Rayna

When I got home from my meeting at Sound Check, the house was empty. I had dropped Sadie off at kindergarten on the way to the meeting. Daphne was in school. Deacon's truck wasn't in the drive. He'd left me a note saying he was at a writers' meeting, then was going to an AA meeting, and would pick up Sadie on the way home. I pouted because I was hoping to find him at home for a little midday fun. I'd just have to save it for bedtime.

I wandered down to the music room, which was not only a great place to write and play music, but was a good place to just hang. When Deacon and I made the decision to move, space for a music room was number one on his list. Well, after a private master suite, of course. Space was at a premium in his East Nashville house, after the girls and I moved in, and a lot of his guitars and my piano had to go into storage. But I loved that house. After all, it had been our house, mine and Deacon's, for five years before we broke up, and there were lots of memories there. It was definitely smaller than my Belle Meade house, but we all loved the coziness of it. It brought us closer together as a family. But when I got pregnant with Sadie, it was clear we needed a bigger house.

So in every house we looked at, Deacon looked for a room that would fill the music room need. This one had more than fit the bill. It had been a great space for us. Deacon was the one who used it the most so it was decorated to his taste. Comfortable, well broken-in leather couches and chairs, all his guitars, my baby grand, tables that were the perfect height to sit at to write or prop up your feet while playing the guitar.

And pictures. All my album covers, his album covers, his and my number ones, a beautiful family portrait done three years ago. Plus other family photos. There were probably more with Sadie in them or of her alone than any of the rest of us. Probably because she was still little.

I smiled as I thought about my youngest daughter. Like Daphne, she was another mini-me. She was rambunctious and always in motion. She was always singing, mostly little songs she made up, and she couldn't sit still. She was all girl and loved dressing in pretty, girly clothes. Her favorite outfit when she was four had been a lavender leotard, a pink tutu, pink ballet slippers and a tiara. Plus her wand that she used to tap people with, mostly Deacon, to have them do her bidding. Come to think of it, she still wore that tiara and used that wand. She was a joy and truly had pulled our family together.

Amy Grant had told me that would happen, back when I was seven months pregnant and miserable, both from being pregnant in the summer and having Daphne leave home and move in with Teddy. She told me Corinna, her daughter with Vince Gill, had been someone they could all love equally, with no baggage. And, to my relief, Sadie had been our Corinna. The day I came home from the hospital, Daphne had moved back in, and we have never been closer.

I remembered when Sadie came into our lives. She was a surprise. I still blame Deacon and his confidence that "it was just one night, we'll be fine". But it's a loving blame because I wouldn't trade my baby girl for anything.

Being pregnant at forty-three was no walk in the park. I felt more tired than I remembered feeling with Maddie and Daphne. Stuff hurt that hadn't hurt before and I was so much more uncomfortable. But Deacon had loved every minute of it and seeing his enthusiasm had been worth it all. He couldn't keep his hands off me, both in the romantic sense and the curious-at-all-my-changes sense. I felt loved and adored and that had helped when I had those "I'm huge" moments.

The only blemish, and it was a big one, was the lack of enthusiasm from Maddie and Daphne. For Maddie, it brought back some of the anger she felt at having missed all of that with Deacon and I got that. But Daphne's distance was harder to understand. And her request to live with Teddy for those last two and a half months had broken my heart.

But when I finally had Sadie in my arms and could smell her heavenly baby smell, it all felt like it would work out. And it did. Maddie and Daphne were crazy about their sister and it bonded all of us. Deacon was so over the moon for Sadie, but he also made sure he didn't leave Maddie or Daphne out. He had learned to be such a good father.

Deacon had put the picture from the brides' room at Maddie's wedding on the mantel. I couldn't help but smile. It was a great family candid shot with Sadie making her presence known in her own unique way.

I took the photo down and looked at it closely, taking in all the individual moments. Maddie looking so happy and beautiful in her wedding dress. Teddy standing with Daphne and his wife, Katharine. I was so happy for Teddy that he had found someone as extraordinary as Katharine. Deacon and me together. I ran my finger over Sadie's little face. She constantly entertained us all and had been the perfect addition to our little family. And I was grateful that Deacon was getting to experience everything he'd missed with Maddie.

I put that one down and looked at the one next to it of Maddie with Deacon and me, at her wedding. Maddie looked so happy but I could see the struggle in Deacon's eyes not to cry. Then I walked over to the piano and picked up a picture of Deacon and me on our wedding day. We both looked so happy.

I thought about building this life now with Deacon, something I'd wanted for such a long time, but had convinced myself would never happen. It still caught me by surprise, now and then, that we had been able to build this amazing life together, first with Maddie and Daphne, and then adding Sadie to the mix.

I had been sure, after the accident, that we were done, once and for all. Even though we had to learn to be parents together for Maddie, I had told him that he had disappointed me by getting drunk when he'd found out about Maddie. That somehow that particular history had never changed and that my resentment was so much bigger than his.

In the aftermath of my break up with Luke, I still wasn't sure Deacon was the answer. Luke had said so many horrible things about me and about Deacon that it had irrevocably destroyed any positive feelings I'd ever had about that relationship. I really needed some time to heal. My heart wanted Deacon but my head reminded me of all our history and so I kept him at arms' length, reminding myself that when it had counted he'd found his answer in the bottom of a whiskey bottle. But there still the matter of what the heart wanted.

