Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

"Speech"

Thoughts


Sakura flinched at the ominous tone in Konan's voice, but kept her face calm, betraying none of her nervousness. As if in response, Konan's gaze suddenly turned into a glare, cold eyes studying the pink haired girl intently. Those dull blue-grey eyes, filled with a terrible frostiness, dull with lack of emotion, reflecting Konan's stoic, level-headed nature. At least, maybe at first glance. And then the ice seemed to melt, and her eyes were then intensely emotional, completely the opposite of what they had been a moment ago, a storm of sensations burning within her, but contained behind a her mask of iciness. Then gone once more, and she - her eyes - were calm again.

"Sasori, leave us," she whispered.

"But - very well."

"Close the door behind you... I want... to talk to her in private..."

The light faded as the door closed and Sakura was left alone with the blue haired woman. She moved a bit closer and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she was finally able to see Konan's face in the dim moonlight from outside.

She seemed to be sweating slightly, her pale skin almost translucent and slightly flushed from fever and illness. There were dark bags under her eyes which were painfully red from lack of sleep and sickness. She wore an apathetic, impassive expression, giving away nothing of what she thought, only staring back at the pink haired girl intently.

She might be beautiful - strike that, she is beautiful - but she might be prettier if she didn't look so serious... is she always like this?

Konan opened her mouth to speak, but then she hesitated and remained silent, pondering over what she should say. What was there to say? Could she summon up the courage to ask about her sensei? About what had gone on all these years? To spill out what she carried in her heart, the years with the Akatsuki, pursuing a path that seemed right but was so very wrong... to relieve herself of the pain and beg for forgiveness because she had become the trash that she so despised, the trash that had killed her parent's and Nagato's and Yahiko's. Because she had done horrible things in the name of a just cause that was to be brought about by horrible ways... ugh, she didn't even dare think of it at the moment. But she couldn't just spill her heart out to a stranger... she couldn't even do that in front of Nagato. She would continue to hold it in, as always.

Konan coughed, her body shuddering from sickness, and frowned slightly, frustrated by something. Everything. Being sick. Being unable to do anything. Being helpless and useless. She suddenly looked away, finding herself unable to meet the gaze of the girl - yes, she was just a girl, one who had not seen much of the world just yet, not experienced what all shinobi did, the hatred, the need for revenge... and one such as she, supposedly an angel, but an impure one at that, how could she look such a girl in the eye? Konan coughed again, and when she removed her hand from her mouth, she found a bit of blood on her palm.

She grimaced and opened her mouth to speak but found that her throat would not permit her. She put a hand to her mouth and coughed again, this time much more violently, and felt the blood seep between her fingers. Sakura rushed over to her side, but then hesitated a moment. This was an Akatsuki! And even if she were sick - Konan closed her eyes and tried to breathe, feeling the blood trickle out of the corner of her mouth. Why was she always the one who got so awfully sick, even if it wasn't often? She had never seen Nagato get ill nor Yahiko, nor, Jiraiya-sama... life wasn't fair, was it?

She breathed out softly, wiping the blood from her mouth. And then she froze as she felt a pair of hands make contact with her back and a soothing wave of energy passed over her body.

She turned slightly and raised an eyebrow at the other girl.

"It won't do much," Sakura frowned. "You're sick, and it's not like medical ninjutsu can kill bacteria or viruses, whichever one you have. But at least I can repair the damage that's been done to your lungs and throat. Here, hold still."

Konan felt Sakura's warm fingers close around the back of her throat and sensed the energy flow again.

"Better?"

"A bit," she murmured. "Good. Thank you."

The first think the pink haired girl noticed was how soft her voice sounded, even with her throat healed. The blue lady seemed so mellow to her, at least at first glance, but there was also an intensity about her personality that took a different form than any she had ever seen. Not like Sasuke or Naruto, who were both very driven and stubborn in their own ways. Forcefully working hard to bring out their talents, to grow stronger, to change people or seek revenge. Like storms, they destroyed the obstacles that stood in their paths, like storms they affected everything in their wake, for good or for worse.

Not her. She almost seemed like the vast ocean, flowing, seemingly easily molded, but also unconquerable and infinitely stubborn in its own right. Capable of being tempestuous, wrathful, capable of being completely fluid, yielding as well. Sometimes affecting the things around it, sometimes a passive observer, but never until much later did one realize just how much impact the ocean could have. In some ways, the slow tide and waves were infinitely more powerful than any storm could be, though Sakura got the feeling that Konan was capable of being stormier than Sasuke or Naruto could ever be.

And then she was reminded again that the blue haired lady was an Akatsuki, one of those evil people that-

She found herself looking into Konan's face. She seemed so young when Sakura had first looked at her, maybe only a couple years older than she herself. But now that she was closer, she saw the faint lines slanting down from the inner corners of her eyes - like Itachi's - and the shadows around her eyes, and the slight furrow in her brow - she was older - well, she had to be-

"I'm not that young," Konan guessed at the girl's thoughts. "Maybe even twenty years older than you."

"You seem like you've seen a lot."

Konan's eyes softened from the terrible coldness they had held earlier, and suddenly she seemed very sad. "Yes," she murmured. "We all have, here in Amegakure. And you will too."

"So... I get to stay?"

"With me, yes," Konan said very softly.

Sakura froze for a moment.

"With you? But - your partner - they said he didn't like it when-"

"He wouldn't cross me. He... trusts my decisions." Actually, it was more like Nagato pretty much let her do anything she wanted, as long as it didn't put her in danger. He cared too much for her to really argue with her.

"But... aren't I supposed to be a threat to you? Like, how do you know I won't just kill you in your sleep-"

"You're not that type of person." Konan's eyes narrowed. "You... don't want to stay here? I thought it would be better than staying with those... guys... at the other place-"

"What's wrong with them?"

