FOUR
Immediately following their first real kiss, Sherlock grabbed John's hands and pulled them away from his face.
"John."
"What's wrong, Sherlock?"
"This might be a bit not good." He let go of John's hands and looked away.
Incredulous, John frowned. "Why?"
Silence.
"What are you thinking?"
More silence.
"Sherlock you'll have to tell me sooner or later."
Sherlock sighed. "I'm not what you want."
"I think you should let me decide that for myself, mate," John said with a chuckle.
Sherlock looked back at John. How? How could John possibly want me? He's known me for years, known every bad attitude, every insult, every half-assed attempt to act like I don't care about anyone but myself.
"I see through all of it you know."
Does he always know what I'm thinking? Why does he ever ask?
"I know you act like caring isn't an advantage, but that doesn't stop you from doing it." John raised a hand to cup Sherlock's cheek.
Sherlock closed his eyes and tilted his head into the touch.
"John, of course I care about you. That's undeniable. But I can't-"
"You can."
"No. John. I-"
"No, Sherlock, you listen to me. This is a good thing. This is a very good thing. Trust me. I want this as much as—if not more than—you do. And I know you do."
"Oh, is that so?" He opened his eyes to look at John with joking disbelief.
"Obviously." John snorted.
"Obviously." Sherlock noticed John was running his thumb over Sherlock's cheekbone. How long has he been doing that?
"So can we at least try this? I'd very much like to."
Sherlock sighed again and finally relented. "Oh, alright then."
"Good… OW!"
"John, what is it? Are you hurt- Oh, you complete arse."
John released Sherlock's cheek and held up his thumb, grinning ear to ear. "Got you."
Sherlock rolled his eyes.
"Those damn, pointy cheekbones of yours..." John's voice trailed off as he went to safely pour his own cup of juice.
Over the following days, Sherlock thought it might be wise to record his observations of their… relationship?
[DAY 1: JUNE 3rd, 2014 - 02:11 AM]
It has been 15 hours since the arrangement between John and myself was mutually confirmed. So far, nothing bad to report.
The day was normal for the most part.
We responded to Lestrade's call around 3:00 PM, assisting him at a crime scene over in Regent's Park1. I can recall being hyperaware of John watching me do my work. I glanced over at him quickly and caught him smiling as he usually does, with that dazed look in his eyes. I suppose I never gave it much notice before. Anyway, after I was finished kneeling over the corpse to examine it for any clues, John offered me his hand to help me up. It was…
Charming.
As per usual, we retrieved takeaway from the Chinese place we like. We ate our lo mein together on the couch while we watched reruns of Doctor Who. The 10th Doctor and Donna of course. She's our favorite companion. One of the few things we have in common when it comes to that show. She reminds me of John. John agrees2.
Apparently while I was absorbed in the Doctor and Donna's current adventure, I absent-mindedly reached over and held John's hand. He noticed and peeked over at me. I returned the look and shrugged, so we resumed watching telly without saying a word. I must have fallen asleep because when I finally awoke fifteen minutes ago, I found myself covered with a blanket and resting on a pillow. It was one of John's. It smells like him.
UPDATE: Still not sure why he wants to do this. I'm not good at "relationship" nonsense.
[DAY 2: JUNE 4th 2014 – 00:17 AM]
John is snoring next to me. Not in my bed. At the kitchen table.
…
He wanted to stay up to help me with an experiment, but I'm afraid he was much more tired than he thought. He fell asleep around 11:45 PM, so I returned the favor from last night and wrapped him in a blanket and carefully lifted his head to place a pillow underneath. Is that good?
In any case, it was sweet of him to try. Normally I have to beg and plead with him to help, but he offered before I could try tonight.
I almost forgot, earlier we had tea with Molly. John invited her to come round the flat, and somehow I was convinced to play Cluedo. For everyone's sake (Mrs. Hudson included, I should hate to give her a heart attack through the wall by shouting bloody murder.), I restrained myself and did not point out the numerable flaws in the godforsaken board game.
I don't think I realized until now that John could persuade me to do just about anything if he tries hard enough. How long have I felt this way about him? Strange.
Maybe it was always there and somehow it managed to be the one thing I missed in all my years as a consulting detective.
UPDATE: John will get tired of this eventually. I'm sure of it. I'll enjoy it for now, I suppose.
[DAY 3: JUNE 4TH, 2014 – 10:59 PM]
I went out early and got the milk John is always complaining about. When I returned to the flat with it, he looked at me l had sprouted another head. I heard him chuckle triumphantly when I turned around to put it in the fridge. Git.
John used it to make us blueberry pancakes. We sat together at the kitchen table, occasionally peering over our cups of tea at each other and smiling like morons. I'm still baffled that John makes me this happy with little to no effort.
While he was out making a house call, I took it upon myself to clean up the flat a bit. John uh, appreciated it quite a bit when he came home this afternoon. He kissed me again. Quite… well, quite passionately, really. I've no other word for it. The tips of his ears went pink, and if I'm being honest, I could feel my cheeks burning as well. He must have noticed because when he was finished ravishing me against the wall, he took one look at me and chuckled to himself as he went to change into pajamas.
UPDATE: I have NO words for any of this. I am completely and utterly dumbfounded. I can't believe John has made it three days. I can't believe I have made it three days. Maybe John is right.
[DAY 15: JUNE 16TH, 2014 – 11:24 PM]
Just got back from drinks with Graham — John has informed me Lestrade's first name is actually Greg. I had better change that in my phone. Again.
Anyway, John and I went for dinner at Angelo's tonight. As we were walking home we stopped in at The Museum Tavern over on Great Russell Street and ran into Gav — Greg . Shit. Well, we decided to stick around for a bit. He finally left his wife tonight. He got a bit too drunk, so I suggested we take him here. Obviously we couldn't bring him back to his own house after the whole ordeal with his wife.
John gave me a strange look. I couldn't figure out what it was, but one corner of his mouth was kind of tilted up and he shook his head a bit. Oh well.
So Greg is asleep in John's room, and although I am astounded to say it, John is asleep in mine. With me. I am also in here. I'm sitting on the floor with my back against the wall, and John is snoring (he does that a lot) under the covers. I like to watch him sleep. It's strangely peaceful.
UPDATE: Things are good.
[DAY 38: JULY 9TH, 2014 – 03:05 PM]
Has it really been over a month?
Up until today things have been going quite smoothly. However, John and I got into a pretty heated argument an hour ago. He says I've been paying too much attention to my work. I pointed out that my work is, in fact, our work. He became more and more irritated, going on to blurt out something about sex, looking very shocked at himself, and storming off to his room.
Maybe…
UPDATE:
