It was hard to believe.
Could you imagine it? Baby smooth skin and diaper rashes and formula?
Could you imagine that just one act committed by a man and woman who either loved each other, hated each other, felt nothing at all for each other, or a mix between all or two of the feelings, could create something like that?
Someone that took more love than it gave. Someone who giggled and smiled and laughed and kicked its legs at you. Someone that you had to burp and feed and give all your undivided attention to, someone that made you feel as if every bad or good thing you'd ever did in your life led up to them. Someone that had little hands and little feet and someone that grew a heart while inside of his or her mother.
Inuyasha could imagine it all. Shitty and pissy diapers and crying all night and not getting any sleep and puke and baby lotion and baby powder. The idea had never appealed to him before. It had been gross, it had been unacceptable in his eyes. And now it was all he could think of.
Kagome was five and a half months today. This was his first time coming to any doctor's appointments with him, and she'd warned him to be cool, not to pass out, and not to keep asking her if she wanted to find out what they were having because she wanted it to be kept a secret until she held her baby in her arms, heard it's first cry.
But with lots of begging and more than just enough love—sometimes extra love that Kagome could not deny—she'd agreed.
He watched as the wand smoothed the cold gel over her basketball-sized belly, his brow twitching in anticipation. She'd showed him all of the pictures, but he wanted to see their baby moving around inside of her with his own eyes.
His eyes were intensely watching the screen, and when the image popped up…he could've passed out but he promised Kagome he wouldn't.
It was like all the words the doctor said went in one ear and out of the other…saying the baby was healthy…yeah, like he didn't know that already. He took good care of Kagome, made sure she got her rest and also made sure that he did possibly every single thing he could do for her, whether it be cooking or cleaning and whatever else she needed done. He rubbed her back when she got cramps in it, held her hair back when she felt nauseous every once in a blue moon. He massaged her, he made her cry out his name in ecstasy and made sure his baby wouldn't be crippled by their acts…or blind…but it was a possibility…but he hoped not, and he showered her with everything she desired. He made her happy, made sure she ate right and took her vitamins and drunk bunches of water…of course their kid was fucking healthy.
His soon-to-be wife was smiled at him out of the corner of her eye before she turned her attention back to the baby…
Their baby, with her heart of gold and with her ambition and love, with his strength and courage and protectiveness.
"It's a girl, congratulations!"
And then, he almost did pass out…with the gasp of happiness that came from Kagome and the doctor saying it's healthy over and over again…shut the fuck up because he already knew…but other than that there was this sort of roar in his ears, one that made him want to pull Kagome out of there and make her scream over and over again for making him be the proud father of a beautiful daughter.
"Did you hear that, Yash? It's a girl, so that means that all those boy clothes you brought, you can return them or give them to Sango once her little one comes…but we're having a girl!"
She was so excited that she was about to burst.
He growled then, realizing how many guys would be after his beautiful daughter—and of course, it was Kagome who had to laugh at him in happiness and amusement.
XXXXX
I've never seen something so tiny in all my life.
I was scared to touch her, she looked so breakable, so vulnerable.
I remember being scared when Kagome handed her over to me, an encouraging smile on her face. Her eyes were tired, her body sore, but she never lost energy or the life in her eyes.
The first thing I ever did was hold her. The second thing I did was touch her soft skin with my nose, breathing in her scent. She was fresh…clean…pure, and men, nor bastards, ever cried, so I didn't. All those tears were unshed. Her scent meant that she was a chance to make the world a better place.
I've seen and done horrible things in my life. I've seen people die and I've hurt people and I've been mean to people. I have cursed and drank and fought my entire life. I've been ridiculed and discriminated against and I've been hurt. I've been hurt so much before. I have lost my sanity at times and I've almost lost my mind.
She was the first pure thing I've ever seen. She was the only good and pure thing I'd ever seen. My eyes were almost glowing as I watched her mouth open for a yawn, a midnight black ear twitching. And then, the little thing was falling asleep on me.
I fell in love with Kagome again. I fell in love with everything again, and I fell in love with this terrifyingly small, small, small version of me and Kagome over and over and over again until I knew just how precious she was.
I think of her…I think of the only pure and simple—but so extraordinary—thing that I've ever seen.
XXXXX
He spent the whole night holding them.
