She was hot and out of breath by the time she made it up the steps to apartment 1406. She felt nauseous and maybe it was from nerves, she wasn't sure.

Mama had been happy, but she didn't know the half of it. Sango had been supportive and Miroku had been encouraging. Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi had been surprised, immediately wondering who the father was, but happy, thinking that she'd finally gotten over that 'jerk' Inuyasha.

And he really was a jerk.

She'd worn navy blue shorts, sandals and a tank top that showed off a still flat stomach.

"So, you finally decided to stop ignoring me, huh, Higurashi?"

She watched as his lips curved into a smirk but there was something unusual about those eyes today. He could probably smell it on her, but he seemed too excited to notice.

Not that she cared about his excitement, not that he cared about hers.

He examined her outfit, looked at her all over and she felt her cheeks burning hot like they always did, and she knew if he towered over her with those cold eyes and an icebox for a heart again, she'd have to push him away. But she never got used to the idea of pushing Inuyasha away, so…

…his hands were on her hips, nose muffled into her neck. This wasn't romantic, it never was. It was always purely aggressive, him getting tastes of what he knew couldn't be his anymore.

Her hands shook, but she pushed him away. He obliged, surprised. And there were those cold eyes once more.

"I've got something to tell you, Inuyasha…" she muttered. He hadn't been able to tell, maybe he would've if the scent of Kikyo's perfume wasn't clogging her senses.

He looked at her expectantly, arms crossed and his stance slightly awkward, it had been weird pushing him away and he knew it, too.

"I—" she started, not exactly knowing how to tell him. She laughed for the first time since she'd gotten the news. "I came over here to do it, but also, for another reason, too. I had to tell you something," nausea hit her with a wave and her knees were shaky like her hands, so she sat back down. "Now that I'm here, I don't wanna do it today. I don't want to tell you."

He nodded again, and she couldn't fucking stand it whenever he did that.

He was silent for a while before speaking up. "I'm sorry."

She looked at him.

"I…I called you because I wanted to end things. I…I proposed to Kikyo a few days ago, and I'm not going to let you fuck this up for me, you hear me? I shouldn't have came on to you, especially when I was supposed to be ending things. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you, you pushed me away."

She was stunned for a long time, and then she found the strength to whisper. At least it was something…right? "H-how…when, Yasha?"

He snarled at her old nickname for him. "I love her and I'm not going to let you fuck this up for me…and if you must know, it was our nine month anniversary. I should've stopped a long time ago."

He shook his head. "Are you gonna stay? Or are you leaving?"

She raised a brow, emotions running wild. "Are you suggesting I fuck you one last time by asking me if I'm going to stay? You said it yourself, you don't want me to fuck this up for you and you love her."

He smirked. "I change my mind. One more go at it for old time's sake?"

She stood, red in the face. "You're a fucking pig!"

He laughed. "Learn how to use sarcasm, 'Gome. It gets you far. Goodbye."

That was all she heard from him before she slammed his door so hard she prayed the hinges would break off. She wished she would have listened before.

XXXXX

Once upon a time ago, Kagome loved this boy whose hair looked like the moon, whose eyes looked like the sun with heaven orbiting around them, and it hurt when he looked at her and it hurt even more when he didn't…

"I can't keep going through this shit with you!" she yelled at him, her eyes on fire and her soul so heavy to be such a young age.

He stood there, an angry expression taking over his face to mask guilt, because anger always helped.

She knew she shouldn't have gotten so attached, but you loved who you loved. And after a year of on and off dating, she'd found him in bed with someone else. Someone else had been in his dorm, someone else had been crying out his name.

It was always off and on with Inuyasha. One day he loved her, the next he wanted to be friends and nothing more. One day there was an 'I love you so much,' and the next there was a 'You know I care about you, and I don't want to hurt you, and I like you but…'

She was extremely intimidated by Kikyo, yes, but that wouldn't stop her from speaking her mind.

"I'm done with you!" she was so weak then, tears running down her face, probably snot, too. "You can take your whores and you can take everything else, and everyone else you think that gives a damn about you! And when you actually realize that that…that BITCH is fucking other people behind your back, which is a great fucking taste of your own medicine, and when you realize that all of your goddamn friends only want you for your money like that bitch does, don't you dare think about running back, Inuyasha! I am done!"

He never put one hand on Kagome, nor would he harm her in any way, the wench knew that. But as she stood there, making a scene, he swiftly reached forward to grip her arm, get her to calm down, but she tore away from him, and he received a smack that actually made his head go around in circles.

He hissed before pulling her away, pushing her roughly against the wall.

"Bitch…" he muttered. "Watch who you swing on."

And oh, there was nothing worse than feeling guilty, and there was nothing worse than knowing that his Kagome was gone for good all due to some stupid mistake he'd made.

She whimpered, flinching like she really thought he was going to hit her, and he was sure his heart broke…

Opening her eyes, tears still pouring down from them, she jerked away from him and he'd been so caught up over the fact that his heart was really breaking, that he didn't notice the fear in her eyes at first.

That made him feel like he was coming undone, and before he knew it, a whimper escaped past his lips and he eyes the bruise he'd put on her arm, and tried to pull her forward.

That fear was in her eyes again.

"Don't fucking touch me!" she hissed, blue-gray eyes bloodshot. "I don't want anything to do with you anymore."

