Chapter 4

A Love to Outshine Them All

Loki was curled up in his armchair with Svarti in his arms, the baby babbling contentedly while Loki chuckled and talked to him softly. At four months old he was still small, but very active; even when being held he liked to move around, stretching his arms and kicking legs. Loki liked to say that Svarti would end up being just like Thor because of it. It helped that he looked just like his father in the shape of his features and the smooth texture of his hair, though for the most part he had Loki's coloring, and the marking set him apart. Loki often found himself tracing the ridges on the baby's forehead, having discovered that it was a good way of getting him to fall asleep.

Loki still worried that people would treat his son differently, or even badly, because of the way he looked. Whenever he and Thor brought Svarti out, he held the baby close and felt his heart race each time a new person came near. But despite his fears, the worst he'd ever seen was a look of surprise. Perhaps that was because the people who truly hated him made a point of staying away.

Loki looked up when he heard the door open and smiled softly when Thor entered.

"Hello, my love," Thor smiled back as he crossed the room. When he was just a few feet away he stopped, a look of bewilderment mixing with his smile. "Look at you…" he breathed as he carefully set down the bag he carried.

Loki had a moment of confusion before his eyes widened and he remembered. He had picked up the habit of allowing his own markings to appear whenever he and Svarti were alone. He didn't lift the enchantment completely, not wanting to change his features too much, but the patterns were obvious against his pale skin, just as they were on Svarti. He looked away, quickly covering the markings as his skin burned with shame. "I-I…"

"Wait, bring them back." Loki slowly glanced up at Thor, and found only sincere curiosity looking back at him. Thor was closer now, and he knelt next to Loki's chair. Loki sighed, closing his eyes as he let the enchantment fade just enough to reveal the patterns on his skin. Thor smiled again. "Gods, you're beautiful."

Loki blinked, and his mouth opened but he didn't know what to say. He had expected interest, questions, but not to be complimented like that. It stirred something inside him that made him feel ill. "Beautiful…" he shook his head. "Thor, I'm not—"

"Yes, you are," Thor chuckled. "Don't try to convince me otherwise."

Loki rolled his eyes, looking back down at Svarti. "I just do it for him," he said defensively. "So he'll know why he looks the way he does…" Thor nodded.

"You don't have to be ashamed of it," he sighed. He reached up to run the back of his hands over Loki's cheek. Loki forced himself not to flinch as he felt Thor's fingers rise and fall over the ridges. He turned his gaze up to Thor.

"Who says I'm ashamed of it?"

"You did, when you tried to hide it from me." Loki sighed, knowing Thor was right, but didn't respond. Thor waited, but when no reply came he continued. "You shouldn't hide yourself from anyone," he murmured. "You don't have to give up the enchantment completely, but if you were to stay like this…" he traced one of the marks that followed Loki's cheekbone. Loki pulled away.

"Thor, don't," he shook his head again. He didn't want to have this conversation. It was too much; it hit too many painful places inside him. "I told you, I'm only doing it for him," his voice bordered on pleading in its insistence. "Just so that he knows he's not alone."

Thor pulled his hand away and sighed, finally picking up on Loki's distress. "Do you think he won't notice that you hide it from everyone else?" He murmured. "He will be alone. He'll think that he should hide too."

Loki stared at Thor for a moment, staying silent. He knew that Thor was right. He hated that Thor was right. He covered his mouth with his hand, trying to breathe normally. "Thor, I…" he choked in a breath. "Thor, I can't…"

"Why not?" Thor asked softly, cupping Loki's face in his hand. "It's not as if no one knows about this. There's no need to hide."

"Yes, there is," Loki insisted, though he kept his voice soft as well. Neither of them wanted to upset the baby. "It's one thing for people to know, it's another thing entirely for them to have to see it. If I'd had the chance, I would have covered his markings as well, but I was hardly in my right mind when I first saw them, and then you wouldn't let me."

