Chapter Seven: North Carolina, South Carolina, and North and South Dakota

"Dude, who would win in a fight? Captain America or Wolverine?" North Carolina asked his sister, who was absentmindedly playing on her phone.

"Wolverine, easily." she replied and glanced at her twin brother who huffed indigently.

"No way sis. Captain America, Wolverine's a pussy. And he's from Canada!" North Carolina pointed out. South Carolina just rolled her eyes and went back to playing on her phone.

"For the record, Lindsey, Captain America would so win." I said over my mug of coffee.

"Not you too, Dad." South Carolina huffed.

"See? Dad knows his super heroes." North Carolina grinned and gave me a thumbs up. I chuckled and leaned back into my comfy and expensive LaZ-Boy recliner.

"Dad! South won't stop hitting me!" a whine erupted from the kitchen.

"You started it!" another voice interjected.

"Why can't you just let me drink my coffee in peace?" I cried. But got up anyways and stomped into the kitchen, where North and South Dakota were slapping each other. "What's wrong this time?" I grumbled and sipped at my coffee.

"South was calling me fat and I was all like 'nu uh you're fatter than me' and he was all like 'nu uh you are' and then it turned into a whole thing." North Dakota explained and shot a glare at his twin brother. "For the record, I'm older than you."

"No you're not. We're like, the same age!" South Dakota scoffed.

North Carolina poked his head into the kitchen. "I'm older than both of you, so I win." he said and grinned.

"Shut up old timer!" They yelled in unison.

"I was one of the 13 colonies, so technically, I'm older than all of you." South Carolina called from the living room.

"Yeah we know, we can see your wrinkles and your saggy boobs." North Carolina sneered. I raised a brow and glanced over at him, then he ducked his head in embarrassment.

"I'm older than all of you. So does that mean I have saggy boobs too?" I asked innocently and sipped my coffee.

"No! You're not a gi-"

"You don't have to be a girl to have saggy boobs." I replied and smirked. North Carolina cringed and went back into the living room. North and South Dakota were laughing, but started to fight over Oreos like, right afterwards. I sighed and shook my head.


"Dad! You wanna go sledding with us?" North Dakota called from the door.

"Will it be worth my while?" I called from the living room. I was playing Mario Kart, I was Mario and I was kicking ass.

"Totally!" South Dakota called back. I was almost to the finish line, then that bitch Toad did the flying turtle shell thing and got first place.

"Dammit!" I shouted and frowned.

"What?" North and South Dakota called in unison.

"Nothing!" I called back and shut off my DS. "Sure, I'll go with. We better go off some jumps or I'm done." I replied and stomped toward the closet to get my snow pants.


"HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIT." I screamed as we went off the fortieth jump since we started sliding down this hill. North Dakota was laughing hysterically while South Dakota was screaming and clutching me. "DERRICK SLOW DOWN."

"WE'RE GONNA DIE." South Dakota cried while North Dakota steered the sled towards yet another jump.

"I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A CALVIN AND HOBBES COMIC STRIP." I shouted. When we finally reached the bottom of the hill. South Dakota was hugging me while North Dakota was still laughing like a maniac. He glanced back at us and grinned.

"That was awesome!" he exclaimed and fixed his beanie so it covered both ears. "Let's go again!"

"Noooo. No. No way man. I'm done." South Dakota said and got up and dusted the snow off of his pants. "I'll go wait in the car."

I tried to scramble out of the sled but ended up falling face first into the snow.

I hate winter.

I got up off of the ground and shook the snow out of my hair. "I'm gonna go with you." I said and started to walk toward the car.

"You guys are party poopers!" North Dakota accused and crossed his arms and pouted. I looked over my shoulder to see him reluctantly going to return the sled to the people that worked at the sledding hill place. He sluggishly followed South Dakota and me to the car and sat in the back and stared out the window.

"Dude, it's okay. You can sled at home if you want." I said without looking at him.

"It's not as fun at home." he pouted and frowned.

"You could ask Hal and Sasha sled with you. They're fun, right?" I asked and smiled. "Sledding isn't really my thing."

"Yeah but it's more fun when you have someone go with you who is like, scared of sledding." North Dakota complained and crossed his arms.

"Dude, you're a sick bastard." South Dakota said.

I smacked South Dakota upside the head. "Devin, we do not use that kind of language." I scolded.


"Do you think Texas will like this?" North Carolina asked and held up one of those gross huge bras. He grinned at his joke.

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe. But I guarantee that he will end you if you give it to him." I said and threw some socks into the already full shopping cart. North Carolina blew out a sigh and returned the bra to where he got it. South Carolina was looking at dresses, actually, she wasn't really looking at them. More like she was just grabbing them and throwing them over her arm. She walked toward the cart with an armful. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa." I said and held my hands up. "What do I look like? A billionaire?"

"Yes." she said without hesitation.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Dude. You don't need three hundred dresses." I protested.

"I only have fifty." she huffed.

"You can have two." I said and held up three fingers in emphasis. She sneered at me, but went back to put majority of her dresses back. North Carolina crossed his arms and glanced at me.

"We've got all the presents and junk. Why're we still here?" he complained.

"Because your sister is taking forever." I replied and leaned on the cart. I sighed and watched a bunch of hot girls pass by, my eyes followed them until they rounded a corner. North Carolina slapped my head. "Ouch dude!" I yelped and glared at him, while I rubbed my head. "What was that for?"

"No wandering eyes." He scolded with a grin and waggled a finger at me. I huffed, but didn't reply. After that incident, South Carolina finally came back with her dresses and dumped them in the cart. I grumbled a 'finally' and earned another smack on the head. I groaned and wheeled the cart to a line. Since we were at Walmart, they only had two goddamn registers open out of the thirty they have.

I sighed and waited impatiently for the line to move. When we finally got our stuff paid for, we wheeled the cart out to my car where North Carolina loaded the stuff into the car. When he was finally done, he hopped into the back seat and rubbed his hands together. "Cold out there!" he exclaimed and breathed onto his hands, then rubbed them again.

"No duh, Captain Obvious." South Carolina said and crossed her arms. North Carolina glared at his twin.

"Charlotte. Frederick. Guess what." I said and adjusted the radio, it was on a station that wouldn't come in.

"What?" they said in unison.

"You guys get to wrap presents when we get home!" I exclaimed and grinned.


AN:

Just a lazy update. Sorry guys. This wasn't good. And to all the people who requested South Carolina, I know nothing about that state. I should have done research, but I didn't. Sorry if she's not what you guys wanted/expected.

Who should I do next?

Favorites and Reviews are really appreciated!