He grabbed her again, suddenly terrified at the thought of her never sticking around. "Grow up, Kagome! We weren't in a relationship at the moment. I'm single. I'm not yours and if I want to fuck Kikyo-"

She tore away from him again and he was suddenly hopeless, realizing he'd just made it a trillion times worse.

"You fucking idiot! What did you expect me to do? Not fall in love even though you couldn't make up your fucking mind on who you wanted? I've watched you chased after her and bow down and practically kiss her feet, and one day you're saying you love me and the next I'm just a fucking friend! You kept me hoping you'd change…giving me false faith whenever you wanted your way with me, and I'm done! I'm a bigger idiot than you, because I kept feeding into the bullshit, believing it! And I'm done, I refuse to be a fool and sit around to get hurt when I know I don't have to be treated this way! I'm done!"

And she'd left him there, hopeless as he'd ever felt, guilt and anger and hatred coursing through his veins.

He'd never felt that alone, even if Kikyo was gorgeous and did want to pursue a relationship with him. Even if he did fuck her. Even if he did for a second think that he loved Kikyo…

nothing was making the fact that Kagome was no longer there better.

So from that day on, he decided he'd have an icebox for a heart, and also decided that hating Kagome would make him feel a little better, that it would give him a reason not to feel so miserable.

XXXXX

My name is Inuyasha, and I'm a fucking bastard.

I'm a self-loathing asshole who keeps fucking up with every single step I take in my life. Most people would describe me as a jerk, but I'm more than that. I'm a fucking nightmare walking, I'm the real deal, baby.

I am possessive, demanding, selfish, and miserable.

The bad part is that I shouldn't be miserable.

I should be brilliantly happy. I should be grateful and I should be nicer, but goddamnit, I can't bring myself to be any of those things.

Kikyo said yes. I don't think my mother was all that fond of her in the beginning. And if I want to be completely honest with myself, I'm getting married because I'm tired of being miserable. Money used to make me happy. Sex used to make me happy and the idea of marriage had scared me off ever since I was a teenager.

Now I'm a twenty-four year old man, or disgrace, whatever you'd like to call a half-demon, and I am forcing myself into a marriage I don't want.

It's been three weeks since Kagome stormed off from apartment 1406 with a red face and ocean eyes that had been set on fire, and even with Kikyo wrapped around me, I couldn't get the image of it out of my head, just like I couldn't get all the other times I'd hurt her, made her cry, made her angry, out of my head.

And that's why I'm a fucking asshole.

I don't know how or why or when we started sleeping around together once more. That's all we were about during high school and during college until she found me and Kikyo naked in our so called "cheat sheets." The fact that she'd used that weird play on a word instead of any other vulgar thing she could've said still made me crack a bit of a smile.

And I was such a fucking bastard, calling her and demanding that she come over, cheating on Kikyo with her, who'd happily obliged to pursue a relationship with me after Kagome left. I had gotten myself into a weird predicament, and it was one that tore at me every night and everyday.

I guess you're thinking that bastards feel no remorse, that bastard don't feel anything.

But God, I feel everything. I feel grateful when Kagome gives me her body almost every night after we've both come home from work, after we're both tired. At day we hate each other, and at night we hate each other, too, but we've always expressed hate at night time differently towards each other.

I fuck her and I fuck her hard so that I can keep hating her, but it never seems to quite do the job…

And I do hate her, I hate her for so many things. I hate how Kouga pursues her, how it sometimes seems like she's going to give in to a clumsy wolf that trips over his feet and words around her. I hated her for being that beautiful, beautiful enough to make me trip over my thoughts and feelings. I hated how quiet she was when I fucked her now, because how in the world could she be that quiet when I'm pounding into her like no other man will ever have the chance to? I hated the way she dressed, showing off a body that I knew as mine for as long as I could remember. I hated her ocean eyes and how hurt they always seemed.

And I hated her for not loving me back anymore while I was stuck the same way she'd left me years ago. I hated the way she made me feel alright, hated the way she left me feeling satisfied, and not even my beautiful, amazing girlfriend, Kikyo Hiroshima could do that.

I hated her for driving me to propose to Kikyo. I hated how easily she gave up on the thought of not being able to see me anymore, to fuck me anymore. I almost snarled at the thought of another man dominating her.

But god, oh fucking god I hated her the most for not loving me back anymore. Oh, how rough I fuck her when I think of that very idea, making my blood pump heatedly and making my cock harden even more in pure fucking anger, and oh, how deep my claws dug into her hips when I think of that.

Because that's what bastards do.

Bastards also decided to check up on women they loved who didn't love them back, because bastards were possessive, selfish, demanding jerks.

So I called her, being sure to keep the triangular ears atop of my head attentive, making sure Kikyo wasn't waking up. Bastards also were disgusted by the word fiancé…

Five rings and she never picked up.

XXXXX

His heart began to pump a little faster, because bastards had hearts too, and sometimes, his heart decided not to be an icebox.

He knew he'd get cussed out just like a bastard should, but he called Sango anyway.

And what she told him made his heart stop.

"She moved a week ago. I'm sorry, I didn't feel the need to tell you considering you and her don't get on well. Now goodnight, Inuyasha. Go be with your fiancé. I'm sure she wants you back in bed."

Sometimes, bastards threw their cellphones into walls so hard that it shattered to pieces. Sometimes bastards felt like collapsing to the floor and pulling their hair out, or cowering under a bed until it was all over.

Sometimes, bastards decided to step up and be men, too, and take what they knew was always theirs.