(A/N: Originally this was going to be one chapter, but I felt the layered exposition coming from Turbo and [REDACTED] would make "Fools and Kings" too much to handle; therefore it became a two-parter. Hopefully you're starting to see the plot begin to unfold...and maybe even some of the possible nightmare-fuel. And more than likely you've figured out that *SPOILER* Ralph's mouth is responsible for Vanellope's lovely onslaught of language in chapters two and three.

On a side note, I mya edit the nightmare-fuel scenes for this site and its specifications because AO3 will allow someof the things I want to put in for effect in. FFN will not due to trigger-sensitive nature witch will definitely include rape, gore and language, and will probably include disturbing images. That is all.)

Torvald pulled Rancis' hat off her head and sighed, being Rancis Fluggerbutter's stand-in was hard! Who knew actually being on the Roster would be so draining?!

"At least you raced," Sticky snorted. Torvald whipped around to face her pallet-sister and grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'I bet Citrusella is having a Cow-Tail right now...' "Don't look so surprised to see me, someone was bound to watch you race. I was in the 'Assorted Fans' box."

"P'rolly in the 'with nuts' section...," Torvald pulled Rancis' clothes off piece-by-piece, trying not to flash Sticky.

"At least I wasn't sulking, like Citrusella, or watching from afar like Nougetsia. I had the common courtesy to come and actually, in person, watch you. You're frickin' welcome!" Irritated with her friend's response to her kindness, Sticky turned away, ready to walk back to Marshmallowy Meadows when she felt someone snag her shoulder. She glanced back over her shoulder at Torvald, who was hanging on to her for dear life.

"I'm sorry...," Torvald barked out, "It's a lot harder than I thought, and Rancis' car doesn't handle like Standard-3 does."

"I would assume," Sticky nodded in agreement, "You kept flying off the track whenever you turned. It has terrible handling. And the drift is awful."

"Plus," a smile split Torvald's face, bright as a Lemon Head, "it just takes off too fast for my liking."

"Yeah, I would be nervous too if my car shot off the start line like a bullet." The two girls hooked arms as they sat down on the marble-cake racetrack. There was a long stretch of silence as they watched cotton candy clouds float by in the shapes of small animals and the other racers. After a while, Sticky turned to look at her pallet-sister, concern in her eyes. "Was it fun?"

"Loads!" Torvald's answer was without hesitation, chipper and truthful. "I mean, yeah, I've always dreamed of this and, sure, I came in last every time; but it was so cool to be on screen and it was even cooler to see the track just fly by! It was like I've always dreamed it only on a sugar rush!" She giggled giddily, flinging her arms out wide and falling back on the moist cake surface.

"That cool, huh?" Sticky had to try her hardest not lo sound sad; she was happy for Torvald, and insanely jealous at the same time.

"Mmhmm..."

Sticky stared at a particularly pink cloud that looked like a gummy bear and frowned, "We should talk to Vanellope about getting us on the Roster. Technically we qualify!"

Torvald shot upright, completely serious, "Yeah! We should totally talk to the president about this! We deserve to be on the Roster as much as any of the other racers do!"

"We should do it now!" Torvald nodded in affirmation and stood up with a "SPROING"ing noise. "C'mon Sticky! Let's go! I've got to drop off Rancis' cart anyway, so two chocolate birds with one piece of rock candy!" The two of them hopped in their carts and sped off to the castle, hopes high.

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Ralph trudged beside Felix and Calhoun as the walked through Game Central Station, passing Program after Program on their daily pilgrimage to Sugar Rush. Mario had skipped ahead of them to begin his work on Turbo's Code, leaving the three of them to their own devices for a little while; at least, until they reached their destination. Then they would be back in "serious mode", ready for any shenanigans Turbo had planned.

