A/N: I'm very sorry for the long wait and hopefully people are still interested in this story. Here's the third chapter hope you guys enjoy. Just so you know the rating did go up just because I figured it was only going to get more adult in future chapters.

And I Can't Help Myself

Her feet didn't ache at the end of her shift, but her head sure did. She might be stuck behind a desk for the most part now helping only in minute things, like remaking the sweet tea, but managing the place sure left her with a new kind of worries. Did they have enough salt and pepper to last them the week? Did the orders come in right? Was any of their food spoiling? Was something on their menu not selling? Random things she had never even knew Sam had dealt with were now her everyday headaches.

Still she wouldn't trade her job for the world. She finally felt like she was more than a simple country girl. She was steadily learning how to become a business woman and she liked the weight of the new responsibility, even if she did complain about it a little.

"Ready Sook?" Jessica flashed her a smile and she returned it with a nod, and the vampire started the engine and drove them to Bill's house. Despite the new earlier hours the restaurant kept, since many of the patrons just didn't feel safe staying out so late in a public building, their late shift still ended hours after the sun had set. Thankfully Jessica had volunteered to stay after and stick around until everyone had safely gotten into their vehicles and went home.

This was the first late Monday she had worked since starting the arrangement and though she had assumed Alcide would be the one to pick her up and take her to Bill's she was glad he wasn't able to and that the job had fallen to Jessica. It's not that she didn't enjoy when Alcide would pick her up after her late shifts taking her home to a dinner he had cooked himself; still she knew that this Monday would be full of tense silence and awkward stilted conversation, so she was happy they didn't have to go through that.

"You okay Sookie?" She glances up to find that they're in front of the Compton house.

"Sorry forget how fast you guys drive." Jessica offers her a smile and waits for her to get off and is on the porch before she drives off.

She doesn't knock whenever she comes here, she usually just lets herself in, since he's technically dead at the moment. So curling her hand into a fist and lightly knocking on the door is something she has to force herself to do, can't just go in, that would be too forward he's awake after all. She's mid her second rap when the door flies open.

"Oh um hi." She hates the way she sounds so intimidated, this is just Bill after all. But the was the issue wasn't it, it was Bill. Bill dressed in some dark blue jeans a dark grey t-shirt and his now common leather jacket. Gah she could now admit that Bill was hot but that was because he was a vampire. All the undead were naturally alluring, and no that wasn't some lie she fed to herself so that she didn't feel so guilty about appreciating the view.

"Come in." He gives her a polite smile and her heart doesn't skip a beat, not really. She steps over the threshold wishing she had put on something nicer, she wasn't sure why but her jeans and black shirt with red swirls on it with a matching red cardigan and black canvass shoes made her feel way underdressed. But if she had to be trapped at the office all day she was damned if she wasn't going to be at least comfortable.

"Would you like a drink?" She should say no, she usually does whenever he offers her anything, after all she's not a here for a visit, but she is thirsty and something about this night feels a bit different so she gives herself a break for once.

"Fresco?" She asks with a small smile. He smiles back and zips to the kitchen and back so quickly that it should surprise her. "It's cold." She remembers the warm pop she was always expecting whenever she frequented his house. It had never bothered her that he hadn't bought a refrigerator or any other appliance that would have needed electricity just for her, after all they rarely spent anytime at his place and she hadn't bothered to make her place that vampire friendly either.

"Yes it comes with the update." He waves his hand around to indicate the whole house.

"Right, of course." Everything is different. The house, the pop, and even Bill. Except it's not. Because her heart still beats a little faster around him, he still smells like sin and absolution mixed together and this house is still the place she lost her virginity in. Still things move on. Sometimes.

They sit in the living like always and she notices the Wii console hooked up to the large TV. She remembers when she had hinted at him that it might be something he would enjoy, after all what man couldn't get lost for hours in a video game.

"Still playing golf I see." She motions with her soda can towards the TV.

"Oh, yes, it does help when I'm bored." He looks like he's going to say more but then closes his mouth again. She sips on her soda and wonders if it's normal for everything to feel so awkward between them. This is why I should always say no when he offers me a drink. She places her can on the coffee table and gives him a small smile.

"Well good that was the reason I thought it was good for you." She remembers the night they had headed to the nearest Best Buy and how they had spent a good two hours in there deciding which game console to buy and what games to buy. She was sure the sales associate was going to wet himself as he realized he was helping a vampire and his human girlfriend.

"I thought it was so that I would have something to do while I waited for you to get off of work."

"That too." They laugh and it feels like old times for a second, before it doesn't and she realizes that it's not old times. It has been old times in a very long while. The thought sobers her and makes her realize it's time to get the show on the road.

"Okay, I'm ready." He scoots closer towards her slowly as always, enough to give her time to push him away if she wanted to, before he pulls her to him. She angles her head to give him the best space to work with and soon enough she can feel his tongue laving at her neck before his fangs pierce her. She doesn't even try to conceal the moan she emits anymore and though as always his hands are gripping her shoulders and neck, something about this time feels different.

That's a lie.

