradox on purpose.

"He calls the TARDIS sexy?" Gwen muttered.

"Unfortunately," Amy mumbled back.

Jack's heart started beating painfully fast. "You know what has to happen now, Doctor," he said, forcing the words out as he walked past him into the TARDIS. His past self was about to loose two years of his life, while Jack had lost something so much more important. Arms giving out he kneeled down with his burden, gently laying him down on the floor, touching his cheek like it might wake him. It was cool, not cold yet. He bit his bottom lip, wanting to scream, and curse and wail because itjust wasn't fair. He always lost them. But Ianto- Ianto was young, and strong and they were supposed to have years and years.

He hadn't treated him fairly, had he? Hadn't let him in. Except maybe he had. He must have or else he wouldn't feel like his heart was trying to crawl out of his throat, leaving him almost gagging.

"Jack." Gwen squeezed his shoulder as Owen ran up to them muttering "dammit," under his breath. He took Ianto's pulse, probably out of habit than anything else, then stepped back, face crumbling for a moment before he regained control over himself. Tosh grabbed his arm and Owen drew her into a hug.

"It's done. I used his vortex manipulator to send him back to the Academy," the Doctor told them, voice flat, as he closed the door behind him.

"That's where I woke up," Jack confirmed, playing with Ianto's hair, unwilling and unable to just leave him. He arranged his body, arms to the side, legs together, all very carefully.

"I'll take us back," River said, kissing the Doctor's cheek before petting it gently. She jogged up to the controls followed by her parents.

"We- um." Owen cleared his throat. "We should move him," he said softly as a small shiver went through the TARDIS.

"Just a moment." It bothered Jack to see Ianto all dressed in white. Ianto was usually so colourful and devastatingly handsome in his dark suits. The though brought a small smile to his lips which turned into another wave of grief, pushing him down as he realized he'd have to pick a suit for him to be buried in. He let out a harsh breath.

"Leave him," the Doctor said softly, kneeling next to Jack, gently closing Ianto's eyes, something Jack hadn't been able to do. It felt too final. "Right. Back to Cardiff, then." The Doctor's eyes lingered for another moment before he got up, Jack following him, suddenly unable to look at the man who would never look back at him again.

"We've entered the time vortex. It shouldn't take too long to get back," River informed them. Amy put an arm around the Doctor, steering him over to a chair, Rory appearing from somewhere handing him a cup of something steaming. It was heartwarming really, the way they doted on him.

Tosh had sat down next to Ianto, just staring at him, like she could will him awake and alive. Jack walked over to the control panel, running his hands over the unfamiliar-yet-not buttons and leavers.

The Doctor was sipping his tea, Amy sitting quietly next to him, nudging him from time to time, Rory on his other side, not really doing anything, just silently being there. River would send him a smile from time to time, getting a tired nod in return.

Tosh had stopped staring at Ianto, eyes instead glued to a pacing Owen. Gwen had curled up, back to a wall and arms around herself, staring at nothing as silent tears ran down her cheeks.

"Here." River handed him a tissue. Jack touched his face and realized he was crying too.

"Thanks," he said, voice rough.

"Jack!" Tosh's call made all of them jerk to attention. A small cloud of golden dust rose out of Ianto's mouth, dissipating in a moment. He sat up, blinking.

"It really is bigger on the inside, isn't it? Whoah!" Gwen and Tosh jumped him, hugging and laughing.

"Oh my god," Gwen squealed. "Oh you little shit!"

"Harassment!" Ianto said, half-choked. Jack walked over slowly, as if walking too fast might make it all undone.

The Doctor, on the other hand, was across the room in a flash of flailing limbs. "How do you feel?" he asked, scanning him with his screwdriver, helping him to his feet.

"Whole." Ianto smiled, happy and bright and just so. Fucking. Perfect. "My tooth grew back." He frowned, mouth twisting as he felt it with his tongue. "I had that one pulled out years ago."

"The perks of regeneration. Or, partial regeneration?" River made it into a question.

"Something like that." The Doctor tapped the screwdriver against his lips. "The last stage of him going from human to Time Lord, his body 'repairing' itself by partial regeneration. Not an actual regeneration as he was still partially human and humans can't regenerate. But the Time Lord part was more dominant and took over, replacing human DNA with Time Lord as being part human was killing him. Sort of. Not really. A bit like that. Kind of. Anyway! You're not dead!" He beamed, throwing his arms out.

"Not that I know of?" Ianto looked a bit hesitant. Jack pressed his fist against his mouth, feeling lightheaded. Time Lords live a very long time, a voice whispered. Maybe not forever, but you won't loose him for centuries.

"Nah, I'm the only dead man in here," Owen snarked, pulling a startled Ianto into a manly back-slapping hug.

"It was close though, we though we'd lost you." Gwen's eyes teared up again.

"It's a bit fuzzy," Ianto admitted, rubbing his head.

"Are you in pain?" The Doctor held his head between his hands, closing his eyes.

