Monkey Business - Radical Revision

Original: The original piece was a piece of fanfiction that I had written back in 2005 based on the 2005 film "The Phantom of the Opera." The basic idea was that Christine chose an inanimate object (the musical monkey box, here named Benjamin) over Raoul de Chagny or The Phantom. The idea was to create a comedic one-shot (or one-chapter story) that was so ridiculous that even non-fans would find it humorous. I achieved this by making Christine choose the music box.

Radical Revision

Being an enchanted object, Benjamin could do nothing but watch the events going on before him. The young girl, Christine, whom he had played his song for many times, was torn between his owner, the masked man, and the odd looking boy with the long hair. Raoul, he thought he heard the boy called. The boy looked absurd. He was crying as he was held against the portcullis with rope. It was his fault he got caught, so why was he crying about it?

Benjamin wished he wasn't a mechanical music box so that he could leave this awkward scene. Why did he have to suffer through this nonsense? It wasn't fair!

When his owner shouted at the girl, "You try my patience. Make your choice!" Benjamin thought of something. It wasn't ideal, but it could stop this ridiculous insanity.

He began to play his cymbals, the familiar song reverberating throughout the cavern. As the music played, he spoke.

"I am Benjamin. Your father has sent me. I am your angel. All of your lessons have led to this moment. We will make music that the world will love forever. Take the last step to me. To your destiny. To eternity."

Even as he said it, he wanted to gag. It was so grossly cliché and sappy that it made him sick. However, judging by what he'd seen, it was exactly what the young girl would fall for.

"Huh… I never knew he could talk…" his owner muttered. Huh, Benjamin thought. I never knew you could think beyond that stupid girl.

The girl turned to the two men, a fierce look of finalization on her face.

"I've made my choice. I choose…" she let the sentence hang in the air.

The girl turned to his owner and continued with "not you… but you are really hot… "
Hot? Half of the man's face is burned off. Where the hell did she get hot from? She must be mad!

She then turned to the girl-boy and continued. "Not you… though you are kinda cute…"

Benjamin couldn't help but laugh quietly to himself. There was no way that the boy could be considered cute, unless you were blind. And drunk. And he had a burlap bag over his head.

"I choose you, my angel!" she said, as she ran over to Benjamin and picked him up. He was glad that the awkwardness was over, but now he was stuck with this piece of loony.

Great, he thought.

Benjamin almost got sick as the clumsy girl ran through the sewers of the cellar. When they came out the other end, it was daylight. He hadn't seen daylight in years. The girl headed towards a nearby field. He saw his owner and the ultra-feminine boy walking out of the sewers right before he grew acquainted with the ground. The clumsy girl had fallen in a field and they fell rolling down a hill. Benjamin grew dizzy, and wished he could run away before this crazy girl did any more damage to him. She stood up, grasping him. She checked them both. She was alright, of course. Benjamin, however, wasn't sure if he was. After all, she still had him in her arms.

Christine looked around and yelled "We're O.K!"

Speak for yourself, Benjamin thought. I'm stuck with your crazy-ass forever.

Fin.