Thor sighed. "And I'm glad you didn't insist on it, but that means that everyone has seen these markings on him. They know where it comes from, and I have yet to encounter anyone who was off put by them. He is an innocent, he cannot help what he looks like, and neither can you." He brushed his hand gently through Loki's hair. "You did not ask to be brought here. You did not ask to be different."

"But if I flaunt it…" Loki murmured, and the words tore at his throat as he forced them out. "If I make it more obvious that I am different, or make it seem like I'm proud of it, what will people think?"

"Loki, this isn't a drastic change. And you should be proud of looking this way. It's beautiful," Thor smiled. "Exotic as well."

Loki grimaced. "Why must you always flatter me like that?"

"Because I never seen to run out of reasons to do so," Thor chuckled, hoping for a smile from Loki, though he did not get one. He stole a kiss from Loki's cheek before continuing. "I would love to see you like this all the time, and I do truly believe that it would be good for him to see you like this outside of this room."

Loki sent Thor an accusatory look. "And if we have another child who has blue skin, will you tell me that I need to weaken the enchantment even more?" That stumped Thor for several moments.

"I'm not going to force you to give it up completely if you truly don't want to, so I'm not sure what I would tell you then." He looked at Loki for a moment. "You know, I've never seen what you look like without the enchantment."

"For good reason," Loki turned away, adjusting Svarti in his arms. He smiled for a moment when he noticed how intently the baby was watching them both and gave the boy his finger to hold. It pained him to feel the joy brought out by his baby's contentment. "You say you would think I am beautiful under any circumstances, but I doubt such a promise would extend to that form."

"I still would like to see you like that," Thor murmured. "I've wondered about it. And now that I've seen this…"

"Thor," Loki warned.

"I'm not demanding it," Thor held his hands up. "I'm only telling you, I'm curious."

Loki sighed. "We'll see. About all of it. I just need to think this over." As much as Loki hated to admit it, there was merit to what Thor had said, but it would take a great deal for him to make such a leap. And those weren't problems he wanted to deal with.

"Of course," Thor nodded, and Loki had never been more grateful that the man was so forgiving. Perhaps he understood Loki's difficulties, perhaps he didn't, but either way he respected the pronouncement. Thor looked down at Svarti when the baby started fussing, and narrowed his eyes a bit when he let go of Loki's finger in favor of tugging on the front of his shirt. Loki just smiled.

"Patience, my little one," he murmured, moving the tiny hands out of his way to unlace his shirt, adjusting Svarti so he could nurse. The baby soon quieted, curling up against Loki. Thor chuckled.

"Is that how he asks to be fed now?"

"Yes," Loki smiled, glad for the change of subject. Even now, Svarti had his ways of distracting them both. "He's a clever boy."

"Just like you."

Loki rolled his eyes, turning to smirk at Thor. "Well he certainly doesn't get it from you."

Thor laughed. "Where will I be when I have that coming from two silvertongues?"

"Oh I'm sure you'll manage somehow," Loki chuckled before Thor kissed his forehead then his lips quickly. It didn't take long for Loki to return to watching Svarti and he sighed sweetly when his baby looked up at him.

"What's it like, feeding him like that?" Loki glanced at Thor when he heard the question, though it took a few moments to process. He gave a one shoulder shrug.

"It feels exactly how you'd expect, like there's a little mouth sucking on your nipple," he murmured, turning his attention back to the baby. He smiled when he saw that Svarti was still looking at him and stroked the back of his little hand gently.

"Well I can imagine how it feels physically," Thor chuckled. "But you get such a dreamy look on your face every time, there must be something more than just the physical sensation."

Loki nodded slowly. "Yes, you're right." He paused for a moment, thinking. "I suppose it's because this connects him to me again, the way we were connected while I was pregnant. I like feeling that again, that I'm providing for him." He looked over at Thor, embarrassed when he found Thor staring back, smiling. "What?"

"I love you."

Loki rolled his eyes. "You are such a fool."

"But you love me as well."

"Yes," Loki sighed. "I do." That earned him another kiss on his cheek at which he smiled. When Svarti finished nursing, Loki laid the baby on his lap, allowing him to move around a bit more. When Svarti's eyes found Thor the man's face lit up.