"A bit. It all feels a bit jumbled. I can't really focus. Or-" he frowned. "Not really shut anything out."

"You'll learn," the Doctor assured him, stepping back. Ianto frowned again, shaking his head, as if shaking off a fly. He looked around until his eyes fell on Jack, not giving him the usual look Jack had privately dubbed 'the Ianto-look', a mix between exasperation and adoration. Instead he frowned, looking pained.

"What's wrong with him?" he choked out, continuing to stare, going from pained to horrified, both hands clutching his head.

It felt a bit like being gutted.

"He's a fixed point." The Doctor looked sympathetic. So, so sorry.

"He's..." Ianto's chest heaved as he backed away, eyes flickering everywhere except Jack. "Wrong."

Utter silence reigned. Jack felt empty, the earlier feelings of hope and joy dissipating like they had never existed.

"Yeah, I am." He swallowed. He'd forgotten. He'd somehow forgotten about the Doctor's first reaction to him.

"That's why I left you behind. It's not easy, even just- just looking at you, Jack. 'cause you're wrong. You are, I can't help it. I'm a Time Lord, it's instinct. It's in my guts."

"I'm sorry- I can't-" Jack could see what an effort it was for Ianto to look at him, sweat breaking out on his forehead. "Jack." The short word was pained.

"Concentrate on me." The Doctor grabbed Ianto, forcing him to look into his eyes. "Focus."

"It's like spiders under my skin." There were tears in Ianto's voice as he clutched the Doctor's shoulders, blue eyes wide with fright and chock.

"River! Land us. Now!"

-'-'-

The Doctor had thrown all of them out, even River. Jack didn't recognize the planet with the purple sky and the yellow grass, didn't care. He ignored the others pitying looks, laying down in the grass, staring unseeingly at the green clouds.

Hope is a terrible thing.

The universe was a bitch and she hated him. She made his lover immortal, then made him unable to stand the sight of him. Making him cringe at his mere presence. "Fucking irony."

Jack laughed. And laughed and laughed.

-'-'-

River estimated they'd been on the planet for maybe an hour when her sweetie returned.

Before anyone could ask, the Doctor spoke. "I took him to a friend that knows about time. He'll learn how to control his new senses. Get accustomed to being a Time Lord." His voice hitched as he said Time Lord, like he couldn't help himself. Like he was so happy he couldn't contain it. River had to smile at that. She busied herself by helping him set the coordinates for Cardiff, most likely they'd land approximately one hour after they'd left.

"You'll take him with you?" Jack asked, face a neutral mask. The laugh earlier had been horrible. Had their positions reversed, River didn't know what she'd had done. To have the Doctor look at her that way...

Jack was so different from the man that had teased the Doctor by flirting with her only hours before, his sorrow and bitterness hanging around him like a cloak.

"I'd... like that. If he wants. Not now, he's too overwhelmed." The Doctor smiled shyly as he continued. "He said he'd come, in a few years."

"I'm glad for your sake." Jack's voice was as empty as his expression. Gwen looked like she might reach for him, Owen's hand on her arm holding her back.

"Jack-" The Doctor looked pained.

"I am. Really. Being the only one- It's just hell, isn't it?" The smile was ugly and self-deprecating.

"He might grow out of it. Or learn to block it-" the Doctor insisted as River soundlessly landed in the middle of the Roald Dahl Plass.

"Yeah." Jack didn't sound convinced, turning his back on them as he walked over to the door.

"Jack. Maybe, I don't know, you'll become less fixed?" The Doctor seemed to be grasping at straws now.

"Doctor." Jack turned towards him. "Leave it." He opened the door, quick strides making him soon disappear out of sight.

"Take care of him." Gwen crossed her arms over her chest. "Or God help you."

"That's the Torchwood I know and avoid," the Doctor joked half-heartedly. "And I will. Take care of him. You have my word."

"Good."

They said their farewells, then watched as team-Torchwood walked close together towards their headquarters.

"She's pregnant, you know," the Doctor said. "Gwen, that is. That's why Ianto'll travel back to create the paradox, making sure they'll pick him."

"How come you didn't notice he was a Time Lord?" River asked, intrigued.

"I helped him with the disguise. Or I will. In the future. So I'm told on good authority." He sighed tiredly, then grinned. "Two Time Lords, eh? The Universe won't know what hit it." He bounded over to the controls. "Anwen, such a nice name, really," he mumbled to himself. River smiled fondly.

"We're going to see him?" Amy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Silly question, Pond! Of course we are!"

-'-'-

Stepping out of the TARDIS Amy's mouth fell open in surprise. "You?" It came out sounding like a question.

"I guess that makes sense," Rory said thoughtfully. "If anyone knows about time..." He trailed off, shrugging.

"Ready to go?" the Doctor beamed, practically bouncing.

"No, I always carry a big bag around," Ianto snarked, rolling his eyes as he stepped into the TARDIS.