A/N: So this is a very dialogue heavy chapter, but I think everything that was said were things that needed to be said. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Could've Shaped Heartaches

As she rubbed lotion into her calves she contemplated what was the best way to discuss things with Alcide. Despite the fact that usually her vanilla coconut lotion usually helped her calm down after a stressful night, tonight all it did tonight was remind her of how only an hour ago she was enjoying an illicit caress on her skin.

Alcide I cheated on you. Definitely not, she knew that he would never hurt her, but still he had a temper. She didn't some mystical vampire/were fight going down tonight.

Alcide we need to break up. While it was true Sookie also didn't want to be cold about it. Alcide wasn't just some guy she was seeing on the weekends, he was her man who lived with her. They had six months of being there for one another, she couldn't just cut him off on one night. Besides he didn't even have his old apartment anymore and would either have to head back to his dad or wander about in the night, since she doubted he would stay after that confrontation.

Alcide I need some time to think about things. This was the one that sounded the most plausible. Even in her head it sounded reasonable. But what then? How would she reason that it was a necessity without involving a certain vampire? Thank god I'm the telepath in this relationship. Sookie knew that if Alcide could hear any of her thoughts it would not end nicely for anyone.

Alcide would it be okay with you if I tried to figure out how I really feel about Bill? Only in her dreams could this even be an option. One where Alcide was completely fine and understanding about her past not being completely in the past. Yet she knew this was just the selfish side of her talking. She had no right to ask this of Alcide when he loved her so much and had so easily given her his heart and devotion.

"Want to watch TV or are you ready for bed?" He's leaning in the door frame in the flesh, sweat pants slung low and shirt less. She should have been basking in his semi naked glory but instead she found herself averting her eyes.

"TV sounds good." As they make their way down to the big couch in front of the TV, she tries to give herself a pep talk. You can do this, you are strong, you need to do this. It was the truth, even if she really wasn't strong she needed to come clean. Her Gran didn't raise her to be a woman with loose morals and she wasn't going to disgrace her Gran's memory by starting now.

"You were late tonight." It's a statement but she knows he's asking for an explanation. She's sitting on one end while he lounges on the other side and even though the TV's on to his favorite night show she knows that he won't want to watch that until he has some answers.

"Oh… yeah I got talking to Jessica, she's having a hard time right now." It wasn't a lie and perhaps it was the best way to start the conversation. She didn't want to make this completely about Bill because that wouldn't be right nor honest. Yes she had cheated and done things that were shameful but her relationship with Alcide had some issues that existed long before she had crossed the line with Bill.

"I don't think you should get involved with that. Remember he's just protecting you for your blood, you don't have to be nice to his kid." Kid? She was always fascinated and slightly insulted with his lack of etiquette when talking about vampires. Despite the fact Alcide was a Were he was surprisingly intolerant about other supernatural beings, especially the undead kind.

"Jessica is my friend." Sookie quickly defended herself. This was not a new argument ever since she had championed for the red head's continued employment with Arlene, Alcide had not been happy. How could she even start with the guilt that had come with Jessica's turning? Yes while she was truly only Bill's progeny, Jessica felt like her responsibility too. If it wasn't because he was trying to protect her Bill would have never had to turn the unwilling seventeen year old.

"I just don't want you getting mixed in with them more than you should." His voice was gruff but the statement was clear, it was the end of the conversation and that was that.

"Alcide…" Usually this was where she had simply agreed with him before. It would be easy to acquiesce and snuggle into his hard form. She had done a million times since their relationship started but she knew she was being weak. She was tired of just agreeing and needed to say her piece even if it led to a fallout. "I can't do that. I can't undo the past I can't just stop caring about people because it upsets you."

"Sookie, vampires are nothing but trouble. I thought you learned that already."

"Who isn't? You're a Were, should you really being throwing stones? I know you don't like her, but be honest it's not because she's a vampire it's because she's Bill's progeny."

"Of course it's because of that. You can't ask me to be tolerant of your relationship of him."

"You're the one that agreed to let me give him my blood!"

"It's just a business arrangement. We need his protection. You've seen the Hep V vamps, they don't just feed off someone they mutilate them."

"Alcide what are we doing?" This wasn't what she wanted, she didn't want to argue about this right now. She wanted a calm and cool conversation about just what was wrong within their relationship. She's so caught up in her emotional turmoil she doesn't realize her shield's slipping.