Ralph's eyes were downcast as he walked, worriedly thinking about Turbo. What happened to him?! Where's the Turbo who loved to go get shit-faced at Tapper's? Who loved to play practical jokes on Throttle and Torque? Who knew all the dirtiest jokes and the juiciest gossip about the latest Power Play couples? Who knew the value of just watching the pixillated clouds pass by in the #3BB9 sky? Who never once rebuffed my attention...or my affections? Where is that Turbo?

"So I heard Lara Croft is getting jiggy with M. Bison recently!"

"So, 'parrently M. Bison is gonna' fight as the reignin' champion for the Arcade Open this weekend."

"Oh really? Why is he interested in her anyway?"

"Uh-huh? So he's still winning that?"

"It's her boobs. Those gazoongas have the ability to make anyone go gaga for her. Plus, have you seen her carriage lately?"

"Not really. They usually have'im in an honorary position. Kinda' like th' way Tapper monitors all of the bi-annual food-related contests."

"Fair point. Lara Croft does work that curvaceous figure perfectly. She has most of the arcade under her spell. Short of you, that is."

"Oh...hey! Isn't Vanellope's Open-Invitational Grand Prix this weekend? Doesn't that conflict with the whole 'Turbo' issue?"

"Did you just call me short?! I am not short! You're just freakishly tall, ya big galoot!"

"Ralph, what'dya think? Raaalppph? Anyone home?" Felix tapped the side of Ralph's head, jolting him out if his reverie. The large man's fist almost connected with the handyman's chest, but stopped mere inches away by force of sheer willpower.

"What Felix? What was so damn important that you had to scare the piss outta me?!" Teeth clenched shut as he growled, entire body a coiled spring, ready to release tension and unleash devastating force on the nearest unsuspecting passerby.

Felix coloured a deep scarlet and tugged the brim of his cap over his eyes, "Golly...didn't mean to scare ya'. Just wanted to know if you thought Turbo would conflict with th' Open-Invite Grand Prix in Sugar Rush this weekend?"

Ralph calmed down like he had been taught to by Mr. Wiggles, deep breaths in and out until the red haze in his head faded and thinned. His mind was more collected, more focused, and he realised he was acting out. Shamefully, he bowed his head at Felix and Calhoun, "Sorry. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. It was wrong."

"Apology accepted?" Felix was confused but, being the genial person he was, he accepted the apology regardless. Smiling, he prompted, "and the Grand Prix?"

"Oh! Um...," Ralph rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "I think she's gonna continue as planned, regardless of Turbo, 'cause it'll be a good distraction. She should be able to keep his influence out of the Prix. Besides, President Poopyface knows what she's doing, nine years old or not. I have faith in her."

Satisfied with his answer, Felix grabbed his girlfriend's hand and crossed the threshold into the transit for Sugar Rush. Ralph attempted to follow, only to be stopped by Surge Protector.

"Hold up! Random security check." Surge held up a hand to halt Ralph in his tracks, eyes on his clipboard.

"Aww! C'mon Surge! You and I both know this is about as random as the graffiti in the transit tunnels! Do we have to do this every time I cross the threshold into some other Game?"

"Name?" Surge Protector was apathetic to his cries of outrage, cooly looking down at his checklist.

"Wreck-It Ralph," the giant groaned loudly as Calhoun snickered at him.

"Coming from?" He tried to ignore the blatant sense of joy stopping Ralph who, although a Bad Guy, was a real teddy bear beneath the six-hundred-something pounds of muscle and anger issues.

"Fix-It Felix Jr.. I'm heading to Sugar Rush, so you don't ask me, and I want you to go die in Pitfall or get eaten by a Cy-bug in Hero's Duty."

Surge Protector stifled his disappointment, "Okay, duly noted. Next time, however, please refrain from answering questions I haven't asked yet." With a flicker, he shot into the floor and darted off to question someone over by the DDR plug who was carrying what suspiciously looked like a poison mushroom, three 1-UPs, and an invincibility star.

Ralph stomped his way into the Sugar Rush transit tunnel and lightly tapped Calhoun upside the head. "Don't laugh. He does this every time I pass through the Station."

