Wesley grabbed the bag off the pharmacy counter. "Thanks," He told the clerk
Caritas was only a few blocks away. He walked slowly. It was nice to have a breath of not exactly fresh air, but air that didn't come from a vent. It was nice to have sunlight on his skin instead of florescent light. It was the kind of distinction that only mattered after being cooped inside for days or weeks on end. The bar neared. As nice as the light and air were, he quickened his pace, he wanted to make sure everyone was still all right. Too much could go wrong.
A strong shove drove Wesley to the ground too fast for him to even put his hands out and brace himself. He felt his nose bust, blood pouring down his face. Strong hands lifted him and threw him against a brick wall. "Hello Wesley," He saw Illyria pinning him to the wall.
"Illyria," Wesley was paralyzed in terror.
"You left your sanctuary."
"I was stupid, careless."
"Yes you were. You left alone as well. They won't ever know what happened to you."
"So you're going to kill me?" Wesley tried to stay calm, but terror was filling his heart and mind. People walked quickly past, not wanting to get involved. That was wise.
"Yes," Wesley's thin hopes were dashed. "But not yet. I owe you pain."
…
Faith sat at a table in the empty club, tapping the wood veneer. "Wesley's been gone a long time, don't you think?" She asked the room in general, Lorne, Gunn, Anne, and Harmony
Harmony shrugged. "I didn't notice."
Faith tapped on the table some more. "Maybe someone should go check on him."
"He just went to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills for Conner and renew Fred's prescription. What's the worst thing that could happen in those few blocks?" Lorne asked
"Do you really want me to answer that question?" Faith asked
"I'll go look for him." Gunn stood up. "Be right back."
"I'll go with you." Faith was on her feet in the blink of an eye.
"Angel told you not to leave the building." Anne reminded her
"So?"
"So if Buffy sees you out there she'll kill you." Gunn said
"So?"
"So you'll be dead muffin." Lorne said "Nobody wants that."
"Besides the people who are you know, trying to kill me."
Angel appeared from the basement stairwell. "Is Wesley back yet?"
"No," Gunn said "I was just going to look for him."
"I'll go with you, he should be back by now." Angel said "Faith you can't come."
"I didn't even say anything." Faith said peevishly
"But you were going to." Angel said "Let's go." He told Gunn.
Faith watched the men go. "You're not the boss of me." She muttered under her breath
"It kind of sounds like he is." Harmony said
Faith glared hatefully at the vampire. "I kill things like you for a living." She said "Or I did before my boss put a hit out on me." She amended "I'm going upstairs." She stormed off
"Poor girl, her aura is not looking good right now." Lorne said
"I can imagine." Anne said as she stared after the disgruntled slayer "A warrior like her being trapped in a cramped house 24/7? It must be like torture."
…
"Oomph," Wesley hit the floor of the abandoned building. He tried to get to his feet, but Illyria put her foot on his back and pushed him back down. She grabbed his right arm and twisted it behind his back. Wesley took in a sharp breath. "Please," He said
"You have only begun to feel my wrath." Illyria said calmly "Have you ever been tortured before Wesley?" She pulled harder on his arm, applying pressure to the bone.
"Yes actually," Illyria let go of his arm and dropped down so that one knee was on his spine, keeping him pinned. She pulled his head up, baring his neck.
"By an old one? By we that invented the concept of anguish?" She pulled down his lower jaw and reached into his mouth, grasping a tooth. She yanked the tooth out. He cried out in agony. "Do you ever think of what you did to me?" She asked
Wesley spit out some of the blood filling his mouth. "Does it matter?"
She stood up and walked away. Wesley pushed himself to his feet. He saw her returning carrying a sword. Illyria swung low, severing the Achilles tendon of his right foot, causing him to topple to the ground. "Stay down like the dog you are and speak when I bid you."
Wesley gripped his heel to try and staunch the bleeding. "I'm sorry."
She knelt down and gripped his chin, forcing him to look at her. "Are you really?"
Wesley stared into her glacial eyes. He knew there was no point in lying. "No,"
"Well," She jerked his head down. "Your honesty has earned you some mercy."
"Really?"
