(For disclaimer and author/story/series notes, see the Prologue.)
0~*~0
Day 2: The Breakdown
If Sheena had known how confused and conflicted she would end up becoming because of a single wish tag she'd made, she might have thought twice about taking that route to solve all of her problems.
For a day and a half now, the Zelos Wilder from the mirror universe had been busy in Mizuho, working nonstop to do whatever was asked of him: fixing Naoko's roof and other damaged buildings, moving heavy items, and replanting fields, and those were only the tasks Sheena had seen him doing. She had helped him out the best she could, but most of her time had been spent in the fields tending to the damaged crops, and so she'd left the rest to him. The least she'd been able to do for him was make him meals, though, and so she had, picking foods she'd remembered him liking to express her gratitude. He had always been sincerely gracious and appreciative for that, and his comments never came across as the obnoxious, arrogant, 'Look at me, aren't I so great and helpful!' ones she'd grown to expect from 'her' Zelos. Sure, every now and then he'd slip in a few questionable comments, reminding her of the playful, over-the-top nonsense she expected from him, but still, compared to how the man used to act, it was barely worth mentioning.
His work ethic and devotion to fixing up Mizuho were astounding. He seemed to be tireless and was always looking for ways he could help. It turned out, too, that he hadn't been lying about being able to do carpentry work; he'd done a great job with the roof, and then with a few other smaller tasks, too, and Naoko had been delighted about being able to return home and had made sure to tell Sheena how grateful she was for his help. She wasn't the only one who'd expressed such sentiments, either; at least half of the villagers had talked to Sheena about him since his arrival, each one saying they were 'amazed' by him and surprised by how friendly and easily he spoke with them. A few even noted that 'they hoped he would stick around awhile longer.' (Granted, one of the villagers had mentioned that the other, long-haired Zelos had shown up yesterday afternoon, demanding to speak to her, but as directed, they had promptly chased him out. Sheena was just glad she hadn't had to see him herself, seeing as the previous morning had been bad enough, but she somehow didn't think that was the last they'd seen of him, much to her annoyance.)
And now it was late evening of the second day that the alternate Zelos had been in Mizuho. He had spent the entire day working again—last she'd heard, he'd been patching up a broken window in Moriko's house—and while Sheena had tried to stay up until he'd returned to her home so she could talk to him, see how he was holding up, and pass along her villagers' appreciation, it was late, she was tired from working in the fields so long, and she'd finally headed to bed, drifting into a light, restless doze. She estimated it was only an hour or two later, though, when she heard the front door click shut. Since it had already been late when she'd gone to bed, she figured it was especially too late now to try to have any kind of conversation with him, and so she decided to wait until morning and catch him before he headed off to tackle whatever was next on his agenda. Besides, he needed the rest after how hard he'd been working. And so she decided not to let him know she was awake and instead just listened as he quietly moved about the house—he really had picked up ninja stealth skills because she could barely hear him, even from the next room over—and then she heard her couch creak as he settled onto it.
She closed her eyes again, knowing she needed more sleep—after all, she'd barely slept the previous night, what with her mind racing over the day's events—but she quickly realized that, again, it looked like she was heading for another night of little sleep. The interruption, no matter how quiet he'd been, had roused her mind, and soon she found herself thinking about everything again: how late it was; how long he'd been out there working on her behalf; the entire reason why he was here; and the purpose behind Verius's decision to choose him to answer her wish tag. But mostly, she was still amazed at him and at everything he'd done here. In fact, she suspected she was just as amazed by it as her people were, not to mention immensely grateful and humbled that he was willing to help like this when this wasn't his home. It was a reminder—as if she'd needed another one—that she really hadn't known the first thing about this man and what he was capable of.
And that thought brought to mind something else Tiga had told her earlier that day, a simple, offhanded comment he'd slipped in while praising Zelos's actions in Mizuho. Tiga had asked her, in a way that made her unsure if he'd been joking or serious, if there was any way they could keep Zelos permanently. She'd had to tell him no, they couldn't, nor could they ask him to stay any longer than a week, seeing as she already felt guilty enough about taking him away from his family this long, especially with his wife due to give birth any day now. He'd then said he could tell that Zelos was chief consort in his world, based simply how he acted and the things he knew. His world's Mizuho, Tiga had said with all sincerity, was extremely lucky to have him. It was at that point that Sheena had had to admit, not only to herself but to Tiga, that yes, Zelos's Mizuho really was lucky to have him—a realization that had resulted in this confusion and turmoil within her because she had no longer been able to ignore all the emotions that accompanied it...emotions she was trying very hard not to analyze too deeply for fear of where they might take her.