Unperturbed by his—violent, although less so than normal—whack upside the head, Calhoun shot him a terrifying grin. "That's why it's funny. It's completely obvious he loves you!"

Oh sweet Edison, Ralph thought as he entered his friend's Game, let that not be true.

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Felix tried, oh he tried so hard not to be jealous but...the way she laughed when he talked to her. The smile on her face. The sweet items of affection he bestowed upon her. All of his mannerisms when he was around her just pissed him off.

Now he felt guilty for thinking cuss words.

Well, he just couldn't help it. That gol-darned plumber!

Mario was currently flirting with his girlfriend and she was reciprocating. Reciprocating!

Ohh...there is gonna' be Void t'pay!

"So I was-a looking into the Code and I noticed that-a there is an increase in the corrupted files and I think-a that it may be fighting back every time I use the booster." Mario shuffled back and forth as he explained the dilemma to Calhoun as Felix swallowed a deep, dirty lump in his throat.

"And you can't just not use the booster," Calhoun supplemented.

"Exactly! So, since you seem-a to have a grasp on basic Coding, would you accompany me to the Code Room?" Mario proffered his gloved hand to hers, the honeyglows covering his cheeks and round proboscis.

Calhoun took him up on his offer, allowing the plumber to lead her out of the Throne Room with an air of elegance. Felix silently cursed.

"Lose something?" Vanellope's cheeky voice intruded upon his glowering.

"M'lady..."

"No y'didn't!" Vanellope swung her legs from her seat on the throne, smiling at Felix like there was nothing wrong.

"What do y'mean 'No y'didn't!'?" Felix threw his hands down in frustration, pointing angrily at the hallway to the Code Room, "She just left with a mushroom-munchin' Italian meatball!"

"No, she left with Mario!" Vanellope'a voice was heavily laden with sarcasm, eyes rolling at Felix's thickheadedness. "She loves you ya' pint-sized dolt!"

Pint-sized...funny comin' from someone my size..., as hard as Felix didn't want to, he found himself continuing to worry about Calhoun and Mario. Even the blatant irony in her statement did nothing to subdue the worried butterflies flitting around in his gut. He swallowed heavily and continued to pace under Vanellope's bemused observation. She hung over the throne while he almost walked a rut into the floor, worrying so hard.

Suddenly a loud 'BANG'ing noise rang from by the Code Room and Mario came flying out of the hallway like a plugin out of Void. He squealed like a stuck pig as rapid plasma-fire chased him across the Throne Room. "No! I didn't—"

"You get back here you little runt!" Calhoun's voice, ice-cold and blade-sharp, cut through the commotion as she emerged from the hallway as well. Her pistol in hand, she was firing at Mario with a vigour Felix had only seen in her during Gameplay. Her pretty features were twisted in a snarl, but Felix still thought she looked gorgeous.

"I'm-a trying to say that I am-a sorry!" Mario howled as he was grazed by a plasma bolt.

"And you think a simple 'sorry' will get you out if this?! You kissed me! On the lips!" Felix was suddenly filled with a sick sense of satisfaction when he heard that; she didn't like him! What a relief!

"But I thought you were-a interested," the plumber justified.

"Well you were wrong. I have a boyfriend if you haven't noticed! I have standards, you miniature polygamist! And don't you have Peach?! Bet she's gonna be pleased as punch to hear this!" Calhoun had holstered her weapon and snagged Mario by the straps of his overalls. "Won't she??"

"P-please! Please don't hurt me!" Mario whimpered, tears and snot dribbling down his chin in an undignified manner. He looked a bit like Gene, whenever he got completely plastered and rejected by one of the Niceland women; especially if it was Mary.

"I'm not gonna' hurt ya'," Calhoun's tone was quiet and metered, danger lurking behind each syllable. "I'm going to let Peach have that honour."