"Deidara and Sasori can be a bit, well, interesting at times-"

"I could tell," Sakura snickered a little. "Yeah, I'd rather stay here... though it's kind of empty."

Konan nodded and closed her eyes, feeling the pain in her body return. Sakura noticed and moved behind the other woman again, but Konan shook her head. She opened her eyes, and suddenly she was cold once again, a queen of ice, hard eyes betraying nothing of her inner emotions.

"Leave me," she whispered.

"But-"

"Leave," Konan said with a little more force. And then her voice softened again. "For now, you can just pick a room to stay in. I will deal with you tomorrow."

Sakura nodded and left the room quickly, sensing that the blue lady was suddenly very irritable, and she definitely did not want to experience what would happen if she set off Konan's temper.

What a weird person. One moment she seems so human, like any of us, and then she seems like a victim of war, and then the next moment she's back to being completely inhuman again, like she has no emotions at all. It wasn't in what she said, but it was in the body language and in the facial expressions, or the lack of them. Throughout their entire conversation, if it could even be called that, Sakura had not seen her smile, frown, or anything at all. Her face was like ice, her eyes frozen crystals, lifeless, and empty. There was no way a person could show that little emotion and still be called a person. Hell, when she had last seen Sasuke, even his face had showed more of his inner self than Konan's did of herself. The only thing that she could detect was a slight softening of the woman's eyes when she had seemed to be reminiscing of her past, and that was it.

Of course, it made all the difference. From being an ice queen to being terribly depressed, and then back again.

Sakura sighed and found herself in front of a door. Shrugging, she opened it and walked inside, finding herself inside a room with a simple bed to one side and some drawers and a lamp on the other side. There was a single window on one wall and Sakura walked over to it, staring at the snowstorm raging outside. An endless world of white.


"You overexerted yourself." Sasori entered the dark room, finding the blue haired woman sitting near the window-wall, staring outside, holding a hand to her mouth.

Konan ignored him and her head bent downward, blood dripping from her chin. She sensed him draw nearer, and suddenly she was irritated, irritated by her sickness, by the pink haired girl who knew nothing of their world, by him and the rest of Akatsuki, and by herself, because she was almost always irritated by herself.

"Leave me alone..." her voice was still no more than a whisper, bitter, harshly painful. Distantly cold.

"You know," Sasori muttered. "I don't know you that well. None of us do. I've only ever seen you in person a few times, and you never talked, you never even looked at us. If Pain was supposed to be distant from the rest of us, then you were in another world altogether."

Konan's mouth twitched. "Your point?"

"I don' t know. I suppose I don't have one. Just voicing my thoughts."

Her already half lidded eyes closed. "You don't know me... as you say. Do any of us really know each other? Or are we only lost spirits that found each other coincidentally..." her voice trailed off. Her eyes opened again, just a sliver. "Where do we belong? Who can we trust? Or are we doomed to be forever lost..."

"Deidara would laugh at you for being so philosophical."

Konan did not respond, and he sighed.

"Well, it's clear that Leader-sama trusts you. I mean, it wasn't hard to tell, even if you two were always so far apart from the rest of us. There was something between you two-"

"He was... the only one from that time... we spent many years together... we suffered together... aeons of endless war... Yahiko..." She said the last word so softly that Sasori wasn't sure that he had heard it correctly.

A name, perhaps? "Excuse me?"

Konan shook her head, seemingly lost in thought. She sat there for a long time, quiet, unmoving, pondering the events of her life, which seemed so long despite it only being not even thirty years long. But so much suffering, so much that she had seen, it made life feel like forever, each moment an eternity, fading into timeless space.

"Nothing," she said after a long while. "Just... leave me alone..." her voice trailed off again, and she sounded more exhausted than ever.

Sasori sighed, exasperated. "You know, I'm supposed to be here to help you. Pain specifically told me and Itachi to watch after you in case anything happened. He couldn't trust Deidara and Kisame-"

"I need no help."

"Yeah, right. Everyone needs help, and you're not exactly the most physical durable of us-"

"Do not underestimate me." Konan looked up.

The red haired man looked back, taking in the cold eyes, the dark bags underneath them, the redness at the edges of her blue-grey irises, the light sheen of sweat covering her face. Her skin, even paler than it normally was, had turned into a white color so pallid that she seemed ghostly, as if she were not even living anymore, a shade of the past. Despite the fever, Konan was deathly cold, a being of pure ice, a figurine perfectly crafted from snow, except she was human, like him, he had to remind himself. Sasori's expression softened very slightly, almost into one of - but he was a man. Men weren't supposed to worry, especially about people they didn't really know, right? Still, he found that he couldn't help it.

"Stubborn girl," he muttered. "Do you not care for your own safety at all?"

Konan laid down, her eyes closing as she rested. "I don't know. But I... have to ensure... the safety of Amegakure," she paused again, trying to keep from coughing. "It...is my responsibility... to protect our people... so that they may never have to experience... what we had to... I would... give my life for it..."

Sasori frowned. He was not one to talk like her, for he had abandoned his village, murdered the Third Kazekage, and killed many people needlessly in the course of his life, but he could understand her sentiments. As a child, he had suffered the loss of his parents, he had seen war as well, though perhaps not been scarred by it as she had, he had empathized with those who had lost everything because of the hatred that plagued the shinobi world. Despite his uncaring demeanor, he was not blind nor inhuman, just a little... not right in the mind at times.

To help others so that they might not have to suffer like he did, like any of them had, for in truth every one of them had their own story to tell about what life was really like, all the hardships, all the tribulations. It might have made one strong, but it also was painful. Was there merit in being weak but not having to experience the torment of losing one's parents or watching everything go up in flames during war? Perhaps. Not everything was about power. Not everything was about combat strength. Sometimes one just wanted to live a good life without too many troubles.