Illyria stood up and dragged him to his feet. "I won't make you watch."
…
Xander stared as Angel entered the hotel room that was their headquarters. Buffy led him in and then stood back with her arms crossed. "So you think we took Wesley?"
"He disappeared." Angel said
"Maybe he got scared and ran, seems typical Wes." Xander said
Angel glared at him but didn't say anything. "We don't want your boy." Kennedy said
Angel turned his attention to Willow, who was standing behind Kennedy. "Willow,"
She seemed shocked by his attention. "What?"
"Please, just tell me if you know anything."
"So you'll believe her and not me?" Buffy asked "Why?"
It was hard to explain. Angel wasn't quite sure he understood himself. She had attempted that killing spell after all. "The truth is I want it to be you guys. Otherwise he's probably dead."
"Then he's dead." Robin said coldly "Because we haven't seen him."
The glare Angel gave Robin was even more hateful than the one he'd given Xander. It was a stare full of accusations. It was one that alleged betrayal. "It must have been Illyria."
Willow examined Angel with her eyes, searching for some joke or trick. "Angel I killed Illyria back in L.A." She reminded him "She's gone."
"She came back." Angel said "The senior partners brought her back."
"And let me guess, she wants to kill you all?" Robin said
"Emphasis on all, I'm sure the woman who killed her won't get off very easy."
Kennedy started toward Angel. She lifted her fist, but before she could follow through with the swing Buffy caught her arm. "Thank you for warning us." She spoke to Angel, but stared into Kennedy's eyes. "You can go now." She let Kennedy go and the woman retreated.
"Willow you could do a locater spell." Angel said
"Why would she want to do that?" Robin asked
"Please, we were friends." Angel begged Willow "We were all friends. Don't you remember that? I know you don't owe me anything for that or any other reason, but please."
Willow stared at the desperate man. He had nothing to offer her but that word. Yet she saw in him the willingness to give more. She thought of what she would do to find Buffy, or Xander. "I'll do it." She said "If that's okay?" She looked at Buffy.
Buffy nodded. "We don't want anyone to die either."
…
Wesley lay on the ground, struggling to breath. He felt fluid filling his lungs, and the severe blood loss made him weak. If he could only pass out, but Illyria was too good at this to allow that to happen. He coughed up blood. "Please stop," He begged uselessly
"You scream like a pig." Illyria said "What did my screams sound like to you?"
"Like hell," Wesley said "Like the devil's lullabies."
"Interesting," Illyria pressed down on his chest, increasing the pressure he had to struggle against to breath. "You did not stop for my pain, why should I stop for yours?"
Wesley fought to breath. It was too hard, too much pressure, but he had to keep fighting her. He had something to fight for. "I don't deserve this." Wesley said
"But you do." Illyria said "You really do." She pressed her dagger against the skin of his cheek. It was sharpened to a fine edge. She parted his skin like butter. His nerve endings screamed in protest. Wesley tried not to jerk away, knowing it would only deepen the cut. She slid the blade farther down, skinning his cheek. "This is your payment." She leaned in close to whisper in his ear. "Was she worth it Wesley? Was she worth this?"
"Yes," Wesley said without hesitation
"Once you change your mind, or lose it, whichever comes first, I will allow you to die. I will grant you that respite, but only hell awaits you Wesley, and it will be only a little better."
"What was I supposed to do?" Wesley asked "Was I supposed to just let her stay trapped forever? Was I supposed to know she could be saved and not do it?"
Illyria reached under the loose flap of skin and pressed down. Wesley screamed. She removed her fingers and licked the blood off. It was eerily similar to the way Fred licked barbeque sauce off her fingers. "Such things do not matter to me, I am a higher being."
"No," Wesley said "You're not. You were becoming hum-" He shouted as she drove the knife into his thigh. She twisted it, making him cry out in still more pain.
"You have angered Illyria the god-king. Your corpse will warn others of the consequences to these actions. Your corpse will serve as a herald to your friends, informing them of their fate. You will be so defiled when I finish you the ground will not take you. Birds will not eat you. The sea, were you thrown in it, would spit you back out again. Your blood will be boiled away and what remains of your flesh will be burnt. All will know of how you died." She twisted the knife some more, tearing and shredding the flesh around it. "This is your fate Wesley."
