Chapter 15
I know it has been a very long time since I last wrote. And I know I broke my promise about writing a chapter around Christmas time. It's spring now. I didn't write because I have been really busy with school, friends, family, and even acquaintances. I bet I could write a whole novel, listing my excuses and everything I've been going through. I never stopped writing while I was on hiatus. In fact, I think I started to write and read more. I stepped out of my comfort zone in that area and I'm really glad I did. I see things differently and from a new perspective. I doubt anyone's reading this, but if you are, sorry to keep you from the story.
One more important thing is that since I started writing more, my writing has also changed. I'm not sure if it changed drastically or not, but either way, it changed. I'm in that stage where small feelings seem like thunderstorms pounding in my brain and in my heart. It's kind of sucking. I'll stop the note now and just get on with the story.
Enjoy.
Our demons never leave. They lurk in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Sometimes we mistake our demons for our friends. Or the other way around. But maybe, just, maybe, our demons are the things that show us that we are alive. That fear that will course through you're your veins shows you that you are alive. Not just breathing, but alive.
My situation is a little different. Enjolras wasn't my demon. I was my demon.
I'm still the naïve girl I was before, just with a little more scars. I realized the four weeks I was with Azelma, away for Enjolras, that I had been selfish. How was I to expect Marius to respond the way I wished of him to. He wasn't a mind reader. It was wrong of me to judge his meanings all behind one action. That was impeccably stupid of me.
But I was over that. The thing truly bothered me was the feeling of depression, putting me on the verge of breakdown. I had kept a strong face for Azelma. I smiled when I was needed to. We had found jobs together. Worked together. Loved each other. Became the family that we each needed. But somehow, I still found a way to think negatively and fell into extreme depression. Zelma never noticed this because I when I was around her and other people, those feelings just seemed to vanish. But I knew that it was temporary. Soon after that came the darkness, filled with sorrow and loneliness. My demons clawed at me, poking a stick at my happiness. I felt so alone. I would lay in my bed, waiting for Zelma to fall asleep so she didn't hear my soft cries. And the next morning was just the same procedure.
And as I ran away from the man I loved, I realized that I was stupid to not have guessed why I felt so depressed. There was a spot in my heart that I thought I could live without getting filled, but I can't.
I needed him. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like I was worth saving. And I ran away. Again. I have ran away so many times that it came out of habit. What a terrible habit to have. I ran away from him, thinking I was doing more good than bad. I realized then as I slowed my steps, letting the marble catch up to me, that I needed to stop running.
I felt Enjolras approach me, yet still being considerate about how close he was. We were both tense. I slowly turned around and met gradually lifted my head up to see the normally strong eyes of my marble man. Only they weren't strong at the moment. His eyes were filled with worry, concern, confusion, fright, and most of all, sadness. It was the type of sadness that you only shared with a loved one who you regret losing.
Slowly, he lifted his hand with carefulness, seeming not too sure of his actions. His hand finally touched my face, trembling, stroking the cheeks that I now noticed were covered in tears. His fingers wiped away the tears, shaking slightly. He seemed just in much disbelief as I was.
Enjolras broke the silence, "Why?" His voice came out husky, yet slightly shaky.
"It wasn't you. It was me and the monsters inside me. I was stupid and didn't realize what I had. I had you and I ran away from that. I made a big deal over a little disappointment that I should have seen coming with Marius. I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am. I have had some…no, a lot of time to think. I need you Enjolras. You understood my feelings. And-"
"Eponine. You shouldn't need to go any further. While you were away, I realized that I truly cared for you, in a way I had never felt. Eponine, I need you too."
I smiled brightly against the tears. He continued to wipe my tears away. In that moment, I didn't care about the carriage awaiting me to transport me far from Paris. Away from everything. My focused remained on Enjolras, and the way he held and touched me like I was a piece of delicate china.
Enjolras all of a sudden pulled me into his chest, and I wept my tears away into his shirt. I'm still not too sure if they were tears of happiness or sadness. But in that moment, all I could think about was him, and how much I had missed my marble man.
Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Cut me some slack. Its around midnight and on a school night when I wrote all of this.
All characters belong to Victor Hugo.
-Catherinelol01