Of course, it was probably too much to ask for him to voice those thoughts. Still, he would at least show that he was sympathetic. He opened his mouth to speak, but the exhausted woman was already asleep, the quiet sound of her shallow breathing filling the room.


There was a picture in the drawers. Maybe someone had forgotten it, or maybe someone left it there on purpose, never wanting to see it again. It was very old - she had to brush off a layer of dust covering it to even seen what it was.

This is... Konan?

A younger, smiling, cerulean haired girl, a paper flower in her hair... yes, it was definitely her, though the difference was startling. The way her face lit up when she smiled, how happy she seemed, how bright - wait no. Sakura looked more carefully again and saw that the smile had not quite reached her eyes.

The eyes, gateways into the soul, they were called, and in many cases it was true. Back then, it seemed, she had had the courage to at least seem happy.

There was another picture next to it, one of the same azure haired girl, Sakura thought, although her face could not be seen in the photo. Angled downward, only her wet hair and paper flower could be seen, looking into the sky pouring everlasting rain over the grey lands, a heavy atmosphere weighing down upon the world... it was not clear what she was looking at, but a terrible sense of sadness filled her just looking at the picture.

A third picture in another drawer, this one framed, of an orange haired boy, who seemed to be trying to poke her... she looked very annoyed with him, and yet he looked so happy about it, clearly laughing even in the picture, and yes, the laughter reached his eyes... he reminded her of Naruto. She wondered who he was. Maybe they had been good friends?

The pink haired girl looked away for a moment, a pang of something clutching at her heartstrings. And then it passed, and she looked back, and found that she had cracked the glass over the picture. She bit her lip in frustration and set the picture on the drawers, next to the other two, and turned away again.

Something caught the corner of her eye - on the window ledge there was a vase with a single paper flower in it that she had somehow not seen before, hanging there delicately, seeming almost as if it were real, as if it were still alive, beating with life, flowing with energy. She carefully touched the fragile stem of the flower and sensed chakra flowing through it - perhaps someone had made it with a jutsu? Perhaps...

She looked back at the pictures, at the paper flower in Konan's hair.

And then back at the flower, at its drooping head, its posture suddenly seeming very depressing, somber, grave, lifeless, cold despite the chakra flowing through it... she found that she could not bear to look at it and tore her gaze from the flower, turning back toward the drawers.

Sakura opened the very bottom one and found another paper flower, this one slightly crinkled, worn, seeming to be years old... as she touched it, she sensed nothing in it at all - this one was only paper. A once beautiful paper rose that had been painstakingly folded by hand for...

She found one last picture underneath it. The orange haired boy again, alone, holding a paper flower in his hand, contemplating it. And a name written on it - Yahiko.

"Yahiko," she repeated, testing the name out on her tongue. "Yahiko," she said again.

And then, "Konan."

Sakura shook her head, feeling like she was crazy, and placed the flower next to the pictures, then turned back to the window, toward the other flower, which was drooping lower than ever. Sighing to herself, she touched the curved part of the stem just above the petals, stroking it gently, the neck of the flower.

One of the petals fell off into her palm and she jerked her hand back. "Did I-"

No. This was something made by a jutsu. It wouldn't fall apart so easily unless there was no longer enough chakra to keep it together-

"Konan," she breathed out the name again.

Why was she worried anyway? She was supposed to be the enemy - screw that. I'm not here to play this whole friends and foes thing. She needs help and I'm the only one who can give it to her right now.

Sakura moved to leave, but then moved over to the drawers, and without knowing why, she picked up the pictures and the flower and took them with her.


From the frozen heavens tides of snow cascade down upon us, from the pallid clouds descend apparitions of tepid shells, hollowed mortals who know naught but how to survive without living, to draw breath without breathing in, to see without perceiving, to hear without listening, to touch without feeling, enervated spectres afflicted by ceaseless suffering.

When all hope is lost they give up, they let go, all that they once cared about, protected, cherished, they watch it go aflame, and passionless, they watch on, waiting for the flames to spread to them, to consume them as well.

And yet I hold enough hope for them all; all their passions are mine, their dreams are my dreams, what they have given up I take under my wing, what lives they have lost I seek to restore. But it is never enough. How much they suffer, how helpless I am to save them from the onslaught of the scorching fire that ravages our land, burning away the snow, laying the bones of the dead bare, felling the bones of the living to meet those already fallen.

But the ice around our hearts never melts, our glacial visages never break, and stoic, kindred spirits wandering this land, we are forced to continue on in our lives, moving forward without hoping for the better, fighting on without knowing why, living lifelessly in this hell because the next one will be no better.

Konan looked outside at the void of white, at the snow tearing itself from the sky, speeding furiously toward the ground in flurries of icy ivory. Slowly, she felt the cold from the storm seep into her, a terrifying chill pervading her entire body. She tore her gaze from the window and looked down at her hands - weak, powerless things - then to the darkness of her room, gasping, feeling an awful pain build up inside her. My people... my country... you are dying, falling before the wings of battle, and I can do nothing but sit here and be sick. How... how can I be so useless to you? She closed her eyes, brow furrowing deeply. How useless can I be? My life, worth nothing, unable even to save a single other soul, then what good am I? If I can't do anything but save myself...

She opened her eyes, feeling the intense cold chill the liquid forming at the corners of them, and closed them again, sighing softly as the chilling air began numbing the pain in her chest. And then opened her eyes again, looking down at her hands once more, her blue-grey irises soft, filled with a dark light. I suffer, yes... but no matter how much I suffer, there are those out there that fight through agony far worse than mine. I must always remember... She broke off and covered her mouth as she coughed out more blood. Remember... that they are everything. And I am nothing. Just their guardian that has failed...