Okay, Sheena, that's enough thinking for tonight, she told herself, squeezing her eyes shut. Time to fall back asleep. But again she soon found that she couldn't; her brain insisted on operating on overdrive, trying to make sense of everything that had happened and everything she had learned about him and his world. Worse, her emotions were just as chaotic as her thoughts. Even after two days of turning everything over and over in her mind, she still couldn't grasp it, and now her brain seemed determined to continue trying to make sense of the puzzle before her. After a time—maybe a half hour, maybe an hour, maybe more, maybe less—she finally gave up on the idea of sleep. With a deep, reluctant, frustrated sigh, she finally sat up, pulled on her robe, and snuck into the living room.
Her plan was to get something soothing to drink from the kitchen area, but as she passed the couch, the sight there caught her eye, and her feet slowed to a stop. Zelos was stretched out atop it, one hand resting on his chest and the other tucked behind his head, a light blanket covering him. He looked so peaceful that the sight...well, the sight took her aback and made her heart pound a little faster, conflicted emotions whirling within her. How was it that the last man in the world she'd ever expected would do this for her came to be the one here now, proving everything she'd ever known about him wrong? That unwanted thought reminded her of yet another question Tiga had asked her earlier, echoing the villagers' words to him: Why had Sheena implemented such a definitive ban on Zelos Wilder from Mizuho for so long? She'd immediately emphasized that the two men were nothing alike, and that there was no possibility this world's Zelos would ever become to Mizuho what this man was in his world, and at the time she had meant it. Ever since then, though, a nagging voice had been whispering in her head, asking if she was absolutely certain about that. Why was this man so different from 'her' Zelos Wilder? Given different circumstances, was there any possibility that 'her' Zelos could've become this man? Had she really had that much of an impact on him? So far, whenever those questions had popped up, she had soundly pushed them from her mind, refusing to consider them, but that didn't stop them from coming back time after time.
Another thing she apparently couldn't stop through sheer willpower was the feelings this man was evoking from her. She felt like...like she was being drawn to him. More than once since he'd arrived here she had found herself just staring at him as he carried on his work in the village, oblivious to her watchful eyes. It was part amazement and gratitude, sure, but more than that, it was—and she absolutely hated to admit this—attraction. She couldn't deny it anymore, not after the past two days; she was attracted to him. He was an extremely handsome, good-looking man. She'd always known that, but because of how Zelos had always acted before—like he was Martel's gift to women and like every woman should swoon over him because of how 'pretty' he was—she'd always done her best to ignore and deny that fact. But now...now, when he wasn't acting like that, when he wasn't teasing her or acting stupid every time he caught her looking at him, when he was instead being so sweet and devoted and thoughtful and helpful, when he was acting like a real husband and was giving her no reason to doubt his sincerity or his intentions, she was slowly becoming more comfortable acknowledging that she really did feel physical attraction to him. It was still embarrassing, and she hoped he never found out about that, but it was true, and she couldn't hide that fact from herself any longer.
The Zelos she was seeing here was, incredibly enough, exactly what she had always wanted. She desperately wished she could deny it—because Zelos Wilder?! Seriously?!—but she couldn't. What he was willing to do for her, because he loved her—or at least because he loved another version of her—was astounding and humbling. She was even more amazed to feel a yearning stirring within her for the family that her alternate had found, not only with Zelos, but with their daughter and their unborn child, too. The feelings were confusing and foreign and were resulting in a restless lump in her stomach; after all, not once had she ever felt desire like that when with Orochi. Orochi had been a wonderful husband, far better than she deserved, one who had been willing to do anything and everything for her, just like the man lying on her couch right now obviously was, and yet...and yet her feelings toward him were...they were...