"Were talking about this, since it's what you obviously wanted." Goddamnit why does she always need to be entangled with some vampire? If it's not Bill or Eric it's one of their children.

It's nothing new, nothing she hasn't accidentally caught him thinking before when his temper is high, like that time he found out that the bureau in the living room was more than just antique furniture. Still it doesn't make it hurt any less each time.

"What I want? What I want is for you not to judge me because of my past! I can entangle myself with whoever I want!" There it was the truth. Yes what she was doing with Bill now was awful, but Alcide's constant judgment and scorn about her multiple vampire lovers were always issues that simmered underneath.

"Quit reading my mind that's not fair!" There was a resounding growl that resonated throughout the room and though it showed have cowed her, instead she felt angry for being forced to feel guilty because she wasn't just a normal human.
"It's not like I wanted to!"

"Just stop! What's wrong with you? You know I didn't mean it, not really anyways."

"I know you don't want to hurt me, I know that. But don't you get it, every time you think nasty thoughts about my past your judging me. You make me feel like I should regret loving Bill or Eric but I can't and I won't. I would never ask you to forget about loving Debbie or wish that you had never loved her. We both have a past, so why is it that you can't deal with mine?" With a growl he stomps out of the room, leaving out the front door. She almost runs to stop him but before she can she sees him turn into a wolf. Rushing out to the front door she sees his wolf form sprinting off in abnormal speed across her property and towards the woods.

Well that didn't go how I wanted to. She had hoped for a better conversation a longer one where he could hash out why it was he resented her so much for her past. Still she understood it might have been too much too soon. Alcide had grown accustomed to a Sookie that wasn't as willful, she didn't argue with him and maybe that was part of the problem too. When had she lost herself and lost her ability to voice her opinion in her own relationship? She had never had a problem with it before. Making sure to close the door but not lock it she headed upstairs. It wasn't how she wanted the conversation to go but she figured it was a good start.


Alcide doesn't come home all night but he does leave her a text message.

Need some time, will be with my dad.

It's not as good as a phone call but she understands needing some space and she's grateful he doesn't keep her completely in the dark. Still she worries. As she does her shift at Merlottes she worries that she went too far. For him this probably did come out, out of nowhere? She even makes the sweet tea she's been making for years wrong, too much sugar. When Holly comes back with two returned glasses she quickly makes sure to make a new batch. The second time it comes out perfect. Still her mind is stuck on the man that left her home in the middle of the night. I was too harsh. I should have waited for a more suitable hour. Still when was the best time to have heart wrenching conversations with one's significant other?

As she's getting ready to go over to Bill's she worries she didn't go far enough. I should have told him everything. She doesn't feel like dressing better but she can't help if her hands gravitate to a moss green dress by themselves. The color is not as nice as red against her skin but she feels it brings out her blonde hair more. Another night of feeling like a whore I guess. She had contemplated calling Alcide and getting it over with but that was a heartless action even she couldn't do. So once more she found herself sitting in the Compton house waiting for the vampires to wake up.

"Sookie!" The read head is a blur that reaches her with a squeal.

"Hi Jessica, what's up."

"I'm just glad you're here, you always brightened this place up." Sookie smiles at the eager vampire. She enjoys this relationship they have, where they might not have a lot in common but one brooding vampire has seemed to tied them together forever. It's like having a younger sister, another side of Jason, where even when they haven't caught up in days they always know they can be there for one another.

"Oh thanks. I'm glad to see you. I feel like we don't get a chance to talk as much anymore. How is everything with… James?" She attaches the vampires name questioningly because honestly she doesn't remember much about him besides always seeing him attached to the red heads side.

"Oh that, it went sour. But it's for the best really. I know I wish you could stay longer, it's no fair Bill hogs you. I'm glad he takes forever to get ready to see you or I wouldn't even have this time." Sookie almost wants to add that she wished she could stay longer too, but she knows that isn't plausible right now.

"Jessica." A warning tone makes both women realize that Bill is standing in the doorway. Jessica quickly composes her face to look chastised but Sookie knows it's mostly just to please Bill.

"Oh, well I have to go say hi to Jason for me will ya?" After Sookie quickly nods in agreement the red head is off with a blur.

"She often says too much."

