Make You Feel My Love-Part 3

He stared at his hands. Its all he has been doing for the past fifteen minutes while he waited quietly.

He didn't look up when he heard the buzzer. He just stated at his hands, the white gold band in his left hand reflecting perfectly against the harsh lights.

Even when she sat in front of him, he didn't stop looking at his hands. The hands that did so much bad shit when he lived in Charming. The same hands that were trying to do better in life. The hands that he used everyday to make up for all the stuff he did for the club for over ten years. When he left Charming, he swore he would never use those hands to harm anyone else. He knew being a father changed him. Having two sons shifted his view of the world just like Tara did when he fell in love with her. When he had Abel, he saw the bigger picture for the first time. Then Thomas came along and he knew he had to do right by his family. When he and Tara packed their boys, he swore that he wouldn't let the violence touch his family ever again. And yet, it seemed like his past kept bitting him in the ass. He swore he wouldn't kill ever again. Yet, the rage he felt at this moment was beyond blindly. If it weren't for his current setting, he knew he would kill one more time. So instead of acting impulsively, like he did when he lived in California, he looked at his hands, trying to see past the fog that was his rage.

"Jackson," she whispered.

He looked up and saw the woman who was suppose to be his mother. Her face was free of her trademark make-up. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and her hands were cuffed in front of her. She had dark shadows under her eyes. She looked tired and old. Orange didn't suit her at all.

"Jackson," she whispered once more and tried to reach for his hands.

"Don't fucking touch me." He removed his hands from the steel table. "Don't you ever fucking touch me again."

He felt his anger boiling over and he closed his eyes and thought of his babies. They were what were keeping him sane.

"How could you?" he whispered, opening his eyes slowly. He saw her lips tremble as she tried to formulate words that could possible justify what she did.

"I just lost it. She took you away from me, away from the club, from Charming...She said I would never see the boys again and I just lost it..."

"You fucking lost it?" Jax said, his voice laced with pure venom. "Do you know what I have lost? Do you, Gemma?" He leaned forward, "I lost my father because of you and that damn club. I nearly lost my son. I lost my best friend. I lost Donna. I lost Half-Sack. I love Piney. I lost Tara for ten years. I nearly lost my fucking life. And all you care about is yourself, you selfish bitch."

Gemma flinched. "Jackson! I am still your mother! You speak to me with respect!"

"No, Gemma. The day I found out you had my father killed was the day you lost your right to call yourself my mother. The day you went and attacked my pregnant wife, was the day you ceased to exist to me."

"Then why did you come here?" Gemma cried, tears streaming down her face.

"I just came to tell you that after the trial you will never see me or my kids ever again. I will testify against you in your trial. I'll tell the jury how I heard you attack my defenseless pregnant wife in our own home. You are dead to me, Gemma Morrow. You are absolutely dead to me."

"Jackson, please." Gemma reached out to him. "I did it for you. I just wanted you home, baby."

Jax laughed. "No, you didn't want me home. You wanted me for yourself. You didn't care who you had to get rid of in order to achieve that."

Jax stood. "Good-bye, Gemma."

"WAIT!" Gemma scrambled to stand. "Is Tara..."

"DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY HER NAME!" Jax yelled.

"Sir?" an officer walked towards them.

Jax put his hands up signaling that he was almost done.

"Don't you ever say her name again. Is she alive? Is that what you want to know?"

"I loved Tara like my own flesh and blood and she just..."

"You loved her? You are incapable of any form of love, Gemma. You, rotting in here, not knowing if my wife and child made it out alive will be part of your punishment. Live with the fact that you might have killed your own grandchild. Live with the fact that maybe, Abel and Thomas will grow up without a mother. You rot in here with your own guilt, you selfish piece of shit."

"JAX!"

He turned and walked out of the visiting room without a glance back, Gemma yelling out his name over and over again.

/

Two Days Later

He parked the rental in front of the piece of shit motel he was staying at.

He knew were he should have been but first he needed to take care of business.