Sheena quickly shook her head, refusing to dwell on that thought or carry it to its conclusion. She couldn't, not without breaking down from the guilt that would inevitably come with it. All of these conflicted feelings—longing, disbelief, embarrassment, humility, all of it—were annoying. Some were even scary because it was the first time she had felt them this powerfully. And yet despite the fear that accompanied the tumultuous wave surging within her, she had to admit that they were addictive, and mesmerizing, and that she wanted to hold onto them as tightly as she could and never let them go because of how human and normal and alive they made her feel. This man...he was exactly what she—and the rest of Mizuho, for that matter—wanted and needed in her life. "It goes without saying, Sheena, but if Mizuho is going to survive long enough to build a brighter future for itself, we need you to find a husband like him," Tiga had told her earlier. She'd brushed it off at the time, saying she was working on it, but deep down she knew he was right. In fact, she'd had to bite her tongue before she could say the words that had immediately come to mind at his gentle prompting: "I need to find a husband like him." After all, Zelos was kind, and he was caring, and he was giving, and he loved Mizuho, and he was...he was...
He was a man she could one day fall in love with.
Without warning, Sheena started as she realized that, without her knowledge, her legs had taken her closer to the couch, and now she was kneeling on the ground beside him, her hand inching closer to his face. She knew she was taking a chance and that she should walk away before he woke, but she couldn't; she was entranced by the sight before her. He was so beautiful...so peaceful. She ached to touch him, to run her fingers through his hair, no matter how short it now was. More than that, though, she realized, completely unnerved by the feeling, at that moment she had the strangest desire to kiss him, to lean forward and press her lips to his. But why? Gratitude, to express how much she appreciated his being here for her? Attraction, because her body was drawn to his? Curiosity, just to see how it felt to kiss someone she felt this way about? Desire, to see how her alternate felt every time he kissed her? (Oh, Jizou, this man had had sex with her; he knew and had touched every inch of her body intimately...and according to him, she'd liked it, even instigating it herself...her mind couldn't fathom that.) None of these feelings made sense—he was Zelos Wilder, she kept reminding herself, a man with whom she had nothing in common, who she despised and wanted nothing to do with—and yet he was everything, everything, she had always wanted.
"Sheena?"
It took her a moment to realize her fingers had, without her permission, lightly brushed his cheek...and, even worse, that Zelos was now awake, his blue eyes watching her curiously, narrowed in concern. Her eyes widened, she quickly retracted her hand, and she rose to her feet, the first inklings of panic inching through her. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
She braced herself for the inevitable—that he would tease her mercilessly for being drawn over to him like this, that he would flaunt how beautiful his face was and boast that no one could resist it, not even her—but instead of doing that, Zelos just yawned and waved it off. "'S okay. I always love waking to see your face."
His words briefly caught her off guard, but then she took another step backward, a blush settling on her cheeks. "I...I'll just go back to bed. Sorry."
To her alarm, though, he quickly pushed himself up, rubbing at his eyes. "No, wait, don't leave yet." He swung his legs off the edge of the couch and patted the cushion beside him, looking up at her hopefully. "Have a seat."
Sheena quickly shook her head, still rattled from having been caught staring at him. "Oh, no, no, you've been so busy the last two days...you need your beauty sleep..."
Zelos waved that off. "Eh, don't worry about me. Really. With my angel abilities, I don't need as much sleep as normal humans do. I can go nearly a week without it, if necessary. I hit my limit a few times taking care of Sophia while she was being fussy during the night so you—er, my wife—could sleep, but believe me, I'm days away from reaching that point. Right now I'm just fine, so please, have a seat. I haven't talked to you much lately, and that's unacceptable seeing as I'm here for you. Helping Mizuho is just the bonus. So if you're up now, and if I'm up now, let's talk." Still she hesitated, torn, and he grinned and motioned at her. "Besides, you look like you've got something on your mind."
Part of her wanted to run away, afraid to find out what her already conflicted, yearning thoughts and emotions might lead her to do. She didn't know how to talk to this man, not when she wasn't even sure how she felt about him anymore. But she soon discovered that the desire to be with him and find out more about him was too strong to resist, and instead she nodded and sat down on the couch, leaving a safe distance between them. "Okay."
The two sat in silence a moment, with Zelos watching her while she fidgeted, trying to figure out what she wanted to say and how much of her current turmoil to expose to him, until he gave her half a smile. "Gald for your thoughts?"
Sheena couldn't help but chuckle softly. Why bother asking? "If you know me as well as Verius said you do, then why don't you tell me what I'm thinking right now?"
