Warning for language. Hope you enjoy and will let me know what you think.

Chapter Two

It had been two months since she left Port Charles. Two months since she had left everyone behind, two months of perfect moments, and her little boys were thriving under her complete attention.

Her five million dollar buyout was coming in handy. She'd invested half of it and used the rest to do what she'd always wanted, travel.

Francis gave her and the boys new identities, which granted her a new sense of freedom. She now had the ability to go wherever she wanted and not worry about the less savory people in Jason's life trying to track her down.

When they left Port Charles, they flew to different destinations throughout the US, visiting museums and anything else her boys found interesting.

After a month and a half of driving and flying everywhere, she decided she wanted something a little more stable. A day or two for each destination was exhilarating but exhausting. Her little men were full of energy and it took a lot to keep up with them, especially as her pregnancy progressed.

Their first out of country destination was to Dublin, Ireland. There were things she wanted to see and experience. The land was rich with history and a good starting point for their new lives.

Her plan had been simple, a month or two in each place and then move on, but after a week in Dublin, she moved on to Shannon and then a few days later on to Belfast. She was beginning to realize, the best laid plans were always that, but rarely did they flow into fruition.

She didn't know how, but her ass of a…she guessed ex fit, was damn well trailing her. Johnny had phoned her when Jason boarded his plane. He'd said he was unsure of where he was going, but to Elizabeth, she was sure.

The ass couldn't be bothered to show up when it counted but when she was finally free and not tethered to anything, he decided that following her was the thing to do? The ass annoyed her to no end.

It looked like she was going for the record for calling him an ass, but, damn it, he deserved it.

After an amazing day of learning about the Titanic and seeing things she didn't think many had ever had the chance to look upon, she couldn't shake the feeling that Jason was hovering closer and closer.

"Johnny, do you know why the ass known as Jason, is following me around like a lost little puppy?"

"I don't, but I think Francis might, but he isn't saying."

"Doesn't he get it, he lost his chance. I gave him every chance to have a family but now he finds out I'm pregnant again and he thinks stalking me will get him what? Johnny I killed his fucking girlfriend, I put a bullet between her eyes and well, with Maxie, that was simply a happy bonus. Now that I can't return home and have dug a deep hole for myself, I`m worthy of the great Jason Morgan`s attention?"

"Don't…wait a minute! Did you just say you are pregnant again, WITH his kid?"

"Why does it not surprise me that you didn't know? Listen, I have to go, but if you talk to that lying, no good…just tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. There isn't a single reason he needs to be around me or the boys. We'll do this like everything else in our lives, alone."

"Eliz…"

She hung up; she didn't want to hear his friends preaching his greatness. She knew Johnny and Francis were only looking out for Jason but this was her life and the lives of her children. She'd relied on Jason more times than she could count and more often than not, she was disappointed.

Handling that was no longer something she wanted to do. Her break from Port Charles was supposed to be clean.

Whether she was willing to admit it or not, she knew she'd probably always be a fool for Jason but she refused to be that woman. He had more than enough of those types of women in his life. Carly, Courtney, Sam…yeah, she wasn't going to become a stark raving loony just to keep him.

So no, the only thing she needed to do was stay away, far away from him.

Deciding that being proactive was the only way she could maintain the new life she had, she dialed Francis' number.

"Hey little bit, how are you doing?"

"I'd be doing better if your moronic employer wasn't tailing me. Francis, why is he here?"

"Elizabeth, he understands that he screwed up but-"

"No, I am sorry Francis, I get that he is your friend and boss, but I'm sorry and realizing what an ass he has turned into, isn't going to magically make this better. I had to kill two people, I had to take human life because he didn't have the balls or desire or whatever to make his bitches and whores stand down. I love you but whatever bullshit you are about to say about Jason and being misunderstood and whatnot, isn't going to fly here."

"Elizabeth, you have to understand-"

"I get it, I really do, but it doesn't change the facts. He chose those people over his own child…children and that isn't something I can forget, maybe sometime in the future I can forgive, but right now, my wrath is one of the only things keeping me going. Francis, I have to look in my children's eyes and answer the questions of 'why no daddy' and the like, when they see other fathers. What can I say to my young boys, sorry, daddy is more interested in getting his dick slobbered on than you?"

"There isn't anything I can say to make this better for you, is there?"

"No, but it is okay, we are doing okay. If you talk to your boss/friend, tell him there is no reason to be dogging us. So far he hasn't tried to make contact, but I am sure it is just a matter of time. Listen, I have to go, I don't know when I'll find the time to call again. Be well."

