Fort Benning to Savannah
Did you all miss me? Well guess what, I'm back and ready to continue this story! I'm sorry about the wait, and promise there won't be that long of a silence again!
The silence is numb, and more exhausting than the many nights I spent sleepless. My body is a ragdoll; jarred by every pothole Kenny fails to miss. I can't believe myself; I can't believe the others. Is this something that truly happened before? Or… did I change everything? I shiver, folding my hands in my lap. I will never know, and I'm not sure I want to. I couldn't stand knowing I sentenced Duck to a fate more badly than was already pre-written.
I try to stare at the ground and advert my thoughts. But when I do, they indirectly follow a path to my memory, and to Dax. Why now of all times am I just thinking about him? He's been gone for a while. Is it also the result of my replay at fate? There are so many questions I desperately want the answers too, but I will never receive. All I can do is press a hand into my stomach and hope I don't throw up.
"Mark are you okay…?" Clementine asks quietly. She and Lee are sitting on the couch, while I have the luxury of sitting on the floor. It is my own choice though. I don't want to be at eye level with another window.
"Ya I'm fine Clementine…" I don't like lying, especially to her, but it's not like I could fit that I got Lilly and Duck killed into a conversation.
"You seem pale," She points out, "Do you get car sick?"
"Not often. But it's been awhile since I've been in car." That isn't a total lie. It makes my heavy heart feel a little lighter.
"If we need to stop I'm sure Kenny wouldn't mind pulling over," Lee offers.
I shake my head no, "I'll be fine."
If I try hard enough, I can imagine Dax sitting in front of me, his back against the cabinets, rocking to the beat of the road. I find comfort in the image of my friend. He probably knows more than I do, even if he's not alive.
"You'll make it Mark. Shit happens. But us pilots are tough." He flashes that smile, and I can't help but rip my glasses from my face so he becomes distorted and blurred. I know what he really means; that Lilly and Duck, they were going to die anyway. It just happened to be my fault.
I can't let myself get consumed in self-pity. There are others I must protect, if anything; like Clementine. I press my glasses back into place, and the world snaps back into focus. Something about it though, has my stomach tied up in knots. It takes me a moment to realize it is hunger.
What is wrong with my body…?
I hear someone get up, and when I look I notice it is Carley. She had been sitting with Ben at the table.
"Are you sure you're okay? You weren't feeling so good at the Motel and after the skirmish with bandits…" Her genuine concern is evident in her voice. All I can do is offer up a small smile.
"I'm fine." Carley furrows her eyebrows. She ses right through my lie. I should've known better than to do that to her. She returns to her seat.
I don't know how long we've been on the road, but it feels like for hours. I'm amazed on how much gas this thing has in it. But of course, it could be running on fumes alone. Darkness falls on us as we continue, leaving the moonlight as the only source of light inside. I can barely make out the faint outline of Clementine, asleep against Lee's side. I wonder how she sees the world now; how she would see me if I wasn't supposed to be here, but lived nevertheless. Even being a child, she wouldn't believe me if I was to tell her.
A hand on my shoulder startles me from the thought.
"Sorry," Ben whispers, "We just want to talk with you."
By we, I can only assume he means him and Carley, so as softly as I can I rise to my feet, and walk the short distance to the table where Ben has already taken his seat. I decide to sit beside him.
"We need to talk about what we will do." Carlie says, speaking so quietly that Lee has no chance of eavesdropping on the conversation. I doubt he would try to though.
"Will do?"
She nods, "When this RV either gets stuck or out of gas. We need a plan for afterwards."
"Won't we just follow the group? Where ever they go?" I feel like a kid in basic training, asking the sergeant stupid questions again. It's not a pleasant memory.
"Kenny is hell bent on getting a boat to get his family out of Georgia. I'm not sure we could even get to Savannah alive." She explains, using her hands as if she could map out the situation for me.
"You never know. We are strong." I reason.
"We did get attack by those bandits..." Ben speaks, so quietly it is hardly audible. His slumped and defeated posture almost makes him look guilty of something, but whatever it is, doesn't matter that much at the moment.
"I'd rather go west." Carley states.
"But that's in the completely different direction of Savannah." I know what that way meant, and I don't like the idea of parading over there. I would rather take on a city of walkers.
"But that's where Fort Benning is at," I nearly cringe before she even asks her question, "I know nothing about military, but you do. You could get us in there, and we'd be safe. I'm sure they'd let us in, especially since we have Clementine and Duck-" For a moment, I think the pained expression I made gives me away, because Carley takes her eyes off me to look around the RV. Then, for extra measures, she stands up and walks to the driver's compartment, and comes back, her eyes wide and blazing.
"Holy shit…" She grimaces.
"What?" Ben was completely clueless, and I nearly want to smack him for it. How could anyone not realize Duck was missing in the first place?
"We left Duck." The teenager looks ready to faint, but I beat him to it. Before I can even say a word on the subject, the RV's interior whirls around me in a bunch of dull and diluted colors. My back hits the floor—when did I end up here?—and the last thing I hear before the unconscious sucks me in is Lee's screams.