Grabbing his bag, Jax checked in and quickly made his way to the room.

Dropping everything by the door, Jax knew he should get a couple of hours of sleep before night approached. For nearly two months, he barely slept, his mothers' attack on Tara and their baby creating huge consequences that did not allow for him to have a moments' peace.

He laid down and thought of his wife. For nearly twenty years, Tara was the only source of hope in his life. The only good thing, besides his sons that ever came out of Charming.

He felt the tears dwell on his eyes and quickly pushed them away. Now was not the time to break apart. He needed to be strong for what he had to do.

Jax closed his eyes and allowed for sleep to take over.

/

It was the persistent knocking that woke him up. He reached out to the other side of the bed to notice how cold that side felt. Usually Tara was always there, keeping him warm. It was then that he realized that he wasn't home and that Tara wouldn't be there with him.

The knocking continued and he groggily stood to open the door.

"Brotha," Jax barely had time to register the arms wrapping him in a huge hug.

Jax gladly returned the hug of Chibs while Bobby waited to receive his.

Jax closed his eyes and felt the tears burning in his eyes. As much as he hated Samcro for what it did to his family and friends, he couldn't deny that he still loved Chibs and Bobby. They were the only ones who he felt loved him unconditionally. The only two how understood his decision to leave Charming, no judgments in their parts.

Jax released Chibs and looked to Bobby. They also embraced.

Releasing Bobby, Jax motioned for them to walk in the room.

Bobby sat in the nearest chair by the door and Chibs opted to stand in front of the cheap looking wardrobe. Jax sat on the bed.

There was a pregnant pause before Bobby spoke, always the insightful one of the club.

"Sorry to hear about Tara..."

Jax shook his head. "Please don't..." he whispered, the guilt of what happened to his wife weighing heavily on him.

"Jackie boy, what Gemma did was not your fault," countered Chibs, his eyes watering.

Jax swallowed the lump that formed on his throat. He took a deep breath before speaking. "As you know, Gemma will be put away for a long time for what she did to my family. I'm going to testify against her."

He saw Bobby shift in his chair.

Jax continued, "this means that the club might have some heat for a while given that I will also bring to light her involvement in JT's death."

"What?" Chibs asked, in utter shock.

"Jax, what are you talking about?"

Jax stood and walked over to where he had dropped his bag. He opened his book bag and took out a stack of letters that Tara had given him a couple of years back. He turned and gave the letters to Bobby.

"Those letters were written by JT. In them, he wrote that he was afraid that Clay and Gemma were going to kill him. When we were in Stockton, Tara did some digging and she came to the conclusion that Clay and Gemma had Lowell Harland Sr fuck around with JT's bike. As you know, a few weeks after JT died, Lowell was killed by the Mayans. I think that Clay had that shit planned out so Lowell wouldn't turn against him. When Tara found the letters, she told Piney about them. That was the leverage Piney had against Clay. Piney threatened Clay with exposing the truth if Clay didn't get the club out of muling drugs for Romeo. Piney wasn't killed by the cartel. Clay killed Piney and then put out a hit on Tara. That's how her hand got smashed. It was all Clay and Gemma's doing. It was cause of them that my family is the way it is now. It's cause of them that Samcro is barely hanging on a thread. Those letters prove it. They prove Clay's and Gemma's involvement in JT's death. A death that Unser covered up."

Neither Bobby nor Chibs said anything for a long while. Jax sat back down on the bed and leaned against the headboard his eyes closed as he waited for his companions to break the silence.

"What do yuh want to do, Jackie boy?" asked Chibs. "Clay still has the gavel and he will neva let you put his old lady behind bars. Don't matta that they are separared."

"That's why I reached out to you two." Jax opened his eyes and looked at his former brothers. "I need a favor."

/

One day later

He looked at his hands. Over five years ago, he swore he would never do any more harm with those hands. He swore that no one would ever hurt his family ever again. As he crouched by the woods, he noticed the reflecting lights approaching him. He heard them park their bikes.