"And how is my boy doing today?" he cooed and Svarti smiled, squealing happily when Thor picked him up off of Loki's lap. Loki laughed softly when Thor nuzzled his nose against Svarti's and made the baby giggle, his tiny hands finding Thor's beard as always. Loki had no problems letting Thor dote on Svarti during the evenings. In fact he loved to see how gentle and playful Thor could be, not to mention that it was a nice rest for him, since during the day Svarti was entirely his. Frigga came over sometimes and helped him, but more often than not it was just Loki and the baby together all day. Since he and Thor were not yet married, Thor was still working out some of the legal issues, and he had no real power in the realm, there wasn't much else for him to do. But Loki loved playing with his baby. Svarti seemed to grow so quickly, Loki didn't want to miss a moment. It wasn't uncommon for Thor to return to their rooms and discover Loki completely caught up in some game he was playing with Svarti, whether it involved toys or was simply a round of tickling and laughing. One time Thor had even discovered Loki lying on his back, lifting Svarti up in the air before bringing him back down for a kiss, each time to a different spot. Both baby and mother had been so enraptured by their simple game that it had taken several minutes for Loki to notice the other man's presence in the room. They'd both laughed before Thor had helped Loki off the ground.

"Would you like to see the gift I have from your grandmother?" Loki was pulled from his reminiscing to watch Thor riffling through the pocket of his cloak with one hand as he cradled the baby in the other arm. Loki covered his mouth to stifle a laugh when Thor revealed the 'gift'. It was a tiny version of Mjölnir, just the right size for a baby's hands. What would be stone on the real weapon looked to be simply smooth, grey leather, decorated with embroidered patterns and multicolored crystals, while the handle was covered with soft fur, dark brown in color. As Thor moved the toy back and forth, the crystals caught the evening light to cast it around in shimmering dots and the toy emitted a trill with each movement, high-pitched and soft so as to delight little ears. Svarti's violet eyes went wide and his mouth opened in what could only be awe before he reached out, cooing and eagerly grabbing at the toy as soon as it was within his reach.

"I'll have to thank mother for that next time she comes to visit," Loki smiled as the baby busied himself with his new discoveries, more than once putting the tiny hammer in his mouth as he learned each of the new textures, as well as the fascinating sound it made when he figured out how to shake it properly. "It seems she's created his new favorite toy."

"Indeed, I didn't expect him to be this thrilled," Thor nodded, laughing when the baby suddenly giggled with unabashed joy. Svarti turned his head to look at Loki, smiling as he shook the toy again, showing it off. Loki smiled in return.

"Yes, I see you," he cooed. "You're just having a grand time, aren't you?" Svarti giggled again before returning his attention to the toy, kicking his feet and babbling the way he always did when he was truly excited about something. Loki leaned his head on his hand as he watched the baby.

"I have a gift for you as well."

Loki propped his head up more to meet Thor's gaze. "You do?"

"The betrothal piece you requested, I have it for you now."

Loki's eyes widened a bit. Even though he'd asked for this gift, he was still inexplicably shocked to receive it. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Thor laughed a little. He got up to place Svarti in his cradle, since the baby obviously was having no trouble entertaining himself, before kneeling to pull a box out of the bag he'd been carrying. Loki raised an eyebrow at the impressive size.

"Well there's no wondering why it took four months to make," he chuckled, and Thor looked a bit sheepish.

"I wanted it to be unlike anything else," he explained, coming to sit in the chair next to Loki's. "I hope you won't find it too extravagant."

"You should know my healthy appreciation for finery by now," Loki smiled. He was surprised to find his heart pounding just the slightest bit faster in his eagerness to see Thor's gift. He gasped when Thor finally opening the box to reveal a necklace.

"By the gods, Thor…" he breathed. The neck was stunning, a collar style so it would sit at the base of the neck a spread out over his clavicle, shoulders, and the nape of his neck. Loki carefully reached to run his hands over what had to be hundreds if not thousands of tiny beads woven together, mostly gold and silver but intermixed was the occasional row of emeralds, sapphires, rubies or amethysts.