His eyes narrowed as he continued observing her, but then his smile suddenly turned wicked. She hadn't seen that look in years, mostly because she hadn't seen Zelos Wilder in years, but she still remembered it well enough to know what would soon be coming: something stupid. "You're thinking what a pretty face I have and how damn lucky my wife is to get to see it all the time!"
...Just as she'd thought. Judging from how hot her face felt, it was bright red again...especially since he wasn't exactly wrong about that. That realization was mortifying, and so, as she always did whenever he made her feel uncomfortable, she smacked his arm, putting as much strength behind it as she could...which, granted, wasn't much seeing as she was still feeling grateful for everything he'd done for Mizuho so far.
"Does she really put up with that kind of stupid talk all the time without smacking you for it?" she countered, hoping to cover over her embarrassment.
But the idiot just grinned proudly. "Yes, actually, she does."
"I can't fathom why," Sheena muttered, shaking her head.
And just like that, Zelos's chuckles stopped and his eyes narrowed knowingly, in a way that made her distinctly uncomfortable again. "...Or maybe you can."
Her hand itched to smack him again, but the emotional confusion resulting from his comment, combined with her lingering confusion from all the other thoughts she was struggling with, stilled her hand. She wasn't sure what he was insinuating. Was he implying she had feelings for him? Or was it more innocent than that? His calculating, knowing expression made it hard to tell. And the truth was, despite how messed up and hard to pin down her emotions currently were, she could fathom it. Quite well, in fact, if her earlier thoughts were any indication.
"...Because she loves you," she finally whispered, her gaze falling to her hands.
He nodded, but a glance at him showed his smile was softening, no arrogance behind it. "That's how I figure it."
It was impossible. In no world would Sheena Fujibayashi fall in love with an idiot like Zelos Wilder. No way, not possible. That was what her mind kept trying to tell her. But her heart...her heart knew the truth. Her voice lowered further. "Just a few days ago I never would've believed that was possible."
He eyed her carefully. "And now?"
"Now..." Now, after only two days with this Zelos, she got it. Somehow during the past few years, this incarnation of him had grown into a man she could see being a good husband, and obviously her alternate agreed if she'd stayed with him this long. She just wasn't sure she could actually say that to him. But it seemed all her conflicted emotions had knocked down her walls tonight, and she reminded herself that he was here for her, and that he was only here a few more days and then she would never have to face him again, and that he knew her in ways only a husband knew his wife, and so maybe she should make a point to be brave and say it. Maybe...maybe he could help her figure it all out. "Now I think I'm starting to see why Verius brought you here."
Zelos nodded, but thankfully he didn't tease her about that, even though he had more than enough ammunition to use against her. He really had matured and truly did care about her, didn't he? "I can only imagine how confusing this must be for you," he said softly. "A man you hate suddenly showing up and turning out to be your husband in an alternate reality? I don't think it gets much weirder than that."
"No, probably not." His voice was so gentle, and understanding, and empathetic, and suddenly Sheena couldn't stand it anymore. Everything was bubbling over: the longing, the regret, the sadness, the pain...the despair. She could feel tears building in her eyes, and while she desperately didn't want to show them to him, she couldn't stop them. When she had made her wish two nights ago, she had been so hopeful that it would prove to be the answer to all of her problems...she'd been so hopeful it would fix her. But instead, what had she gotten? Him, someone she knew loved her, someone she had to admit she felt something for, and yet someone she could never have. "It's not fair."
"What isn't?"
"I made a single bad decision all those years ago, I walked away from you when I shouldn't have, and all of this happened." There, she'd said it, what she was really thinking. And now that she'd gotten started, she wasn't sure she could stop. She was so confused and emotional that she didn't even know if she should try to stop. And Zelos, bless his heart, just sat there quietly, letting her speak. "If it hadn't been for that, I would have a family of my own, Mizuho would be thriving, Grandpa would still be alive, Orochi would still be alive, I'd be..." She swallowed hard, barely able to breathe past the lump in her throat. "I would be happy. And instead, what do I have? My village is dying, my people are losing their identity, and I feel...I feel so alone, and lonely, and...and...hopeless. I feel like a failure. I have nothing to look forward to anymore but more of this."
"You don't know that, Sheena," he replied, his voice still soft. "There's always hope. Someday you'll find a man who loves you and who you love in return, someone who will help you rebuild Mizuho and move it forward into the future. I know you will."