Konan fell back down, dizzy from the blood loss. Damn it... Her body burning from the fever, her skin a frozen shell, muted passions numbed away. It hadn't always been this bad. She thought that she might have been happy, at least when she was younger, but even back then she had been drawn to darkness, conflict, and all of those things that other people averted. Pain, it let her know that she was alive.

Although physical pain was something she had never quite gotten used to.

Konan threw off her blankets and curled up into a ball, blue hair spread around her as the something seemed to sear through chest, burning her lungs and throat, interrupting the flow of her breathing.

A blight spreads across the land, a putrid ailment, razing everything to the ground, blood splattered upon the once vital earth, now cold and dead, the slow ebbing of lifeblood mirroring our own slow death... she gritted her teeth, and suddenly rage ignited in her mind, sheer fury coursing through her. These self-righteous fools. How dare they harm my people, who have known nothing but suffering their whole lives, in the name of their pathetic villages, who only seek to consolidate their own gains at the cost of our lives. When will these greed and hatred end? And then the anger left her and she felt bitterly disappointed once more. There is no rest for the wicked, I know that. We, the Akatsuki, no... just me, the lowest of the scum, supporting a cause that would destroy the world instead of bring peace to it, waging war on all the nations in the name of justice... I am wicked.

And Nagato?

Nagato... she closed her eyes and felt the darkness envelope her body. He was not right either. But I should not have been so blind that I could not see that what he was doing was wrong! He was wracked by despair, for it was, in a way, by his hand that Yahiko died...

And then she was angry again. Why was it him and not Yahiko that had survived? At least with Yahiko around, her own despair had been lifted somewhat... she felt consoled, she had been understood. No, she did not seek happiness but at least not everything was pointless and horrible. Nagato tried his best, she knew that, but he couldn't compare...

And then she was angry at herself again, for thinking such stupid thoughts, for being so stupid. How could she think such things about her Nagato, who had been with her all these years, she supporting him and he supporting her? Even if he failed to understand her.

And then she was struck by another wave of pain tearing through her, and she did not care about anything else anymore, hell, she didn't even care about herself. No, she thought that if it was only her own body that she had to take care of, she would have just let go and died right there because the world was a fiery hell, and she, a devil, who belonged in the next hell anyway. But the blood flowing down her throat brought her back to life as she began coughing slightly again, a fine mist of red liquid spraying out into the air. No... I can't give up. I have things to take care of. He can't do it all alone... he needs me... they all need me... Do they? Or will I prove to be able to do nothing...

Another convulsion ran through her body and she curled up even more tightly. Damn it... Nagato... where are you? Why am I always alone? Why - I guess I deserve to be. This is my punishment, isn't it? And I can't say that it's not unmerited... breathing out softly, she tried to ignore her body's protests as she breathed, but failed. Even the slight movement of her chest was too much for her, it seemed.

She felt more blood trickle down her throat and before she knew it, she was coughing again, her body clenched up yet more tightly than before, her heart pounding in her ears.

So that's it, huh? I wonder how Nagato will feel when he comes back and finds me dead...


"Konan..." Sakura knelt beside the blue haired woman's shuddering body.

Konan's eyes opened slightly, and though the world around her was nothing but a blur of many colors, she registered the pink among the whirl of darkness.

"Sa-ku-ra," she could barely speak, and her eyes closed tight with the pain. Her face was contorted, her brow trembling, blood leaking freely from her mouth as she lay there, exhausted.

Sakura moved forward quickly and began using her medical jutsu on Konan, but this time, it had absolutely no effect. On the contrary, as soon as the green glow ended, Konan began coughing again, feeling the blood seep through her hands as her body shuddered from the violent expulsions. Sakura pressed her hands to the blue haired woman's back and tried again. Her lungs have been damaged so badly... how can she even breathe? It's a miracle that she hasn't drowned in her own blood yet... Konan's eyes opened slightly again, and she saw the sad expression on the pink haired girl's face.

"Don't give up," she whispered.

"Why... not...? Must... I suffer..."

"You can't - because... because..." Sakura pulled out the pictures from her pocket and showed them to Konan. "You have people who need you. What will happen to them if you're gone?"

Even in her delirious state, Konan could see the orange and blue on the photos, and instantly, her temper exploded. Quick as thought, she rose up before Sakura could react and pinned her to the ground, glaring coldly down at her.

"Where... did you... find those..."

What the hell? How can she possibly be so fast while she's this sick? Sakura began choking a little and gestured at her throat, signalling that she could not speak while the blue haired woman's hand was there. Konan relaxed her grip slightly.

"The room I went into - in the drawers. There was this flower there too," she pointed at the paper flower that she had dropped.

Konan looked toward it and squinted, but was unable to make it out as the room began to blur around her again. She ignored it.

"Those... are private... you weren't... supposed to... see them..."

"I'm sorry," Sakura didn't have the heart to argue with a woman who looked like she was about to die. "They're yours, I thought you might like to have them back-"

And Konan's grip tightened again. "Forget... that you... ever saw them..." Her voice was a harsh, angry whisper.

"I... will..." Sakura gasped out as the other woman slowly began to crush her windpipe.

And then Konan bit her lip, closing her eyes tightly as she felt something burning in her chest, and blood began leaking from her mouth again. Her grip loosened and she collapsed to the ground, the heat in her body blurring her vision and senses, the world spinning all around her. Sakura's voice was no more than a distant sound among the ringing in her ears, and she couldn't even make out the distinct words anymore.

She felt the girl's hands touch her, and suddenly she was angry again, and shifted, glaring up at the girl.

"Don't... touch me..."

