Vulnerable - Chapter 6

Hey guys! It's been AGES, but I felt that we all deserved another chapter of Vulnerable ;)

Have decided not to state pov's in this chapter as it changes around too often.

It took Ste a few moments to rouse from sleep and realise that someone was knocking on the door. Brendan was still asleep in his position on the couch where him and Ste had stayed last night, too blissed out and exhausted to move.

Ste gazed down at him then, always amazed at how Brendan could look even more breathtaking in sleep than he already did in person. Even the bruising seemed to suit Brendan, reminded Ste of a wounded soldier, his soldier, his hero. Ste remembered in that moment just how lucky he was.

Shuffling his skinny frame from the warmth of Brendan, careful not to wake him or accidentally brush against any wounds, Ste made his way to the door, locating his underpants in the process, and sliding them on, along with Brendan's vest that happened to be the first thing at hand. It drowned Ste, but was better than nothing, better than answering the front door in his birthday suit. Ste enjoyed how it smelt of Brendan and smiled at the thought of last night as he opened the door.

That smile was instantly wiped off his face when he saw who was standing the other side of the threshold.

Doug's face was a portrait of anger, jealousy, despair, and sadness, and when his eyes located the oversized vest that clearly didn't belong to Ste, but was currently being worn with pride, Doug's rage finally bubbled over. His eyes blotched red as he spat words from his mouth.

'I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE HERE! YOU JUST TELL ME THAT THE ENGAGEMENT IS OFF AND WALK AWAY WITH NO EXPLANATION? OF COURSE BRADY WOULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS!'

'Doug, I..I'm sorry! I really am.'

Ste could hardly form the words.

'You're SORRY? HA!' Doug let out a bitter laugh.

The argument had finally roused Brendan who rubbed his eyes as he limped over, aided with crutches to the door in nothing but his boxers to cover his modesty, Doug's eyes bulged in disgust. Wasn't one for shyness was Brendan.

'Oh here he is, your knight in shining armour Ste! Come to save the day have you Brendan? Wasn't enough for you to break up my relationship.'

Brendan pinched the crease in his brow, hoping to evade the forthcoming headache that a row with Douglas was sure to bring.

'Did you get what you wanted then? HUH?' Doug continued, Ste wincing at the confrontation.

'You know he's only ever after one thing Ste, you've said it yourself! He'll relish in destroying our relationship, enjoy his one night with you, and then toss you in the garbage along with all the other sad cases.'

'HEY! I am NOT a sad case!' Ste snapped, voice suddenly raised in what was now anger, rather than shame. He'd never meant to hurt Doug, but if Doug thought he could start shouting every type of insult at him, well Ste wasn't going to stand for it.

Brendan smirked slightly then, always loved the way Steven could stand up for himself.

'Well what are you then Ste?' Doug continued.

'Brendan clicks his fingers and you suddenly throw away everything we've built, the security of a relationship! Brendan can't offer you that Ste, he may swan around thinking he's Mr sex appeal, (Brendan smirked at that comment too.) but what can he really offer you apart from a roll in the hay stack every now and then? You'll only end up with the bruises again as a reminder!'

Ste flinched at that last part, Doug's words really twisting the knife in, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by Brendan who was now frowning in a mixture of anger, and shame because of what he'd done in the past.

'I'm not like that anymore Douglas.' Brendan tried to snarl his words but they failed to come out anything other than faint.

'I love Steven, always have and always will, nothing was ever going to change that. I'm just sorry you had to get hurt in the process.'

Ste looked over to Brendan and smiled at his declaration, quickly sobering his expression when he saw Doug noticing the exchange.

'You were never gonna be happy until you'd got what you wanted were you Brendan? Never satisfied until you've wrecked people's lives and caused as much havoc as you possibly can.'

'Look don't start on him alright?' Ste pleaded.

'I'm the one you should be angry with! I'm the one who left ya. This is my decision alright Doug? And Im afraid you can't change it.'

Doug deflated slightly at that statement, letting out a sigh and seemingly backing down.

'Look…can we go for a walk or something? I'd rather talk about this in private.'

Ste looked at Brendan then, seeking his permission because he cared about Brendan's feelings more than his own, knew he had to make Doug see sense, but never again would he want Brendan to think that there was the slightest hint of doubt in his mind.

Brendan understood, clearly not thrilled by the idea, but he nodded his head in agreement, knew that Steven was strong enough to handle this by himself.

After Ste had gone to get changed in to more suitable clothing, Brendan stubbornly shutting the door on Douglas leaving him to wait outside, Ste and Doug were now slowly walking through Hollyoaks, making their way to an undecided destination in silence.