She wasn't sure what she expected, but Francis and his blind devotion to Jason wasn't it. No matter, there were things she needed to do and not Jason or the hounds of hell were going to stop her.

Her hurt was just as raw as it was the day she left, but her anger had simmered down, now, it was back to being a living, breathing thing.

'You can't stay angry forever!' Her mind said.

'I can and I will, until the last of the users who have done harm to me and mine, I will not let it go. I will feed the flames and nurture it until there is nothing but loathing and hate. I will do what many others couldn't. Then and only then, will we be able to move forward.'

'We, you mean?'

'Don't get snippy with me…I…myself…you know what I mean, I mean, Cam, Jake and this new baby.'

'You sure you weren't talking about Jason too?'

'I refuse to have this argument with myself, shut up.'

'You are ever so witty this morning.'

Not bothering to answer the blatant attempt to bait herself, Elizabeth made one more phone call.

"Hey Johnny, I need a huge favor. I wouldn't ask, but…"

"What do you need?"

"Want to be a babysitter for a few days, there is something I need to do and I want to surprise the boys when I get it finished." It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

"Haven't you met anyone there who could do it?"

'Why would I bother meeting anyone and forming bonds, I don't trust myself, how could I possibly trust someone new? Thanks, but I think I've been burned enough already.' She thought to herself.

"I understand this isn't really your usual line of work but I really need the help. Pretty please with sugar and cherries on top."

"You don't play fair Miss Webber. I'll be there as soon as possible, I'll call when I land, and you have to come get me."

"I can do that and thank you Johnny, you don't know what this means to me."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just a big old softy who can't say no to you."

Johnny and soft didn't really go together, but he did have an amazing heart and for that she was thankful, she only hoped he'd be able to forgive her for her deceptions when this was all over.

XxXxX

*Flashback*

The sound of shattering glass could be heard throughout the penthouse. It would seem it was his turn to become Sonny and lose his cool. His shouts of anger drew not only Francis, but Johnny into his pathetic sanctuary. Into the place he had been coming to think of as a home, with Sam.

Elizabeth was allowed to be happy, she could be with whomever she chose, but when Jason chose to go back to what he knew, to give another chance, he was looked down upon, scorned for everything he had tried to accomplish.

There was nothing fair or justice about her accusations, it wasn't right that he had to suffer.

'Who are you trying to convince, yourself or your deeper self? Either way, we aren't buying it.'

His anger was getting the best of him, he knew that, and he also knew that he was trying to ease his own conscience by shifting the blame, but he couldn't stop the anger or the words.

"She fucked up too. She's lying this all at my feet, when she is just as guilty, maybe even more so. It isn't right that I am being blamed for everything."

"Seriously?" Johnny asked.

"I asked her to go away with me, I held my hand out and she chose Lucky. She knew he didn't love her and that he was unbalanced, but she chose him. I offered her the world and she threw it in my face. She married him time and time again, when she knew he was a cheater, a liar…but she still chose him. She led me on and then ran away like the child she was. She was never really ready and she can't lie that at my feet."

"So what, you are going to shift all the blame, you are going to convince yourself that your are faultless, that you are the wounded party?"

"She kept my child from me; it wasn't until she was scared of dying that she bothered to tell me about him and then had the nerve to ask me to give up my child on the day of my father's funeral!"

"You didn't have to go along with it, you could have said no, could have worked out a plan, a schedule, but you rolled over and didn't give either of them a second thought."

"I gave them plenty of thoughts, I practically couldn't think of anything else. I gave up-"

"Jason, the only thing you have ever given up is Elizabeth and the boys. You expected Elizabeth to choose you, when you never fully chose her. If you would have told her you loved her, that you wanted a life with her, she would have stopped relying on a boy and trusted the man in you. She couldn't help but go back to Lucky, not when everything you weren't offering, was so gossamer, it was muted words and not very many of them."

"I told her I loved her!"

"When Jason, when did you tell her you loved her? Was it before Jake was born, was it before she was kidnapped, blinded, dying in the hospital? When, did you tell her, after you got back with Sam or was it before? How long did your offer stand?"

"Johnny, you don't know what you are talking about!"

"So, when Sam watched Jake being taken, did you tell the mother of your son that you loved her and would protect them or did you use danger as an excuse to push them away? Did you take it all back, or ask it to be like it never was, when Sam hired men to hold the three of them at gunpoint?"