"Do you like it?"

"Like it?" Loki had to laugh breathlessly at Thor's uncertainty. "Thor, it's breathtaking. I love it." Thor's smile shone brighter than the necklace itself.

"Let me put it on you." Loki nodded at once, standing when Thor did and turning around to make things easier. He closed his eyes, as if waiting for a surprise. The simple tunic he wore exposed all of his neck and part of his shoulders so he felt it completely as the cool metal came to rest against his skin. The necklace was heavy, expectedly so, but the even distribution of the weight made it comfortable. Loki drew in a slow breath as he opened his eyes, one hand coming to rest gently over the delicate beads. He turned to Thor.

"So how do I look?"

"I think you said it best," Thor smiled as he cupped Loki's face with both hands to kiss him. "Breathtaking." Loki found a moment to grin before Thor kissed him again. Loki melted into him, his hands resting on Thor's shoulders as their bodies pressed together and he surprised himself when a small moan slipped out. He and Thor had not made love since the birth of their son, partially because Loki had still been recovering, but also because Svarti had proved a demanding baby of all hours; it was only very recently that he had begun to sleep through the night. But Loki could feel that his body had healed itself, and he was eager to bed his love once more. He had to pull away when he felt Thor's hands fall to his hips, trying to pull him closer.

"Not right now," he murmured, casting a glance over his shoulder at the cradle. "Later, when he's asleep."

"You mean that?"

Loki nodded. "Yes, why would you think that I don't?"

"It's just…we haven't in so long. Are you sure your body is healed?"

Loki raised an eyebrow. "You were the one trying to grind yourself against me and now you're so concerned?"

Thor winced a little. "Sorry, I was just caught up… You know I would have stopped at your request."

"And you did, thank you." Loki kissed Thor again quickly and smiled. Thor chuckled, bringing his hand up to stroke Loki's cheek. The dark-haired man felt his own markings under Thor's fingers and watched as fascination flitted in Thor's eyes once again. "You really do like them, don't you?"

Thor met Loki's gaze and nodded. "I do." Loki sighed. If Thor could accept this, maybe he could as well. He nodded in response.

"Thank you," he whispered. Thor just smiled.

xxxxxx

Later that evening, once the sun had set, Loki laid a now sleeping Svarti in his crib. He rested his hands on the side of the cradle to watch the baby's peaceful expression, and smiled when he felt Thor's solid arms wind around his waist.

"I have the loveliest family in all the nine realms," the blond murmured.

"I think I can agree with that," Loki chuckled, leaning his head back against Thor's shoulder. He smiled when he felt Thor's hand move his long, dark hair, exposing the pale skin it had been hiding. Loki had removed the necklace for now, giving Thor full access to his neck and shoulder, which the man readily took advantage of. He felt Thor's lips against his nape first and he closed his eyes as the kisses moved up the column of his neck.

"I finalized everything today," Thor whispered against Loki's skin. "We can be married within the month." Loki's eyes flew open and he whipped his head around to look at Thor, who gave only a perplexed smile. "Well that's not quite the reaction I expected."

"Sorry," Loki murmured. "I just didn't think…"

"Think what?"

Loki sighed. "I suppose I didn't think that it would actually happen."

"Well it will," Thor laughed, hugging Loki tighter for a moment. "So, do I get to call you my wife?"

Loki rolled his eyes and, after murmuring a quick spell to block any noise from reaching the baby's ears, turned to face Thor, sliding his arms around the taller man's neck. "I don't know about that," he grinned.

"I already call you the mother of our child," Thor offered.

"Well that is simply accurate based on anatomy," Loki shrugged, still smiling thoughtfully as he traced his hands down Thor's armor. "How about this," he smirked, looking up at Thor. "Officially, I'll be your husband, but when we're alone, you can call me your wife."

