AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Minna, with bowed head, I say to you: "Gomeiwaku o okakeshite, moshiwake gozaimashita!"
I am truly sorry for taking years to update my Gintama fanfic. A lot has happened in real life that merited my full attention. But I really have no excuse. I just want to say, that I love my fanfics (Gintama better than Bleach) and I really hate abandoning them and leaving readers at a loss. Believe me, I know the feeling of just having things stop abruptly and completely (did you watch The Sopranos' ending, yeah, that feeling...hehe).
For a while, I really wanted to delete them on here but I couldn't do it. Then I realized that these stories have a little bit of my tama (魂) and kokoro (心) in them. They are a part of me as much as Japanese manga and anime have been for many years. So I decided to go back, re-read them over and over until they showed me how and where to start again.
So here's another chapter for your reading pleasure. Forgive me for all the inconsistencies and grammatical wrongdoings I've committed as I get into the groove of things. Lastly, I'm not promising anything. I may be able to finish this right away or I may not. But one thing I'll make sure of, I'll definitely give this fanfic closure.
Thank you so much for reading.
As usual, I don't own Gintama. Hideaki Sorachi-sensei does.
"He did what?!" Oryou shouted in disbelief. "Oh I hope you castrated him for that?! He deserved it."
"Maa...maa, Oryou-san, please keep your voice down," Otae whispered quite earnestly as she looked around the cafe in embarrassment. "You shouldn't be so loud. We don't want to disturb the other people here who are having their nice afternoon tea."
Oryou put a hand over her mouth, clearly realizing her overreaction. She nodded to the other staring customers in apology and drank her tea nervously.
"I'm sorry, Otae-san. I just couldn't believe that permed idiot said those things to you. It was way more than below the belt if you ask me," Oryou told Otae in a low voice.
Otae just nodded. She was still reeling from the tense exchange she had with Gintoki over lunch at the Kudokan dojo. She wanted to stay and continue eating with the others but somehow she had lost her appetite and just wanted to get away. She simply couldn't bear being in the same room with Gintoki after everything that happened.
(FLASHBACK: Kudokan dojo, lunchtime)
"Ara, Shin-chan, Kagura-chan, what's taking you two so long to brew that tea?" Otae said, closing the door behind her.
"Ah, aneue, I'm just making sure I was brewing this tea right," Shinpachi replied sheepishly. He looked at his sister, trying to gauge if the tension between her and Gintoki had finally dissipated. 'It seemed like she had gotten everything out of her system. Oh kamisama, I hope we won't find Gin-san unconscious on the floor with the nabe pot on his head,' he said to himself.
"Shin-chan, we are not doing a tea ceremony here. Brewing tea at home should be done quickly and efficiently," Otae teased. "Because there are thirsty people waiting."
"Hai, hai," said Shinpachi, pouring the brewed tea in a cast iron teapot and arranging the tea cups on a tray. "Hora, Kagura-chan, help me bring these at the table."
"Anego, I told Shinpachi to hurry up. But he's taking his sweet time with the tea. I told him I still want to eat nabe but he said you and Gin-chan should be left alone for a while. Are you and Gin-chan having a fight?" Kagura asked innocently.
The question caught Otae off-guard. She blinked once but regained her composure quickly, "Kagura-chan, you have nothing to worry about. Everything's fine now." She bared her arm as if to show her muscle and gave Kagura a knowing wink. "It's nothing I couldn't handle."
"Way to go, anego," said Kagura, triumphantly. "If men are being jerks, they deserve to be punched on the throat, yes?" Otae nodded, smiling.
"Aneue, I think you shouldn't reinforce violent tendencies to an already violent child," Shinpachi said haplessly. "I hope Gin-san is still breathing."
"Shin-chan, how rude! Do you think I'm only capable of inflicting physical pain?" asked Otae, feigning hurt feelings. "I have you know that Gin-san is still alive and still eating all the nabe."
"Uwaa, I better get in there before he finishes all the meat," Kagura said and dashed off.
"Oi, Kagura, you forgot to bring the tea. Didn't we agree that I brew the tea and you carry it," Shinpachi shouted at the yato. He looked at his sister, who suddenly fell quiet and distant. "Aneue, I didn't mean to pry or anything, it was just I could feel the tension between you and Gin-san earlier. So I thought you two could use a little time to get things sorted out by yourselves."