"Francis…"

"Jason, I only have one last thing to say and then, you can do whatever you want. Did you or did you not take back your proposal when Michael was shot? Did you or did you not start up a relationship with the woman who watched your son taken and hired men to threaten them? Did you not propose to said woman and agree to the procedure for her to bear you a child? Where in that screwed up mind of yours does any of that make sense? Something else to ponder, why is it okay for your friends and 'family' to degrade and harass and belittle Elizabeth, why is all that okay? You've been a friend for a long time Jason, I've thought of you as a brother more often than not, but your anger is nothing more than a front, because you know, if you would have told everyone to fuck off and took your life back, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"That's one thing, really?"

"Fuck off Jason, you can be petulant all you like, but, your indignation is only a front, because you know, you have possibly lost the best thing to have ever been in your life."

"Fuck all of you!" Jason said, before storming into Elizabeth's house, the door banged against the wall, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

'They're right you know. You don't even recognize who you are any more, getting angry for the truth being said is pointless.'

'Who asked for your opinion any way, I don't need no damn Jiminy Cricket.'

'You sure you don't need a conscience, you've screwed up at every turn, perhaps if you had listened-'

"…"

'That's what I thought.'

XxXxX

When his mood had cooled, he made his way out of the living room and the death that had settled like a cloak over the room. Instead of anger, it was now a sense of melancholy settling deep into his heart.

He had regretted a lot over his lifetime, but nothing more than when she walked out of his life. In all their time together, they had never truly lost one another, but this time, he knew, he had, unless he could pull a miracle out of his ass.

His heart was literally breaking, remembering the pain in her voice and the emptiness in her eyes; it rocked him to his core.

In all the years he had known her, he had never seen such devastation and the fact that he was the cause of most, if not all of her heartaches, felt like an arrow to his heart.

When he walked into that home, a home that had seen its fair share of heartbreak and sorrow but also great love, laughter and joy, was now drenched in blood and other matter. His beautiful Elizabeth had been forced to defend herself, forced to take a life, because he wouldn't. 'What had he done?' He wondered to himself.

As she had said, she'd left a letter for him and other Port Charles citizens and while his men were trustworthy, he couldn't trust that they wouldn't read her most intimate thoughts, hence why only Johnny and Francis were called.

This wasn't something he could push off on to someone else as he was wont to do.

"You fucked up good boy." Francis said.

Obviously his friends weren't done with him yet. Not that he could blame them but if they didn't start watching their mouths, he was liable to kick their asses just on principle alone.

"What the hell were you thinking? She's carrying your child for a second time and you do this, what the hell?"

He could hear the disgust and recriminations in his voice, but he didn't have a good excuse. He didn't have a clue as to how he had become so morally bankrupt, it had happened, that was about all he could say.

While Johnny and Francis began the cleanup, Jason moved into the kitchen, childish yes, but he couldn't handle being in the same room with them at the moment. On the table, where his family had spent many hours, sat a group of envelopes.

He supposed he should have felt something when he saw the lifeless corpses of the two women, but all he felt was an odd sense of relief.

His letter was on the top; he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, not after everything she had said to him earlier, but he didn't really have much of a choice, it was either read or don't and he couldn't disregard her any longer, he'd done that too much.

It was a strange feeling, being scared of a letter. The paper wasn't what caused his fear to spike, but the words she was surely to have written were.

He knew he was delaying the inevitable, knew he would read the letter, probably a hundred times over, but he couldn't find the strength to break the seal. Couldn't find the strength to read words, which could quite possibly destroy what was left of him and his heart. He had made mistakes, he knew that, but would he have the chance to rectify them?

Jason,

I realize as I write this, that I have made huge mistakes in my life and it is with great despair that I say you were one of my biggest.

You were always this bigger than big dream and for so many years, I pushed you away because of my fear and feelings of unworthiness.

After my rape, I became someone I didn't even recognize; I gave over the burgeoning woman and clung to the little girl, who was at least, moderately more safe. Little girls weren't supposed to be hurt, so if I stayed in that mindset, I figured I would be protected, it was silly and foolish and learned all too soon, it wouldn't work.

I know a lot of the blame rests on my shoulders but if just once you would have used your words, if you would have given me even an idea of your feelings, perhaps we wouldn't be in this mess.

You are a good man, even if I can't see that any longer. We should have never tried to make our friendship more; I know it was a mistake, one that you obviously regret. However, I can't regret it, because it has given me not only one but two children, children who I will love with every ounce of my being and for that blessing, I say thank you.

I can say this now, and while it breaks my heart, I must speak the truth, for it will set me free. I've loved you for so long, but I have taken that love for granted. Even though I had no reason to believe it, I always thought it and your friendship would go hand in hand.

You may have loved me, but it was as a friend, it was wrong of me to try and make you feel more. I was being greedy and wanting more than I should have, more than I deserved.