Figures she'd be the type to hate being touched. But she's too delirious to really think straight. I'll need to work, fast, or she'll die. Sakura moved her arms away and pressed her palms against Konan's back once more. The blue haired woman's eyes closed, and her breathing became even shallower.

She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids felt as heavy as mountains. But struggling still, she forced them open through sheer willpower, as if in a gesture that she was still alive, that she wasn't giving in, and saw the spinning darkness of her room. She tried to turn her body, to get the girl's hands off of her, but the effort proved to be too much and she nearly passed out.

Sakura felt the blue haired woman shudder as the coughing began again. Despite the heat in her body, Konan's skin was ice cold, as if she had just been outside in the blizzard, too cold for any ordinary person, slightly clammy as if she were the corpse of one who had recently died. That was not a good thought. She put more chakra into her jutsu and the green glow intensified. After a moment, Konan's coughing subsided and the pain left her face, making her seem somewhat at peace. Unless she had - no, there's a pulse. She's okay. And her breathing is returning to normal.

It was weird though. Looking down into Konan's face as she lay there, Sakura thought that she seemed so vulnerable, so weak, docile. Like something precious that needed to be protected.

"Sa-ku-ra..." Sakura nearly jumped at that sound. It had been a mere breath, a sigh. She was not sure she had heard that correctly. There was no way Konan could have regained consciousness, let alone speak. Her throat had nearly been torn apart by her coughing and her lungs were still not fully repaired-

But her eyes opening proved otherwise. At first, they seemed angry still, but then she detected a softer glow in them that simply made them see sad... well not quite... almost... grateful?

Konan breathed out a quiet "thank you" and passed out again.

Sakura gently pulled the blanket over her and watched the slow rise and fall of her chest as she fell into hopefully peaceful sleep.


"You what?!"

"Tsunade," Jiraiya held his hands up to try to calm her down. "It was the best course of action we could take. There was nothing else we could do, short of getting into a very bad fight with Akatsuki."

Tsunade sat back down, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Sakura..."

"I know," Jiraiya sighed. "I know, if Naruto was in the same situation how I would feel. I would probably barge right into that Akatsuki base and try to break him out, even if it would be a stupid move. But you're better than me, Tsunade. You know that such a thing-"

"Of course I know," she muttered. "Don't get me wrong, Naruto is very precious to me, but I also taught that girl for three years-"

"Yes," Jiraiya said, "you taught her. I know that if Naruto was in that situation... well, he'd be toast." They both groaned at that thought. "But," he started again, "Sakura has your brains and the willpower to keep her emotions under control."

"I hope so," Tsunade muttered. "Find anything out about Akatsuki?"

"Only a bit of information here and there. Sakura said that their leader is based in Amegakure but is currently out of the village. He also apparently has the ability to revive the dead-"

"What?!"

Jiraiya nodded, eyes looking into hers darkly. "I don't know this guy's powers, but he's the leader of Akatsuki. He's the strongest of them. That's who we're dealing with here. She told me that Sasori and Deidara were both there, clearly alive, when we confirmed their deaths a while ago."

"What about the others? Hidan, Kakuzu? They are supposed to be dead too. Did she see them?"

"No," Jiraiya muttered. He paused, putting a hand to his chin, deep in thought. "It is possible that she simply didn't see them, but I have a feeling they're actually dead. This jutsu to revive the dead, if it is real, must have certain conditions that have to be met before it can be used, and it probably also consumed an enormous amount of chakra. There is a time limit in which the souls still reside in our world and can be bound back to a body, according to the Third and Fourth, who studied the Reaper Death Seal. The body itself also has to be an intact body, and not just some puppet or dummy. The point is, even if he is the leader of Akatsuki, he is not a god. For now, we wait for more info, but when the time comes, we'll have to come up with a plan to beat him."

Tsunade nodded. "Anything else?"

"Well, unreliable source, and Sakura's impression, so it may not be true, but Akatsuki has apparently reformed. They are no longer gathering bijuu or antagonizing other shinobi villages. In her words, they seem 'nicer'."

The golden haired woman frowned, thinking deeply. "If true, this would be advantageous to us and to Kumogakure, since we are the only two villages with bijuu left. So they won't come after Naruto anymore. But we can't just forget their past crimes either. They have to be brought to justice eventually, but it will be difficult to deal with them on their own soil, and we definitely cannot spare the resources right now with this war going on..."

"Tsunade," Jiraiya looked at her meaningfully. "I'm sure you know this, but I will say it anyway. The whole shinobi world has still labeled them as wanted criminals, and the penalty for their crimes is death-"

"I wasn't saying we were going to kill them. Just bring them here and-"

"Once you bring them here, do you really think you can keep Danzo and the advisers, and hell, the whole village from killing them? Once they are here, it wouldn't be your decision anymore. If they have truly reformed, which may or may not be true, then killing them is not the answer."

"So you're suggesting mercy? After all that they've done?"

Jiraiya frowned. "If we kill them, there will always be others to take their place. Remove the Akatsuki from the picture and a spot opens up for new terrorists. And then we'd have to deal with all the connections the Akatsuki has already, who will probably try to get revenge on us for killing their... benefactors. Hatred breeds hatred, revenge breeds revenge. Kill them and the cycle just starts again."

"So be practical is what you're saying."

"And sympathetic. If they have truly turned over a new leaf, then we should not judge them on what they have done, but on what they are doing. It is never too late to make new friends."

"If their 'reformation' is even real at all. But let them go, and the advisers will never let me hear the end of it."

"My intel on Akatsuki is something even Danzo can't get. We can just refrain from telling them."

Tsunade sighed. "Very well, very well, you have a point. Is that it?"

"Yes."