I wonder why he is screaming.
In my dream, Dax is with me. We are talking about airplanes and Fort Benning.
"That place is still God awful you know? It isn't any better than when we were there."
"I know that Dax. Why do you think we decided to become pilots instead? We had to get away."
He snorts, "I don't think it made a difference."
"Why do you say that?"
I turn to look at him, but I don't see Dax. I see a walker with its skin decaying in layers right off their face, their greedy claws outstretched to grab me. I kick it as hard as I can to get it away, but it keeps coming back again and again, hunger driving it to rip my abdomen. I wake up with a cry. My eyes sting when the light hits them first. They left my glasses on, but for the first few moments it is like I was deprived of them because the world seems endless and wouldn't stop. Whenever my head ceases throbbing—and the distant pain in my shoulder subsides—the first face I see hovering above me is Clementine. Her face is sketched to match her worry.
"You're not okay." She firmly states.
I can't help but confess. Sort of anyway, "Alright I'm not okay… I was exhausted…"
"Jesus Mark you scared us." Lee speaks, and I stare at his feet for a while. The question is on the tip of my tongue, but dare I ask it?
Why did you scream?
"I'm sorry… I just haven't been sleeping well and it caught up to me is all." He helps me to my feet, and when he does, I see Carley sitting in the same spot I left her, staring at me. She looks suspicious, like she knows the sins I've committed. Quietly, I gulp, and turn away.
"You should sit down for a while." Before I can protest, Lee sits me down on the couch, and Clementine follows shortly by placing something in my lap. I look down at it, to find that it is napkin with a shaky drawing on its surface. It is of an airplane.
"I've been practicing," Clementine explain, "It's your get well present from me."
I smile at her, "Thank you…"
For a brief moment, we lapse into silence, swaying restlessly in our seats.
"Do you know why you keep passing out?" Ben pipes up.
"I don't." I release a sigh. That is probably the most trueful thing I've said since I stepped into the RV. I don't know why I've been passing out. It hasn't been consistent. The first time was because of the St. John's, the second was because of Dax, and this time was because of Duck.
"Ah God dammit…" I hear Kenny grumble from the front seat. With a sinking feeling I realize any minute now, he and Katjaa would discover Duck is gone.
"What's up Ken?" Lee moves to the front, but their conversation is still audible.
"There's a train in the way. Looks like we're walking. Everyone out."
I don't think I would have dreaded walking out of the tin can as much as I did. I press the flat of my palm into my gut, clenching Clementine's picture in my other hand when I follow behind Ben out of the RV. Clementine senses this, and grabs my wrist to keep me from falling over. Shortly after the rest of us, Kenny and Katjaa get out. I flinch when I hear their footsteps, and regret doing so. Carley's hawk eyes are burning holes into the back of my head. I wouldn't be able to avoid a confrontation sometime in the near future.
"Out of all places why does a train have to be here for fuck's sake?"
Kenny is too concerned about the train jamming our path that he doesn't think twice about Duck. One car looks safe, attached to the locomotive, but the rest is a smashed and jumbled mess on the tracks. If this thing is ever going to move, it couldn't be attached to the useless cars, that's for sure.
"I want to go west. That's where Fort Benning is."
This train is pointing in the opposite direction, towards Savannah. If Carley truly plans on getting into the Fort, she has a long way to go by herself. I am not going. My dream only renews that.
"I guess we aren't going anywhere." Kenny is still talking to himself.
Part of me doesn't want them to realize Duck is gone. But the other part is screaming Hello! How do you not realize your only child is missing?!
"Hey Mark, you up for a little exploring?" Lee eyes me, worry plaguing his eyes. Although I still feel a little off from my fainting scene in the RV, I want to put some distance in-between me and Carley for a while.
"Ya sure." Clementine lets go of me, and I press her picture into my pocket to join him beside the train.
"Clem just stay with Katjaa alright?" Clementine nods her head.
Lee opens up the only working box car and climbs in, and gives me a hand up. Inside is a mattress, worn and recently used, along with some others items that suggest someone has been here recently. Lee doesn't seem to care about this though. Instead, he turns to look at me.
"About what happened on the RV…" He begins.
"I really don't know what happened Lee. I just blacked out." He nods, but he doesn't quite buy it.
"Do pass out a lot?"
"No it only started when-" My voice gets snagged in my throat. I don't want to say it out loud.
"The St. John's." He finishes, and I numbly nod my head. He looks ready to say something in response to that, but instead, a scream overlaps his voice and startles us both. My first instinct is to grab a gun—then I realize I don't have one.
"What's wrong?!" Lee cries, jumping from the compartment so fast it seems subhuman. He is worried about Clementine, but I know the truth behind the scream. I decide to watch from the compartment, shrouded in the dark, so no one could see the expressions I may make.
