So this oneshot didn't go how I originally planned, but meh. I'm not sure if I'll have a chance to update this week, so much shit to do and I kind of got taken advantage of resulting in quite a few things to draw... oh well.
A special thanks to Kageshi Makira for reviewing and the idea that I most surely will write.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but myself and my nonsensical scribbles. Enjoy~
I scream for the ice cream man.
•
•
"It's bloody hot, shi." Complained Bel as he leaned back, feeling a cool rag in his sweaty brow as Fran was playing doctor. "The patient's burning up." Mumbled Fran wiping his sweaty and equally red face, that was from it being a hot summer day.
It had to be over a hundred degrees outside that day. They both could've been inside the mansion enjoying the cool air conditioning. But apparently that gave them enough energy to cause 'a whole hell of damage' as Levi put it, shoving the two trouble makers outside.
Lussuria popped out moments later handing them some swim trunks and a pitcher of ice water, in case they were thirsty. He told them to go swimming, but the hear made both kohai and senpai too lazy to walk down the path and get to the lake. Instead they set to work on creating a substitute.
After a couple minutes of searching the dusty old shed outside they discovered an old plastic kiddy pool, by then both the latter and former's feet had been caked in dirt. Dragging the dirty thing over Fran washed it off and filled it with water as Bel watched. What? He's a prince for goodness sake.
Both took turns inside the she'd stripping off their clothes and donning swim trunks, how surprising though, wouldn't Lussuria have given them something like a speedo? Without the jock strap too. Both just shrugged, the heat must've gotten to the usually perverted Lussuria as well.
Once they were both inside it was much too warm of water so Fran conjured up ice cubes for the pool. They were only illusions but both believes they were real, thus it was so. Fran was bored and got it into his head after he helped Bel with cooling off that he had this idea he could practice medial examinations. Probably due to Bel's one in a million comment, "shishi, froggy could be a good doctor."
Bel didn't really mind in the least, he was cooled off, he was getting attention and it gave Fran something to do. It was a win, win, win, triple win situation. That was until the heat overtook his kohai and he flopped down face first into the water from exhaustion.
Bel cautiously poked the teal haired boy's head. "Froggy?" All that came in response was a couple of bubbles, he sat there for a couple of seconds before poking Fran again. "Hey frog, get up, you're going to drown yourself!" Fran didn't move.
Panicking just a bit, a most rare thing the prince never did, EVER. He jerked up Fran so he was sitting upright. Examining his little frog's face, Bel almost fell backwards in surprise. "What are you doing idiot?"
"Eh?" Fran turned to him still moving his lips like a fishy, apparently he hadn't been drowning, he'd been playing fish. Bel angrily smacked him at the back of his head. "Cut that out!" Fran glowered, still in his fishy face, lips drooping a bit. "Meanie." Another smack to the head.
There was a few minutes of silence before Bel finally spoke up, his curiosity getting the best of him this time. "What were you doing anyway?" Mentally he assured himself it was only this once. He wouldn't be a curious busybody like Lussuria was. The gaylord was probably cleaning inside the mansion with his plant, they were engaged now. Nobody really minded except when Lussuria had stenciled 'L + P 2gether 4 ever' on every tree he saw.
It was hindering on missions because he had to stop and do that to every- freaking- tree in sight! They'd be in the middle of battle and where was Lussuria? Stenciling love proclamations into wood. Seriously now. Not to mention they were all invited to his wedding which no one cared for.
"Well senpai, I suddenly had this idea that I could be a bass and wondered how exactly I might be able to breathe underwater. Unfortunately a shark ate me."
Bel just stared at him. "You're freaking weird, Fran." Fran shrugged and stuck his face back into the water and started blowing bubbles. The prince shrugged and focused on throwing knives at the neighborhood children. "Shishi, get off my lawn brats." He smirked. Before long two were dead while one was slowly dragging herself along the sidewalk to escape, he let her go just to enjoy the vision of pain.
Five minutes later he got bored, so the girl joined the rest of her friends in the sky.
An annoying ding-a-ling sound filled the air, playing the same song over and over. Bel watched with growing curiosity as a white van with a large colorful ice cream cone on the top cruised down their street. It had a large window on the side. He watched with amusement as a couple of children ran over to it and were quickly swept inside. What fun. Some sort of free ride?
"Ice creeeeaaaammm!" Drawled Fran monotonously as his blue face popped up from the water. He scrambled out of the pool, what confused the prince though was once Fran got out he cast an illusion that he was wearing a police uniform. "What're you up to froggy, shi?" His kohai looked excited and for the first time in his life Bel something of a smirk cross his face.
"Bel senpai..."
"Shishi, what?"
"Let's go prank the ice cream man!"
"... I love you."
Fran turned red. Quickly he cast an illusion on Bel, now they both looked like cops. Each nodded and began sauntering over to the ice cream truck, but decided an illusion wasn't enough. So they 'borrowed' their neighbor's police car, he was a cop and usually slept in during the day anyways.
