"There, we've made a start"
Shelagh and Patrick stood on the roadside, the fog still clinging to the fields surrounding them. To both of them, it felt like the world cocooning them, just for this short moment, from reality. They felt as if, here, in the emptiness of the Essex countryside they could finally be honest, with themselves and each other.
They stood together, Shelagh wrapped in Patrick's coat, just feeling each other's presence, and knowing now that no-one would interrupt them. It felt so right to both of them, as if the final pieces of a jigsaw had slotted into place.
"I should take you back to Poplar"
"That would be nice, thank you."
"Forgive me, but you said that there were 'arrangements to be made'?"
"Yes," Shelagh bowed her head, shyly, feeling the weight of the decision she was about to confirm, "I believe, as so often seems to be the case nowadays, that there is paperwork which must be completed."
"Paperwork…?"
"Yes," she gulped, blinking slowly as she cleared her throat. She raised her eyes from where they had been determinedly examining Patrick's tie. She reminded herself that it was acceptable for her to do this now: it was allowed for her to meet his gaze, and to gaze back at him. To do so was no longer forbidden, "there are various, forms, and other considerations. When someone, leaves the order".
They continued to survey each other, the full force of Shelagh's statement hitting both of them. Patrick grinned, "Really? You really are, leaving?" he sought reassurance.
"Yes. I believe there is a different path for me now"
Patrick felt as if he had been hit by a bolt of lightning, and realised that his response now needed to reassure her, to demonstrate the force of his feelings, to both support her and to show that he wanted to be with her.
"Well, now that we have made a start, I would very much like to walk that path with you. If you feel that it is appropriate?"
"I would like that, yes."
They both smiled. It was as if a great weight of uncertainty had been lifted from them. A shaft of sunlight briefly broke through the fog, and Shelagh was suddenly aware that they were not alone.
"You have Timothy with you."
"Yes."
"Is he, all right? He's not unwell?"
"No." Patrick paused, unsure of Shelagh's meaning, "oh, oh, it's half-term" he explained, "and the little scamp had snuck into the car, thinking I was going on my rounds."
"Oh." A silence descended between them. Patrick could see that Shelagh was trying to say something, and he gave her a moment, sliding his fingers gently up and down the sleeve of his overcoat, still draped around Shelagh's shoulders as he waited for her to find the words she was plainly searching for.
"May I ask, how much does he know?"
"Of this?" Patrick swept his hand between them.
"Yes."
"He knows, well, some of it. When I told him that I wasn't going on my rounds, and that we were coming to collect you, I thought, although obviously I was still, unsure, but I thought I should at least tell him about how I felt."
"Oh. You were unsure?"
"I hadn't heard from you and until you mentioned me in your letter to Timothy, I had lost all hope. I thought I had been stupid, and rash, and, unforgivably forward."
"You thought I was rejecting you?"
"Yes. I am sorry I ever doubted you. But I would have understood if you had."
"I just needed time. To reflect, and, to pray."
"But then when you called me earlier, I hoped, I hoped that it was a sign, that you saw a place for me in your future."
"Which is why I called you. I thought you should know that I was coming back."
"I am so glad you did".
"And what does Timothy think?" asked Shelagh, hesitantly.
"He, he was surprised, at first. Which was understandable, as I hadn't told him anything before today. But, erm, well, he seems to think that, well, if I, erm, if I love you, and if you, if you love me, then that's fine." Patrick paused, as he searched Shelagh's eyes, and found in them a reflection of the love he felt for her. "He helped me to find you. Actually, he saw you through the fog before I did."
Patrick smiled at Shelagh, his fingers continuing to graze the lapel of his own coat. Shelagh suddenly reached out and grabbed his right hand. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly lifted his hand to her mouth, her lips grazing his knuckles in the lightest of kisses. Patrick could not resist brushing the back of his hand lightly over Shelagh's cheek, and she briefly fluttered her eyes closed as his hand fell back towards her shoulders.
They smiled at each other, a good start made between them now that they could be honest with each other. Shelagh shivered slightly, the standing having affected her more than the walk along the uneven roads, through the dense fog and the unknown countryside. Patrick pulled the overcoat tighter around her.
"Come on, let's get you in the car, warm you up." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, attempting to warm her. He bent down and picked up her suitcases, gently urging her in the direction of the car as he did so.