"Why do you keep saying that?" He asked in a weak voice
"What?" Illyria asked
"My name, you keep saying it. If I am so beneath you, why does my name matter?"
Illyria paused. "It does not. You are no more to me than a misbehaving load-bearing animal; to be put down as an example to others. You serve no other purpose."
"And yet you keep saying my name, why is that?"
She drew out the knife and plunged it into his right shoulder. "Die dog,"
…
Willow finished her chant and dropped the powder on the map. "It didn't work." The powder just lay on the map, unmoving. Willow couldn't conceal her disappointment. She didn't want Wesley to die. She didn't want anybody to die who didn't have to.
"Can you try again?" Angel asked
"It wouldn't do any good." Willow said "Part of Illyria's new powers must shield her and anybody she is with from mystical tracking. I can't find him with a spell."
Angel stared at the map for a single tortured moment. He stood up abruptly. "Thanks for trying." He said sincerely "I mean it." He grabbed his coat. "I'll just have to try something else."
Buffy watched him go. Willow felt a pang in her heart. She wished she could tell Angel she was sorry, but he was gone. How was Buffy taking this? Buffy grabbed her own coat. "Dawn and Giles, you stay here. The rest of us are going to look for him."
"Why?" Robin asked
"This is a rare opportunity. Faith won't turn herself in without a little incentive, so we'll find some for her. We'll spread out, see if we can find them. If you spot Illyria, do not confront, call for back-up. If anybody finds Wesley bring him here." Buffy headed out the door.
Willow started to clean up the spell. Dawn stopped her. "I'll do that." Willow nodded and followed Kennedy out the door. Was this right? Willow thought of what L.A. had looked like before they'd killed the senior partners. If the partners crossed over again the whole world would look like that. If they had to hurt Faith, or Conner, or Wesley, to prevent the apocalypse Willow could accept that. She didn't have to like it, but it was right. If she had any doubts, she just had to look at Buffy to know what the right path was. Willow kissed her girlfriend when they separated in the lobby. She headed out into the dimming afternoon. She hoped they found him alive.
…
Illyria slapped the unconscious man on his uncut cheek, turning the skin there scarlet. "I told you respite would come only when I granted it to you, do not try to cheat me."
Wesley moaned. "I'm done, please."
"Was it worth it, what you did? Was it worth this anguish?"
"Please," He coughed up more blood. "I'm in so much pain."
"And more still awaits you. Was her life worth this?"
Wesley nodded, blood dripping down his chin. "Yes,"
"Why do you not just lie?" She asked "Why do you choose to prolong your suffering?"
"I don't want my last act on this earth to be denouncing the woman I love." He said
"Why?" Illyria asked "Why do you love her? There are more than three billion women in the world. What is so special about her? What makes her better than them?"
"Or you?" Wesley asked
Illyria slapped him again. "I told you speak when you are bid, you need only answer the questions I present to you, all else is unnecessary. What is so special about her?"
"Well for one thing she doesn't torture people."
"Faith did." Illyria said "She tortured you. She was the one who tortured you before."
"That was a long time ago, she was a different person then."
…
Fred sat at a table in the club, waiting for Angel to get back. Anne was watching Cordelia upstairs. Faith sat across from Fred, holding the woman's hands in her own. They both jumped to their feet when they heard Angel enter the club. "Well?" Faith asked
Angel walked behind the bar to gather some weapons that were stashed there. "I'm going to look for him." Angel said "Buffy didn't know anything."
Fred sat back down and put her face in her hands. "I can't believe this."
People entered the room from different directions. "Let's go." Gunn said, walking up to Angel for his own weapon "We're wasting time."
Faith approached the bar to arm herself. "No," Angel said "You can't leave, it's too dangerous. If Buffy sees you-" Faith didn't let Angel finish.
"I don't give a damn." She said "I'm going with you. I'm the only one here strong enough to maybe fight off Illyria."
"I take offense to that." Spike said as he and Harmony came up from the basement
"You coming?" Angel asked
"You think I'd miss a fight with blue? No way, let's go."