"Then I have a mission for you. A very special S-ranked mission." Her voice dropped to a low whisper. "And please, please, do not be reckless on this one because you will be working alone. I need you to be safe. For many reasons."

"I will be fine, Tsunade," Jiraiya said reassuringly.

She nodded. "As you know, Iwagakure and Kumogakure are both at war with us and Sunagakure is going to provide assistance on our end. That leaves Kirigakure as the neutral one, but you can bet that they'll try something while we're all fighting."

"Of course. You want me to go there and gather intel? It seems like a bit of a waste of time at the moment-"

"Not at all. ANBU reports show a lot, and I mean a lot of movement in Kirigakure lately, from within the village itself and from outside, possibly from our friends the Akatsuki. No confirmed sightings of anything, but they took chakra level readings, and the results were, well..."

"Well?"

"Here," Tsunade opened her - new - desk and pulled out a file. She pointed to one graph. "Chakra levels here indicate an amount equivalent to that of seven bijuu concentrated at a single point."

"Akatsuki," Jiraiya muttered. "And beside it another powerful source of chakra. The signature is that of an Uchiha. I saw a reading on Itachi's chakra once, and those did not come close to these ones. Whoever this guy is, he's strong. And here, there is another one outside of the city. It seems slightly weaker than the Uchiha one, but not by much. I haven't seen that type of signature before, though. Perhaps the type of chakra related to a rare kekkei genkai?"

"I don't know. There are plenty of kekkei genkai out there that we don't have readings on, but this one seems too strong to be that of any ordinary one. This is a strong kekkei genkai, on the level of the Sharingan or even higher."

"This is definitely worth looking into," Jiraiya took the papers and looked through them closely again. "I'll see what I can find."

"Thank you. And be safe-"

"I know," Jiraiya smiled. "I will be fine."


It was still dark outside, but at least the snow was falling less viciously now and the wind had died down. Konan stirred slightly and she opened her eyes to the sight of dim light streaming into her room from the window, signalling that dawn had broken, although the sun never really rose in Amegakure. She blinked a couple times, then realized that the pain plaguing her body had lessened somewhat, at least to the point where it was manageable. Struggling to rise, she was forced to hold herself up against one wall for support, but managed, eventually to reach a standing position. Grumbling to herself, she threw a black kimono over her once white nightgown, which was now covered in bloodstains. Grimacing, she made a mental note to ask Nagato to buy her a new one, then took one slow step forward, hesitating slightly, not sure if she could move normally yet. But all was well, and she walked out of her room, slouching, because, well, who needed good posture anyway? It took too much effort to stand or sit straight, she had told her red haired friend many times, and even if it supposedly made her look self conscious - oh well, he just doesn't get it. Shaking her head, she shuffled down the hall to her bathroom, a room of pale blue tiles and stones that gave off the impression that the entire place was filled with water. A cerulean that almost matched her hair, and although she hated herself, she loved that color, her signature color. And yes, that meant that she liked her hair as well. She wasn't always self-deprecating.

There was a large basin in the stone, much like a large hot tub. Above it, bright white lights shone down from the ceiling, casting a cold glow downward, but other than that, the room was mostly dark once she turned the other lights off. The pale glow from the light cast down upon the mist in the bathroom, almost making it seem like a silken veil, fine and thin. She turned on the faucet and let the water flow in before slipping out of her clothes, waiting for a few minutes as the water hopefully heated up. As the tub filled and the heating vents kicked in, she started at her own reflection in the placid water.

She knew some people thought of her as beautiful. Nagato, Yahiko had, apparently this new Sakura girl did... many of the people of Amegakure, who said that she had 'angelic' beauty, well she was their 'angel' after all. But she didn't see it. She was just an average looking person, or even ugly at times, she thought, but definitely not beautiful. Although she did think that she looked a little better without that labret piercing, which she had removed once Pain had disappeared and Nagato was back to his old self. She was still used to putting on eyeshadow, though, and even as shaded as her eyes normally were, she still liked the blue tint on her eyelids. Seeing herself here without it seemed a bit odd. Her gaze traveled lower. She had never needed to shave. She didn't know why - she knew that other women did, she just didn't have any... except well, in certain places... but Nagato was the only one who had ever seen her - yes, not even Yahiko had - so that was okay. Besides, she liked having a little - okay nevermind. She blushed faintly at that thought and she moved forward, stepping into the water. Tch. It's still cold. She formed a few hand seals and the water began to heat up faster, steam beginning to rise from it, the heat feeling pleasantly warm against her cool skin. She sat their soaking in the warm water, feeling her strength, maybe, just maybe, return a little. But then she began coughing again, and the water was dyed red with her blood. So much for that.

There was a knock at the door. "Hello? Are you in here... uh... what do I even call you?"

Konan looked at the door expressionlessly. So Sakura had come to bother her. Well, what was she supposed to do? She could still hardly talk, and besides, it wasn't like she wanted to be too cold to the girl after she had pretty much saved her life last night. Not that she really wanted to be saved, but she supposed it was for the better, maybe.

Sakura opened the door without waiting for a reply and Konan hissed slightly, forming more hand seals to make the steam around her denser. She hated being seen naked most of the time, with few exceptions.

"What?" Her voice was still no more than a whisper, but it didn't hurt quite as much to speak now.

"Nothing, I was just checking to make sure you were okay," Sakura muttered. "After last night, you know."

Konan rolled her eyes. "And this was a good reason to bother me while I was bathing?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Well, what's wrong with that? It's not like I'm a man or anything. We're both women, right? You have nothing to hide."

The blue haired woman's eyes traveled down from the girl's face to her chest. And then down to her own. She blushed, scowling faintly, and the steam grew denser. I have nothing to hide, except maybe a slight... lacking in the chest area, she thought spitefully.

