Chapter Four: Massachusets and Maine
"Come on, Massachusets! You're such a sissy! You swing an axe like this." Maine frowned and grabbed the axe from her brother.
Massachusets frowned at his younger sister. "Okay then. Exuuuuse me for not swinging an axe the right way." he huffed and watched Maine chop down a sapling with one skillfull swing. "Anyone can do that, hell, California could do that." he huffed and sneered.
Maine laughed. "Californa couldn't lift an axe, let alone swing it." she replied and inspected the blade. She threw it up, then caught the handle and handed it to Massachusets. "Try again."
I laughed as I watched Massachusets try and swing the axe correctly. "I remember when you used to be a pro at this Max, what happened?" I asked and sat down on a tree stump.
Massachusets glared at me. "What happend Dad, is that I became a tree hugger and began to industeralize." he replied and dropped the axe on the ground.
"You? A tree hugger? Bullshit!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah totally." Massachusets replied. "Save the Sap Nose Shit Eater and all that stuff." he replied. "Anyway, let's quit this tree chopping crap and move onto important matters. Lunch. Let's go grab a burger." He replied as he picked the axe up and handed it to his younger sister.
Damn. This kid new me well. "I'm all for it! How about you, Jenny?" I asked and looked at Maine with puppy-dog eyes. She seemed annoyed at first, but then sighed.
"Fine." she replied and walked with us to Massachusets's car.
-
Damn.
All this fucking snow is shit. So far we have one foot of snow. One foot guys! I sighed and leaned back into my comfortable LazE Boy recliner. I sipped my black coffee and watched the snow fall heavily outside. I heard the door open, and my head quickly snapped toward the sound. "Hello?" I called.
"Just me Dad." Massachusets said as he took off his boots and snow gear. "It's snowing like a bitch outside."
"I bet. Must be a bitch to drive in too." I added with a sip of my coffee.
"Sure is." Massachusets agreed and hung his coat of the hanger. He glanced at my coffee wistfully. "Any left?" he asked as he headed for the kitchen.
"Yep. You know where the cream and sugar are." I replied and kept my eyes glued on the window. Just then, Maine stomped in the house. Her face red from the cold and her curly brown hair poking out of her hat.
She held up the bottle of whiskey and smiled. "Your order, Mr. Jones." she said teasingly as she pulled of her hat.
"Oh, Jen," I laughed. "don't tell the others, but you're my favorite." I said as I got up from my chair to grab the whiskey. She snatched away the bottle from me and grinned.
"Drinking contest. Get the guys down here." she said as she slipped of her coat and boots. She strode into the kitchen without further say.
I frowned after her. Dude, that was my whiskey! I gave her money to buy it! But, I shrugged it off and walked up the stairs. "Drinking Contest!" I called and ran down the stairs before Wisconsin, Minnesota, Texas, New York, New Hampshire, Delaware, DC, and Nevada came stumbling down the stairs. They scrambled into the kitchen and gathered around the table, their eyes lit up with determination.
"I'm going to win you guys, don't need to waste your breath." Wisconsin jeered at the others.
"Oh, really," Minnesota replied flatly. "I swear on my life that you've always gotten completely drunk after two beers. And two shots of whiskey."
New York frowned. "I agree with Hal, you do get drunk pretty fast. You're like Britian. Except your an alchoholic."
The others agreed. Wisconsin's face went pink he turned to Maine and snapped:
"Just pour the damn whiskey!"
Maine pursed her lips. "Jeez Mr. Pushy. Maybe I should disqualify you." she replied as she set the shot glasses down.
Wisconsin ignored her and stared at the shot glasses as Maine filled them to the brim. She gave them to each of them and yelled:
"Go!"
They all easily downed their shot and slammed it on the table. Maine poured more of it and they did it again.
A Couple Shots Later...
"Y-you know guys?" New York slurred.
"Wha?" Wisconsin asked and leaned over the table to talk to his drunk brother.
"I-I love you guys." he replied in his drunk voice and smiled warily. Wisconsin nodded in agreement.
Minnesota was probably less drunk than New York and Wisconsin, but he was still drunk. "Mhm." he replied into his shot glass.
New Hampshire snorted in reply and finished his tenth shot. "Pour me another, will 'ya sis?" he asked, his voice clear and didn't contain a slurred word. Maine nodded and poured him another. Delware was a bit tipsy, but other than that he was fine. Nevada was drunk, but not too drunk.
DC was just like New Hampshire. He smiled at his brothers and sipped at his shot glass. He leaned back and scratched his head and held his shot glass in his free hand. "I think New York and Wisconsin are out. They look like they're gonna pass out." he remarked.
"I agree with the kid." Minnesota slurred and pointed at the duo. "Three strikes, theeeey're out."
"I think you are too, Minnie." Nevada added. Minnesota blinked, then shrugged.
"I guess," he said. "Gotta tend to th' kids anyway." he got up from his chair and stumbled back upstairs. Wisconsin and New York just passed out on each other and started to snore. Delaware laughed at them, showing off his pearly whites.
"So it's just us now," DC said and downed his whiskey.
"I guess so boys. Just to let you know, I'm going to win this thing." New Hampshire said and leisurly sipped his whiskey.
"Nah, I'm gonna win guys." Delaware objected.
Just a Liiitle Bit Longer...
Nevada and Delaware had been elimanated, and now DC and New Hampshire were on a drink to the death contest. I could tell DC was drunk, very drunk. But New Hampshire didn't seem to notice and just continued to drink his whiskey. Finally, DC tipped over and fell to the floor. New Hampshire lept up and threw the whiskey in the air. "WOOOHOO! WHO'S THE DRINKING CHAMPION? THIS. BITCH. RIGHT. HERE!" he exclaimed and threw the remaining whiskey into the air. "IT'S WHISKEY RAIN!"
Maine and I just frowned at New Hampshire, who was prancing around the kitchen and screaming "WHISKEY RAIN".
"What the Hell?" Massachusets called from the living room.
"New Hampshire won." Maine and I called in unison.
"Oh." was all he said.
AN:
Sorry this chapter's so short. I just put the Maine story and Massachusets story into one so that it could be done quicker.
New Good Cop, Bad Cop chapter will be up soon!
Reviews and Favorites are nice! :)
