I do not own anything to do with MMFD unfortunately!


"What do you mean?" he rolls his eyes and grins.

"Did fat camp suck your brain out?"

"Maybe a little"

"You know I'm no good with words" he looks shy and I have to stop myself giggling at how much he looks like a little puppy.

"I really fucking missed you" he mumbles, I almost didn't hear it.

"Finn.. I'm really sorry y'know.. For before" he puts his hand over mine.

"I'm sorry too, for not asking if you were okay, or noticing you were struggling" I shook my head.

"There's nothing you could have done, there was just a lot going on in my head and of course there was the whole college staring at me thing... That didn't help"

"Staring at you?"

"Whenever we were together everyone would just stare. Because they thought it was crazy that someone like you would go for someone like me"

"Is that what you meant when you said I'm an 11 and you're a 4?!" I nodded and he looked so angry.

"Rae you're definitely not a 4, you're not even close! You've always been off the scale to me, don't you ever think that you're not good enough!" His voice kept rising and I had to clutch his hand to calm him down, it took a moment for his words to sink in.

"I'm sorry" what more could I say? I couldn't help how I felt, I couldn't help that my 16 stone body and completely fucked up mind had led me to believe I could never be good enough for him.

He asked me to go to his tonight, like old times, and I agreed, but I'm not wearing a dress. Raemundo didn't wear dresses around the guys.

So the first thing I did when I got home, put on my old oasis shirt, and some jeans. And then I faced the mirror.

Holy Christ on a fucking bike. With bells on.

I expected to look bad or at least feel bad when I saw myself. But my lord, is this what normal girls feel like? For the first time since I started puberty, I didn't hate the girl in the mirror.

Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near skinny, but I definitely wasn't fat. There was no spare tyres, no blubber bursting over the top of my jeans. I look good.

"Fucking embarrassing how good I look some days" I grinned to myself, remembering the day I said it in front of Kester, of course it had been a lie back then.

My oasis shirt is too big. Great. Oh who the fuck cares? It held my boobs in, so it's fine!

When I got to the bottom of Finn's steps, I considered turning round and walking home again, but that backfired as the door flung open seconds later.

"Alright Rae! FINN, RAE IS HERE!" His dad shouted loud enough for people 2 miles away to know that I had arrived.

I walked inside, and heard music playing upstairs. Taking that as a sign I headed straight up there, twiddling my thumbs not sure how to approach. Do I knock? Do I just go in?

I shook my head at myself and turned the handle, and Finn had his back to me.

He's doing a little jig to Spaceman, can't believe he got me to like Babylon Zoo after I vowed to hate that song forever.

"Turn that shit off" I stand with my arms crossed and he jumps a little at my sudden appearance, blushing a little.

"Did I scare you Finley?" It felt weird using his old nickname.

"Could have gave me a fucking heart attack" he chuckled and took a gulp of beer, passing one to me.

"Still listening to shit music I see" I poke him in the ribs and he squirms.

"Still thinking you're the master of music I see" he poked me back and then stopped dead in his tracks to look at me.

I don't know why he's staring so long, do I look a twat? Have I got something on my jeans? Is it because my top looks like a tent?

I shuffle uncomfortably and he looks back up at my face.

"Sorry.. You just look..." He trails off and smiles.

"No good with words, eh?" He nods and pulls me into a hug.

Oh god I'd missed this. Just hanging out with him, hugging him, he always made me feel safe and tingly and that hadn't changed.

"I missed you Rae" he says into my shoulder.

"I missed you too" I have a grin on my face again, I need to stop smiling so much, it's not normal.

We spent a few hours just talking about anything we could think of, and then admitted how Chop, Chloe and Izzy had been pestering him to go to the pub most nights and he'd turned it down.

So straight away I got up and threw his leather jacket at him and pulled him out the door down to the pub.

Izzy saw us first, she ran over and launched herself at me, then gave Finn a hug.

"You guys are here! It's been so long! Rae we have so much to talk about. But first, you need a drink" she grabbed my hand and me and Finn smirked at each other before I grabbed his arm and pulled him with us.

"Bloody hell Raemundo returns!" Chop gives me a hug and nods at Finn.

I sit next to Izzy and Finn having a little chat about her and Chop, while Chop gets the pints in for us. He plants it down in front of me and I sigh happily.

"What's up Rae?" Chloe asks.

"I can't remember the last time I had a pint" I stroke the glass fondly and the group starts laughing.

Conversation led to college quickly, and of course that led to me.

"You have to come back Rae, it's so boring without you" Chloe rubs my hand across the table.

"Please Rae, it'll be fun" Izzy looks at me with sad puppy dog eyes.

Finn sits silently but I know he has something to say. And just like that he's pulling up his sleeve a little and begins writing.

Please.

I sigh and scratch the back of my neck.

"Does it have to be tomorrow?" I ask and the girls nod excitedly.

"Fine" I neck my pint and Chop orders 5 drinks to go.

Fucking hell. I thought I'd have more time before I had to think about going back to the hell hole. But the evil twins wouldn't allow it if I suggested it.

We all walk Chloe to her house, then Chop and Izzy wander off together, leaving me and Finn.

"Want me to walk you home?" He asks.

"How gentlemanly of you" I nudge him with my shoulder and he grins.

It's weird how things seem so normal, like we never stopped speaking.

We spent the walk talking about college and if I was ready, after talking and thinking it over I knew it was now or never, and I'm in a better state of mind, and body now.

"So I'll see you tomorrow then?" He puts his hands in his pockets.

"Chip shop at 8" I nod and he pulls me into a hug, and I can't help but smile yet again.

"See you tomorrow Finley" I shut the door behind me and giggle like a little fucking girl.

Oh shit. Clothes.

"Muuuummmm" I shout as I run to my room and mum comes barging in.

"I need help picking clothes for tomorrow!"

"Jesus Christ, Rae. I thought something had happened! I thou- what's happening tomorrow?" She puts her hands on her hips.

"College"

"Are you sure?" She drops her hands and I nod.

"Now or never" she sighs and starts pulling out coat hangers with clothes on and holds them against me, seeing what looks best.

"These" she hands me some light denim jeans.

"That" she gives me a dark blue top with 3/4 sleeves.

"And boots. Need boots" she nods and smiles. But I don't own boots.

"I don't even own boots, mum" she holds a finger up and disappears for a few seconds and I stand there awkwardly holding this flimsy top that won't hide the boulders on my chest.

She returns with some flat, black boots. Probably come to just below the knee. Maybe they wouldn't be so bad.

"Thanks mum. Did I get any more work sent to me?" She shakes her head.

"Shit, my time table, I don't know it!" She rolls her eyes and tells me to just go to the office when I get there.

"Now go to bed" she commands and slams the door. Very well. Bonding moment is clearly over.

10 hours and 18 minutes until college.

Woop de fucking doo.