Vulnerable - Chapter 5

Thanks for sticking around….I think you'll enjoy this chapter ;)

Brendan's pov

It was raining heavily tonight, 'there's a storm coming' Brendan thought to himself. The rain was so loud that he missed the knocking on his front door, it was only when the knocking became more frantic, and then louder that Brendan was able to distinguish it from the weather outside.

It was 11 o'clock at night, Brendan suddenly panicked about who could possibly be at his door this time of the evening, head frantically rummaging through thoughts of any dodgy dealings that he may have done lately. It was only when the sound of Steven crying out a helpless 'Brendan!' that Brendan's heart started to beat with a different kind of adrenaline.

Locating his crutches he shuffled towards the door, bracing himself as he opened it. Why was Steven here? He'd made his thoughts perfectly clear last night, after everything, he would still go running back to the safe haven of Douglas.

Steven was completely drenched, his clothing was dark with water stains and his hair was plastered flat to his head, beads of rain dripping from the front every so often. The image would have taken Brendan's breath away in any other circumstance, but the boy was clearly distressed. His eyes were red and blotchy as though he'd been crying, hands clenched in to fists that were undeniably shaking, and his chest was moving visibly fast telling Brendan that he was breathing erratically.

'Steven!' Brendan's greeting came out as a gasp, still in shock that Steven was on his doorstep in a complete and utter state.

Steven didn't respond for a few moments, all the two could do was stand and stare at one another, rain still beating down. Brendan shivered from the draft, he was only dressed in a pair of joggers and a vest, meaning to head off to bed soon.

Steven opened and closed his mouth, Brendan could see he wanted to say something but the words clearly wouldn't come out.

'I, I….I think I just broke up with Doug.' He eventually stammered. A single tear began to roll down his perfectly formed cheek bone.

All Brendan could do in that moment was blink in disbelief. Did he really just hear correctly? Steven had broken up with Douglas? He'd called off his engagement? And now he was here, at Brendan's house?

Ste properly looked at Brendan for the first time then, gazing worryingly in to his eyes, pleading Brendan to say something….anything.

'I…I think ye should come in.'

He heard the door shut but Brendan couldn't turn around just yet, turn around to face Steven and confront the mess that they were both in. He leant heavy on his crutches, letting his arms support his physical and mental weight, head drooping staring at his feet.

This was what he wanted wasn't it? Then why did it hurt so much? Steven could cause him more pain than all of his injuries put together.

He heard the shuffling of Steven's feet then, and a small whimper as Steven's cold shaking hand tentatively touched his shoulder. Brendan knew he had to face him at some point, was building up to the moment when he looked in to Steven's eyes knowing that the boy was about to bare his soul to him.

'S..say somethin….p..please?' Steven was almost begging, Brendan knew the boy wanted reassurance, for Brendan to tell him that he'd done the right thing, that everything would be ok…..that they would be ok.

Brendan forced himself to turn around now, crutches still taking his weight. Steven was closer to him than he'd expected meaning that he was able to lean forward and rest their foreheads together in a sign of defeat.

'What have ye done Steven?' Brendan sighed.

Steven's lip was quivering as he looked anxiously in to Brendan's eyes, worry etched all over his flawless face. He thought Brendan was going to dismiss him, every part of his body had tensed ready for rejection. Once upon a time Brendan probably would have pushed the boy away again, scared of letting him get too close, scared of promising him a future he knew he could never give, but this time….this was different.

In the past Brendan had watched Steven attempt various relationships, never too concerned because he always knew that with a bit of his own meddling it would never last. Rae, Noah, they weren't threats for Brendan, just a slight inconvenience that got in the way for a while. Brendan knew that Steven would always come back to him, all it took was an inappropriate brush of skin, a predatory stare and Steven went weak at the knees, putty in his hands.

Brendan made sure to use Steven's so called relationships to his advantage though, hence why he encouraged Steven's "relationship" with Rae. They meant a cover up, a cover up for Brendan who couldn't admit to his feelings for the same sex, and one person in particular. Brendan had had his fair share of meaningless twinks, just a scratch for an unnecessary itch, but Steven….Steven got under his skin deeper than any itch he'd ever had, the reason why Brendan had to make sure to push him away at every possible opportunity, but keep him just within reach when the temptation became too much to bear.

But now…..now, this was different. Brendan wasn't threatened by Douglas, of course he wasn't, that idea was absurd, but Douglas had managed to keep hold of what Brendan wanted, of what Brendan needed. He tried not to think of Steven as a possession any more, knew that ship had sailed a long time ago, Steven always was resentful of the control that Brendan enjoyed having over him, but what he didn't realise was that it wasn't a selfish kind of control that Brendan emitted, well ok…maybe it partly was, but it was always for the boy's own good, Brendan just wanted to keep him safe, needed to protect him for all he was worth.