"Faith," Angel saw her turn angry determined eyes on him. He handed her a sword.
"Thanks," She said "Let's go."
Angel walked out from behind the bar and Fred ran up to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Please be careful." She said "Please bring him back."
"I will, monsters don't stand a chance against me." He said as he hugged her back
The old words didn't have a comforting effect, they rang false. Fred had seen the monsters beat her friend too many times to have confidence in the words. But she had confidence in him. "I can't lose him, not now, not like this." She said as if she could convince fate. She let Angel go and stepped back. She held back the tears. She looked at Faith. "Don't get hurt."
Faith gave a curt nod and headed for the door. Fred grabbed her hand, bringing her to a halt. "We need to go." Faith said "Every moment we spend talking is one Wesley could be-"
Fred watched Faith look away, concealing her emotions. "I mean it." Fred said "Don't let yourself get hurt. You'd be doing none of us a favor. Please be careful."
"Okay," Faith whispered
Faith locked eyed with Fred for a moment and then dropped the woman's hand. Faith left and Angel hurried to follow her with the two vampires and Gunn close behind. Gunn paused for only a moment to squeeze Fred's hand. She squeezed back and watched him go. When they were all gone she was the only one left in the bar. She sat down at a table and began to cry.
…
"Tell me what I want to know." Illyria commanded
"It doesn't matter anymore." Wesley said "You discarded the idea of humanity."
"I am curious." Illyria said
"Curiosity is human." Wesley said
She lifted him up and threw him against the wall. "Still you defy me. I grow bored. I have devised a more painful torment for you dog. I will kill you last. I will make you watch when I gut your wife and eat your child." She grabbed his wrist and held his left hand up against the wall. She drove her knife through his hand, pinning him there. He screamed some more. "Maybe then you will be more compliant." She left him to get free on his own.
He reached for the knife and gripped the handle. He shut his eyes and tried to pull the knife. The pain was intense enough to make him see red sunbursts against his eyelids. Wesley let go of the knife, panting. Tears of pain ran down his face. He grabbed the knife again.
…
Xander watched the crowds go to and fro like the tide. All these people, did any of them know what was coming, or sense it? The ones who stood on the street corners holding sandwich boards that proclaimed the end was near, did they know something? Xander had seen enough apocalyptic threats in his life almost come to pass to know that those people were on to something, weather they knew it or not. The newest threat, two innocent people, three if you counted the baby who was prophesized to be infected but hadn't been yet. Xander shivered. He wondered how he would feel, in the situation Wesley and Fred were in. Xander had wanted a family, once upon a time. He'd wanted to make one with Anya. What if it were his kid that Buffy was trying to kidnap? Would she still do it? He didn't want to think about it.
Xander heard a few people mumbling nearby. He looked to see what had caught their attention. A staggering bloody man was trying to make his way forward. He looked insane or diseased, and nobody dared to approach him. Xander knew who it was. The man stumbled and started to fall. Xander caught Wesley, stopping him from hitting the ground. Xander felt the sticky blood that coated the man from head to toe. Wesley's breathing was shallow, each breath sounded like herculean labor. Xander put the man's arm over his own shoulder, letting Wesley lean on him. Xander started forward and then stopped when he heard the man speak. "Xander,"
"Yeah, don't talk."
"Where are you taking me?" Xander felt a flash of shame. This man had just been tortured half to death. All Wesley probably wanted to do was go home and rest, to see his family again. Xander figured that's what he would want. Could Xander really bring him in?
"I'm taking you home." Xander said "Back to Caritas,"
"Why?"
"You've suffered enough for one day."
They hadn't been far from Caritas and it didn't take long to get there. Xander had planned to get close to the building and then stop, leaving Wesley to make his way inside on his own so Xander didn't have to face Angel and his friends. But as he got closer to the door and felt the man's full weight leaning on him Xander knew that wasn't an option; that Wesley didn't have the strength to move forward of his own power. Xander would just have to hope they were so excited to see Wesley they would ignore Xander while he slipped away. Xander knocked on the door. Lorne opened the door. The Pylean gaped at the sight of Xander supporting the broken bloody man. Xander heard chairs scraping against the floor as Anne and Teresa rose from a table and ran over. "Oh my God." Anne said "Wesley," Lorne reached for his friend's arm. He and Anne helped him into a chair. Xander quickly left before they could ask him any questions.
