Thanks again to BriEva for additional, useful consultation on this chapter...
Sydney
"We're not going anywhere Sydney. Neither are you," the maddening, monotone voice said. "You're going to confess eventually. Do it now, before it gets even more unpleasant for you."
"I keep telling you I have nothing to confess," I managed to say through gritted teeth.
"You know better," the stupid voice said. "Even though you do not care about your immortal soul, you should listen to your body. You need to confess so you can get a blanket and clothing. Confess and you will be moved to a warm, comfortable room where we will help you remember what you have forgotten, the right way to live your life again. You don't have to stay here, hungry and cold.
I just stayed silent. There were times I couldn't say anything for fear of betraying the part of me that just wanted to get out. So I stayed quiet and thought about Adrian. His green, green eyes, his ready smile, the courage he showed by taking the medicine.
"It will only get harder for you, Sydney," the voice said.
It was ending for now, I knew that much. After abusing me, they reminded me that it would happen again, and again. I stayed quiet and thought of Adrian.
When I didn't respond, the voice continued, "You need to think about it some more. Think carefully Sydney. You will be colder."
I wasn't sure how I could be any colder and still be alive. I was sure, however, that they still wanted me alive. Pretty sure, anyway.
"The lights will be brighter." the voice said as the lights suddenly became extremely bright again. I flinched and put my hands in front of my eyes, cursing myself as I did it. I was flinching more often, not less
"You will feel the cold rain. Is that what you want?"
"No." I said weakly. That had been today's activity – combine the cold with rain, or mist or whatever so that I was freezing at the same time I was wet - and I had nothing to use to dry or warm myself. They hadn't gotten physical with me yet – other than to make my environment as intolerable as possible, but I was afraid that would start soon.
"Think about it, Sydney. Confess."
It was suddenly dark again. After a few minutes, I realized that I was alone in the dark, it was cold and quiet.
I had been curled up against a wall, and I briefly considered standing, when I felt something.
It didn't feel warm, or dry, or anything that I really wanted to feel. I felt a presence. I couldn't see or hear anyone, I wasn't touched, but I knew someone was there. I can't say how – it wasn't the invasion of my mind that I felt when I was found by a hostile witch once before, and I was sure I was awake when I felt it.
I drew in a breath to speak, but managed to stop myself. Would my captors mistake my words as a beginning of a confession? So I concentrated, and tried to connect to whoever was with me.
It didn't work. I could feel the connection dissolve, and knew I was alone again. It was devastating. Adrian had found me, briefly, and now someone else. Since I was wake, I thought it could only be a witch - Ms. Terwilliger, maybe?
I knew I should force myself to stand, get a little exercise and maybe a drink, but was tired of drinking ice water. I was beginning to doubt myself. I tried really hard to think of Adrian, but my mind was wandering. The voice's threats kept coming back to me – 'It will get colder. The light will be brighter.'
The voice was getting to me, but at least I could tell that I was drifting to sleep. As tired as I was, this upset me a little. Would the stupid, monotone voice dominate my dreams?
It didn't. Instead, I found myself in a room that I didn't recognize. It was a living room of sorts, bits of furniture scattered about, but nothing looked very solid.
"Adrian?" I asked as I realized this could be a spirit dream. I glanced down at myself and made sure I was dressed this time. I was, but I couldn't pull my eyes away from myself. My hands weren't blue from the cold, and though my knees were exposed, they weren't scraped and bleeding…
"Sydney?" I heard from behind me. I was startled and took a step away from the voice before turning around. I had never been a dream like this with anyone but Adrian.
I faced Sonya and drew in a breath. It was Sonya, my friend. I trusted her, but had she heard me ask for Adrian? I knew she had her suspicions about us, or maybe it was more. I knew she had seen things in my aura, if not in his. She had almost said something several times, but hadn't quite explicitly said it yet. Was she here to help me, or to criticize me?
She was smiling tentatively as she said, "Sydney. You're alive."
I nodded as she continued. "I've been looking for you, Adrian has too. Even Lissa has been helping." She looked at me uncertainly as I nodded again. I wasn't sure what to say to her, but she was talking again anyway. "Adrian is beside himself. The others don't know why he would care so much about you, but…"
"But you figured it out." I interrupted as she hesitated. So she knew. Did she really expect me to discuss it now? Was she going to give me a lecture about how wrong it was? I didn't want or need that.
"So what are you going to do?" I asked. It was probably harsher than I intended, reeducation was getting to me. "Leave me here until they 'fix' me? Report him to the queen? What?"
She cringed and shook her head. "Of course not. I'm going to help find you, and help you with anything else I can. I know what you've done for me, Sydney, what you've done for the Moroi." She lowered her head briefly, and added, "I'm not sure I agree or understand, but I know…"
I took a breath and tried to get control of myself. "OK. But I can't help you find me. I don't know where I am."
She looked up at me, a little confused. "You don't know?"
I shook my head as I said, "They don't tell us about…"
"Sydney!" Sonya gasped, as she began to fade away.