"Where the fuck are they?"

"Give them a minute, Clay."

He heard the flicker of a light and saw the smoke coming from a cigar.

Jax stood and quietly made this way to the men standing by their bikes.

It didn't take long for Clay to notice him. By the time, he drew his piece out, Jax had his pointed at his stepfather. He knew that Bobby and Chibs would have his back, if need be.

"What the fuck is going on?" Clay spit out his cigar.

"Revenge has no boundaries," answered Jax, his gun pointed at the man who raised him for more than half his life.

"You and your wife took everything from me." Jax thought of his father and Piney. Of Opie and Donna. Of Tara.

Clay gave his shoulders a blasé shrug. "Business is business, son. JT and Piney were in the way. Opie and Donna were collateral damage. And doctor pussy..."

Jax jumped when he heard the gun make contact with Clay's head. Clay fell to the floor and looked up at Bobby who had drawn up his own piece. "Don't disrespect Tara. Not in my presence."

Bobby nodded at Jax.

Jax gave Bobby a grateful nod and looked at the broken man on the floor. "Gemma is going to go away for what she did. I'll make sure of that. But before I testify against her, I knew I had to wrap shit up here."

Clay laughed. "You can't deny you are JT's son. Betraying family over a stupid gash."

Jax's blood started to boil. "The only stupid gash here is you. You let Gemma manipulate you into murdering your own best friend. You let her dictate every aspect of your life for over twenty years. But all of that is now over."

He crouched down to be at eye level with Clay. "I swore I wouldn't kill again. But this isn't just for Tara. This is for Donna, Opie and Piney." Jax stood and pointed the gun to the temple of his stepfather. "This is for them."

He stood there in silence and tried to get his mind to pull the trigger. His hand shook slightly but he knew he had to do this. He had to do this for his family.

"Jackie."

Jax looked at Chibs and saw the love behind the man's eyes.

"I got this."

Jax flinched at the sound of the gun. He saw Clay drop to the floor. Blood trickled down the face of the man who once taught him the importance of brotherhood and loyalty.

Jax looked up and saw Chibs put away his piece. Jax shook his head trying to understand what had occurred. He saw Bobby look at Chibs as well, shock clearly written on his face.

"Yuh swore to neva kill again. You keep your word and go back to the East Coast. We got it from here, Jackie."

"What about..."

"Don't you worry about it, Jax. Just go," answered Bobby. "Go and never come back. We got this."

Jax felt the lump on his throat and walked to where JT's old bike stood hidden. He roared the bike back to life and rode right out of the woods his brothers getting smaller and smaller with the distance.

/

One Week Later

Jax parked the bike on his driveway. It was a little before midnight and he was just glad to be home.

After what happened in the woods, he rode out to Nevada where he lay low in Uncle Jury's home for a couple of days. Jury agreed to hide him out until it was safe for Jax to continue out East. He told Jury the truth about Clay and Gemma knowing that his father's old friend would take it to his grave. Jury and the rest of his club rode out to Charming upon receiving the news of Clay's death, giving Jax the perfect opportunity to ride out East while they rode out West.

Jax used Jack Kerouac route to get back home. When they were teens, he and Tara always wanted to take one of Kerouac's routes' East, just like in his novel but never got around to do it. It was one of his biggest regrets...Not riding out part of their dream together. He found some solace in knowing that his father rode out in those roads when he was making his way to California after Vietnam. It was there were JT found some resemblance of a family with the Original Nine. It was Clay and Gemma who fucked it all up.

He made his way to his home, noticing the small flowers that were starting to bloom. He couldn't believe that it was nearly two months later since Gemma broke into his home.

Walking in, he noticed that the kitchen light was on. Walking towards the kitchen, he saw Marta, washing up the last dishes that were on the sink.

"Hey Mr. Teller," she wiped her hands with an old rag.

"Hi Marta. How did the boys behave?" Jax sat down in one of the chairs. He noticed the new tiles on the floors and he felt relieved to not see the blood stains that he couldn't get out weeks before.