When Douglas had come along as Steven's business partner Brendan made sure to pay regular visits to the deli, even as he watched them growing close he loved the way that he could walk through the door demanding an order that Steven would jump to fulfil. The look of disgust on Douglas' face made it even more worthwhile and naively Brendan was sure that this little stint would pan out the way all the others had. But now Steven had told him that they were planning to marry, the thought took Brendan's breath away and he hated himself for letting this happen, get this out of hand. He'd really done it now hadn't he? Pushed Steven so far that he'd given up and actually believed that Brendan didn't want him anymore, had found solace in the arms of another. If Brendan had have thought that this was what Steven wanted, then of course he would leave him to get on with it, albeit a struggle, but Brendan loved Steven too much to worry about his own happiness. Brendan knew that Steven's heart wasn't 100% in to his and Douglas' relationship though, he only had to look in to his eyes when they were together to see that, and hell, if yesterday's little stint didn't prove that, then Brendan didn't know what would. And here Steven was now, rain soaked from walking through the village to tell Brendan that it was him, always was and always would be him that he wanted. This was why Brendan had to give in.

Brendan cupped the boy's face with one hand, stroking away a tear with his thumb all the while gazing intently in to each other's eyes.

'This is really it isn't it?' Brendan just about managed to mumble.

Steven swallowed, head making an attempt at a nod.

'I…..I couldn't do it anymore.' He whispered.

Brendan squeezed his eyes shut for what he was about to say:

'Ye meant to be marrying him.'

He didn't want to be reminded of that fact, but the truth of the matter was, that Steven was engaged to Douglas, that can't be something you just go in to lightly, Brendan's Catholic upbringing had taught him that.

'I'm…it's…..'

Steven was frantically shaking his head now, struggling for the right words.

'It's over alright!'

He'd raised his voice now.

'It's you…..it's always been you! You know that, I know that, who were we really kiddin ey?'

Brendan had to smile at the truth of the boy's words.

The hand that Steven had shaken off now made its way back up to his face and stroked a stray hair out of the way. Brendan then let his fingers trace the contours of Steven's cheek and down to his pouted lips. All he wanted to do was kiss him, right now.

'Ye really left him…to come and be with me?'

Steven nodded, never taking his eyes off of Brendan's.

Brendan had been dreaming of such a scenario, just hadn't expected it to happen so quickly, or even happen at all. Maybe someone up there did like him after all.

'It can't be like it was though' Steven interrupted Brendan's thoughts. 'It….things have to change.'

'Hmm' Brendan nodded in agreement. He knew that this was their last shot and it definitely wouldn't work any other way.

'So…you can do that for me?'

Steven's heart was on his sleeve and Brendan certainly wasn't going to crush it this time.

'I….I will…..I really will Steven…just..just be patient with me yeah?'

Steven nodded in acceptance, Brendan breathed a sigh of relief that this was something the boy was prepared to do. He knew all too well by now not to rush Brendan when feelings were involved.

He was unsure of what to say or do now, Steven just stood there, all puppy dog eyes looking at Brendan as though everything rested on him. Truth be told, it probably did. Brendan suddenly realised that Steven was still soaking from the rain outside, still shivering slightly.

'Ye must be freezing. Let me get ye a blanket.'

He went to manoeuvre his crutches but Steven grabbed his hand to stop him, blushing at the sudden touch.

'Err..it's alright' he stammered, attempting a weak smile, 'I can do it, save ya legs. Do ya still keep the blankets in the airing cupboard?'

'Ermm..yeah.'

Steven started peeling off his coat which made Brendan hold a breath. He had such a slight frame, but it suited his build perfectly. 'In proportion' Brendan thought to himself.

Whilst Steven went to find a blanket, with effort Brendan made his way over to the kitchen to put the kettle on. No doubt the boy needed something to warm his insides too. Stirring two steaming mugs of coffee he heard Steven's footsteps padding behind him. He was wrapped in a large blue fleece blanket and his hair was now ruffled where he must have towelled it dry.

'I've got ye a coffee.'

'Ta' the boy smiled as he willingly accepted the drink from Brendan, trying to wrap his hands around the mug without losing grip on the blanket draped around him.

He took a couple of sips and then offered to carry Brendan's mug in to the living room for him as crutches and hot drinks didn't tend to bode well.