Thor grinned. "I can live with that." Loki chuckled in reply before pulling Thor down for a kiss, focusing on their contact and trying to ignore his racing heart. He had been considering Thor's request to see his jotunn form. It terrified him at first to think of the consequences, but when he remembered Thor's fascination with his markings, and the gentle reassurances that he wouldn't force Loki into anything, he began to think that maybe it wouldn't do so much harm. He broke the kiss gently, smiling up at Thor

"Let's go to bed," he murmured, his lips still brushing against Thor's. Thor grinned before easily scooping Loki up, causing a startled yelp form the man in his arms, and carrying him across the room to their bed. Loki sent Thor a disapproving look, but didn't struggle, and laughed when Thor dropped him on the bed. He did, however, stop Thor with a hand on the man's chest when he leaned in for a kiss. "I want you to close your eyes. I have a surprise for you now."

Thor narrowed his eyes a bit, but did as he was asked after a moment. Loki took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he let his clothes fade from his body, then lifted the enchantment completely, save for his eyes, which he allowed to remain their normal green color. He moved his hands up to cup Thor's face gently, and by Thor's smile knew that the man could sense the subtle change in his skin's temperature. Loki had cool skin compared to that of Asgardians, but without the enchantment the difference was even more pronounced.

"Can I open my eyes yet?" Thor asked, his eager curiosity clear in his voice.

"Yes," Loki's whisper came out far weaker than he had expected. His heart was racing once again; he'd never felt more exposed in his life. He bit his lip when Thor opened his eyes.

"Loki…" Thor breathed, his lips parted in amazement. His eyes moved up and down Loki's body as he leaned back to get a better look, which caused Loki to have to pull his hands back. They fell to his own chest as Loki's self-consciousness grew under Thor's burning gaze.

"Are you going to say anything?" His voice was thin and nervous. He just needed Thor to say something. Good, bad, anything was better than just—

"I don't know what to say." Loki was surprised when Thor laughed breathlessly, picking Loki's hands up and kissing them both. "You're beautiful, as you always are, but it's more than that. It's like I'm seeing you for the first time, and I can hardly believe it."

"I am still myself, you know." The statement sounded like a question, and Thor cupped Loki's face gently.

"Yes, you are," Thor reassured him. "And you still look like yourself, only the color has changed." He tilted his head as something dawned on him. "Except the color of your eyes."

Loki shrugged. "The red can be quite…unnerving. I didn't want to shock you."

"You won't shock me," Thor promised. "Show me, will you?" At the slightest sign of reluctance from Loki he added, "Please. I want to see you."

Loki sighed before closing his eyes and letting the last piece of the enchantment fall away. He opened his eyes slowly and stared up at Thor. The blond man sucked in a breath at the sight, utterly speechless. He had known the color to expect, but not the intensity. Loki's eyes seemed to almost glow in the dim light of their bedroom. And the contrast from his rich, azure skin made it unlike anything Thor had ever seen. He couldn't find the words to describe how incredible, how striking, breathtaking, and enthralling it was, but when he saw those lovely eyes suddenly fill with tears he knew he had been silent too long.

"You don't like it," Loki whimpered. He tried to pull away from Thor and let out a soft, pleading cry when he felt the larger man grab for him, holding him tightly. They struggled for a moment, but Loki still ended up in Thor's lap, facing away from him. "Thor, don't try to lie to me. I saw it. I saw it in your eyes. You don't like me like this."

"Loki, that is not what you saw," Thor insisted, holding Loki close against his body, though the smaller man considered it a small victory that he'd managed to tangle himself in the sheet, hiding much of his body from Thor. The blond made no move to uncover him, still speaking softly. "I'm sorry I only stared at you, I should not have, but it was not out of repulsion."

Loki only shook his head weakly, gripping the blanket tighter around his body. He had no desire to pull away from Thor, all he wanted was for the man to hold him, but he could not bear the thought of being lied to. He wanted Thor to love him, all of him, but how could he?