"Like angels. They went down a couple of hours ago. They really missed you."

Jax nodded as he drummed his fingers against the table.

"Was business taken care of?" she asked as she put on her light jacket.

"Yes. I took care of everything in California." Jax felt the heaviness in his heart.

They were silent for a few moments.

"I am going home now. You take care Mr. Teller."

"Thank you, Marta. See you tomorrow."

"No. Tomorrow will be family time. I'll come next week."

Jax looked at the old woman who has been taking care of his family since the accident. He gave her a small smile and walked her to the door.

When he saw her get in her car and drive away, Jax made his way upstairs, leaving his old book bag by the door.

He made his way to Abel's light green room and noted how peaceful his eldest son looked while he slept. He loved the way Tara decorated his sons rooms. Given Abel's quiet demeanor, Tara had decided that light green would fit Abel's personality. All around, Jax noted the art supplies sprawled in different areas. Tara always said that Abel had an artistic soul and she was proud to hang up any creation her son produced. He gave Abel a quick kiss on top of his crown before shutting the door closed.

Next, he went to Thomas's red room. At first he wasn't sure of the color Tara chose for Thomas but in hindsight, she got it right. Unlike Abel, Thomas was rowdy and restless. He loved sports and playing rough. He was like a tornado, destroying everything in his path. Thomas had tangled himself in his sheets like he always did. Even in his deepest sleep, his youngest son was restless and full of energy. Jax tried to fix Thomas as much as possible and made his way out of the room.

He had one last room to visit before calling it a night.

Down in the far corner, lay the room that he spent hours sitting in.

Opening the door slowly, he walked into the nursery. Again, he questioned Tara's choice when she decided on gray for the nursery walls. The end result was beautiful. With soft pinks, grays and whites, the nursery was his favorite room in his home. Slowly walking towards the white crib, he saw his beautiful daughter soundly asleep, her head of dark curls shining in the soft light.

He allowed for a smile to form on his lips as he watched his nearly two month old daughter breath in and out, so innocent to the world surrounding her. To think that he nearly lost her. Again, he found himself swallowing the massive lump forming on his throat.

His baby girl looked so much like Tara. Her dark, thick hair. The shape of her lips. The pale skin that will burn in the future when exposed to too much sun. Even her stare was that of her mother. Although, she inherited the color of his eyes, his baby girl looked at him with the same pensive stare that was all Tara.

His baby girl. She and Abel were his miracle babies. Both so close to death if it were for Tara's strengthen as a mother. She kept his babies alive.

Jax felt the tears falling down his face as a small sob escaped his lips. He was so close to loosing them. All because of his mistakes as a man.

For the first time in two months, he allowed for sorrow to spread across his body. He held onto the crib as he cried. He cried silently but freely.

He was so wrapped up on his woe that he didn't feel her arms around him until she placed a small kiss on his back.

He stood straighter and interlaced their fingers as sobs escaped his body. She hugged him tighter and Jax allowed her to hold him. It was minutes later than he was finally able to calm down a bit. He turned in her arms and looked into his wife's beautiful face. She leaned in and gave him a small kiss on his lips.

He closed his eyes as he felt her lips kiss away his tears.

"I love you so much..." he whispered.

"I love you too, Jackson." He opened his eyes and saw the truth behind her words.

"Come, let's go to our bed." She pulled him towards the door. "Let me welcome you home, baby."

He resisted her pull for a moment. He looked down at his baby girl and gave her head a small kiss.

"I love you Sadie Isabelle."

Author's Note:

I am thinking of writing two more chapters to this story. I'll like to thank Elbeewoods. Thanks for your constant and unwavering support. What did you guys think of the first episode of season 7?

Down below are some references that will give this story a clearer picture.

The Route

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Abel's Room

/creative-green-wall-themes-with-classy-wooden-flooring-in-small-kids-bedroom-design-ideas

Thomas's Room

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The Nursery

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