Brendan hobbled over to the sofas, lowering himself in to the cushions and sprawled himself out length ways. Ste decided to initiate intimacy by seating himself on the end by Brendan's feet.

They sat in contended silence for a few minutes until Brendan decided to ask:

'Have ye got any regrets Steven?'

Ste wrinkled his nose in disdain.

'Course I aint, otherwise I wouldn't still be ere would I? Ya know, I really didn't wanna hurt Doug, course I didn't, I do still care about im.'

Brendan winced.

'But the only regret I've got is that we wasted so much time in the long run, we should ave been at this point a long time ago.'

The boy definitely spoke words of wisdom.

'Come here'

Brendan raised an arm to pull Steven down closer to him, the boy willingly obliged giving Brendan the biggest grin he'd seen in a long time.

Brendan could smell the scent of rain on his hair as he nuzzled the top of his head whilst Steven draped an arm lovingly across Brendan's stomach, careful not to put pressure on any bruising.

They must have dozed off like that because the next thing Brendan knew he was being awoken by a sweating Steven, thrashing around on top of him, shouting out in his sleep.

'Brendan! BRENDAN! NO! Please don't leave me!' He was actually crying now.

Brendan winced every time the boy's erratic movements caught his injuries.

'Steven….STEVEN! Wake up! It's ok…it's ok!'

Brendan had both hands clamped around his shoulders trying to hold a distressed Steven still. His movements jolted then, hair dampened again from perspiration.

Brendan kissed his forehead trying to take the pain away. Steven was dreaming about him abandoning him? The thought made Brendan want to die inside, he'd caused the boy so much pain, he could not let this happen ever again. Steven was going to get the future he deserved, one that Brendan would give him, and make sure he was a part of.

Steven's eyes flashed open whilst he choked on his own sobs.

'I'm here Steven, I'm here. It was just a dream.' Brendan soothed.

Tears were still rolling down Steven's face.

'I will never, ever leave you…do ye hear me?'

Steven whimpered in acknowledgement.

'This here' Brendan rested his hand on Steven's chest above where his heart would be. 'This is special…and now that we've found that…I am never giving that up for the world…..ever Steven…..ok…..I want ye forever.'

Steven was trembling again, but Brendan knew it wasn't with the terrors he was feeling mere moments ago. Brendan pulled their faces together then, gently kissing away the tears that still adorned Steven's cheeks. Steven closed his eyes letting Brendan sooth him, when he reopened them, Brendan instantly recognised the look of need.

Steven fumbled for the waistband of Brendan's jogging bottoms, shrugging the blanket off of the two of them as he lowered them down Brendan's legs uncovering more cuts and bruises. Brendan held his breath, not wanting to rush Steven's next movement, he would let him be in control tonight, not that he could do much about it when his legs were injured anyway, but he knew that Steven needed this, needed to take control of what was happening, something that Brendan had rarely let happen before. He hoped that this would give Steven all of the confirmation that he needed.

When the trousers no longer covered his skin, Steven ran his finger tips up and down the length of Brendan's long legs sending a chill through the older man. Steven leant his face down, letting his lips ghost over every bruise, the hairs of Brendan's legs tickling his face. Brendan raked a hand through the boy's hair, pushing it back to get a better view of the face that he saw every time he closed his eyes. He still couldn't quite believe that they were finally here, in this moment, no more obstacles, and Brendan felt….ok about it. He could deal with this. Bit by bit they would take it, step by step.

Steven went to shrug out of his own t shirt then, looking at Brendan for permission that they were going to do this, right here, right now. To encourage the lad Brendan gently caressed his face whilst giving him a small smile, hand then trailing down to lift the hem of Steven's t shirt, showing the boy what he wanted him to do. Steven still looked nervous as hell but easily slipped the top over his small frame, soon working on Brendan's own vest which was inconveniently hiding his chest from view.

It wasn't a seductive, romantic moment, Brendan trying to shuffle around in his position on the sofa to work his arms out of the material, Steven still straddling him, and wincing every time the breath was knocked out of his ribs in short, sharp pains. Ste flinched with Brendan every time, so in tune with his lover that the pain felt like his own. The underwear was going to be a more difficult task than usual with Brendan's legs the way they were, but Ste kissed him through any possible pain as he slid them down his legs with the utmost caution.

Brendan was already semi-hard, Steven undressing him had felt even more intimate than usual, maybe Brendan being slightly handicapped had its advantages.

Steven had to undress the rest of himself unaided of course, something that Brendan couldn't wait to put right once he was on the mend.