It turned out to be Tandy, of all people, that cut through my indecision. She agreed that yes, Deacon had gone out and gotten drunk that night when I'd confirmed what Maddie had discovered. That yes, it was an unfortunately predictable response. But she reminded me that I had shattered his whole world that night. That I, the person he had the most faith in and that he trusted more than anyone, had done the unthinkable. That I had not been the one to tell him this news and help him through it. That for those four days, he had hated me for hurting him and humiliating him, devastating him. And that maybe I needed to cut him some slack.

So I went to him and told him I had been wrong and that I did have to accept some of the blame for what had happened. But that I wanted to build from there and create a life where we could love and trust each other again. I was finally ready to wear that ring again and be his wife.

He asked me to marry him and asked Maddie and Daphne to be our family and we all said yes.

I hugged the picture to my chest and smiled. I hoped Maddie and Jake would be as happy as Deacon and I were. Deacon had waited a long time for me and that felt a little bittersweet. I had loved him since I was sixteen, even when he hadn't made it easy. But I guess I saw something in him that kept me from really letting him go and the time that I had believed I needed to sever our ties had been made impossible because he was Maddie's father.

I wanted nothing more for all my daughters than to love and be loved by someone who would treasure them. Even though I would have liked for Maddie to have more time before she'd committed her life to someone, she was right when she had reminded me that I had done just that when I was sixteen. Of course, my path had taken so many twists and turns before I had finally ended up with Deacon. I thought about Maddie and Jake, standing at the altar saying their vows, and I thought that she had had the wedding I'd thought I would have, when I was a little girl. But neither of mine had been like that.

When I'd married Teddy, it was in one of the parlors at the country club, wearing a loose dress that somewhat hid the fact that I was already pregnant. While I had felt such gratefulness to Teddy for rescuing me, and I did feel a kind of love for him, most of what I felt that day was sorrow. Sorrow that Deacon was, yet again, in rehab. That he could not give me what I truly wanted – a life and a marriage that would be filled with love, as we raised our family together. I learned to love Teddy over the years. Not the way I loved Deacon – I never felt my heart race when I saw Teddy or even when I thought of him – but a comfortable, safe, secure love. A love that nicely covered the yearning I had still felt for Deacon every single day.

When I married Deacon, we did it in his backyard, at the house we had lived in together for so many years. The house that enveloped me every time I walked into it and reminded me that this man was part of me, even when I didn't want him to be. I wore a jean skirt and flannel shirt that day, along with my favorite boots. I don't know if anyone but Deacon knew that the shirt was one of his. But it didn't feel like it had to be a formal affair, just another part of the life we would share for the rest of ours. It was filled with love and laughter and music, and I had never been happier in my life.

I was happy to give Maddie the lovely church wedding, with her in a beautiful white wedding dress. It had turned out that I realized it would never suit me to do that for myself. I felt sure that if I'd married Luke, we would have had some variation on that theme, and I knew it would have been all wrong, just like the marriage would have been.

I think I'd always known, though, that it would be Deacon in the end. When he showed up at my house that night and gave me back the ring, it was inevitable. I decided I didn't care what people would say if I broke up with Luke. I was scared, of course, but more because of my history with Deacon than because of any potential scandal. More than anything, though, I wanted to believe that with no more secrets, no more obstacles, we could finally make it work.

When I did break things off with Luke, there had been so much negative press over the fact that I had ended the "next great country music power couple", mostly fueled by Luke, I was sure. But just as quickly, they embraced the whole "star-crossed lovers" and "lifelong soul mates" angle of Deacon and me. Not that either of us pushed that; we would rather have just done things quietly, with no fanfare at all.

When I finally realized that the most utter and total peace I'd ever felt in my life was when I told Deacon that I loved him and wanted to be his wife, I knew I'd made the right choice. And I had. It had felt a lot like that night I'd abandoned Liam and St. Lucia and showed up on Deacon's door step. Only better, because this was for keeps.

Deacon and I were still passionate people, and we still disagreed and fought, but we never went to bed angry. And that sweet passion in bed never left us. He still turned me on whenever I even thought of him and I could see in his eyes that he felt the same.

I sat down on the couch and looked at the picture again, smiling at the love you could see in both our faces that day. I could feel him in this room and it made me wish again that he was at home. I wanted Maddie to have a love like this with Jake. And I wanted the same one day for Daphne and Sadie. Eventually I found myself curled up on the couch and then, apparently, I fell asleep.


"Mama!" came Sadie's sweet little voice, coached, I was sure, by her daddy to be soft. "Mama, wake up! I'm home!"

I opened my eyes and smiled. "My baby!" I said when I saw her.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not a baby," she declared, in her normal voice. "Get up!" she commanded.

I looked past her to see Deacon standing in the doorway, his eyebrows raised, an indulgent smile on his face. "But I'm taking a nap," I protested, looking back at Sadie.

She shook her head. "No. Daddy and I are home now and we need to be with you."

I sat up. "Well, then, I can't think of anything I'd rather do." I took a last look at the wedding photo and put it back where it had been, then walked over to give Deacon a warm, lingering kiss, with the promise of more. Then we each took one of Sadie's hands and headed towards the kitchen.