With that said though, I can't forgive you, I don't know if I will ever be able to.

When you walked away from me that day in the courthouse, I knew you meant what you said and I knew you were going to do your regular noble routine and stay away, thinking that by being gone, we would be safe. What you didn't understand was that we are your strength, as you are ours, we aren't, weren't, your Achilles heel. We are not safer apart, we are, were stronger together. If you would have grabbed hold with both hands and lived for us, lived at all, you would have seen the folly of your thoughts and seen that the truth was greater than all the fears in the world.

Maybe it is because you didn't love us as we did you, maybe that was my hubris in all of this, thinking that if you only gave us a chance, you would see what a wonderful life could be had.

In many ways you see the world as black and white but you forget that there are billions of shades between. For the people you call family, you openly search for the shades in between and that speaks volumes to me, because you've always seen me as black or white, safe or not, you never tried to fit me into another place.

By your actions, you made sure to always hold me on the outside, keeping me looking in at the family you made, always at a distance until you needed something or someone you 'loved' did. I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but it is what it is.

I know I've committed great sins against you, I know I haven't always been clear in my thoughts or deeds when it came to you and for that, I will be forever sorry BUT what you have done to me, pales in comparison to what you have done to Jake and to a lesser extent to Cameron.

You came into their lives, you kinda sorta tried to be there for them and the times you were there, they fell so in love with you. They looked up at you. You being there, you gave those little boys a glimpse into what a father could be like and then you tore it all away.

Why, why would you do something like that to two of the most innocent little boys? They deserved your love and attention, even if you couldn't have given it to me, you should have given it to them.

There were ways you could have been in their life, if you would have wanted to, if you would have tried but I digress, I am going off topic.

For most of our long friendship, I heard how you couldn't forgive Robin for telling the truth about Michael, how it hurt your heart and was ultimately what ruined your relationship with her. Yet, Sam watched your son being kidnapped and you did nothing.

Why does she get free passes? Her moments of weakness are bullshit, if I would have tried that crap, if I had done something to Michael, you would have led the hunt for my head. Why does Michael and Sam mean more than me, more than Jake?

You have given those in your chosen family a free pass, they can do and say what they please and you stand there like a block of ice. You fight for their honor, for their freedom; in short you fight for them and for their happiness. I see now, we were never worth fighting for.

I hope your 'family' and those that come along will be enough. I wish you a happy life Jason, I wish those you love a happy life, even though they would not wish the same. I hope in the coming years, you don't look back on your life with regrets but if you do, remember, you made your bed, now lie in it. With what were once fond thoughts and memories, I say what we have never said. No see you later, or we'll talk soon. This is our goodbye, our final farewell.

Elizabeth…

His tears were continuous, each one hurting worse than the last.

He had expected anger and, well, he wasn't exactly sure. It was fraught with emotion but also felt hollow. Like the words were there but no emotion infused them. That isn't to say that each one didn't strike his heart, like a thousand arrows but his pain, his hurt, was like a black hole, desperately seeking to destroy, but doing so at the slowest pace possible.

Yes, he had made mistakes, great mistakes, ones he wasn't sure he could fix.

"Going to pull your head from your ass or are you going to let the users and losers win? Going to let them make you into the houseboy and their bitch all in one or will you finally see what we have known all along, that this life isn't the only way?"

It was too much, he broke down. Something he had never done before, something he had never willingly allowed. His sobs shook the very foundations of his body and soul. Like his precious girl, he wasn't sure if there was a coming back from this.

He'd fucked up, he could see that now. The only question remained, could he right his wrongs, could he restore the faith in those he loved the most? He wasn't sure, but he decided, it was time to figure it out and he'd do his damnedest to get back on the right path.

'Don't you think you need to figure out why you allowed these wrongs in the first place?' His mind asked.

When his shoulders slumped even more, his slightly burgeoning hope, took another hit.

"I'll find a way to right this Francis, I will. Somehow and some way, I will fix this or die trying." He said to his friend who was standing in the entrance to the kitchen.

"That's your problem there, you've always thought death was your gift but it isn't, if you would only look beyond the job to the man inside, you'd see that love and life were always your greatest gifts."

"…"

With much to think on, Jason slowly walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Her arms were not here to offer him solace, but her scent would be on the bedding and that was where he intended to wallow and plan.

Burrowing deeply beneath the covers, he let his mind run free and before he could question something, let alone anything, his eyes slipped closed and he finally succumbed to the best sleep he'd had in years. Even though his dreams were plagued by nightmares, he still felt more rested than he could possibly remember.

*End Flashback*

XxXxX