Nothing feels different, but this time instead of running away from the caresses she falls towards them. Enjoying how his large cold hands glide over skin, relishing in the memories of just how much pleasure those hands can give her. It's the heat, it's something, something that has made her lose all sense of dignity. But she just can't help it anymore. Can't help how she feels, she wants this. As bad as that sounds, she admits it to herself, she wants this. Wants him.

Instead of playing the docile doll, as always, she pulls him closer. Moves her hands under his leather jacket and pulls him as closes as possible. She hoists herself onto him straddling him. He's shocked, she knows but instead of pulling away he begins to swallow more blood , and though one hand still steadies her neck the other has come down to her waist and is beginning to slide under her shirt.

It doesn't surprise her when his fangs pull out, after all he's not going to drain her dry. Still it's too late, and she's too lost in him to let this stop now. His mouth finds hers, coated in her blood, and still the first kiss is the sweetest. It's heaven/hell/home all at once. It's Bill.

It's bloody and frantic and she can't believe how long she's gone without this, because this was the one thing that made sense in her world.

"I missed you." He whispers into her ear as he lets his hands caress her face, and though moments ago everything was frantic touches now she can feel tenderness as he touches her cheeks and kisses her lips.

"Me too, Bill…." She doesn't know what to say, how to say… anything.

"I know." But does he? How can he when I don't even know. She feels too much, too much love and regret and sorrow and anger and hate and … and it's just too much, still she feels it all for him.

"I'm sorry. So sorry." It's the first thing that comes out of her mouth and she doesn't even know why.

"For what?" His face is so full of confusion, and this is the worst and best part of him. That he can never see how much of a fault she has as well.

"After you save me from Warlow, I should have… I didn't even say thank you." They had committed so many sins against each other she figured it was best to work backwards.

"There was no need to."

"I just wanted to forget about you like you didn't exist." She had wanted to start fresh to live a normal life for once. She wants to laugh now at the ludicrous notion, how could she ever live a normal life when she was so desperately drawn to the dark?

"I know the feeling." That was the crux of it all. For as much as she hated herself for still loving him, he must feel the same. "I'm sorry too. I should have come sooner… Jessica still had to urge me even though I knew… Warlow was going to make you his."

"It doesn't matter. You didn't have to save me. I shouldn't have relied on you when I was always pushing you out of my life."

"I should have come sooner."

"I should have done a lot things different too." She had been so easy to give in after being unable to find help from anyone Sam and Bill had turned their hands away and she had figured she should march off to her death with dignity. She realizes now how weak that had been, she should have saved herself. She should have fought instead of giving in.

"I have failed you so many times." His face was heartbreaking, but he was right he had failed her, but the important part was that she realized she had failed as well. It wasn't blaming it was about taking responsibility.

"So have I, but were still here and that has to count for something." She threads a hand into his hair and pulls him closer for another searing kiss. There were too many sins to go through but it was a start.

It was too easy to get lost after that. To find herself pulling his jacket off and fumbling with his t-shirt before succeeding in getting rid of that as well. She's not even sure when her top and cardigan were shed but the scrape of teeth over the lace of her bra make her realize that she's pretty much naked from the waist up. It should be jarring and force a wave of shame over her, it should have her rushing to put her shirt back on, instead she finds her nails digging into his skin. Somehow she's found herself underneath him and instead of straddling him his whole body is covering hers.

It feels good. So good that when his hands roam down her torso towards her zipper she's more than eager to reach for his belt. Still a ringing from her pocket Bill's hands faltering. It's just a chime really but it's broken the spell and soon she finds him pulling away. She's disheartened for a moment before he pulls her close once more, but now in more appropriate sitting position. Well as appropriate as can be with her bra twisted as it is, she quickly rights herself feeling foolish for feeling like she should cover herself. It's not like he hasn't seen it all.

"That was…" She starts off but is unable to finish the sentence, good, exciting, different? None of those seemed like good options.

"Yeah." Apparently the heart to heart portion of this evening is now over. "Sookie…" Unable to finish he kisses her softly once more. When they break away she finds that maybe they don't need to say anything.

"Yeah I know." She realizes she has to go home so she starts to rummage for her clothes.

"They're under the sofa." She shoves a hand under and almost cries victory as she feels the chiffon shirt and cotton cardigan.

The walk back to her house is different but it's not. They don't hold hands and he doesn't pepper her face with kisses every step of the way. Instead they walk alongside each other and talk quietly of nothing important. He's always looked dashing in the moonlight and tonight is no different.

"You'll still come tomorrow?" He's walked her all the way to her front door and though she hasn't mentioned the fact Alcide isn't here she knows he must know. Either noticing the missing truck or the absent heartbeat inside.

"Of course. I think we should talk."

"Yes I agree." He almost leans in to kiss her but decides against it. Instead he waits until she is inside before zipping off into the night.

Locking the door behind her she realizes she never even looked at her phone. Fishing it out of her pocket she sees Alcides name flash and just a simple message:

Will be home soon.

She figures a shower is very much a necessity.

A/N: Please review and tell me if you liked it. I love feedback and to get insight on what readers like/ don't like.