Hey guys! This one is the longest one yet, and it's a pretty quick update too. It even has some fluff! And some other stuff. Because, you know, stuff happens. I realized that I marked this as romance/adventure, so I'm really sorry to anyone who had been looking forward to the adventure! I changed the genre to just romance. I think this one is going to be wrapped up in a few chapters, I'm aiming for 10. Then in a whole other fic I'm just going to pick up again after the '09 movie and write some in-between the '09 movie and Into Darkness. I don't want to write anything overlapping with the movies, but I hope that it will fit with them. The next one will have Addy on the Enterprise, Spock will be there, and THAT one will have adventure, promise!
Anywhoodle, I hope you are all enjoying the fic more than the quantity of reviews suggests, *cough* One?! *cough* Please review, it makes me feel like I'm on the right track. And if I'm not on the right track, review and let me know. Please?
I wandered through the library aimlessly, just browsing through the books and picking out anything and everything that looked interesting. Bright light filtered in through the windows. It was one of those days where you don't really mind the cold because it's so nice and bright out.
Before long, I found myself with a small pile of books under my arm and a spring in my step. The library always did that. It was exciting, the promise of knowledge and adventure. The insight that books give makes me a little giddy. Maybe I don't get out enough…
"'Bond energy is the energy required to break a covalent bond homolytically'… What?" I heard someone mutter on the other side of one of the tall bookcases. A chemistry book being read by a gruff, impatient, intoxicating voice. I pulled a large textbook off of my side of the shelf and peered through. More books. Should have seen that coming. I leaned in close to the bookcase.
"Lenny." I whispered as ghostly as I could. The muttering on the opposite side stopped, but only briefly.
"Been in this damn library too long." He said defeatedly.
"Leeeennyyyy." I whispered again, a little more loudly this time.
"...Hello?" He answered tentatively.
"Put the book down, Lenny. You want the one by Heymen." I whispered and tried to disguise my voice.
"Addy? Where are you?" He asked more surely.
"Heeeeymeeen! I am the spirit of Arthur Heeeymeeen! I know not of this Addyyyyyy you speak of!" I continued in a somewhat ridiculous voice. I heard him start to walk around the bookcase.
"Pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain!" My spooky voice was breaking as I tried not to laugh.
"Wizard of Oz, really?" He said as he turned the corner.
"These are not the droids you're looking for!" I said giggling. He caught up to me and wrapped an arm around my middle.
"Maybe not, but they'll do." I heard him smile behind me.
"Hey, not PDA in the library! You'll make all the other boys jealous of you and they won't let you play tag with them." I scolded lightly.
"Why play with them when I could play with you?" He still held me.
"Okay, let's play tag!" I joked. Seriously though, library. I hate it when people do this while I'm trying to read. I pulled away from Len and darted around the bookcase. When he followed me around I handed him Heymen's textbook "Organic Chemical Bonding".
"This is what library's are for." I smiled my widest, cheesiest smile at him as he took the book out of my hand.
"Fine." He pouted. Or at least pouted in his own way.
"Oh, by the way, if it breaks down homolytically that just means it breaks down into equal sized pieces which is unique because in a covalent bond the atoms are sharing electrons so each…" I trailed off when I noticed Len staring at me. Not watching me, I doubt listening to me. Staring at me. Oh, god. I was in the honeymoon phase, wasn't I?
"Lenny. Chemistry. Important stuff, boring I know but still important." I resisted the urge to snap in front of his face.
"Did you just call me Lenny?" He snapped back to reality.
"I've been calling you Lenny all day." I said simply.
"Thought I said I'm not a Lenny." I saw a hint of a smile in his eyes even as he scolded.
"Aw, but youwe MY wenny!" I replied in my goofiest baby voice.
"Well as long as I'm yours." He said as he pulled me into a hug. I laughed it off and it came out nervous and high-pitched. Wiggling away, I turned and saw Jim standing in the aisle opening watching us.
"Jim?" I asked gently. The guilt came rushing back. He looked hurt. I had hurt him. I felt horrible. What did he think happened? Did he think I had only been interested in him to get to Len? If the tables were turned, what would I think? His normal nonchalant expression tried to chase his hurt face away, but it was awkward and forced. I hated seeing him like this. I had done this to him.
"Hey, Addy, just, uh… browsing." He tried to play it off as nothing. Tried to act like he didn't absolutely despise me.
"...You're five feet from the closest bookshelf. Which is kind of an accomplishment in a library." I played along, raising my eyebrows in disbelief and feigning amusement.
"Yeah, well…" He trailed off, looking around for an escape route. I had to say something. He had to understand that I didn't want to hurt him and I never realized that I could hurt him.
"Jim, look, I'm sorry. I shou-" He cut me off.
"You don't have to be sorry. I get it. It's fine." He spat out as quickly and shortly as possible.
"You get it? You get that while I did initially go home with you because I was drunk and wanted to make Len jealous I stayed with you because I wanted to? You get that the only reason I didn't tell you was because I didn't want you to think that I was only interested in you to get to him?" I had so much that I wanted to say. I wanted to be able to fix this. I had to fix this.
