Eyes of the Heart

.

Act 2

The Circle of Impurity

.

Maximilian

"What about the island of Llomerryn ? East of Antiva?" he asked leaning back against the wall, on the other side of the window. " I think I have a story or two about that place."

"Tell me more," she implored, her eyes suddenly lit with a new brightness. Maker, how he loved those moments. She looked at him expectantly, eager to absorb every word he would say about the places and the experiences he explored in his travels. While it was a delicious sensation, and also the worst kind of poison - his heart ached to know that she could never see the places that she dreamed about.

...

Helena was an adventurer at heart .

She dreamed of traveling around the world , of going to places where no one else had been and seeing all the good that Thedas had to offer .

She was a good person , despite what they say about her short temper and her ... difficulties ... in following orders .

What a great irony ... that someone like her , kind and gentle , innocent somehow, born with this cursed fate ….She , who repudiated the limited space between four walls with such force , was doomed to perpetual confinement ...

I believe that the Maker has a bigger plan for all of us , but at times like this ... I seriously questioned his methods .

...

How beautiful she is , he thought , getting lost for a moment in the green traces crossing her light brown eyes. They glowed so strongly, an unusual light that seemed to brighten wherever she went. Even that dark corridor seemed to fill with life when she was around .

But Helena would never know how Maximilian felt about her - how he thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his whole life, or how the sun rose and set with the simple sound of her sweet voice. He was a Templar - he could not make the mistake of talking about what he should not. Or uttering the words he was not allowed to speak.

So even though it hurt him, to repress these feelings which suffocated him to the point that it hindered his breathing, he kept silent . He had to pretend that nothing untoward was happening and that everything was normal - for his own sake and for hers, too.

But even though it was forbidden , he could not stop this peculiar habit - a ritual between them , which happened every week, always after Chantry services: He told her a wild story about somewhere - the colors, shapes, people, landscapes ... All the places he knew she dreamed of knowing .

And she paid attention to every little detail .

...

I discovered this secret desire of hers when , one day, she asked me about where I was born . At first, I thought it was just an innocent question , but it was her insatiable curiosity that caught my attention the most, and made me realize that her childhood dream was still alive .

It broke my heart .

I knew she would never see any of the places I described to her , but even so , I allowed myself to be a human being, not only the straight Templar, nephew of the boss. I fed this little flame of her dream, because I was too selfish to let the brightness in her eyes die .

I was also too selfish to give up that bright smile that curved her lips every time the image of a place took shape in her mind , and that charming look she threw at me every time the story ended and she finally opened her eyes , returning from her daydreaming .

And the worst thing was that ... Almost all of these stories were inventions that I created from books and paintings that I studied at night, before our meeting . All to feed my petty selfishness .

Maker ... I was a terrible person .

...

And this process was repeated for all the long years that had passed since then . Even though he was a senior templar now and she was a faithful Enchanter , who proved her loyalty to the tower and no longer needed surveillance , they continued meeting after the services . Maximilian suspected that Helena knew he had not traveled much, and that most of the stories were only inventions , but by the blessing of the Maker, she never said anything .

Perhpas she enjoyed those moments as much as he did. It was a possibility , however remote . After all, what mage in her right mind would want be near a Templar ? She should be happy with her new "freedom" , and perhaps the reason for their meetings was just a damn addiction she could not shake .

Just as she was his addiction.

...

The truth is that I had several opportunities to get out of that tower .

My behavior assured me more than respect - my advice and experience had earned me many recommendations, even to serve in Denerim if I had chosen to do so.

Hunt apostates throughout Ferelden , build a life in the capital ... All of this was within reach of my hands more than once .

But I chose to stay in Lake Calenhad .

I chose to stay beside Helena Cousland .

...

Yes, for almost eight years, he had loved her in silence, from a distance, hiding every smile and every blush behind his closed helmet. Nobody would ever know what was happening inside the armor, behind the exemplary Templar in the exercise of his duty. No one would ever know that, behind that perfect soldier, there was standing an incomplete man.

No one would ever know that the shadow had a heart, which pounded for the only person he could never have.

It was not just armor and the two -year gap that separated them . He'd made his vows , and she was a mage. They would never have a future together , or a family . He knew that it hurt to stay close to her , precisely because he would have to keep struggling to repress his feelings , but to stay away would be infinitely worse.

Just to know that she was okay, that was near him and happy, within whatever extent possible , for him it was enough . .

It had to be enough, because it would be all he could ever have.

After all ... If someone supected, even for a second, that they had some kind of bond ... something that indicated a possible relationship between the two , anything , even without evidence, would separate them forever.

And if Greagoir still wanted to turn her Tranquil, as was his initial plan ... Then, he would have a good reason, and there will be no Irving or confinement to a dungeon that could save her this time.

Just the thought of never seeing that glimmer of determination and the life that shone brightly in her eyes every time he finished a story was scary. All the mages in the tower had the same opaque and dull eyes, dead by imprisonment and lack of perspective, but she did not. Maximilian saw the light in her eyes, a strong will to live she so very often repressed for her own good, except in that moment, when all her dreams surfaced and she allowed herself to have, once again, the excitement and innocence of a child, who ventured into the yard house.

It was like an injection of life into the veins of the Templar. And he had become so addicted to this pulse of life, to her presence and her energy, that he prefered to choose his silent suffering instead of solitude.

...

Life in the Circle could be very depressing, not just for mages , but for the Templars as well .. Unless , of course , you're a sadist or psychopath, who feels happiness in feeding your soul with the suffering of the others . Because if that is the case , then you are in the right place.

When I signed up for this job, I thought, like most people, the magi were terrible abominations. A real attack on the peace and happiness of society and the natural cycle that the Maker had created for us. And of course, with so much power, I also concluded that they were dangerous and should be contained . It is normal to fear what you can not fully understand.

But as soon as I arrived in the tower ... I almost went crazy.

They were people .

People like you and me - with stories, feelings, perspectives and dreams .

People with sad tales , scared and without fully understanding about what was happening, they were uprooted from their lives and thrown in that tower as if they were garbage that society pushed into a wasteland to set afire.

The 'normal' people felt pleasure from lighting the torch .

And the mages only crime was being born. Simple as that.

When I found out about the Rite of Tranquility... I lost my purpose. Turning bright children into those things was an attack on good sense and to life itself. To the Maker himself, whom most of them said they served.

There were so many cruelties, beginning with the bullying behavior of some Templars. When they were not freely torturing the mages in every way imaginable, they were being quite abusive with them, if you understand what I mean. There was also the blood magic factor, which was the perfect excuse to push the rite to its limits, even when the only crime committed was to yell their dissatisfaction slightly higher than the others.

It was a lot of injustice in one single place.

I had just asked for my retirement when Helena crossed my path.

That rebel mage with the sharp tongue caught my attention from the very beginning. Not only for her beauty, but for her unique way of being. She had life pulsing through her veins and a different aura that those mages had not. The type of energy that emanated from her was one of those that you feel more than motivated to keep it burning.

And when Greagoir talked about his plans for her... that returned my motivation tenfold.

My purpose then become to protect her. Make sure that she would walk the line, so no one would have any reason to force the unfortunate process upon her. I didn't want to see her suffering such a fateful destiny.

And thanks to the Maker, it did not happen.

I usually say that every time a mage becomes Tranquil, a star dies in the sky. And my purpose was to make sure that my star would keep shining, whatever the cost.

Even though a star would never be aware of the presence of the small beings, just to be under her light was enough.

It had to be.