His words were so pretty, so perfect, but they were too pretty and perfect, and she had long since learned that reality was never that nice to her. "I wish I could be that certain."
"You did in my world; I'm convinced you can here, too."
She shook her head. She appreciated what he was doing—really, she did—but she couldn't share in that. "But I'm not. I mean, hearing about the other 'me' and about how happy she is, and then looking at me, and everything I've done, at everything that's happened...I can't help but think that I lost it, my one chance at that happiness, simply because I walked away instead of being patient with you...with him." Her voice lowered, and she closed her eyes, the first tear breaking loose and rolling down her cheek. "It's my fault, Zelos. All of it...it's my fault."
"You don't know that, either," he replied. "I...he...may have said something different here than I did that justifiably pushed you over the edge, to the point of writing him off for good. I may not know exactly what happened here, but I do know what happened in my world. Even I can't deny I was a gigantic idiot and pain in the ass back then, so it's not outside the realm of possibility that this whole thing is actually his fault." He tilted his head. "Granted, I'm still an idiot and pain in the ass; I've just learned to control it a little better."
"I'm not so sure about that," she murmured. "After what happened with Orochi—"
Realizing what she'd just been about to say, the truth she absolutely did not want to talk about, she abruptly stopped. Zelos waited a moment, his eyes narrowing, but then he pressed, "What?" She didn't move, didn't even acknowledge that she'd heard him, and he gently touched her arm. "C'mon, Sheena, talk to me. What happened with Orochi?"
For a long moment Sheena sat silently, motionlessly, lost in indecision. Should she tell him? Could she tell him? Could she even talk about it? But after all these years of holding it all inside, of trying to hide the truth about what had happened that day, about the part she'd played in it, about all of it...maybe she needed to talk about it, to tell someone. As incredible as it seemed, she trusted this Zelos—so far he hadn't done anything to make her not trust him—and before she even realized what she was doing, the words burst out of her, accompanied by a single sob. "I killed him."
"...What?"
"Orochi...he loved me so much, and I...I killed him."
From the corner of her eye, she could see him watching her closely, blinking a few times in confusion. "You'll excuse me if I have trouble believing that."
It was too much; she couldn't keep all of this buried inside her any longer. She couldn't, not with the 'might-have-been' sitting right here beside her. "Like I said, Orochi and I weren't in the village the day it was poisoned; we were in Ozette, looking for Michi. When we got back, everyone was sick and dying...many were already dead. By the time we figured out what had happened and how to cure it, even more had died. And then while we were making the antidote, we realized we were missing tsuchite, one of the key ingredients for it."
Zelos nodded. "So were we in my world. I had to go get some."
She arched an eyebrow. "From Latheon Gorge?" He nodded, and she went on, "So did we. Orochi and I both went there looking for it. Everything was going fine...until we reached the cave where the tsuchite was growing. There was an entire family of plantixes living there, and they attacked us, and I...I got careless." She wrung her hands together, watching them intently. "One of them had snuck up behind me, but I hadn't been paying attention at the time and didn't notice it until it was too late. Orochi...Orochi saw what was happening, and he pushed me out of the way and took the blow himself. Next I knew, a plantix had stabbed him through the heart." She swallowed hard, another tear breaking loose, trying desperately not to recall the horrifying image that had been permanently branded into her memory. "It killed him instantly."
"Oh, Jizou," Zelos whispered, his eyes wide, his words a horrified gasp.
She couldn't stop to think about what she was saying; she had to keep going while she still could. "I grabbed the plant and got out of there as fast as I could, and I made it back in time to save a handful of people here, like Chief Tiga. I couldn't let Orochi's death get to me when so many people's lives were hanging on my choices. But even once I could let it get to me..." Her voice trailed off. She wasn't sure she could say this. Clearly Zelos noticed her struggle, for he gently grasped her hand, drawing her eyes back to his. He just waited patiently for her to continue...the sorrowful expression on his face breaking her heart. She couldn't believe it, but she really was going to say this, wasn't she? She forced her eyes from his in shame. "The truth is, even once I could let his death get to me, I felt nothing. I tried to feel something, to grieve him like a widow was supposed to after just losing her husband, but there was...nothing. The only thing I felt was...was relief. I thought I was just numb from it all, but the overwhelming grief was there for everyone else who'd died, and yet my own husband had just died and I felt relieved."