"Yes. I know you never meant to hurt me. "You were in a tough situation. I understand why you didn't tell me." The sincerity in his voice didn't reach his eyes. If I had any doubt he didn't mean his words, it stormed off with him. Len chased after him. I left my books on the table and hurried out of the library, being sure to stay far out of Jim and Len's path.
…
I saw Jim practically run past me and put my hand on his shoulder.
"Jim."
"What?" He addressed me in a hostile tone.
"Can we talk? I mean, really talk." I asked quietly.
"Not in the mood." He shrugged me off.
"No one is ever in the mood, but I still think we should talk." I insisted. He let his shoulders slump and we walked together.
"When did you…" I asked.
"First day. Thinking through the night in my head, trying to remember it."
"That morning, you were so happy. I woke up with this great guy next to me who wanted me, and I was afraid that if I told you then you wouldn't want me anymore…" I explained
"Didn't I deserve to make an informed decision?" He shot at me.
"Didn't I deserve your faithfulness?" I returned. He looked down.
"I didn't know if you wanted anything more from me." He admitted quietly.
"That's part of a relationship, taking that risk and putting yourself out there. You didn't take it, but I didn't either. We both tried to avoid getting hurt and look where it got us."
"What risk? Who says I wanted anything more?" He tried to lie his way out.
"Your current condition. The way you lashed out at me last night. I know you, like it or not. You would never do that unless you were hurt as well." He snorted.
"I thinking you're blowing this out of proportion."
"And I think you're getting defensive because you don't want anyone to see you hurt." I insisted.
"Well there clearly isn't anything I can say to change your mind, so I think I'll just go now. Unless you wanted to overanalyze anything else, maybe how my walk obviously is a sign that I'm just a hurt little boy." He mocked as he walked off.
"Well, crap." I muttered under my breathe before heading back to the library. Len would be wondering where I was.
…
"Hey, Lenny." I greeted before reaching up to kiss him.
"Hey, where'd you run off to?" He smiled.
"I, uh…" I sighed. "I had to talk to Jim." That wasn't a happy face Len had adopted. I tried to look anywhere but his eyes. "I had to explain to him what happened. It… didn't go as well as I'd hoped it would." I tentatively met his incredulous gaze.
"After that whole damn blowout we just had?!" He asked after a beat.
"What? Oh, you mean when he was in here? I wouldn't exactly call that a blowout, sure it didn't go well and he didn't mean anything he said to me, but he was civil eno-"
"No, not when he was talking to me. After, when I went and talked to him. He started screaming at me in the middle of the romance section, which is morbidly appropriate." He raised his eyebrows at the thought.
"What?! What did he say?" I asked.
"He said that he was pissed and said that I thought he should have broken things off with you because I wanted you, which isn't true at all. He thinks you and I ran off to make out or something when we went to get ice."
"This is worse than I thought. I was right, he did want something more." Len was clearly holding something back. "What?"
"What?" He tried to look confused.
"What else happened, you've got that 'something else happened' face on."
"Nothing, well. I kinda got the feeling that he felt like woman only wanted to sleep with him, not have an actual relationship with him. Which until today didn't seem like the sort of thing that would bother him." He trailed off.
"Of course it would bother him. Everyone wants to be loved, not just get laid. Oh, Christ, I can't believe we did that to him…" I looked out the window.
"'We?' What did I do?" He looked a little offended.
"Well we might not have gone off to make out, but we weren't just getting ice either. He's not stupid." I pointed out. He sighed heavily.
"It's not like we meant to hurt him. I don't know about you, but I just wanted to get away from all the people." He said.
"Me too, but I didn't give him any sign that I was uncomfortable with the situation. I kinda did the opposite, actually. And it doesn't matter if we meant to hurt him, I went there with him and I should have stayed with him." I shook my head. He went quiet for a while.
"You should have stayed with him?" He finally said.
"Things didn't end the way they should have. It didn't have to be so, public. And degrading. On both ends." I tried to explain.
"It sounds like you're still hung up on him." He eyes narrowed and his lips pressed tight together.
"Len, I want to be with you. I'm unbelievably happy that I'm with you. But that haven't been lying to him. I wasn't with him to get to you. I was with him because I had feelings for him. I am heartbroken over him, and in love with you, and it's confusing and sounds like a crappy romance movie but that's where I am now." I just let everything I was feeling out. I wasn't going to hide anymore. My confession was met with silence.
"I think we need time." He said quietly.
"Wait, no. You don't mean…" I said, horrified that time would lead to distance which would lead to seeing other people.
"No, no. I mean time. A week. Give everything time to settle, I need time to get my head on straight." He took a step towards me and put his hand to my face, running his thumb over my cheek. "I still love you." My heart swelled. He understood. This was right, this was what I was supposed to do.
"I love you, too." I responded quietly, humbled by his affection. He placed a quick kiss on my cheek.
"I'll see you in a week." He said before picking up his copy of Heymen's and leaving. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. It seemed like a huge weight was lifted. I saw my own stack of books on a nearby table and went back to my lazy browsing.
I know what you're all thinking: That didn't magically fix everything! I know. I know it didn't. This isn't going to be magically fixed. But it will be fixed, I promise. My poor heart can't stand to have Jim mad at Bones much longer. With every review there is the promise of a shorter wait for an update! REVIEW! Please?!
