I miss him. I miss Nico so much. He was the only other Di'Angelo left that I actually liked. My mum was an only child. My grandparents died when I was very young. Then, well, you know the rest. He is in Elsium I can feel it, well he's hanging round with our dad. Being a child of Hades gets you certain priorities in the underworld. I want to be with him. Where Bianca, Nico, my mother and I can be a family again. It can be like it was back in Italy. Tears begin to run down my face.
Its about time I tell you about them now isn't it. I have an older brother. And a younger one. Well did have a younger brother. Abramo. My older brother, Duilio, well, his name alone meant war, he did fit that. He was never "nice" to any of us. Duilio and my stepfather kind of joined forces against us. Although when we ran away from our stepfather after Zeus' attack, he hid from him with us. That didn't stop him though. He still does it. He hit us all. He never stopped. You would have thought after Abramo, he would have stopped. He didn't. With Abramo, he pushed it one step too far. He was less than half of Duilio's age but that didn't stop him. Whilst we also had our stepfather about with only our mother and under our beds for protection, we also had Duilio to worry about. I remember Abramo, Nico and I all being under one of the two beds the five of us shared. I saw Duilio's bare, blistered feet. We couldn't afford shoes, well at least not a pair each. Most kids in our village couldn't so it wasn't anything to be look down upon for. Duilio knew where we were, he wasn't stupid, he crouched down and without looking, he place his hand under the bed and pulled out the first lock of dark, matted hair he touched. Unfortunately this time it was Abramo. He was youngest so we always tried to cover for him. We would take the hits for him as he couldn't. Well, this time, there was nothing we could do. We jumped up from under the bed and begged for Duilio to leave Abramo alone. But instead he hit us all. Nico first, Duilio swung his big, clenched fist straight into Nico's jaw, leaving him unconscious on the floor. Then me, he punched me in the nose, then the stomach and I dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks. Then I watched it happen. I saw Duilio pick up Abramo. He punched him in the gut. Then he started to shake him. I was relieved at first, until the shaking began to get more and more violent and then it stopped. Abramo's body just went limp with his neck bent at an awkward angle. I had just watched my older brother kill my younger brother, who I loved so very much.
So now there is still Duilio. But I hadn't seen him in a while. Until now. The door to my cabin swung open with such force the wall of which it hit cracked. He didn't speak a word. He never did. To me. Instead he simple walked up to me, grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me up to his face so my feet were no longer of the floor, looked me up and down with a look of pure hatred and disgust. He then threw me on to the floor and kicked me. He kicked me about five times maybe. I lost consciousness after the second blow to the head. When I awoke, I was in a puddle of my blood. I stood up and the world was spinning. I sat down on my bed and cried over the loss of all of my family. The sight alone of Duilio reminded me of Abramo.
I have the image of his limp body and crooked neck in my head. I can't do this anymore. The screams from the fire and circling around in my head. I fling my body against the wall in an attempt to take away the pain. It doesn't work. The flashing of the lighting that killed my mother is flashing in front of my eyes. My arm flies out of instinct to grab the knife that is hidden beneath my pillow. The cool bronze metal meets the skin on my wrist and draws a familiar crimson river. The familiar pain is not helping this time. I can't do this. The image of my brother has stained my eyelids, the screams circling my head encasing me in a bubble of sound, the flashing of the lighting preventing me from seeing things clearly. I hear the door open just underneath the sounds of the screams. I can work out that it must be Jeremy. He frantically runs up to me but I scream "Stop!" before he gets to me. He stops dead in his tracks. He can see the knife and the river pouring from my wrist but he can't see or hear what I can.
"Jeremy, please, I need to do this. If you knew. If you could see what I can. If you could hear what I can. The screams, the flash of the lighting, his body. You would understand. I can't do this anymore. A smile is a best mask for the pain. But it doesn't mask it from the person themselves. It hurts Jeremy. It hurts to say it. To see it. To think it. It hurts. I don't want to hurt like that anymore. I don't want to hide my pain and the tears and the scars I wear like bracelets. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't. If I do I will only break more and hurt everyone I love. I can't do that. I know this will probably hurt you but it needs to be done, I am so sorry Jeremy, please tell me you can forgive me. Please Jeremy. Ask Chiron to tell you everything. Hopefully you will understand and forgive me. I'm so sorry, I will be waiting for you in the underworld. I love you so much. Jeremy, I am so sorry." As I speak through my tears, I align the knife with my heart. In sword training, you learn just were to hit to get a definite kill. I position it like I learnt. Just before I push the sword in, I say what will be my last words, "I love you." and I push the knife in. I hit the floor and everything goes black.
