Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.
All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I only own the plot.
It was still dark. This is to be expected at 4 a.m. I suppose. I'm sitting in his car, outside Jasper's house, waiting. For what, I'm not sure, just waiting. I know why I came here though, I need help. I need to get out quickly and quietly and ensure he never finds me. Until I'm ready to find him.
I get out of the car and make my way along the back of Jasper's house. I sneaked my way past the cameras and to the backdoor. They can't see me. No-one can know I was here, no-one can trace me back to here or it's all ruined. I know it will be difficult to get what I want from Jasper. Considering I can't actually tell him what happened, just that I need out.
Once at the back door, I sneak past it and to the shutters to its left. I bring my glove covered right hand up to the keypad and punch in the code. It's supposed to be a secret code, only known by Jasper, Alice, Emmett and him. But I know it, because despite what most people think, I wasn't just a trophy girlfriend. I wasn't kept in the dark like Alice or Rose. I got involved, I made my own connections, I know more than he ever allowed me to but once I got into this business, I couldn't get out.
I climb through the shutters and think about what I'll say to Jasper. I could cry and eventually he'd give in… No, that wouldn't work, not for something as big as this. I slowly ascend up the back stairs and pause when I reach the door at the top. I press the door-bell like button on the wall and wait.
I'm not waiting long, less than 25 seconds later; Jasper is standing in front of me looking dangerous and worried. His eyes sweep up and down my body looking for a sign of why I'm here. He searches me face for clues. He won't find any. I'd mastered the skill of a numb, indifferent façade long before I ever came to New York.
''Jazz, I need your help.''
3 long hours later, I'm on the road in an old Toyota Aygo heading towards Arizona. It took a while to convince Jasper but eventually he gave in and agreed to help. Jazz was loyal to him first but he had a soft spot for me, as did most of the guys and he knew what he could be like sometimes. I knew though, no matter how loyal he was, if Jazz knew the real reason I was running, he wouldn't hesitate to drive right into the city, knock his door down and maybe kill him. That's why I didn't tell him, he needed someone to be there for him, he needs Jasper right now, and if Jazz is biased or pissed, he won't get the right support.
I arrive at a motel in Washington DC around 4 and half hours later, it was now nearing noon and I was wrecked. I paid for the room with the emergency cash Jazz had given me and fell down on the bed as soon as I saw it. I glanced at my bag and pulled out the bottle of vodka I'd bought on the way here. I opened the bottle and let down my mask of indifference before bursting into tears. As I drank I looked down at the scars on my wrist. Some were as old as 5 years ago; some are as new as 5 months ago. I laughed through my tears at the irony that I'm still as broken as I was when I ran away 2 years ago. I ran from one seemingly unsolvable problem straight into the arms of another. I was still the silly, stupid girl who couldn't handle her emotions that I was at 16.
*Flashback*
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was shiny in the light of the bathroom and I took a moment to appreciate how pretty it was. My eyes were dull and lifeless surrounded by range of black tools. Eye-shadow, pencil & liquid eye-liner, mascara. On my neck lay the locket my mother gave me. The pendant was shaped as a butterfly and opened up to the last photo of us taken when I was 11.
On my body, I wore a simple white tank top, covered by a grey hoodie and matched with black sweat pants. It was simple, it was plain, it wasn't an outfit to raise eyebrows or get people talking. It wasn't an outfit that got people to stop and stare. But it was perfect because it was exactly the outfit I needed. I didn't want people to talk about me or notice me. I liked to stay in the shadows of this dreary little town until the day I free myself. Today was that day. My plain white, sock-clad feet padded across the tiles of the bathroom through to my bedroom.
There on my bed lay an un-opened bottle of Russian vodka, a container with some out-dated sleeping pills I'd never used and a razor blade. I walked calmly over to my stereo and put on some Nirvana then proceeded over to my bed to complete my task. I wasn't overly emotional. I wasn't angry. This wasn't an in-the-moment decision or something that I haven't thought about long and hard. This was planned and I was ready for it. I'd spent so much time pretending and I was tired. So unbelievably tired, that I had to do this.
I opened the bottle of vodka, took a swing and started something I was determined to end all the while my father was sleeping and Kurt Cobain was singing quietly.