"And when the emotions you expected didn't come, the guilt set in," Zelos murmured, squeezing her hand tenderly.
Her eyes snapped up to his, widening. He really did know her, didn't he? She nodded and, embarrassed, looked down at her hand again, the one still covered by his, trying to ignore the physical sensations even that little contact with him ignited in her. It was wrong in so many ways to be feeling things like that while talking about her dead husband. "He loved me so much that he gave his life to protect me, and I couldn't even feel sad about his death, just relieved that I didn't have to be married to him anymore." Her voice lowered further, her vision blurred by tears. "And that's when I realized I wouldn't have done for him what he did for me. If I had seen him about to be attacked by a monster, would I have jumped in and taken his place? I don't know that I would have. In the end, my world's Zelos Wilder was absolutely right about what he said: I never loved Orochi."
"Oh, Sheena."
The tears were now falling steadily down her face, her voice broken by rumbling sobs. "I am such a horrible person. I married a man who loved me that much, even though I didn't love him, and he died because of it, because I was careless and wasn't looking out for him and his safety like a wife is supposed to look out for her husband. And now...now, even if there were a man interested in me, I can't let anyone else fall in love with me again, not the way Orochi did, when I can't be sure I'll ever feel the same way for him. I can't do that to anyone else, use him for Mizuho's sake or lead him on, thinking maybe one day I'll feel the same way for him that he does for me. I can't. Not if it means risking someone else sacrificing his life for me when I wouldn't do the same for him. I know that's messed up, and I know I'll never find someone unless I'm willing to let someone in in return, but I just...I can't. I can't go through that again. I'm so scared history will repeat itself. And that means there's no hope for me, that I'll never find someone I can love, that I'll be alone the rest of my life and no one else will help Mizuho and the village will be doomed..."
"Sheena..."
Her gazed snapped up to his, her eyes shining through the tears, and she motioned at him with her free hand. "And then you show up here, someone who's exactly what I need...who's exactly what I want. And I can...I can feel..." He watched her closely, waiting, and she swallowed again, telling herself she needed to just say it. "I can feel it, Zelos: you're someone I could fall in love with—really fall in love with. You're mature, and you're eager to help, and you're attractive, and you're sweet, and you're giving, and you're...you're exactly what I'm looking for. And it's not fair, because you're also someone I can never have. That leaves me right back where I was, with no hope, no new chances, nothing. And instead I learn that the one chance I had at real love was lost long ago and now there's no possibility to fix what went wrong. How can Verius think this would be best for me?!"
His heart was breaking; she could see it in the twisting of his face as he slid closer and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her to him tightly. "Shh," he whispered in her ear. "Everything will be okay, Sheena. I promise. This isn't your fault, and there's always hope. Always. I found you when I least expected it, when I had no hope for it, and there's no reason to believe the same won't happen for you. You didn't kill Orochi; speaking as a husband myself, it's a husband's duty to protect his wife, his family, in any situation. Orochi knew that, and he loved you the way I do; that's why he gave his life for you. How you felt for him didn't matter; if you don't think he didn't know you weren't in love with him, then you're the one who's mistaken. A man can tell if a woman loves him or not, or even if he doesn't know, he has an inkling. He may not have wanted to believe it, but trust me, deep down I'm sure he knew you only married him because you had no other choice. The fact that he died to protect you anyway tells me that even knowing you may not have reciprocated his feelings, he didn't care, and he loved you anyway, enough to give his life for you, to make sure you continued living even if he didn't. I'm sure if you could talk to him today, or even talk to my Orochi, he would tell you that he wouldn't have cared if you loved him or not. He would've done what he did regardless. What he did, taking your place, was his choice. He wanted you to live and to be happy, and so he did what he had to do to make that happen.