Sakura noticed her looking and blushed as well. "Err - I'm sure you're fine -"

"Whatever. I don't care," Konan said icily.

The pink haired girl laughed a little. "I didn't know you were like that. That's like... cute-"

Konan's face turned redder and her mouth twisted into a very strange expression.

"Wait, are you... blushing?"

Konan sighed and rolled her eyes again, sinking lower into the water, her blue hair spreading around as the lower half of her face was submerged. She closed her eyes.

Sakura moved closer and sat on the edge of the tub, facing away from the pale woman.

"So... how does it feel?"

"You're not good at making small talk, are you?" Konan's head rose above the water and she glared at the pink haired girl, who looked away, grinning sheepishly.

"Yeah... and I guess you're not the type to strike up meaningless conversations with people either..."

Konan looked away and was silent.

"Oh come on, I just want you to feel more comfortable around me-"

"Why?"

"Because I know you're a person like I am. Hell, you've suffered way more than I have. And I want to get to know you. And who that orange haired boy is. I want to see that you're not just an Akatsuki member, who all are supposed to be pure evil, according to my village. I-"

"That orange haired boy," Konan said with barely concealed grief, "is dead."

Sakura sat there for a moment, awkwardly silent. She sensed that something had stirred inside the other woman, some emotion that she had locked away long ago and never wanted to feel again, and -

"Oh," she said softly. "I'm... sorry."

It was quiet for what seemed to be the longest time again, Sakura just sitting there, back towards Konan, who seemed to be reminiscing about something.

"Haruno Sakura," she said suddenly. "Have you lost someone as well?"

"I... probably not the way you have."

"Then... you have parted ways. Like my sensei and his friend."

Jiraiya-sama and Orochimaru. "Yeah. We have. But we haven't given up on him yet. We'll get him back no matter what it takes. Because he's our friend. We can't just abandon him. But we also can't let him be wrong either."

"Then... then there is more hope for you than there is for the rest of us... or for me," Konan whispered very softly.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Sakura turned and Konan hissed again, the steam growing even denser.

"Oh come on - there's no reason to try to hide everything."

"My body? Or my life?"

"Or both," Sakura replied forcefully. "I mean, it's pretty obvious just looking at you. You've got body image issues. And you're like traumatized or something, and probably depressed too, and you probably have to deal with a lot of stress, and-"

"You could tell?"

"Well, no, but I'm just guessing. If you are, then you're doing a damn good job of hiding it, but still, you can't hide it forever."

Konan did not reply. She moved underneath the water again, and heard an exasperated sigh above her.

"You are, aren't you? You're traumatized by everything. War. A bunch of your loved ones dying, probably, seeing death everywhere, just... everything. You're depressed, aren't you? You-"

Konan's head rose above the water suddenly and she was clearly incensed. "You don't get it, do you? This isn't about me! It doesn't matter what has happened. I've always been this way-"

"What, hiding everything, holding it in? Trying to control your emotions?"

Konan nodded, still glaring at the girl angrily. "That won't change. And even if it does... I don't matter. My people. My country. My home. Your village's war is going to destroy them all, and I can't do a single thing to stop it! Every single one of those people is going to experience hell, a hell far worse than anything you've ever seen, a hell that-"

"You've dealt with your whole life," Sakura finished the sentence for her.

The anger faded slightly, and Konan looked away. "I said I didn't matter," her voice faded from its intense whisper and back to its normal, soft toned one. "But when I think that all of them have to go through that..." She closed her eyes. And opened them. "Enough. I will say no more."

"But-"

"Enough," she repeated wearily. "Please, if you're going to stay here, just be quiet."

Sakura opened her mouth to protest, but then thought better of it and merely sat there in silence.


They walked together down a maze of halls and stairs, and though she seemed colder than ever, Sakura knew that the other woman was brooding over something. She studied her carefully, seeing the still too pale skin, the tiny beads of sweat breaking out again, the slight grimaces that her mouth twisted into every time she had to suppress a cough - her illness would probably return in full force later. Then there was that pretty blue hair, now gathered into a messy bun with a blue paper flower pinned beside it. And those blue eyebrows furrowed slightly, maybe she was in pain? Of course, she would not admit to it.

She still took to wearing the Akatsuki cloak, but even beneath that bulky thing, Sakura could tell that she was too thin. Perhaps she was usually slender, slight of build, but there was no way anyone was that skinny - that was just purely unhealthy. Although, being that sick did things like that.

Sakura took her all in, the slouch and her shuffling feet, dark bags under her eyes; she must've been in pain from... something... but that expressionless face hid it all. Well, most of it anyway. Something about her demeanor cried out that she was hurt. Of course she was.

Konan turned to face her and they met eye to eye. That surprised her. Konan always seemed so much taller - perhaps it was aura of power she gave off, or maybe it was because she always seemed so distant, aloof - but now, she could see that the blue haired woman was pretty much her height, maybe a tiny bit taller because she was slouching.

Konan seemed like she was going to speak, but then she just shook her head and bit her lip in frustration. Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Where are we going?"

"Why did you randomly start following me?"

Sakura shrugged. "Nothing else to do. Where are we going?"

Konan ignored her and opened a door, revealing the snow covered street in front of them. It was still bitterly cold, but not quite as bad as it had been the night before, with the powerful winds and snowstorm dropping the temperature even lower. The snow had mostly stopped for the moment, although the sky overhead was still covered in clouds, overcast, but somehow that didn't surprise Sakura anymore.

Konan stepped outside.

"Wait! What the hell are you doing?!" Sakura yelled at her. "You're still sick-"

"I'm also starving," she murmured.

Sakura sighed. "What do you think I'm here for? I can help you get stuff-"

"You're supposed to hate me," Konan said softly.

