Cain eyed the serpentine machine for a moment and then a thought occurred to him.

"You maintain the ship, eh?" he said. "Then maybe you can help me escape from this place."

"Doubtful," said Gypsy. "Joel has tried many times with no success."

"Ah, but I'm not Joel, am I?" said Cain, with a wicked grin. "My name is Cain, a friend of Joel's, and I have a plan."

"It's my job to make sure this satellite runs smoothly and I won't have anyone toying around with-" Gypsy protested, but Cain cut her off.

"Madame, please. You cut me to the quick. I do not toy with anything. Why, I'll have you know that I am highly proficient with mechanical doohickeys. With the right parts and adjustments I think I can have us all rescued in a matter of minutes. Wouldn't you like that? Being rescued? Wouldn't Joel be happy with you if you helped me get you all back to Earth?"

"Weeelll, I suppose it never hurts to try," said Gypsy. "Fine, I'll assist you however I can, but watch your step, mister. No funny business."

"Cross my heart," said Cain, making the appropriate gesture.

"What exactly do you need my help with?" asked Gypsy.

"Well, the first thing I need is to know if there is any other way of communicating with those scientists," said Cain.

"They're not in right now," said Gypsy.

"I know that," said Cain. "I just need a way to transmit a message. Any way at all."

"Well there's the Hexfield," she said, indicating with her head the hexagonal hole in the wall that had at first appeared to be a window. "It only receives incoming messages, though."

"Hmm, For now," said Cain, looking at the device. "I don't suppose there's anything on this ship that would pass for a solar amplifier verberator is there?" he asked Gypsy.

"Say what?" she answered.

"Like something that could beam out a signal," said Cain.

"There's a satellite dish on the exterior hull of the ship that I don't think serves any functional purpose," said Gypsy.

"Okay, there ya go," said Cain. He had no real idea what he was talking about, but as a storyteller he knew that sometimes simply saying words out loud was enough to get the creative juices flowing in order to achieve great things.

"Sooo, what, you want me to try to rewire it so that it'll send outgoing transmissions and then patch it to the Hexfield?" asked Gypsy.

"Yes! Good! Exactly," said Cain. "You catch on quick, Jenny."

"It's Gypsy," said Gypsy. "And without coordinates to send a message to, it won't matter how the dish is wired. Do you know who or where you're calling?"

"Yes, I do," said Cain. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a slip of paper.

"Me and my, uh, assistant were on our way to a space club before we ended up here. I wrote the coordinates of it down in order to give to our driver, but then things... well, anyway, if I can contact this place I can have them send a space taxi 'round here to get all of us."

"Hmm, I guess I'll give it a shot," said Gypsy. "Just let me head down to systems and see what I can do."

"Attagirl," said Cain. "It's so nice working with someone who's competent, efficient, and subordinate for once."

Gypsy slithered off out of the control room and Cain put his hands on his hips in self satisfaction. Then he looked around for a place to sit down and sadly realized there wasn't one. He frowned. Just then there was a whoosh sound and he turned to see the door to the ships theater open and Joel, his robots, and Elvira stepped into the room.

"Short movie," said Cain.

"No, we're just taking a break," said Joel.

"Oh man, let me tell you, these guys are a hoot and a ham sandwich," said Elvira, slapping her thighs. "Especially this one." She pat Tom on the head.

"Stop, stop," Tom said in mock embarrassment. "Now go on."

"Okay, now before we go back in the theater, how would you like to do a quick sketch with us based on the movie we were watching?" Joel asked Elvira.

"Groovy," she said with excitement. "Oh, Cain, you could play Blaine, the cranky old caretaker from the movie." She touched her index finger to her lips in thought. "Hey, ya know, now that I think of it he did seem awfully familiar."

"No, no, no," said Cain, waving the idea away with his hand like it was a buzzing insect. "No sketches, skits, improv, grand guignol, or anything else. Listen to me all of you, I have a plan to get us off this stupid love rocket. I just sent that snake thing down to rewire a satellite dish and-"

"Oh, well I don't think Gypsy will have much luck with that," Crow chimed in. "Me and Tom brought that dish in yesterday to eat chips and onion dip out of."

Oh, you guys," said Joel, sleepily.

"Well it was a jumbo sized bag of chips. We needed a big bowl," said Tom.

Cain looked like he was about to punch someone.