Xander headed back toward the hotel. He hoped Buffy wouldn't find out what he did, but he didn't regret it. He's done what he had to do to keep his conscience.
…
Fred heard the commotion and ran downstairs. She saw her husband and felt herself torn between two vastly contradictory emotions. One was elation, because her husband was alive. The other was despair, because she saw the condition he was in. "Wesley!" She ran over to him.
He was wheezing, trying to bring in air, and just not having enough strength. She started to reach for his hand and saw that it was torn and bloody. She ran behind the bar to grab towels and a first aid kit. When she returned she was daunted by the sheer magnitude of what would need to be done. Where would one even begin? But Fred didn't allow herself to take a moment to steel herself. There were things that needed to be done, and she couldn't let her emotions deter her from her task. She mopped the blood away from the wound and then wrapped it in gauze.
"Let's get him upstairs." Lorne said
Fred and Lorne helped the man back to his feet. "Ow," He moaned
"We're going to take you where you can lie down." Fred said
"No more stabbing me," He muttered
Fred flinched. She didn't want to think about that. "Come on."
…
Illyria burst through the door that led between realities onto the dark earth. The river of blood had flooded the banks, staining the pitch-hued silt. She stomped through the mud. The Hart was lying in the dirt, impossibly clean. "You told me it was gone." Illyria said in a fury
"It is." The Hart replied nonchalantly "Fred is out of you, completely."
"No, some of her is still in here." Illyria said "I feel her. She cries out in horror for the torture I inflicted on her lover. She protests my mutilations of him and pleads that he should live." Illyria kicked the mud. Clumps of it flew toward the Hart, hitting her white dress and rolling off without leaving a mark. She was still clean, always clean. "Remove the remnants."
The Hart sighed as she stood up. "That wasn't Fred Illyria; that was you. You have been corrupted old one. You have been tainted. You and Fred are as separate now as you were before you inhabited her corpse. But," She stabbed a finger at Illyria's chest. "When you chose to love that man, that mortal man," She spat out the word mortal as though it were unclean. "You allowed yourself to become like them. You integrated some of their disgusting humanity into your own self. If I were capable of feeling sorry for anyone, I would feel sorry for you. As it is I just find you pathetic. Do what you promised. Maim, torture, kill. Leave the vessels unharmed as per our arrangement, but destroy all else. For otherwise you are a lower being."
The Hart opened the door behind Illyria again and walked away. Illyria stood in the bloody mud in front of the door that led back to New York and tried to make sense of what she was feeling. It was something new, something she had never known before. She could not name it, but most humans would be able to. It was anxiety, fear for the future.
…
Angel saw her coming. "Faith run," He said
"No, if it's a fight Buffy wants, she'll get one." Faith promised
"We don't have time for this." Gunn pointed out
"If we run she'll follow and we'll lose time. You guys keep looking, I'll handle Buffy."
"She'll kill you." Angel protested
"Just go." Faith said "I've got this." She strode forward to meet her fellow slayer. Buffy smirked at the young woman. Faith swung, fast, hard. Buffy dodged the blow, but caught part of it on her shoulder. Buffy aimed a kick at Faith's kidney and Faith grabbed the woman's leg and tossed her. Buffy landed on her feet and landed a punch against Faith's cheekbone. Faith was barely fazed, striking back at Buffy's neck. This all happened in a matter of seconds.
"I think she has it handled." Spike said
Angel hesitated. "Let's go."
…
Dawn walked up behind Xander and put her hand on his shoulder as the man sat in an armchair staring intently at some invisible thing. Xander jumped. Dawn walked around the chair, into his view. "Why so jumpy?" Xander smiled at her, but then returned to staring at the invisible thing. "Xander?" She now sounded concerned. "If something is wrong you can tell me."
He knew he could. There were few things he felt he couldn't tell her, and they were the things he wouldn't tell anybody. "I did something Dawny."