*Flashback*
The room was dark when I woke up. It was 7 p.m. and the curtains were left open but any light still out was blocked by the building. I took the half empty bottle of vodka off the bedside locker and screwed the cap back on. I'll probably need it again. I got off the bed and gathered up what few things I'd brought with me. Once I checked the room, I went back to my car and sat silently staring at the motel for a few minutes. Here I'd used the name Rebecca King. Next stop, I'd use something different. It was just the start of what my new life would require. I'd forgotten Isabella Swan for a while when I'd arrived here. But now, she was well and truly dead.
I started back on the road and headed for Nashville. As I was driving my phone rang, my replacement phone from Jasper so he could check up on me.
''WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!'' I cringed at the volume of his voice through the phone and at the thought of what he'd discovered since I'd left. I played it cool. ''Well hello to you too, Jazz''.
''Don't do that, what happened to the two of you. He's a mess, a severely hung-over mess too.''
I sighed, this much I'd known, and when I'd left he'd been passed out. ''Jasper, this can't be my problem anymore, I want nothing to do with him.''
''Bella, he keeps screaming and shouting at everyone, he keeps asking where you are and are you okay and DAMMIT BELLA HE WAS CRYING!'' I gasped. He doesn't cry. I've seen him cry once in the two years I'd know him and as far as I knew Jasper had only seen it once in a lifetime of knowing him.
I started shaking and I could feel tears building behind my eyes. '' I-I can't Jazz. I love him, but I can't be near him. I'm not good for him and as much as I hate to admit it, he definitely isn't good for me. I know it's hard for you to take my word for it but I need to be away from him and he needs to be away from me. We're killing each other Jazz. '' Almost literally, I mumbled to myself.
Jasper sighed audibly over the phone. ''Fine, fine. I'll keep your secret but I'll find out eventually you know.'' I did know and I knew that when he did he'd be even more willing to keep my secret.
I muttered an acknowledgment and tried to end the conversation. '' Look Jazz, don't call me again unless it's urgent. I can really do without the updates on how he's doing because as selfish as it sounds, I can't care about him right now. I have to care for myself. I'm driving, I've got to go''.
I waited for the protests and sure enough, ''BELLA, wait no, where are you?'' I grimaced at the amount of secrets building between myself and Jasper, since I'd first met him, he'd been a friend, a confidant but now it was all different. ''You know I can't tell you that Jazz,'' I took a breath, ''and no, before you argue, you have to trust me. I need to distance myself from not just him, but the whole thing. I need to start over and even the thought of doing it is physically painful, Jazz. But I have to. I'm sorry.'' With that I hung up and once again potentially turned my back on my life as I knew it.
I arrived in Nashville 5 hours later and was once again forced to endure a stingy motel. Before my life with him, it wouldn't have bothered me as much but since I'd met him, I'd been subjected to a life of unknown luxury. Expensive jewellery, 5 star hotels, fancy cars, designer clothes. Before that life, I'd been a small town girl, daughter of the police chief, living on dad's average wage. I'd been plain and not exuberant but once I met him, it was I transformed. Like I become to person I was always supposed to be. There was nothing holding me back. With him I was free, until suddenly it changed and I was locked inside and never-ending cage with no way out. So this is me breaking open the iron bars and running as fast as I can from that cage.
It had changed so fast. I was so caught up in the game, I didn't see the signs. I didn't notice the walls caving in until I was suffocating. He'd always been protective since the first moment I met him, it was part of that, which drew me to him. He'd always been possessive. But I'd liked that, it had made me feel wanted and like I was the only thing that mattered to him. But I've started to wonder whether it was more a case of not wanting people to touch what was his more than actual love.
It's things like the events of this week that make me question every single part of our relationship. Every single thing I'd thought I'd know about us, about him. Maybe it was all fake, all pretend. Maybe it was all a lie. But then again, I knew he loved me. That's why we're in the mess we're in.
He loved me too much.
I checked in under the name Tara Graham and settled into another night of tears and vodka. I can sense many nights alike in my future. As I lay in bed, in my drunken haze with tears now flowing non-stop from my eyes and blood now dry on my wrist, I felt an overwhelming feeling of déjà vu, back to a time when I was fifteen and spent many nights in this exact position. It was like life or karma was coming back around after running a full circle and laughing in my face. The irony of how I'd run straight back into what I'd run away from in the beginning didn't fail me as I drifted to sleep.
Indeed that is Chapter 1. (Chapter 2 if you count the prologue). I hope you enjoyed it and I would like to thank you all for your reviews, favourites and patience.
I probably won't be doing an E Pov soon, so apologies if any is disappointed with that.
Thank-you – BurningLiberty.