"Loki, please, look at me," Thor pleaded, stroking his hand through the thick, dark curls of Loki's hair as his love started to tremble in his arms. Thor was suddenly struck by the thought that he had never seen Loki so open and vulnerable. He bowed his head to kiss Loki's shoulder, murmuring against his skin. "Loki, I did not have the words to describe how I saw you. I have never seen anything like this—"

"Yes, you have!" Loki cried. "You have been to Jotunheim, you have seen the monsters that live there." Tears were flowing now and Loki whimpered again. "You just like it on me because I'm small enough to share your bed!"

"Loki, that is not true!" Loki was startled by what sounded like anger in Thor's voice, but when he quickly turned around he found only concern and hurt on Thor's face. The man sighed. "Do you really think so little of me?" Loki opened his mouth but nothing came out, so Thor continued. "I am not simply tolerating this form because I want to bed you. I like it," he shook his head, "I love it because it is a part of you, and I love you with all my heart."

Loki felt himself tremble at Thor's sincerity, and when he closed his eyes a tear slipped down each cheek. He bit his lip when he felt Thor cup his face and kiss his forehead tenderly.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry!" He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. For saying cruel things to Thor, he supposed, when the man had done nothing but try to care for him, even though his efforts were sometimes less than effective. But as he started to weep anew it felt like he was saying even more than that. Thor just held Loki as he cried. He had become so accustomed to Loki's fits of emotion, his sudden anger followed by tearful reconciliations, that by now he was sure that nothing could phase him. Loki was so private, and so hated having to make himself vulnerable, that no matter how his emotions forced their way out Thor was willing to oblige them.

They stayed that way for a long time, Loki trembling and whimpering pathetically as he cried in Thor's arms. Thor only whispered praise, telling him how lovely he was in any form, but also how much more he was than just his appearance. He tried to find all the right words for all the reasons why he loved Loki that had nothing to do with his beauty. And even when he faltered in his eloquence Loki found a way to laugh through his tears, which now flowed out of something like relief, because he had so needed to hear all of the wonderful things Thor found to tell him. Finally he rested his head against Thor's shoulder.

"I cry to damned much," he laughed, wiping away some of the stray tears that were making his vision shimmer. Thor chuckled softly, but only kissed Loki's temple lightly. He knew that Loki had earned every moment of his crying, through experiences Thor couldn't imagine.

"That's quite alright, my love," he murmured, "as long as you allow me to kiss those tears away."

Loki laughed, looking up at Thor. "I like that idea." Thor smiled back and cupped Loki's face gently. He kissed Loki's forehead, lingering until Loki's eyes slipped shut, then proceeded to kiss his cheeks, feeling the delicate ridges under his lips. Loki just let out breathless sighed as he gave himself over to the new sensations. It was still unfamiliar, still frightening, but he trusted Thor. He always had. So he allowed his lover to lay him back against the soft furs on their bed and cover him with his comforting, warm weight.

Thor's kisses were slow and light as they covered Loki's skin and the dark-haired man began to moan without even realizing it at first. Thor could be many things as a lover: slow and teasing, rough and eager, but each time he was like this, so gentle and passionate, Loki never failed to fall a little more deeply in love with him. He always knew just when Loki needed to be loved like this too. The deep, lingering kisses and all-consuming touches always managed to come right when Loki was feeling uncertain about himself, their relationship, anything. Sometimes it was as little as the way Thor would rest his hand on Loki's neck and smile at him. Loki's worries would fade away at once and suddenly all would seem right with the world. Sometimes that feeling would fade more quickly than others, but each time it did, his lover was back to comfort him once more. When Loki was ready to talk, to tell Thor everything, he knew the man would be there, ready to hear him.

Loki wrapped his arms around Thor's neck to pull him up into a kiss as he let the blanket fall away, opening himself to his beloved. Despite everything they had been through, all the darkness and betrayal that had tried to poison their love, it was still more pure and true than anything Loki could have imagined. A love so rare, it wasn't even the kind they wrote stories about. They had everything that neither of them had ever dared dream they would.

And Loki knew now that this was all he'd ever needed. He may not be perfect, his darkness still haunted him, but with Thor's light, he was healing.