"NO! Don't tell Peach! Please! She'll murder me and I don't-a want to be-a murdered!" Mario flailed in her arms wildly, trying to get free as she hoisted him up.

Felix had seen enough. He felt the plumber had had enough—and he had proof that she truly loved him, and him alone. "I think he's had enough Tammy. Put'im down."

Calhoun's expression softened slightly, as did her grip on the poor protagonist. He wriggled free and scuttled over to the far end of the Throne Room to cower behind Vanellope. She shoved him off with a look of disgust and glitched away.

"He," Calhoun pointed a sharp and accusing finger at Mario, "Kissed. Me."

"An' he's been scared half outta his wit 'cause of it! Let him be, Tammy." Felix wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed tight, the honeyglows brightening his face.

Calhoun sputtered, face contorting before she finally gave in. "Fine," she spat, "But don't expect me to like him after this."

"I wouldn't dare." Felix turned to face Mario and scowled, an expression not-too-common on the handyman's face. "Now see here, mister! That is my girlfriend you kissed an' that ain't gonna' fly! You're gonna' go over there and 'plogise t'her an' then you're gonna' 'pologise to Vanellope for distruptin' her sugar-coated peace. Right now."

The Italian gulped, almost comically, and slowly walked over to Calhoun, "Um...miss-a Calhoun?"

"Yes?" The word was a hiss, pushed from between gritted teeth and coupled with a dark glare that would kill if it could.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't-a have kissed you. I knew about mister-a Felix and I am...I am unhappy with Peach. It's my personal life and I shouldn't let it effect-a my work! Please forgive-a me..." Penitence emanated from Mario's very being and, much to her own surprise, Calhoun nodded.

"You're forgiven. But," she warned, "if you do that again, I will pull your entrails out of your anus and leave your hanged carcass in the middle of House of the Dead 4 for the zombies to snack on; got it?" Mario nodded fervently and she backed off to stand at Felix's side.

The plumber turned to the president and bowed his head. "President-a Vanellope? I...uh...I am sorry for disturbing the peace here. It is wrong of-a me, as your guest, to cause-a such chaos."

Vanellope snorted, once again hanging upside-down from her throne. "Pshaw, no prob' little man! 'Sides, I think you're more valuable to us alive than dead. Plus," she leaned in and grinned mischievously at Mario, "Calhoun's reaction was priceless!"

Mario blushed heavily and stuck his hands in his pockets. Suddenly Felix was reminded of the plumber's younger brother, Luigi. That reminded him of his counterpart, and adoptive brother, Ralph. "Hey y'all, where's Ralph?"

Vanellope shrugged, "'Dunno...he took the booster and ran off faster than you could say 'great gushing Gobstoppers'. Must've wanted to see Turbo." The distaste the president held for her prisoner was evident, on top of a big case of the heebie-jeebies.

"What is he-a doing down there?!" Mario wondered aloud.

"That," Felix stated with a smile on his face, "is his business, not ours.

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Ralph was shouting now, face a vermillion hue, "Why won't you tell me anything?! I was your friend Turbo!"

"Because, dear oaf, I wasn't ever your friend, just the object of your latent homosexual fantasies." Turbo taunted Ralph from the ceiling, his narrow face looking positively smug.

"GRAAAARGH! Why—I'll show you latent homosexual fantasies, you little—!" Ralph screamed, successfully not breaking a single thing in the cell. "What happened to you, Turbo? Why—what—why would you do those things?"

Turbo smirked, "Your halitosis rotted the goodness right out of my heart."

Ralph screamed again and left the cell, slamming the door shut as gently as he could—despite the massive contradiction. "What the fuck is his issue?!"

"Fool Candy." A voice said from the shadows, startling Ralph.

"What?" Ralph looked for the suspect and found no one. "Who was that?"

"Me." Ralph's attention was caught by Sour Bill as he walked into the light.

"Sour Bill?! You?" Ralph was speechless, the hard candy hated him after the whole "licks to get to your centre" thing. Why would he be mysteriously hiding in the shadows, telling Ralph weird things.

