The Clone Wars!

"You have to let go so I can change," Dipper told her, flipping the switch that opened the trap door where he hid his stuff in the forest.

"I can't let you go," she said shaking her head. "You almost left me behind, I can't risk it," she whispered tears in her voice.

He sat down and pulled her into his lap as she began to shake. They'd both been in death's grasp recently and yet that wasn't the worst wound they carried. "I'm sorry, but I didn't know I was leaving you behind... I thought I was going to join you."

Mabel buried her face in his chest and wailed. It was a good ten minutes before she was able to speak clearly enough to be understood, "Promise me if something happens to me you'll go on to live a long and happy life."

"Don't make me lie to you," he said burying his face in her hair. "If you die… I don't think I can go on, even the thought of it makes it hard to breathe. Maybe that'll change when we get older, but here and now where you go, I follow."

"Were… were you trying to kill yourself against Gideon's giant robot?" she asked quietly. "Because that's what it looked like in your memory."

"No, I just got so angry I couldn't see straight and the next thing I knew I was crashing through a window and beating the hell out of the little creep," Dipper admitted. "The same thing happened when I saw the evil version of me standing over you with a shovel."

Mabel hugged him tightly. "We really should do something about that, but I can't tell you how happy I am to find out you're not suicidal."

"I'm not, just occasionally homicidal when I think someone's hurt you or tries to take you from me," he promised. "Now hop off my lap and let go of my hand so I can change."

"Ok, but I'm not leaving," she said getting up and reluctantly releasing his hand.

"Fine, but no comments while I'm changing," he said taking off his shirt and opening the pot of clay paint.

Mabel waited until he'd changed into his loin cloth and closed the trap door before asking, "Can I make a comment now?"

"Yes," he agreed, hoping he wasn't blushing as much as he thought he was.

"We should get some pictures of you like this for the photo album," she said. "It looks cool!"

"Thanks," he said. "Now climb on my back, I gotta climb the highest mountain in the area and it'll go quicker if I carry you."

Mabel decided to humor him, sure he'd tire of carrying her in just a few minutes as she climbed on his back, but then she felt something wild and animalistic well up in his chest filling him full of energy and he... moved. The trees seemed to blur past as he ran, leaping over deadfalls and ducking under limbs as he sped through the forest with her on his back as if she weighed nothing.

Mabel was in shock, her rules obeying, logic worshiping, brother had somehow turned into a wild beast running through the forest without a care in the world! For a moment it was frightening, but then she quickly regained her equilibrium and responded appropriately as he leapt a fifteen foot gorge as if it were nothing, "Whee!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Mabel awoke with a start, scanning the room for Dipper as she felt his pain, but the three Dippers she saw weren't him. "Where's Dipper?" she demanded worriedly.

"Off somewhere with our otherself," a Mabel clone replied, handing her a clean towel. "Take a hot shower, you'll feel better."

"Ok," she agreed with a heavy sigh, glad she was there to help him, even while she was here wishing she was with him as well, and worried about what they'd seen in his head. "Why do we have so many clones running around?"

"To cover for you two at the shack and because we need some fun," Dipper clone number five (according to his hat) told her.

"Got another one," a Mabel clone announced writing in a notebook. "Your brother doesn't like you picking out his clothes."

"That's a partial," Dipper number three said. "We don't like you picking out clothes you think would look adorable on us, but we don't mind when you are picking out clothes you think would look good on us."

"What's wrong with adorable?" another Mabel clone asked.

"It gets us in fights with other guys to prove we aren't girly and your friends tend to coo over us and then treat us like we're your sister," Dipper number three explained.

All the Mabels grinned guiltily.

"What?" the Dippers chorused suspiciously.

"That was kinda the point," Mabel admitted. "Unless you like having my friends flirt with you?"

"I…" Dipper clone number five's voice trailed off and the Dippers exchanged glances before he continued in a quiet voice, "It's kind of a tradeoff."

"Table it for now?" a Mabel clone asked.

"Yeah," the Dippers agreed.

"How many rules did you find were bull?" Mabel asked getting up.

"About thirty," one of the Mabels replied. "Some were rules that we made and screwed up ourselves with no help though."

"Like what?" Mabel asked getting her clean clothes out.

"We don't mind brushing your hair," Dipper number seven commented from the side.

"And we like to argue about who the killer could be before the big reveal," one of the Mabel clones admitted. "Watching you put together the facts and arguing about it is fun."

"The hair sniffing thing isn't weird," another Mabel said. "Unless it's Gideon."

"We don't mind dressing up and taking pictures with you," Dipper number five said. "But boy's clothes only and no makeup!"