Mercedes McQueen passed them, raising eyebrows at the pair who were looking extremely morose. Always eager for some gossip that one, but Ste wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

'Come on, it's probably best in ere, will give us a bit of privacy and some quiet.' Ste explained to Doug as he unlocked the front door of the deli, not bothering to switch the lights on but heading straight for the back room. Those large windows at the front were far too prone to prying eyes.

Once through to the back, Doug stood in the doorway twiddling his thumbs, a new found awkwardness consuming him. Ste had to strain to hear his mumbling as Doug kept his eyes rested on his clasped hands.

'I always knew it would be a struggle….competing with Brendan. I mean, I even had to ask for his help to buy this place, couldn't even provide that for you on my own.'

'This aint about money Doug alright?' Ste interjected.

'It helps though doesn't it? All those years of wondering when the next bill was due….all that…all that won't matter anymore.'

'So you think I'm just usin Brendan for his money now, is that what you're tryin to say?' Ste couldn't help raising his voice.

'No of course not.' Doug was able to look him in the eye now.

'What I'm trying to say though is, it's another form of power that Brendan has isn't it?'

'You know what Doug, I'm not listenin to this anymore!'

Ste went to walk away but Doug quickly tugged on his arm, silently pleading with him not to leave until their conversation was over.

Ste sighed loudly and spun back around.

'I knew you'd always love Brendan.' Doug's voice had diminished again. 'But I thought that maybe what we had would be enough, I told myself I could live with that….being second best.' He swallowed down a lump in his throat.

The guilt that Ste felt now created the most agonising pit in his stomach, he didn't want to hurt Doug, he really didn't, but he couldn't lie to him any more, that would only cause more heartache in the long run.

Ste found it difficult to look Doug in the eye when he spoke, but knew he had to with conviction otherwise this would all be a lost cause. He had to make Doug see, see that it had to be this way, he couldn't live any other way, couldn't live without Brendan.

'You're more than second best Doug…to someone else.' The hope that had filled Doug's eyes then instantly vanished.

'You deserve to be happy…have someone love you as much as Brendan loves me, and I know what you think, but he does love me, more than anyone else will ever understand. And I love him. This is why we can't be together Doug.'

Ste held Doug by the shoulders, rubbing up and down his arms as if to sooth him while Doug stared back at him with those puppy dog eyes.

'We weren't meant to be Doug, we can both see that. But I think me and Brendan were. You'll never know how sorry I am that I've made you feel like this. Of course I never wanted it to be this way, I thought I was gonna spend the rest of me life with you, but Brendan has this pull on me. I had to give it another go otherwise I don't think I'd have ever have been able to forgive meself.'

Doug looked so vulnerable right now.

'Just answer me one thing.' He said. 'Did you ever love me?'

Ste smiled then, 'Yes, very much, but…..'

'But just not enough as Brendan?'

Ste closed his eyes for a second and shook his head, confirming that Doug was right. No other love could ever compete with the way he felt about Brendan. He did love Doug, but he realised that it was just more of a brotherly love, not the consuming passion that he had with the Irishman.

'Well….I don't think there's anymore I can say then…..once again, Doug Carter loses.'

Ste's attention focused on the floor, he found it hard to look at Doug again, knowing how heartbroken he was. He continued staring at the ground until he could bare the atmosphere no more, and without saying anything, turned around and walked out of the door. He'd have to be back here sooner or later, working alongside Doug, but for the time being they were going to need some space. Ste didn't look back as he walked straight back to Brendan.

Brendan was fully dressed now when he opened the door, just casually in jogging bottoms and t shirt though, no need for a suit when you were alternating between wheelchair and crutches. This however was just fine by Ste, made Brendan more cuddly he thought.

Brendan looked wary, Ste probably looked just as nervous, but tried to reassure Brendan with a warm smile.

'So?' Brendan asked as he limped back over to the sofa, easing himself down amongst the cushions.

'Well it definitely weren't the easiest thing I've ever had to do.' Ste answered quietly.

'Steven, if there is even the slightest bit of doubt in your mind…'

'No.' Ste interrupted him, he'd made up his mind. Didn't want Brendan thinking otherwise.

'No it's you I want Brendan, alright? Always has and always will be. I told him that. Doug knows that anyway, kept goin on about bein second best. Yeah it was hard, I do still care about him, but not in the same way as I do about you. I don't ever wanna hurt anyone, but this is where I'm meant to be.'

'Really?' Brendan looked up at Ste from his position on the sofa, it made him look vulnerable, seeking this reassurance from Ste, but the gleam in his eye also gave away the fact that deep down he knew that Ste was his, he had his heart, and would damn well make sure he kept it.

'Really.' Ste confirmed, as he took Brendan's face between his hands and leant down to kiss him.

Well I hope this chapter wasn't too boring but I felt I needed to confront the unfinished business between Ste and Doug. Hopefully the ending was heart-warming and we can forget for a few minutes about all of the horrible Stug spoilers we're getting at the moment.