"He was Fool Candy before he was King Candy," the droll NPC repeated, clarifying things for Ralph. "Ask him about that. He can't not talk about that."

Ralph stopped, eyebrows furrowing, "Whaddya mean 'he can't not talk about that'?! Has he been holding out on me?"

"Mmmyeah...," Sour Bill nodded and then shook his head, "and no...I'm not sure if he really can't tell you what's up. He would babble on or sing the Void's Lullaby and then break off to say something, only to dissolve into a tangent whenever he hit the topic of what was wrong with him..."

This was new information to Ralph, and useful information at that. "Thank you?" The candy man nodded at him and scurried off, little green feet clacking against the floor. Ralph turned back to face his ex-friend's cell with a frown set grimly on his face. "Alright," he whispered to himself, "no time to be soft. Don't lose your temper either, just don't give in to his taunts. No matter what he says, get that information out of him. Okay." He sighed and steeled himself for the torment he was about to endure.

"What'cha doin'?" Vanellope's sudden appearance didn't startle Ralph in the slightest. In fact, he was becoming quite used to her coming-and-going via glitch. "Y'look tenser than normal."

Ralph pushed down the feeling of dread bubbling in his stomach, "Do you...do you know of someone named 'Fool Candy'?"

Vanellope blinked in surprise and then shook her head, "Can't say that I do. Sounds familiar, but I can't place it; why?"

"Just something Sour Bill said..." The Bad Guy looked at Turbo's door and grimaced, "I've got to figure out what's up with him!"

"So ask!" Vanellope suggested chipperly.

"That's just it! Turbo won't tell me anything!" He swung his arms around in exasperation, "If I could get him to talk, I would. That's why," he frowned as he stared intently at Turbo's door, "I'm going to mention Fool Candy. Something tells me that that should get some information from him."

"Why'dya think that?" Hazel eyes met brown as Vanellope cheekily smirked at her "royal chump".

"Because Sour Bill said that, before Turbo masqueraded around as King Candy, he was called Fool Candy." Vanellope stared.

"No way. No," she shook her head violently, "there is no way that...that thing was ever accepted in this Game." Yet, contrary to her statement—however adamant it was—she could not shake the feeling of knowing that name. ...Fool... Snorting, she rolled her eyes at Ralph, "Pfft, fool Candy? What a dweeb!"

"No," Ralph corrected gently, masking his own insecurities with a soft smile at her wordplay, "Fool as in a court jester. They were meant to make merry and—"

"I know what a jester is; sheesh!" Vanellope's whole avatar flickered blue as she was accosted by a wave of senses.

A man in a brightly coloured coat dances, a smile on his face. "Look Vanilla Bean! I'm a Jelly Belly!"

A smile, lighting up a man's face as he stares at the castle in awe. "This is your home?!"

Yellow teeth and eyes gritted and glaring at her, "Lay off! I don't want to be bothered..."

Screams, a name, and tears blurring her sight as she stares at the wreckage of a red-and-white frosted kart.

Bits and baubles tickling her face as she squirms. A man in a purple and cream outfit laughing raucously. "P-please st-stopppppp!"

"Are you a hobo?"

"I'm not a hobo!"

"Why are your teeth so freakishly yellow?"

"The fu—why are you so freakishly annoying?!"

An upside-down grin at a man with a bulbous nose as he tries to scale a caramel corn cliffside.

"Vanilla Bean...when can I race?" Sad looks, pleading, a heavy weight settles in her gut, guilt and pain. "Never."

"C-can I come?" Ralph doesn't have to look at her to know something is up, he just gestures her towards the door.

"Fleas before beauty."

Vanellope doesn't even crack a smile, too intently focused on her task at hand: finding out just what the Void is going on with Turbo and, subsequently figuring out who Fool Candy is. She pushed the door open and crossed the threshold into Turbo's cell.

No turning back now.