"Something bad?" She asked
"I don't think so." Xander said "But I can never be sure."
"You can tell me what it was and I'll tell you." Dawn said
"What if you aren't sure either?" Xander asked
"It's you, I'm already pretty sure it wasn't that bad."
Xander gave her another smile, a real one. Lately it seemed all of his smiles were fake, meant to assure his friends. Yet there was the occasional real smile, and it was almost always directed at Dawn. "I love you." He said, knowing she wouldn't suspect what kind of love it was
"I love you too." She said
…
Faith stood just outside the door to the upstairs bedroom. Fred was sitting at the bedside, holding Wesley's hand. The injured man's labored breathing affected Faith's ears like nails on a chalkboard. She sensed Angel move to stand behind her. "She didn't kill him." He said
"Almost,"
"Why do you think that is?"
Faith shrugged. "I don't really care to be honest." She said "I just want to end the bitch at this point." She turned around and looked into his eyes. "Do you care?" She asked
"It might be important. There's some larger plan going on. Maybe this is part of it."
Faith shook her head and then turned back around. "No," She said "It doesn't matter. For this Illyria has to die. I'll find a way to take her down, to make her bleed."
"She is stronger than you." Angel pointed out. "You could get hurt thinking like that."
Faith shrugged. "Whatever,"
"Do you think that's what he wants? For you to die because of him?" Faith walked away, into the living room. She sat down on the couch and Angel took a seat next to her. He watched her clench her fists in suppressed rage. "Because I promise it isn't, he wants you to live."
"I know." Faith said "I know that."
"So if you do something stupid, get yourself killed, you'll just hurt him more."
Faith crossed her arms over her chest and sank back into the couch. "I get it."
"Probably more than she hurt him,"
Faith was visibly shaken by this. "He can't care that much, not about me."
"He does." Angel said "So do I."
Faith frowned, and refused to look at Angel. "Then you're both… why?" The last word was different. She lost her confrontational tone and sounded a little afraid.
"You're an incredible young woman Faith." Angel said "Even if you don't feel that way right now. You've done amazing things, overcome terrible darkness. I believe in you."
"Angel," She whispered "Can I tell you something?"
"Of course,"
"I don't want to die."
Silence reigned for a little while. "Me neither, and I don't intend for either of us to." She leaned against his shoulder. She could feel his breathing, hear his heartbeat.
…
Wesley felt something soft and cold on his brow. He opened his eyes to see Fred. "Hey,"
She gave him a brave smile. "Hi," She took the hand that hadn't been mangled.
"I don't like being stabbed. It never turns out well for me."
She kept a brave front, even though his words cut her. Seeing him in pain made her heart ache as much as any real injury. She leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you."
"I love you too." He said
"Never scare me like that again." She said "I thought you weren't coming back."
"Me too," He admitted "She wanted to hurt me… but she couldn't kill me." Wesley thought back to the haze of pain and torture. Why hadn't she killed him? He felt like she had told him, but he couldn't remember. It didn't seem important now though. He felt a deep constant sensation of pain over the entirety of his body, and that didn't seem important either. He looked at Fred and all that mattered was being with her and- "Where's-"
"Anne has her." Fred assured him "Don't worry."
"I thought I was never going to see you again, either of you."
Fred kissed him again, longer this time. "Don't worry, you're safe now."
"Right, safe," He shook his head. "None of us are safe."
She sighed. "I'm trying to be comforting."
"And you're doing an excellent job." Wesley assured her "I feel very comforted, the making out part I find especially comforting. I recommend continuing with that."
She smiled at him. "No more worries. Everything is going to be okay."
He closed his eyes. "I don't remember everything, but I remember her asking me if this was worth it. She wanted to know if you were worth the pain." He opened his eyes. "You are."
She gripped his hand tighter. "I'm sorry." She said
"I'm not." He said "That's what I'm trying to tell you."