Once every inch was uncovered, Steven kissed the contours of Brendan's rugged torso. There were bandages there now and lots of bruising, but Brendan wanted to forget about that for now, with Steven in his arms, nothing else mattered, he was the pain relief he needed.

Brendan pulled him back up for a deep slow kiss, this was Brendan's way of communicating with Steven that he was so thankful, for everything, for the way he cared, for the way he made him feel, and for giving him another chance, one that he really didn't think he deserved but sure as hell wasn't going to throw away this time.

Steven's errection was pushing in to Brendan's groin now which made him smirk at how desperate the boy was. He was still fragile though, maybe not as physically as Brendan currently was, but he was definitely breakable so Brendan didn't want to rush, wanted to savour every moment, to remember how it felt to be reunited, for it to be so new, yet so familiar.

He reached a hand down to the boy's hardness which emitted some groans as he tugged gently, Steven thrusting his hips to goad him on. He had both palms flat on Brendan's chest, desperately kissing him between panting breaths and noises of pleasure.

Brendan removed his hand, letting both of their cocks rub each other to their own accord, the friction sending spine tingling thrills through both men. They kept up the thrusting for quite some time, working up a sweat. The movements more on Steven's behalf, but Brendan encouraged him on, hands running up and down his back, admiring the glisten of his naked body.

It didn't take long before they both felt close, desperation taking hold. Steven looked lost to it, but Brendan wanted to be inside the boy, feel his inner muscles clench around his every inch as they both ascended in to an explosive orgasm.

'Steven.'

Brendan roused the boy out of his reverie. Steven's dark eyes bore in to Brendan's.

Brendan reached a hand around to smooth over Steven's backside, ready to prepare the boy. Steven then batted his hand away, a sinful, yet vulnerable look in his eye.

'Ya don't need to…I….I want it…..I wanna feel it.'

Brendan opened his mouth to disagree, there was no way he wanted to hurt Steven, especially when they didn't exactly have any lubrication either. Before he could utter a word Steven interrupted him:

'It's ok' he whispered, 'please, just…'

Brendan dragged him down in to a breath taking kiss, all hot breaths and biting lips.

Steven positioned himself over the head of Brendan's cock, smearing pre-cum around the hole to ease himself down. Both gasped and gritted their teeth at such intense skin to skin contact.

Once Brendan was fully inside, Steven began to rock his hips in a slow motion, gradually increasing to vertical movements as that clawing need for release began to resurface.

Brendan held a firm grip on Steven's hips as he let the boy ride him, Steven pumping his own cock ensuring they came together.

When they did, it was with so much relief that tears began to form in Steven's eyes again. Not from any discomfort or shame, but because it felt like everything was right again.

They had both missed this, missed this connection with each other so much. The dark cloud had removed itself from Brendan's head, and Steven looked visibly calmer, comforted even.

After coming down from such an intense high, Steven began to shiver from the cold air that his naked skin was now so exposed to. He removed himself from Brendan and leant down to retrieve the discarded blanket from earlier. Climbing back inbetween Brendan's legs he opened out the blanket so that it could cover the both of them, settling down to rest his head just underneath Brendan's chin.

'I love ye' Brendan mumbled in to his ear. If he'd had any doubts now, they certainly no longer existed, he was more than ready to give this boy everything.

Steven closed his eyes, a smile playing out on his lips.

'I know' he whispered, half drifting off to sleep.

Brendan panicked then. Had he just opened his heart to Steven and not had his love returned? Wasn't it usually the other way around? Was Steven testing him? Had this all just meant nothing? His mind was running away with him now.

'I love ya too'

Did….was that Steven that just spoke?

'Now go to sleep'

It was.

Brendan breathed a sigh of relief and encircled his arms around Steven's form, letting out a small chuckle at Steven's last comment.

Oh how the tables had turned.

Things really were changing….but for the better.

Wow, so this turned in to a long chapter then. Hope you enjoyed. Some bits were rather lovey dovey, but we all deserve Stendan fluff!

Yes I know, they didn't use a condom which they should have done but I wanted to portray how desperate and needy their reunion sex was. Plus, Brendan could hardly move to go and get one anyway, and Ste probably wouldn't know where he kept them anymore…..it's been a while :P Also interesting how Ste became the vulnerable one too hey? ;)

Sorry it was all mainly from Brendan's pov this time but it didn't seem to fit as well to just change it to Ste's half way through, I try to incorporate both a bit though anyway.

I know the ending of this chapter seemed very final, but I do have an idea for a chapter 6 which I can hopefully fill out. Also…..if you want me to carry on with any chapters of pointless fluff then let me know, ideas welcomed ;)