Chapter 4 – blame and panic

Wow really sorry about the delay in updated this story I kind of got sidetracked by all the amazing stories that have been written about our favorite doctors. Thanks again for the reviews they really make me happy. Hope you enjoy this chapter xx

When Ethan woke up the next morning Cal was gone and for a moment he began to panic, where was Cal and why would he leave him, he promised him he would stay.

His breathing picked up and he spun round when he heard movement in the room he settled and tried to calm his breathing when he saw Dixie sitting in the seat Cal was supposed to be, she was sleeping and Ethan was unsure what to do

Why was she here, was she here to tell him that she blamed him for Jeff's death, or yell at him, all of this was going through his mind and his breathing was getting worse he reached to where Cal had placed his asthma pumps on the side table and grappled around until he found them he was about to take a puff when the doors opened and Cal carrying coffee entered seeing Ethan's slightly panicked state he placed the coffee on the tray table and sat on the bed before speaking

"Hey, you ok?"

Ethan struggling to get oxygen in shook his head and Cal laid him back on the bed and gently placed the oxygen mask over his face speaking to him in a calming voice

"Relax Ethan, you're ok, sorry I wasn't here when you woke, I thought you'd be out for a while longer, just relax now"

When Cal was satisfied that Ethan's breathing was getting easier he leant back and smiled as he saw Dixie looking at them, she smiled back before gesturing for Cal to wait outside.

Cal turned to Ethan and spoke

"Ethan, Dixie wants to have a word with you ok, I'm going to go speak to the ward sister to see about you getting discharged in a day or two ok"

Ethan nodded slowly, knowing that Cal wouldn't let her be with him if she was going to shout, had relaxed him a little.

When Cal had left Dixie spoke

"Your brother really cares about you Ethan, he's gone out of his mind with worry the last week"

Ethan nodded and answered "I know, he's been brilliant"

Dixie nodded before speaking again and taking a seat next to Ethan on the bed

"Cal told me that you blame yourself for Jeff because you driving, is that right Ethan?"

Ethan looked down at the blankets on the bed but nodded before speaking

"If someone else had been driving they could have controlled the car…."

Dixie stops him

"Ethan no one could have gotten out of that, and I know Cal has told you this, but I want you to know that I don't blame you and no one does, you have to get passed this, but I promise you kid, it wasn't your fault, Jeff wouldn't want you to blame yourself"

Ethan nodded and Cal walked back in and smiled Dixie moved off the bed and gave Cal a hug on the way out

"I did my best the rest is up to you" Cal nodded

Once Dixie had left Ethan looked up at Cal, tears in his eyes and asked in a broken voice

"It really wasn't my fault?"

Cal sighed and sat next to Ethan putting an arm around his shoulders

"No Ethan it wasn't, there was nothing anyone could have done, nobody blames you I promise, and Dixie is just glad that you lived, and Jeff would be too, he risked his life to save you Ethan, don't waste it feeling guilty"

Ethan nodded and hid his face in Cal's shoulder when his doctor walked in, Cal gave him a moment to compose himself and held his hand up to the doctor who nodded in silence.

After a minute Ethan had himself under control and looked up, not moving out from under Cal's arm still needing the comfort it provided, he nodded at Cal and Cal looked at the doctor expectantly

He smiled at them before speaking

"ok, Dr Hardy, it would seem you have had enough of our hospitality, so how about a final check and if everything is where it's supposed to be we'll discharge you, only if you promise to have a few days rest at home and have your brother here wait on you"

Ethan smiled nodding enthusiastically and looked at Cal for confirmation

Cal laughed at the excited look on Ethan's face and answered the Doctor

"No problem trust me he won't be doing anything other than watching daytime TV and sleeping for a while"

He glanced up at the doctor who laughed and nodded as he left

Cal looked at Ethan and spoke "you ok?" when Ethan nodded and smiled Cal continued

"ok so I got to go finish my shift, you get yourself ready, slowly and I'll come get you after shift, I'll pop up on break later ok"

Ethan nodded and grabbed Cal's hand as he got up Cal turned and frowned at Ethan before Ethan spoke

"Thanks, for everything, thank you for talking to Dixie, for saving my life and well for being my big brother, Thank you, and I know it can't have been easy for you"

Cal could see Ethan beginning to get upset and sat back down before saying

"Ethan, stop you don't need to thank me, I'm your brother and I love you, and as your brother I do hold the right to kill you myself if you ever pull stunt like that again got it"

Ethan nodded adding "I'll try not to die Cal" Cal laughed and left Ethan to gather his things and get dressed.

All day Cal's mind was on Ethan and his impending release. Everyone asking how Ethan was and having to smile and nod and Say "yeah he's great" was taking its toll on him.

As a brother Cal was happy Ethan was going home, As Ethan's primary care giver and still holding down the hours in ED he'd have his work cut out for him. He just hoped Ethan was coping as well as he'd have Cal believe.

After shift

Cal went upstairs to collect Ethan from the ward, he picked up Ethan's bag and the walked slowly out of the hospital to the waiting Taxi and Cal opened the door for Ethan to climb in before placing the bag in and climbing in himself.

Cal gave the cab driver their address and leant back smiling as he saw Ethan relax into the seat.

A short while later Cal was making idle talk when he noticed a change in Ethan's breathing. He turned to face him and was shocked to see the pale. Sweating face of Ethan he spoke gently

"Ethan are you ok, are you hurting"

Ethan focused on Cal's voice and shook his head before answering

"Car, I need to get out of this car Cal, please"

The words hit Cal like a freight train and he managed to turn to the driver and asked to stop. Ethan was out of the car before it came to a complete stop and once outside his legs turned to jelly and he stumbled to a nearby bench.

Cal after throwing money at the driver exited after him and was by his side in an instant

"Ethan talk to me, do we need to go back to the hospital?"

Ethan looked up at Cal with panic in his eyes and Cal followed his eyes to take in the traffic, when his breathing was dangerously close to hyperventilating Cal grabbed his hand and placed it on his chest allowing Ethan to sync his breathing with his own. He spoke gently to him

"that's it , just breath in and out, you can do this" after 2 minutes Ethan had his breathing under control and Cal moved them from the wall onto a nearby bench allowing Ethan to compose himself before he spoke

"So I'm guessing we're walking back then?"

Ethan gave him a watery smile before nodding and Cal slung an arm around his shoulder

"Eth, I'd be more concerned if you didn't show panic about getting in a car after the accident, panic attacks happen, the smallest thing can set them off, and after what you went through, it's not unsurprising"

"How about we go home, order in some food and tomorrow we'll try again, ill drive how's that sound"

Ethan nodded before standing and Cal followed picking up his bag and talking about anything and everything, he soon had Ethan laughing.

Tomorrow was a new day and hopefully this panic attack was a onetime thing, Cal hoped so as Ethan hated showing weakness and this would really damage his self-esteem, Cal had seen the weaker side to his brother after the accident, the side that still needed his big brother, but he also knew that Ethan would hate people to see him as weak, he vowed to himself to help Ethan work through this no matter how long it took.

Hope you enjoyed please R&R xx