"And beyond that, Sheena, I know you. Even if you didn't love him, that wouldn't have stopped you from protecting him, if you'd known at the time what was going to happen to him. My Sheena would give her life for any of our people because she loves them enough to want to protect them. You were in an extreme, frantic situation, under an insane amount of stress and pressure. Your people were dying; you were desperate to create the cure; you were being attacked; you were probably exhausted and running on adrenaline. It's only natural that you wouldn't catch everything happening around you at that moment, not when there were all those plantixes attacking you; it was physical and emotional overload. I've been in that situation myself, and I had to completely shut down my emotions in order to keep going. You missed what was happening at that moment because there was no way you could've noticed it. That's just how it is. You were doing everything you could to save your people. There's no shame in that, and you have no reason to feel guilty about it, just like there's no shame or guilt in being relieved to be free of a marriage you never really wanted. Over time you might have grown to love him, but at that moment you didn't. That doesn't make you a bad person, someone incapable of love. It just makes you human."
He pulled back so he could look her in the eye, making her heart pound at the emotion she saw shining there. "Just don't ever give up hope. Ever. One day you will find a man you love as much as he loves you. Honest, you will, because you, Sheena Fujibayashi, are one of the most loving, giving women this world has ever seen. You're certainly the most loving, giving woman I've ever met. You've given me so much love, and look what it did to me. And I've seen you with our daughter, even if you haven't, how completely you love her and would do anything for her. You are more than capable of such love. You just can't be afraid to try again. You can't be afraid to let yourself fall in love. That whole thing with Orochi happened for a number of reasons, some right, some wrong, but what happened, happened. Don't let that hold you back. And when you do find what you want and need, Sheena, trust me, it's amazing, and you will find yourself happier than you ever believed yourself capable of experiencing. That's what happened to me with you, and according to Verius, it's what happened to my 'you' with me, too. You just need to keep looking."
His words...not only was she incredibly touched by them, but she was hopeful that he was right. She wanted to believe him so, so much, that there really was still hope for her to find everything she wanted and needed. And the look in his eyes, the love and affection...her heart was pounding with amazement and desire. And again, Sheena found herself wanting only to kiss him, to experience it for herself, to know what it felt like to kiss someone she loved, someone who loved her. She was losing sight of herself in the wake of the love in his blue eyes, her emotions racing, her walls down, and suddenly she couldn't help herself and she succumbed to the impulse and leaned toward him, wanting it, needing it...
...Only for him to close his eyes and turn his face away, shaking his head before her lips could reach his. "I'm sorry, Sheena," he whispered, his grasp on her loosening as he backed away a bit. "I can't. You're my wife, but you're not...I don't know if it would count as cheating, but I'd rather err on the side of caution."
The moment broke, her eyes widened, and in a flash of pure horror and clarity, she realized what she had just done: she had tried to kiss Zelos Wilder. And, not only that, but she had tried to kiss an already happily married Zelos Wilder. "Oh, Jizou," she whispered, her stomach twisting into a knot of humiliation and shame. "Oh, Jizou!" She abruptly tried to pull away from him, to run away and bury herself under a rock and hide from him until he returned to his own world, but before she could, he grabbed her arm tightly—but not painfully—and forced her to remain sitting, his eyes growing frighteningly pointed.
"Uh uh," he said. "Absolutely not. You are not running from this, sweetheart."
And now her panic was raging at full. "Zelos, I am so, so sorry. I...I didn't mean to..."
"Yes, you did," he stopped her, his voice firm but not arrogant. "Sheena, it's okay. I get it. For some reason or other, my wife fell for me, so it's kinda silly to think the same couldn't happen to you, too. I'm just..." His face softened, his eyes growing sad. "I'm not someone you can fall in love with. I won't let you. I can't hurt you like that. I truly am sorry...I wish I was. I know right now you feel horrified and angry at yourself, wondering what possessed you to do that, but don't, okay? You wanted to know what it felt like to kiss someone who loves you and who you feel you could love in return. Am I right?" Sheena nodded, her face so hot that she was surprised it hadn't ignited in flames, and again she wanted nothing more than to run away, but Zelos—damn him—still wouldn't let her go. "It's only natural to be curious about that. And if I wasn't in the position I am, I wouldn't have stopped you. You know that, right?" His eyebrows rose questioningly, the intensity in his gaze forcing her to hold it, and she nodded. "I'm not upset. Really, I'm not. You have no idea how much I wish I could. I mean, you're her, Sheena. Everything I love about her, I see in you. You're different, because you've experienced way too many godawful things that she didn't, but time and circumstances haven't changed who you are. Deep down, in all the ways that really matter, you are the woman I love."