"Katjaa?! Katjaa what's wrong?!" Kenny has his hands on her shoulders, but she is unraveling so quickly that her sobs muffle her words. My hearts sinks to my stomach, burying the faint knaws of hunger there. Katjaa isn't speaking, isn't revealing what got her so wound up. That part of me that was screaming earlier, wants me to step off the train and tell them what happened. But I can't. I can't move; I can't breathe.
Being reassured of Clementine's safety, Lee pulls Kenny aside. What their exchange is, I'll never know, because I'm too focused on Katjaa as she runs to the RV and jumps into the driver seat. I could've screamed at them to look, but I can't manage a peep. They only notice her when the engine roars. Before Kenny or Lee could make an attempt to detour her, she throws the vehicle in reverse and takes off, turning sharply off the road before slamming it into drive and taking off toward the Motel and her son, who at this point was probably dead.
"KAT!" Kenny takes off after her, but he doesn't get very far before he has to stop, his hand against the wound he received from the St. John's. I sink to my knees and try to not to dwell on the fact that I caused this too. I'm now responsible for Lilly, Duck, and Katjaa. If Kenny knew, he would kill me. Lee has to help him walk back to the train side.
"What the hell was that?! What the hell is she thinking?!" He is talking ninety miles a minute, and although I can't see him, I can tell he is distressed and probably pulling his hair out.
"That's pretty serious, what she just did." I tense when the voice comes from behind me. It doesn't belong to anyone in the group. I really wish I had that gun now.
Slowly, I stand up and turn, as if moving too fast will result in my death. But you've already died. You shouldn't still be afraid of it. I'm ashamed to admit I still am. Behind me is an old man, his clothes ragged and well worn, just like the mattress. Perhaps this man made this box car into his home, and I am trespassing in it.
"Who are you?" In my mind, the words are slurred. By the grin on his face, they are when I spoke them too.
"Charles," He replies casually, "Or Chuck if you prefer," He eyes his little home, "You steal anything?"
I shake my head. He pats my back, like he is congratulating me for telling the truth. Then I realize he has a good reason to be doing that. So far I haven't been doing very well at that.
"Is that your little group I hear?" Chuck nods in their general direction. Something about this man doesn't set off alarm bells. He seems okay. If he is out to kill me and rob me like most or—I shiver—eat me, he would've done it by now. I'm alone, and out of sight from others. It's safe to assume he didn't come to kill me.
"Ya it is."
"Can I meet them?"
"Sure." Stepping out of the train car, followed by a stranger, surprises most of our group aside from Carley, who only narrows her eyes.
"Who the hell is this Mark?" Kenny snaps. I am right about my assumption; he is almost literally pulling his hair out, staring at the road Katjaa disappeared down.
"This is-" I start.
"The names Chuck." The drifter answers, looking at each face. When he spots Clementine, he grins, and fumbles for a package in his pocket.
"And why are you here, Chuck?"
"It's my home." He pulls out what he is looking for. I never thought I would see something like it again. It is chocolate. He holds it out to Clementine, who seems hesitant to take it, "Want some candy?"
She looks to Lee for guidance, but he doesn't even glance at her. He's too busy trying to deduce for himself if this man was good news or bad. I'm nearly surprised when those same questioning eyes turn to me. She is asking me if it is okay now. Slowly I nod my head, and she tenderly grabs the chocolate bar from Chuck's grasp with a quiet 'thank you'.
"Where are you all headin'?" He asks smoothly, stuffing his hands in his pocket. Kenny bends over so he could clutch his head.
"Well we aren't going anywhere right now." He responds.
"Are you serious?" Carley speaks, "We have no food or water. We can't just sit here-"
"We are waiting until Kat and Duck come back." He says, gritting his teeth. Carley nearly makes the mistake of challenging him again.
"We will wait a day or two," Lee corrects him, speaking this time to Chuck, "But our real goal is Savannah."
Carley's eyes are dead set on me again, as if she is asking through her glare whether or not I'd offer to take them all to Fort Benning. I decide to show her what side I'm really leaning towards.
"We are going to get a boat when we're down there, and head for somewhere not infected." I add.
"The fastest way would be by train." Chuck says thoughtfully, more to the air then to another human being.
"Could we borrow your train then?" Sometimes, my mind lapses and I forget Ben until he speaks up again. This time is no different; I'm still not used to having him, after we found him and his… I bite my bottom lip.
"I suppose. But I get to go along too. You're takin' my house after all. But you have to get the thing runnin' on your own. I know nothin' 'bout trains."
Lee looks at me like I have the answers. I raise my hands in defense, "Hey I'm a pilot, not an engineer," He opens his mouth to speak, "And no, it is not the same."
"We aren't going anywhere yet," Kenny stands, glaring at us, "So get those stupid plans out of your heads for now. We have to wait for Katjaa and Duck."
Kenny, you just now realized Duck's gone too? I don't think they are coming back.
"Well for the time being…" Chuck cuts in, "How about I play a song on my guitar?"
-Soul Spirit-