"Well it's fitting given you often don't say enough."

"Perhaps." He sits beside her and though they're not touching it's not awkward either. Instead the silence is welcoming. She feels grateful that she doesn't have to work on maintaining her shields up and instead can just enjoy his company in peace.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Always."

"I talked to Alcide last night."

"Really? I gather he doesn't know what occurred between us, since he didn't show up last night."

"No he doesn't know everything, or really anything about that."

"What does he know?" Taking a breath she prepares herself. It's always been easy talking to Bill like this, telling him her confusions and worries. It's what allowed her to stay so involved in the supernatural community for so long. Although Bill didn't have the best record for talking and telling her everything, she appreciated the silence that came with him that allowed her to sort her own emotions while sharing with him.

"He knows that everything isn't okay and it hasn't been. I just I want him to know that even before anything happened everything wasn't perfect."

"Are you going to try and mend your relationship with him?" Here were the tough questions, the ones she wasn't even sure about herself.

"Some part of me wants to say yes. That it's salvageable, that even if I confessed all my crimes he would take me back and we could start a better future for ourselves. I really believe he loves me that much. He loves me almost too much." Here was the crux of the problem, Alcide loved her more than she loved him. Would I grow to love him as much? Am I throwing away a future on a whim? He's a good man, he would love me, have babies with me, and grow old with me. Shouldn't I want that?

"It's understandable Sookie you two have started a relationship, one that has lasted you a while and it's not easy to simply end things. Alcide, he can give you everything I cannot."

"But there's another part Bill, and it's telling me I've been a fool, a stubborn fool. I can make things work with Alcide, but should it really be this difficult? Can he really give me everything I want? Or is he just fulfilling some wish of normalcy that I feel I should have. What if I don't want that. I thought I did but I don't and I don't know what to do anymore." That was it, that was the truth. She had been living a life of lies recently and it had been killing her. Alcide loved her and she cared about him, but not in the same way, not in the way he deserved. Then there was Bill who she yearned for, even though she knew it wasn't right, wasn't what was good for her. She wanted things that her common sense told her were wrong and abnormal, but if she wasn't normal why was she trying to fulfill a dream that wasn't even hers.

"I don't want you to regret never having a normal life." His voice came out despondent, it was something she knew he struggled with, wanting her to have everything he had been forced to give up.

"The thing is Bill I was never meant for a normal life, growing up reading people's minds isn't exactly the American Dream and though it was hard, its also allowed me to help others and I won't regret that." His hand clasped hers on her lap and she enjoyed that coolness of it, it soothed her.

"So it's decided?"

"I just want you to get one thing clear Bill Compton, I am not leaving him for you. I'm leaving him for me. I deserve to get what I want, and Alcide deserves to find someone who really wants that family and white picket fence."

"I understand."

"That being said we have a lot to work on, and if your willing to then I'm willing to put in the effort as well."

"Sookie, I don't deserve another chance, you've given me too many. But I am selfish and I know that you are the only one that I have ever loved in my undead life. I have wronged you in so many ways and I promise to spend my eternity making everything right with you." She couldn't help the tears that cascaded down her face. She felt too much: sadness, joy, and hope, and Bill's declaration had simply pushed her too far. He quickly gathered her into his arms and she found herself crying into his maroon shirt. It took a while but she quickly pulled herself together.

"I'm sorry." Wiping his shirt with her hand she tried to clean up her mess as best as possible.

"No need to apologize." She realized it was getting late and though Alcide was probably not at home waiting for her that didn't mean she was free to do as she pleased, she still needed to go home. Damn he hasn't even eaten yet.

"Do you want to eat now?"

"I think perhaps we should wait for that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I would prefer if we waited until you felt better about the situation."

"Okay." The walk back to her house is quick and though he places a hand gently on the small of her back to steady her when she almost falls, there isn't anything else that occurs. When they reach the edge of her property she's more than slightly surprise to see Alcide waiting for her. With a nod of her head Bill zips away and she begins her trek home.


He doesn't have a mug of hot chocolate this time but he does have a stern look on his face. They don't speak until they're properly inside her home, door locked and everything.

"You need to stop feeding Bill." The words come out of his mouth as if he's practiced them and she instantly knows that it's a demand and not just a suggestion.

A/N: So what do you guys think? Please review and tell me what you think!