Even when Kagome lifted up her top and let her wandering little mouth make its way to latch on to her nipple, he had his arm around her, his head on her shoulder. He was exhausted, and began to wonder if you could actually be exhausted from being in complete bliss.
Kaya.
Simple, clean, pure. He preferred the Greek origin. Kagome had looked at her with proud eyes and claimed, swore to God that her heart could never be tainted with darkness.
He was in love with her name and even more in love with her.
They sat in the dark, his eyes almost glowing as he watched his suckling, hungry child. He watched as his mate rocked her back and forth in her arms, humming to her a sweet melody…
And she was so terrifyingly tiny, so terrifyingly fragile. She was a much smaller version of her mother, with her pink lips and with the waves of midnight matted to her tiny head, with the paleness of her skin and…and she wasn't all her mother. She was some of him, too, with his golden eyes and his ears, and oh, how soft her black ears were, just like his. Her mother had cooed in happiness and admiration when she seen them, her bright smile bouncing off the walls of the whole room.
He figured he'd never known this kind of love if it wasn't for Kagome…and was he ever so thankful for her.
He'd been in there with him while she almost crushed his hand to small pieces, been in there pushing her hair back from her face and swiping her tears away and kissing her head, whispering sweet nothings into her ear and encouraging her…
He'd seen all she'd been through today, and the sight was enough to make him fall to his knees and apologize for every single thing he'd put her through in the past. He'd never been so grateful, so thankful, so in awe of all the strength that she harbored…only because he'd never imagined this did he not know she had that strength. She hadn't wanted her mother or Sango or anyone else by her side…of course, they were there encouraging her…but it was him who got to hold her hand and make things all better. She'd told him that he was worth it…that their baby girl was worth it…
He didn't know how to accept it all. He didn't understand why she wanted to be with him, why she had offered to have even more of his children…of course in a few years, she'd reminded him, saying that she needed a break after this one was over with, he didn't understand why or how or when she'd made that choice to keep his child while believing that he loved another woman, while knowing he'd proposed to and slept with another woman.
And he didn't want to think about that. He didn't even want to hear it.
Kaya was sound asleep now, her tiny belly full and her lips moving slightly as she slept.
"Inuyasha…" her voice was weak and quiet, and she yawned. "Hold her. I'm tired…I'm so tired."
He kissed her forehead, and then Kaya was in his arms, and a broad smile took place over his lips as his eyes glowed down at his daughter with pride, admiration, love, and joy. Kaya's breath was slow and steady, just like her mothers, and he found himself looking back and forth between the two, wondering how he'd gotten this lucky.
He hadn't wanted to be in the delivery room, really. And then he'd heard her moaning. He'd heard her screaming. He was used to making her moan, making her scream. After all, that was how Kaya had gotten here in the first place. But they weren't the good kinds of moaning and screaming, not the ones that made him hot all over, not the ones that made him pull her closer to him and…
He blushed. Not like he was prude, but he didn't want to think those things around his child, he felt as if he was polluting her mind or something…
But he had heard her agony. He had fucking felt it, for god's sake. The smells made his nose scrunch up in disgust as soon as he stepped in…like hospitals didn't make him sick enough…but it was fucking birth anyway, so he overcame it, just for his love, just for his wench, just for his child.
Kaya had came out kicking and screaming and crying…kicking and screaming and laughing, showing the world and all the nurses and doctors and her parents that she was finally there, and there to stay for a long time.
He rocked her back and forth, humming to her just as her mother had.
He smirked. Her scent was still fresh and clean, she smelled like a newborn with a chance to make the world better. She smelled so pure and clean, and she smelled like her mother, but there was also the distinctive scent of his mixing with theirs.
He liked watching her, he liked seeing her smile in her sleep, he liked the sight of her nose and ears twitching slightly.
Probably looking like an idiot but not giving a damn in the world, he watched the mother of his child and his daughter and for the first time, he knew what a real family felt like.
He held them, let Kagome lay on his side, let his daughter lay on his chest. Their steady and slow, cadenced breathing kept him calm for the rest of night, kept him from bursting from excitement or weeping for being thankful.
Not like he'd weep anyway…maybe he'd come close to some unshed tears today but that was all anyone would ever get out of him…
And he had everything he needed right here, so he held them, just held them.
He'd never let go.