"Sonya?" I asked, moving towards her disappearing figure. Seeing her was a surprise, but I wasn't ready to let go of a familiar face. She was my friend, and she was leaving.
My disappointment only lasted a second before I saw Adrian. I was in a totally different place, though it felt familiar. It, too, didn't look very solid. Still, I wasn't paying all that much attention to our surroundings. My eyes were fixed on Adrian.
He said my name, but I had my arms around him before he had finished it. He wasn't returning my hug, though. He was looking around a little, then he asked "Were you with here someone else?"
He was worried so, I dropped my arms and nodded. "Sonya was here."
He was confused for a second, then his face softened. "I didn't know she was still looking for you. OK."
He hugged me again and I returned it. I was relieved, though I knew this wasn't going to last forever. I had no idea how long they would let me 'think about' my confession this time.
"I talked to Lissa," he was saying into the top of my head, "She'll contact Abe. Jackie's been trying too, and will try again when she has more power."
"I think she found me," I said into his chest. He had slacked his grip a little, but I wasn't ready to let go. "I felt a bit of a connection, but it didn't last very long."
He nodded. "We're coming Sydney. You just need to hold on." He forced me to let go and then pulled my head up so he could kiss me. I wasn't going to resist this, though I pressed up against him and wrapped my arms around him as best I could. I wanted to remember what this felt like.
When he finally let the kiss go and looked at me with those green eyes that melted me, he said, "Jackie did see an interstate highway sign, so we think you're in the U.S., but she didn't see the number. We'll see what Abe and Marcus can do with that."
I nodded. They were looking for me. Very smart, well connected people who could help were looking for me. That made me feel better.
"Are you holding up?" he asked.
I tried again to get control of myself and hide the extent to which reeducation was getting to me. I don't think he had seen much in his prior visit – it had been so short. "Yes. I think I'm OK, and now that the drugs are gone, I'm trying to think straight, trying to think of a way to use magic to…I don't know… get to you or whatever." I looked into his intense, concerned, beautiful eyes, and couldn't help myself. I let my defenses drop. "It's just that, it's so hard to concentrate. I don't know how long I was drugged, and anytime I'm awake, they…"
I managed to cut myself off and had to look away before I could continue. "It's hard, Adrian. I think I'm holding up OK, but it's getting harder…"
He pulled me into a hug again and whispered, "We're coming, Sydney."
As I nodded, he backed away and took a good look at me, his eyes moving from mine, down to my feet, and back up. I knew there was nothing to see from what I was wearing in the dream, and wondered if he could see my aura.
"You're cold and tired." It was a statement, not a question. "Hungry, too."
I bit my lip. I couldn't force myself to answer, and looked away after a few seconds.
"Can you use your magic to make yourself feel better until we come?" he asked.
"I don't know how," I said softly. "I can probably concentrate enough to get a fire near me, but they would see."
"You can't turn your back to them and hide it?"
I was still looking away but turned to him suddenly. I always tried to keep my back to the voice. I was usually curled up, my back to it, no matter what else was happening to me. "Adrian," I said, feeling the smile forming on my face. "I have my back to them nearly all of the time. I think could do something small enough that it would dry and warm me, but not affect or show on the floor or wall that I would be facing."
"Hot enough, but not so much that it would weaken you?" He asked. "You're pretty weak alre…"
He cut himself off, but I didn't care. He was concerned for me, I knew that. He had also helped me think of something I hadn't been able to before. This was the reason I loved him, one reason anyway. I often counted the reasons I loved him in my head when I was awake, and here he was, showing me one of them - he was strong when I was weak, he remembered things I couldn't just now.
"It's never been that hard," I said, pulling him close again, "and it's been getting easier as I've used it. I think I do it without them noticing. Thank you." I pulled him down for a kiss.
"Don't thank me yet. You're not free yet. I'll ask Jackie if there is a spell to teleport you out of there."
I laughed a little. All my Alchemist and reeducation problems were slipping away, if only briefly. "Does this escape plan have a number?"
"Twenty six," he said, hugging me tightly.
"26," I repeated and let myself fall into our normal banter. "OK, but I think a teleportation spell might be hard, so I would have to be able to go someplace safe, where I could recover. And someplace I wouldn't be arrested for indecency…"
I gasped as I cut myself off. I was freezing again.
I think I heard his fading voice say, "Sydney! We're coming…", but maybe it was my imagination.
I definitely heard the stupid monotone again.
"Good morning, Sydney. Did you sleep well?"
"I think you know the answer," I muttered. Feeling the sharp cold, the hard floor again, it wasn't hard to sound like I was losing hope. But inside, I was hopeful. I knew they were coming for me, and I had an idea of how to get warm and dry. I was going to find a time to try out Adrian's idea during this upcoming session.
Adrian's idea. The very thought made me feel better. He was still looking out for me, and they were coming for me.
"I do know the answer, Sydney," the voice said again. "And we both know the solution. Confess."