Mabel nodded. "You guys keep at it, I'm going to shower." She began to smile as she felt her otherself cheer up and Dipper's mood jumped up at least a dozen points.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Madelyn left William arranging several carefully chosen crystals around Waddle's bed. He'd said they should put the pig in a cage so it wouldn't escape, but she'd given him a sad look and the next thing he knew he was helping make a tiny bed for the pig, putting him a bit behind schedule. In appreciation she'd offered to bring him breakfast while he worked on catching back up to where he had scheduled them to be.

Madelyn strolled into town, thankful their worlds were similar enough that their money was good here. Actually if you want to get technical it would count as counterfeit, but no test known could reveal that. She was trying to decide between getting more pancakes (they were that good) or buying some picnic supplies when she felt a vile disgusting presence approach her.

"Oh look, it's that poor little weird girl who has that pet that looks just like her," Pacifica sneered, her three sycophants laughing as expected. "At least you're dressed half way decent today. Did you sell that pig of yours to buy those rags?"

Madelyn turned to the group of popular girls and froze them with a look of disdain and a touch of her empathic abilities. "Oh look, it's the sad little girl who lacks the brains, personality, and innate humanity to actually make friends, so she surrounds herself with people who will make her feel good about herself to enjoy the presents her money buys. Do you know what they call people who accept money to make others feel good?" Madelyn asked rhetorically letting them figure it out for themselves as she put Pacifica in her place, just as she had at home. "Of course someone who buys company that way is known as a whore-monger, but they're just called Johns for short, so that's what I'm going to call you, John."

"I- I- " Pacifica stuttered unused to being talked to this way, having expected to simply shred Mabel's self-esteem and walk off as she had done to so many others'.

"Goodbye John, it was not nice seeing you," Madelyn said turning and walking off as if she wasn't worth wasting time on. Madelyn shivered in revulsion inside, letting none of it show. She hated dealing with people like that, not just because of how ugly their projected emotions were but because of how ugly her own became in response.

Needing something to take her mind off the ugliness she'd just experienced she spotted the arts and crafts store and smiled. A new project was just the thing to cheer her up. Seeing a Gideon doll in the window she paused and then chuckled. She had no idea who that was supposed to be, but he dressed nicely and gave her an idea on just what to do for her project.

She decided to get pancakes and buy some picnic supplies for lunch as well, seeing how it was a nice day.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"We're here," Dipper said, setting Mabel down.

Mabel tackled him in a hug. "That was awesome! That was better than riding horseback!"

Dipper smiled feeling the joy his twin radiated like a roaring bonfire. "I learned it from the Manotaurs, but it was Multibear who taught me how to improve on it."

"Multibear?" Mabel asked.

"One of the most fearsome creatures I've ever met. The Manotaurs wanted me to kill him as my final test to become a man, but I couldn't do it. Multibear is a great guy and we have the same taste in music so he's become my mentor," Dipper explained.

A roar shook the cave and a twelve foot tall mountain of a creature, that looked to be made of a dozen bears rolled into one, attacked.

Mabel froze in fear but quickly recovered as she felt a fierce joy from Dipper as he ran at the terrifying creature with a roar of his own. The pair fought scattering bones and gouging stone until Dipper had it pinned with a blade at its throat.

The pair stared at each other, teeth bared and then began to laugh.

"That was a good fight, but why the big presentation?" Dipper asked, hopping down.

"I thought we'd put on a show for your mate," Multibear replied from his main head, the smaller circle of heads on his torso grumbled softly, some dozing off.

"Mate?" Dipper asked, before blushing down to his toes. "She's my sister!"

"So? Is that one of those human things?" the bear asked.

Mabel grinned. "We share a cave and I make sure he eats and stays clean, so I guess I am his mate, at least until he's older and chooses another for the position."

"Ahh an intelligent and practical mate," the bear said in approval. "So what brings you by with your mate?"

Dipper decided not to argue, Multibear didn't really understand human morality and Mabel was amused.

"I've kinda gone berserk a couple of times," Dipper explained. "And… there is a weakness I need to overcome."

Multibear nodded and gestured further into the cave with one of its many paws. "Sounds like something to discuss over tea."

"And cookies," Dipper added nodding in agreement.

The Multibear had mugs the size of pitchers which took a little getting used to, but each cookie was the size of Mabel's head, and made with plenty of sugar as the bear had a sweet tooth, so Mabel declared him a friend for life.

The story slowly came out with some pauses to explain things to Multibear who, while wise in the ways of nature, didn't understand humans all that well.

"Going berserk is natural," the Multibear told him. "If someone attacks or steals your mate, naturally you'll go berserk."

"We haven't mated," Dipper tries to explain.

"Of course not," the Multibear waved it off. "Neither of you are old enough or in season and you may choose others to be your mates when the season comes upon you and it's time to have cubs, but for now she is your mate and you'll respond as such."

"Oh," Dipper said suddenly understanding what the Multibear meant when he said mate and how it differed from the human term, though roommate was a part of it.