"Shin-chan, it's nothing you should worry about really. You know, Gin-san and I get into this word war. He's got a smart mouth, I got a smart mouth. Neither of us want to lose. But of course, I've got a quicker fist so he ends up the one shutting up," Otae said, letting out a small chuckle. "But don't worry, he recovers quickly enough."
Shinpachi let out a sigh of relief. "Souka, and here I thought it was really something serious."
"Oh my, would you look at the time," said Otae suddenly. "I better go. I'm late at meeting Oryou."
"Eh? Aneue, you're not finishing lunch with us?" Shinpachi asked, a bit surprised.
"I'm afraid not, Shin-chan. I'm sorry," Otae said apologetically. "Didn't I tell you earlier that I have plans after lunch time? I promised Oryou to go shopping with her. She's a bit depressed, you see, and asked me to accompany her for a much needed therapy. Gomen ne."
"Ah sou," said Shinpachi, a little bit deflated. He had hoped to spend more time with his big sister.
"You guys enjoy the nabe," Otae said as she put on her zori. "Leave the dishes in the sink. I'll wash them when I get back." As she head to the door, she turned and gave her brother the most sweetest and reassuring smile she could muster. "Shin-chan, thank you for cooking nabe for me. It was delicious. Ittekimasu!"
Shinpachi smiled so widely at what his big sister said that he missed the smallest hint of sadness in Otae's eyes. "Itterasshai, aneue!"
Otae never felt so guilty. She had just lied to both Shinpachi and Kagura. 'It can't be helped. I don't want to involve them in what happened to Gin-san and I. I'm the one who broke ties with him. So I'm the only one who should distance myself," she said to herself. 'Besides, he's a big part of their lives now. I don't want them to choose sides. They can still maintain a good relationship with him and they should, it's just that I won't be a part of that anymore.'
Somehow that last thought felt so heavy in her heart - he won't be a part of her life and she, not a part of his. There was a sense of finality in it, a definite ending. 'Is that even possible?' her mind asked, rubbing her forehead as if willing the question away.
Otae walked aimlessly. She had no destination in mind. All she wanted was to get away and empty her mind of what happened. Or at least have someone to talk to for some outside perspective. She could use some help sorting these feelings out.
She took out her cellphone to call Oryou and hoped that she would be available to meet her.
(END FLASHBACK)
"Hey Otae-san...are you listening?" Oryou asked, worried about her friend.
"Yes...yes I am," Otae gave her a small smile as she sipped her tea thoughtfully.
"He really did a number on you huh?" Oryou bluntly said. "It's unusual for you to space out like this, plus you're smiling more than usual. Did what that guy said really affected you?"
Otae swallowed a lump in her throat and looked away. "It hurts...what he said...it really did," she said simply. She took a deep breath to steel herself as she gently twirl her tea cup. "But somehow, somewhere inside me thinks he is right. That, you know, I'm all those things and nothing more."
"Otae-san...stop it!" Oryou said emphatically, grabbing Otae by the collar. "Do you hear yourself right now? It's pathetic! The Otae-san I know doesn't care about any man's opinion of her - she's strong, confident, outspoken and the queen of all superbitches!"
Otae gave her a smile with eyes turning into a dangerous color, "If I liked being called a super queenbitch to my face, I'd have my father's dojo up and running by now. Kon'aro."
Oryou abruptly let go of Otae's collar, fearing the all-too-familiar ominous aura of the young brunette. She chided herself for her wrong choice of words at such a delicate time. "Ah, I'm sorry, Otae. I didn't mean that in a negative way. It's just that this isn't you at all. You're a brave woman. You don't take crap from anybody or any man for that matter."
Otae sighed. Her face changed from menacing to melancholy in an instant. At the back of her mind, she knew what was eating at her but she was afraid to admit it or even say it out loud. Why was it that Gin-san's words hurt her so much like this? If he was any other man, she would have put his lights out deftly and swiftly. Things would have gone back to normal. End of story.
"Masaka..." Oryou cut into her reverie. "Don't tell me you like Sakata-san?!"
Once again, Otae was caught off-guard. She blinked at Oryou. "What?! That's the most cruel joke you could possibly tell me right now, Oryou-san! I never..." she sipped her tea carefully, avoiding eye contact with her friend.
Oryou narrowed her eyes. "Hmmm...you know what I think. This goes beyond the character poll. I mean, you like this guy and his words meant a lot to you. Why else would you be moping around like this? If that lazy yorozuya is any other man, you would have dealt with him right away. He would probably be in the hospital for insulting you. But here you are, sipping tea and feeling depressed about it."