"This is sweet, ushishi." Cackled Bel, switching on the sirens Fran floored the gas pedal and they sped off after the legit ice cream truck.
"This is the police, come out with your hands up." Bel screech into the walkie talkie thing as the sound blared out, the ice cream truck started speeding up. Taking the chance Bel waited until froggy had sped up {forcibly threatened to do so.} once they were side by side he rolled down his window, sticking his princely head out. The dark figure driving the van flinched slightly and tried rolling up their window.
"Ninja, shi!" He exclaimed jumping through their window. The van lurched as its driver was knocked out. Fran shrugged and let go of the steering wheel, jumping into the ice cream truck as well and standing up making a victory sign with his fingers. Simultaneously there was an explosion from the cop car that plowed many innocent civilians and ironically hit the police station, making the whole thing explode.
They took a moment to admire the beauty. Aroma of blood, gasoline and burnt flesh, it was such a wonderful smell. Whether Bel and Fran were physco, I'll never know. However they were both laughing so hard tears came out of their eyes, they only stopped when the 'ice cream man's' body jolted up.
"Whoa, senpai, he's awake." Drawled Fran grabbing the wheel of the ice cream truck and taking it for a joyride, completely ignoring the whimpers of the kidnapped children below.
"Mister Ice cream man, shishishi, the prince will be borrowing your vehicle now." Before he could protest Bel kicked him out the window and he went rolling dramatically into the lake. Cursing the whole time.
"Drive, drive, DRIVE!" Commanded the prince as they went crashing through the city. "Out of the way sexagenarian grandma!" Screeched Fran as he ran over the old lady who couldn't make it to the other end of the street fast enough. Eventually Bel just shoved all the children into one sack and threw them into the nearest orphanage on the way through.
This continued for awhile, running over children, running over pets, flipping off the chick-fil-a cow. Until... "SENPAI LOOK AT THIS!"
"Jeez, what is it froggy I'm trying to moon people here, shi,"
"I found a car phone!"
There were a couple crashing sounds suggesting Bel started to run over but tripped over his pulled down pants and landed smack on his bare ass.
"Aren't those from like 1960 something? Lemme see if it still works. Shishi."
"Dunno... Does it still work?"
"No... Prince nuggets..."
"I think I have a song for that senpai." Fran exclaimed digging into his pocket, looking away from the road for a couple of minutes, effectively hitting a lost puppy and his owner whom had been trying to coax him back. The poor dears. He threw some ice cream coupons out the window just for them.
"Found it!" Exclaimed the froggy triumphantly holding up his iPhone. {Just roll with it.} Bel looked at the thing curiously, sure he had one but... It was really old and he never used it anymore. Fran plugged the amp connection into the cd area, he tapped a few buttons before turning back to look out the bloodstained windows.
Instantly the beat of an unfamiliar tune filled the van. What was surprising was how funny the lyrics were. Bel found himself smiling more than he normally would. "I can call anyone I want, anyone I want on my car phone, my car phone~" the chorus rang.
"You should watch the music video Bel senpai." Before he could reply the blaring of sirens interrupted their casual conversation. Fran switched the music to, yes, mcr. While Bel grinned happily flopping onto the shotgun seat, giggling like a child on Christmas as he rolled down the window and screamed "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE COPPERS!" At all the police cars behind them.
Before long he was throwing knives at them and the entire police force was hot on their tail.
Back inside the air conditioned mansion the other members of Varia were lounging around while Squalo flipped through the news.
He tuned into the news where they were filming a high speed chase. "Several hit and runs were caused by two young men in an ice cream truck." Drawled the reporter who sounded like he'd rather be anywhere but here.
"The police are on the chase to ensure these trouble makers don't escape without a fifteen minute timeout." The camera then roomed in to the ratty ice cream truck with fourteen police cars chasing it. You could see a frog shaped hat poking out of the window and knives flying backwards out at the rear.
"What the voi. There's nothing good on." Grumbled Squalo tossing the remote to Lussuria and trudging upstairs.
"As long as they're home for dinner~" The gaylord sighed in a motherly way as he switched the channel to his favorite soap opera. "
My ice cream coupons..." Was all the legit ice cream man had to say as he poured water from his hat and senpai along with his kohai drive off into the sunset while taking out the police force on by one.
"ICE CREAM FOR I SCREAM."
Car phone is a real song. If you care to watch it all you have to do is search YouTube for 'JULIAN SMITH- Car Phone!' And it should pop up. I highly recommend you watch it, so hilarious. Sorry for being lazy on the updates, I was going to update sooner but I got distracted by horror anime and had a project to finish.
Word of advice, never put off your work and go watch Shiki.
I know over a hundred people have read this, so speak up please? Any mistakes will be corrected later.
Read And Review.