"I -" How to phrase it? "Of course I'm supposed to," Sakura admitted. "But I don't. So get over it. I'm going to help you, and you're going to like it. Now get back inside."

Konan looked into the sky. And then back at Sakura. "Fine. You know where the market district is, right?"

"Yeah. What do you have in mind?"

She shrugged, then rummaged in the pouch at her side and handed Sakura some money. "I personally like fish. Flame-broiled, not karaage. Too oily," she explained. "Pick up some rice and vegetables if you can, and get whatever else you want."

Sakura nodded. "Got it. I'll be back soon."

Hopefully not too soon, the blue haired woman thought to herself.


There was a special door, one that could not be found or activated by normal means, that only reacted to one thing.

Konan placed a paper flower in a vase standing on a table in the middle of the hall, and the door opened, revealing a staircase leading down to somewhere underground. Taking careful steps downward, she waited until her vision grew accustomed to the darkness, and then descended more quickly. Down and down she spiraled until at last she reached a room lit by candles lining the walls, the fresh scent of incense reaching her nose.

So Nagato remembered before he left. Of course he would. They were the best of friends. He would never forget...

There was a large pit in the middle of the room, filled with paper flowers, every single one of them folded by her hands and not her jutsu, because he deserved so much more than that. And in the middle of the flowers, a body, now devoid of piercings, its eyes closed peacefully, laying there as if asleep.

"Yahiko," she whispered.

From within her cloak, she drew out another paper flower and placed it with all the others. If only you knew how much we needed you, if only you could come back to life and save this world from the hatred that engulfs it. Save us all. Save me...

Yes, I will be selfish this time. I need you. It has been so long, and yet I cannot forget, or move on. I still need you, to protect me, from everything, from myself... but you are gone, and with you, all of our hopes have died. I still fight for your dreams without hope that they will come to fruition, I fight for peace, thinking it will not happen. Despair rules my heart, and you are not here to take it away. Why?

Why did you have to abandon us?

Because, she imagined him speaking. Though you might not have known it, Nagato was more important to you than I ever was. You will see, in time, even if he does not understand you.

You are both equally important to me. But he is here and you are gone. Is it not right that I think about you?

Eventually, you have to move on. Konan, you can't dwell on my death forever. You cannot dwell on what might have been if I were still living and-

And Nagato weren't? No, perhaps it would have been better if both of you just abandoned me that day and let me die. I always wanted to. There was no reason you had to die so that someone like me, who hates life, could live-

You don't hate life. Perhaps it is painful at times, but if you truly hated it, you would have died long ago.

I... I suppose that is true. But still, it is not right that you had to die in my place-

I reside in the light, Konan. And despite the fact that I could understand your darkness, I was not a man of it. Nagato, he is a man of both light and dark, peace and war, pain, and tranquility. You will find that he suits you better-

This isn't about something petty like love! This is about what everyone suffers, and hope! If we cannot give them hope, if we cannot alleviate their suffering-

You will find a way. You always have. And you will.

Will I?

Yes. Knowing you, you probably won't believe yourself capable of doing it, but you're not giving yourself enough credit. You're stronger than you think you are, Konan, in many ways.

At least, that was what he would have said, if he were still living. She knew that already. But he was dead.

She pulled back the sleeve of her cloak and formed a paper kunai in her hand, then sliced across her arm, wincing slightly as the pain shot through her. She watched the blood drip down, and wondered why she even did it.

She wondered every time. Yahiko had discovered her cutting her arm by a river one day, and in his very understanding, but sternly disapproving way, he had taken the kunai from her and gave her a look that said why?

She had been silent and kept her face smooth. She had washed the blood off her arm, then drawn her sleeve over it and they had walked back to their hideout together, not talking, not looking at each other, but she knew that he was suffering because she felt the need to hurt herself.

The weird part was that she didn't even enjoy it. It hurt, and it didn't take her mind off of anything at all. If anything, it only made her brood more. But she did it anyway, and she didn't know why herself.

Nagato had found out only after Yahiko died, and judging from all the pale scars on her arms that could only be seen when one was close up, he knew that she had been doing it for a long time.

And he had silently given her a look that said why?

And she was silent and kept her face smooth. And then his look had changed, and she knew that he had understood. There was no why. She just did it, and that wouldn't change, and he wouldn't be able to convince her otherwise. So, he had silently bandaged her arm and looked very sad, and she had felt so bad about it that she didn't let him catch her cutting herself ever again. Of course, he knew that she still did it when he saw a fresh wound on her arm every so often, but neither of them said anything about it.

How ironic, she thought bitterly. I'm the one who should be supporting them in their dreams, their goals of peace, because it is also mine, because I also want this endless strife to stop. But in the end they end up supporting me, trying to take care of my problems, problems that exist for no reason, because they are just there without cause... She sighed. She already knew she was a hopeless case. But she couldn't help but brood over it.


They ate silently together.

Sakura got the impression that Konan had seemed so docile before she had left, but when she had come back, the woman was all ice again. Still, she was beginning to learn to read the pale lady a little better - the more hurt she was, or the more she was brooding, the more distant she became. Something was bothering her, but she also knew better than to pry into Konan's thoughts. That would only set off her temper and earn Sakura a few glares.

She had never met someone so temperamental, so... bipolar, she would have called it, but Konan's moods, rather than varying between depression and extreme joy, varied between depression and some weird form of being extremely... submissive. A weird word to use, but she couldn't think of a better one. Usually, she was just cold though. Stoic to the point that one wondered if she even had any emotions left.

Of course she does. And I'm going to find out more about her. She's going to let me into her head, little by little, and she's going to like it, cha - but why am I so determined to get to know her? Sakura shrugged. There didn't need to be a reason. She was just going to do it.