"Depressed?! Me?! Far from it," Otae cried incredulously, annoyance and anger now etched all over her face as she quietly smashed the dainty teacup in her hand. "Don't even think for a second I had fallen for that lousy bastard. You can't even begin to imagine how I would like to smash that good-for-nothing perm-head to the ground!"
"Otae-san, don't hurt yourself!" warned Oryou when she saw her friend singlehandedly strangle the teacup. "Sumimasen...can we have another teacup here, please?" she called out to the waiter.
"I think the tea is too hot for the cup, it just broke on its own," Otae shyly told the waiter as she handed the pieces back to him. The waiter just nodded fearfully. He gingerly placed a new teacup on the table and shakily poured tea for Otae.
"So...why didn't you?" asked Oryou, feeling a little bit braver now that Otae seemed to be revealing something vulnerable and sacred. Otae looked at her dumbfounded.
"So why didn't you smash the yorozuya to the ground like you usually do?" Oryou repeated. She genuinely wanted to know.
Otae took a sip from her new cup. "Well, that's what was expected of me, right? I'm Otae, the strong woman, who doesn't take crap from anybody," she paused and took a sip again. "If you give her crap, she'll definitely clobber you twofold. That's how predictable she is."
She squared her shoulders as she looked at Oryou directly. "Well, I don't want to be predictable anymore. I want to break free from this tsukommi mode. So I completely did the opposite."
"You didn't do anything to him?" asked Oryou, confused. "So you just gave him a cold shoulder or something?"
"More like I had cut all ties with him," Otae said proudly. "From now on, he doesn't exist to me."
"But Otae, he's your brother's employer. You can't deny that both of you will always be connected somehow," pointed out Oryou. "I mean, is it even possible to treat someone as if he doesn't exist when your little brother brings him to your dojo every so often?"
Otae unconsciously rubbed her forehead as she heard Oryou echoed what was on her mind earlier. "I don't know. I'll find a way. I'm just so angry at what he said about me and disappointed at him. So disappointed that I wished I never met him at all."
"Otae-san..." Oryou said gently, realizing her friend's grave predicament.
"I want to forgive and forget. But this thing that happened between us has become personal. That idiot did something so profoundly hurtful that I can't bring myself to forgive him. I mean I know from the start he's mean and insulting, but to actually hear those words coming from him hit me like a ton of bricks," Otae said with a downcast look. "My pride was wounded. I felt summarily dismissed."
"Did he try to apologize at all? Perhaps, you should give him a chance to..." Oryou suggested helpfully.
"He did. But it was a lame-ass attempt at saying sorry, which only added to the pile of insults he just gave me," said Otae flatly. She seethed at remembering their conversation over lunch earlier. "Could you believe the gall of that guy, he just wanted to 'say sorry' and be done with it like I was the one who inconvenienced him. Other decent people would put maximum effort in apologizing properly. But him, he acted like I should be able to go back to normal after his apology!"
Oryou shook her head in disgust. "Men are jerks. They always think that everything can be fixed simply so they can move on. They don't care about the underlying misery and the lingering ill effects that we suffer because of their bullheaded actions. Well, it can't be helped. Most of their blood flows down their crotches instead of going to their brains."
Otae suddenly laughed at her friend's seemingly innocent statement. "Oryou, you summed it up quite nicely." Her friend snickered mischievously. "Yeah, men have crotches for brains!"
Oryou nodded in agreement. She was a bit relieved that her friend can have a little respite from the things that were bothering her. "Ne, Otae-san, why don't we do some window shopping to get your mind off things. You've been thinking too hard about your fight with Sakata-san, you need a break!"
Otae released one deep sigh and stretched her arms. Although nothing had been resolved with her talk with Oryou, she felt a little lighter and less gloomy. "That's a good idea. I'm Otae, after all. I don't take crap from anybody especially from a man who has perms and crotches for a brain! Let's go, Oryou-san."
She looked out the busy street where everything continued to be normal and ordinary. 'Yeah, I shouldn't over think things. I've made up my mind. Knowing that idiot, he wouldn't care at all. I bet he's carrying on as usual as if nothing happened," she caught herself thinking. She shook her head slightly and held it up high. 'Well then, good riddance!'
To be continued...