Fred had known that bringing her back was part of the reason this was happening. She wasn't dense. She knew if she weren't here Illyria would still be on their side, still helping them fight the senior partners. Fred also knew that if she weren't here, if her baby hadn't been born, the prophecy couldn't come true. Wesley knew she knew these things. But Fred wasn't going to let them weigh upon her mind. She wasn't going to let the senior partners tear her or her family apart. If Illyria wanted to seek unwarranted vengeance against them Fred wasn't going to blame herself. Fred hadn't chosen to die, to be killed by that monster. She gave Wesley a reassuring smile. "I meant I'm sorry you're hurt, sorry you're in pain. But what you did, I'm not sorry for that either. I'm not sorry that we're together and have a family. I could never be sorry for that."
He smiled, a weak pained smile. "Good,"
She kissed him again. He forgot about the pain for a second.
…
Lorne was cleaning the bar and Anne was lending him an appreciated hand. Lorne heard her whistling while she dusted. He looked up at her and smiled. Then the smile slipped off his face and he turned back to his work. He listened to her merry little tune. He heard wedding bells and vows. He heard smiles and a tall church steeple. Lorne heard the taste of wedding cake and bubbly champagne. He heard people, but some were missing. He saw her path in her song and could have told her if he wanted to. He wouldn't. He would keep the future from her in the same way that Teresa was keeping the future from him. He often wondered what she had seen, but resisted the urge to ask her, for fear that she might actually tell him. It was a burden, to see, to know. It was hard, because the picture was never complete, and the outcome never certain. It was easy to rely too much on the advantage. Sometimes you saw things that were awful, that had to be stopped and when you couldn't stop them the world fell apart. That was why Lorne didn't want to know. He remembered his depression after Fred died, how hard it had been to get back up after watching her die, convincing himself this future could be prevented, and then finding out that it could not. She died despite their efforts; it hadn't really seemed possible, but it had been.
"Lorne," He looked up. "I think that table is clean."
He looked down at the table he'd been wiping down for who knew how long. He chuckled. "I suppose it is." He moved on to the next table.
"Are you okay?"
"Just thinking," He said
She smiled at him, a comforting smile. "About Wesley?"
"Yeah," It wasn't completely a lie. That was another thing he'd been unable to foresee. If he had known about it in advance he might have been able to stop it. But that wasn't why what had happened disturbed him. It wasn't because his friend had been horribly and painfully tortured, although that was awful and Lorne was hurt by his friend's suffering. What disturbed Lorne so much about what had happened was that he suspected Teresa had known. She may have known what was going to happen and allowed it to happen. He was sure if this was true she had a good reason. Perhaps the domino effect meant saving Wesley would lead to someone else getting killed. Telling him he had to get tortured or something even worse would happen wasn't exactly doing Wesley a favor. Still, wasn't concealing that information in a way the same thing that Buffy was doing? Could sacrificing Wesley's health to save someone else be justified?
"Well he'll be all right." Anne said "He just needs time to heal."
"What?" Lorne was shaken from him musings again. "Oh yeah, right." Nothing in the world could make him want to bear the burden of those kinds of choices. "He will."
…
Conner saw black and red. He saw a thing, a terrible pale thing. He saw its world, its dimension. It was a small dimension, of infinite proportions and energy, but it was still small somehow. It lacked a quality Conner did not know the name for. Conner's world had a lot of this unknown quality. The thing itself was big, too big for its small world. It did not have room to move around, even though its roommates were gone. The Wolf was talking to the thing. They were talking about Illyria. Conner liked Illyria. She was back and he wasn't sure how he felt about this. They had brought her back just to use her. She was defying them, acting in a way contrary to their expectations. But she had still tortured Wesley, which pleased them. Conner was confused by all this because the different components of it were confusing, and because he had a hard time telling the difference between his emotions and those of the Wolf. The Wolf was amused by something, a shared joke between herself and the Hart. There was blood in the water, but that wasn't the joke. Sharks were circling, ready to go in for the kill. That wasn't the joke either. Conner couldn't figure it out, didn't want to figure it out. He wanted to close his eyes and no longer see the pale thing, but they weren't his eyes. They were hooked up to his mind, but they weren't his eyes. He saw with them, but they belonged to the Wolf. So he watched, powerless to stop. He was a passive observer as the Wolf continued her visit; he was a ghost.