Sheena squeezed her eyes shut as more tears built in them, and she turned her head away, unable to see him like that, so forgiving and understanding and concerned about her and telling her he loved her...it hurt too much, made her chest ache unbearably. And then next she knew, he was wrapping his arms around her again and drawing her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "It isn't fair," she whispered into his shirt, knowing she was getting it damp with her tears, but thankfully he didn't seem to care. She hated showing so much weakness in front of him, but the emotions simply wouldn't let her stop.
"I know," he whispered, the warmth of his breath in her ear sending a shiver down her spine. "And you're right, it isn't. I'm still not sure what Verius was thinking, how he thought this was the best solution, by sending you someone you can't have. But I promise you, Sheena, it'll be all right. I'll make it be all right. I'm going to do everything I can to help you fix the problem. Just don't shut me out, okay? I know you're going to feel uncomfortable around me for awhile because of this, but please, don't hide from me. Like I said, I'm not upset, and I don't think any less of you now than I did before. You have no idea how glad I am that you told me all of this. I get it now, why you resorted to the wish tag to try to change your situation. I know asking for help like that couldn't have been easy for you. And thank you for trusting me enough to share what happened with Orochi and how all of this has made you feel. I promise, I won't do anything to make you regret it."
His voice was so warm, so gentle, and so certain that Sheena could only nod, unable to say any more and unwilling to try formulating any more coherent, non-humiliating thoughts, and instead she just let herself believe him and try to summon a bit more hope, sinking into his embrace and breathing in his masculine scent and accepting the comfort he offered her as she let herself cry. Silence settled upon them then for an indeterminable amount of time, broken only by her occasional sniffles, and eventually, lulled by the rhythmic beating of his heart beneath her fingertips, Sheena felt her eyelids grow heavy, and soon after that she was asleep.
When she awoke in the morning, she was lying in her own bed, the light streaming in through her windows indicating it was long past dawn. For a moment, she was confused—how had she gotten into bed? Had Zelos brought her here?—but then, in an instant, the events from the previous night came rushing back to her, including her embarrassing emotional breakdown in his arms, and with it came all of the accompanying guilt. Oh, Jizou, she had tried to kiss a happily married man. She curled herself into a ball, her stomach churning sickly, and pulled the blanket tighter around her, burying herself beneath it. What had she done? How could she ever face him again? How would her pride ever recover? Maybe she should just stay in bed the rest of the day and hide from him here, tell him she didn't feel well so she didn't have to face him—or her actions—until after he'd gone back home, but she had a sinking feeling he knew she'd be lying. Then...she'd stay in bed just a bit longer to gather her courage before getting up and attempting to look him in the eye again.
After a few minutes, though, she realized that her house was unnaturally quiet, and she lowered the blanket from her face, peering out at her room again. Was he still here? Was he asleep? Had he headed out into Mizuho to see how else he could help her people? Had he...had he become too uncomfortable being anywhere near her and left? The last one worried her the most; she didn't think he would just leave, based on what he'd said last night after she'd...well, after the incident that she didn't want to think about, but she had no way of knowing. Or at least she had no way of knowing until she got up and looked around. And so to that end, she took a deep breath, steeling her nerves, and then slowly got up and slipped into her usual clothes.
Still not hearing any movement in her home, she tentatively called out, "Zelos? Are you there?"
The only response was more silence.
While she was relieved that she didn't have to face him yet, her concern also rose a notch. Had he left? Had she chased him away? Not sure what to think, she stepped into her living area. He wasn't on the couch, he wasn't in her bathroom, he wasn't in the storage room...she told herself not to panic, because he could be elsewhere in Mizuho, but even that couldn't shake the unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach. And then she saw it: a note on top of her table with her name on it. She quickly walked over to it, picked it up, unfolded it, and took a deep breath before reminding herself to be brave and just read it before she jumped to too many conclusions.
*~0~*
Sheena,
Went to Meltokio to take care of some business. I'll be back in a little while.
(And just remember, no hiding from me, okay? I know all your top secret hiding spots so I will find you.)
~Zelos
*~0~*
Oh, thank Jizou. He hadn't left for good. Sheena relaxed a bit. But what did he mean, 'business'? Should she be concerned about that? Well, whatever it was, she would find out when he got back. Now that she could stop worrying about that, she could finally get to work. Heaven knew there was plenty to do in Mizuho until he returned.
0~*~0
(Continued in Day 3: The Other Side)