"The Wyld affects everyone differently. I learned to tap the Wyld when I was old and grey," Multibear explained. "It's how I became what I am, instead of an ordinary bear. The Manotaurs were normal lumberjacks, before one learned the secret and taught it to the others. You were well on your way to transforming into one when you spared my life and chose a different path."

"I'm going to transform?!" Dipper exclaimed.

"Is that a problem?" Multibear asked.

"No offense, but you don't exactly blend in with the people of Gravity Falls," Mabel said, while trying to calm Dipper.

"I'm a bear, I chose to look this way," Multibear explained.

"And the Manotaurs?" Dipper asked.

"Chose their own form or followed the path of those that did," Multibear explained.

"So his eventual transformation is up to him," Mabel said in understanding.

Multibear nodded his main head. "He may not even visibly change if he chooses not to, it all depends on him and what he desires."

"That's a relief," Dipper said expelling a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Today I will show you how to tap even deeper into the Wyld so you can practice, while I explain to your mate how to prevent you going berserk and how she can snap you out of it," Multibear explained. "But first… Karaoke!"

"Karaoke?!" Mabel exclaimed. "I love Karaoke!"

"Do you know the words to the latest Babba single?" the Multibear asked eagerly.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"You've lost a few stripes on that rainbow," Soos pointed out to Mabel. "You also look a bit pale."

"I think we're running low on toner," Mabel admitted, before walking off leaving a confused Soos to scratch his head.

"Am I seeing things or does Dipper keep changing numbered hats?" Wendy asked Soos.

"I'm not sure," Soos said. "Maybe we should sit on him and squeeze the truth out of him!"

Wendy stared at Soos.

"OK, I've been watching one of those CSI shows," he admitted.

"Not a bad idea though," Wendy noted.

"You hide in the closet and I'll grab Dipper and push him in there so you can interrogate him!" Soos said excitedly.

"You are way too into this," Wendy said with a chuckle as Soos pushed her into a closet.

It only took a minute for the door to open and Dipper wearing a blue cap marked number four got shoved into the closet. "Wendy?" he asked in confusion.

"Me and Soos were curious about the numbered caps," Wendy said.

Before Dipper could reply the door opened and a Dipper with a number nine on his cap was shoved inside. "There is a perfectly good explanation for this," he offered.

A third Dipper was shoved inside followed by a fourth just a moment later.

"I have a lot more questions now," Wendy admitted as another Dipper was shoved inside and it got a little crowded.

By the time Soos opened the door to push in the tenth Dipper the internal pressure was enough that they almost exploded out of the closet, burying Soos in a landslide of Dippers.

"And here I thought you kept escaping," Soos said once everyone climbed off him.

"No, you kept catching different Dippers," number five said.

A bunch of Mabels, missing increasingly larger sections of the rainbow on her sweater, each grabbed a Dipper and zoomed out of sight through expert use of grappling gun and a complete disregard for closed windows.

"I think I just got to second base with a dozen Dippers," Wendy said in shock. "He's more muscular than he looks."

A piece of broken glass fell to the floor.

"I better start fixing windows," Soos decided, still at a loss for what was going on.

"Yeah probably a good idea," she agreed. "I'm going to go get a drink of water and think about some things."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

A Mabel wearing a plain white sweater sighed.

"I'll go see if Grunkle Stan has some more toner," Dipper eighteen volunteered, only to return a minute later with a frown and no toner. "He said he'll order more."

"We've got enough," the rainbowless Mabel decided.

"We've got at least thirty clones paired up and armed at the edge of the woods," Dipper eighteen agreed.

Half an hour later…

William glanced outside as the forest ran red with fleeing gnomes. He wasn't sure what was going on until he spotted their twins chasing them… multiple pairs of their twins. He quickly reached out with his mind and concentrated on making the church seem a lot more decrepit and dangerous than it was so they'd all avoid it.

Several clones ran afoul of puddles or streams and melted, while a number of clones reached out for power their current bodies couldn't handle and exploded into confetti. It made the battle strangely festive. A half dozen clones were left standing in the end, yelling at the retreating gnomes.

From what William could understand the gnomes had tried to kidnap Madelyn's analogue so the twins had organized this as a show of force. William listened carefully, while maintaining the illusion surrounding the church, to see what he could pick up, about the pair. His one run in with them hadn't gone as well as he'd have liked and he was sure he'd be seeing them again since he had their pig, Waddles.

He didn't learn much before the clones left and he sensed Madelyn approaching, but as he turned to greet her he noticed she was a bit crispy about the edges and smelled of smoke.

"Most of downtown is on fire and it's not my fault," she told him earnestly.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Blendin Blandin groaned as an alarm went off and quickly checked his hand held device. "I hate the Pines!" he growled, rushing off to set off a dozen fire alarms five minutes in the past.

Typing by: Stephenopolos

TN: I kept waiting for a number one joke, but he never 'made it so'.