"Ya know... it doesn't seem like you people take your situation here all that seriously," he said as calmly as he could.

"Well, when life hands you lemons...," began Joel.

"Make fun of them," finished Crow.

"Exactly. Anyway, we have to go back and watch some more of the movie now," said Joel. "You coming with, Elvira?"

"I guess-" she said, but Cain grabbed her arm.

"Oh, no you don't," he snarled. "You're going to stay with me and think of another plan to get out of here. Once that purple headed satellite snake gets back here we'll all put our heads together and work something out."

Elvira rolled her eyes at Cain, but then to the rest of the group she said, "Go on without me guys. I'm gonna sit this one out."

"Suit yourself," said Joel, and he and the bots headed back through the door and down the hall to the theater. After the door had closed again, Elvira, who had pulled herself up onto the desk and was laying seductively across it filing her nails, looked at Cain who was staring through the Hexfield into space.

"So now what?" she asked.

"I'm thinking," he said.

"Don't hurt yourself," she shot back.

*rimshot*

Cain gave a quick and nasty glance over to the Portable Punchline which sat on the ground next to the desk. He had forgotten all about that dumb thing.

"You know, I already took a shot at getting us out of this," he said to Elvira. "Maybe you should try coming up with something this time. Or would you rather spend the rest of your days lounging around here with Kook Starsmoker and his plastic pals? Watching terrible movies all day and taking nothing seriously."

"To be honest that doesn't sound that much different to what I'd be doing back home," said Elvira. "You know the difference between you and me Cain?" she asked.

Cain looked at her large breasts.

"You just have to complain, complain, complain no matter what. You're never happy. I, on the other hand, can adapt and have fun wherever I go. I can always find a way to make myself happy."

"That I believe," said Cain. "After you moved out of the House of Mystery I found all kinds of amusements in my nightstand drawer.

*rimshot*

"Ha!" yelled Cain.

Elvira rolled her eyes.

Before either of them could say anything else they suddenly heard a beeping sound.

"What's that?" asked Elvira.

"I think it's a subspace frequency indicator," said Cain.

"Oh, please, you wouldn't know subspace frequencies from a hole in Uranus," said Elvira.

*rimshot*

Cain kicked the Portable Punchline as hard as he could. It began to spark and smoke and then made a pathetic dying sound and was silent and still.

"Whadju do that for?" asked Elvira.

"Because I'm trying to hear," snapped Cain. "Where's that sound coming from?"

The beeping continued, increasing in volume as Cain and Elvira looked around the control room. The buttons on the desk weren't flashing, but Elvira decided to try one anyway. She reached over and slapped a big blue one.

"Maybe this'll do something," she said, and she was right.

A handsome man's face appeared on the Hexfield's glass making it look like a big television. He had a square jaw and wore a green cap that said TAXI on it.

"Space Cabbie?" said Elvira in surprise.

"Hey folks, sorry I flew of the handle back there. I've been kicking myself about it ever since. How's about I come back and pick you up?" said Space Cabbie.

"You better-" began Cain, but Elvira slapped her hand over his mouth.

"Oh, that would be wonderful," she said.

Space Cabbie smiled.

"I'll be there in five," he said, and then the screen went transparent again.

"Welp, there you go, we're rescued," Elvira said to Cain. "You just keep your mouth shut when he gets here, okay, and then for the entire trip after that."

"Fine," grumbled Cain. "Let's just head to the hatch we came in at and wait for that space hack. Or would you prefer to stay and finish your movie and I'll come back and get you when The Dreaming freezes over?"

"Ugh, forget it," said Elvira. "That piece of schlock was going nowhere, but don't you think we should go tell Joel and the gang so they can come with us?"

"You can do whatever you want, but I'm getting out of this Silent Running ripoff immediately, and if you aren't in that cab when it gets here, I'll leave without you."

Elvira looked towards the door to the theater and thought for a moment.

"Well, they do seem pretty content with their lot here. Let's just go," she said with a shrug.

The two of them headed back to the anti-chamber where they collected and put on their space helmets they had left there earlier and then opened the outside door just as Space Cabbie's taxi pulled up. They climbed inside the yellow vehicle and without so much as a look back from either of them at the bone shaped satellite they had spent the last hour on, the two horror hosts were whisked away again, back into the blackness of space.

The End?

yes