Family Matters
Chapter 2
Matt Dillon sat patiently at a table near the window, working on his third cup of coffee. The lunch rush was just beginning at The Berlin Hotel restaurant, and he had ordered a sandwich just so he wasn't tying up a table for a nickel's worth of business. He wasn't particularly hungry but managed to take a few bites.
He had combed the streets of downtown St. Louis looking for Laura, giving up after the first hour. The sprawling area was filled with shops and businesses, too many for one person to search. He was confident that she just needed some time alone and would come back when she was ready. Matt figured he had all the time in the world, and so he would wait. There was much he had to say to her, and he hoped she would be willing to listen. Long talks involving personal information and feelings were hardly his forte, but it was the least he could do for Kitty.
From his window view, he spied a head of fiery red hair slowly approaching the front door. As she got closer he again marveled at her perfect features, her porcelain skin, her confident demeanor. Except for a few inches in height, she was young Kitty Russell's twin. He quickly reached into his pocket and tossed some money onto the table before heading into the lobby. When Laura walked in, she found herself standing face to face with her father.
"Hello, Laura," Matt said with a quiet somberness. Laura stared at the floor as though she hadn't an inkling what to say, a situation she rarely experienced. "I understand that you're upset, and I'd like for us to talk if you're feeling up to it," he continued. Laura looked into the eyes of the man she had just met a day earlier, a man who had both unknowingly given her life and then knowingly saved it without hesitation. His expression was kind and sincere, and she felt oddly drawn to him. She nodded without speaking.
They rode the elevator up to his room, the only private place in the hotel for them to talk, in awkward silence. He motioned for her to sit in the chair next to his bed, and he took a seat on the edge of the mattress facing her. "Your mother told me about your conversation this morning," he began. "I know you must have a lot of questions, and I have a lot to tell you. Do you want to start, or shall I?"
Laura shrugged self-consciously. She did have questions, a million of them, but somehow she was drawing a blank. "You can start," she finally offered.
Matt took a deep breath. "Very well. As your mother told you, I didn't know I had a daughter until yesterday. I didn't even know while I was helping her look for you—not until I actually saw you. So you do understand that I did not choose to be absent from your life." Laura nodded affirmatively.
"I only take one exception to everything your mother said. She told you to blame her for my not knowing about you. I'm telling you to blame me."
Laura looked puzzled. "Why should I blame you when she's the one who kept it from us?"
Matt prepared to give the speech he had rehearsed over coffee, his first speech as a father. He'd better not blow it.
"Laura, I know it's painful, but think about what happened to you over the past week. When you left New Orleans with Gil Cloyd, were you absolutely convinced that you were doing the right thing?"
Ouch. This was supposed to be about Kitty's actions, not hers, and she wasn't expecting that to come up. Reluctantly, she answered. "Yes."
"You weren't trying to be selfish, you weren't doing it out of spite or anger—you were truly doing what you thought was best for your life, weren't you? You made a mistake." She again nodded, looking down at the floor. Mistake was putting it mildly, and it was embarrassing to admit.
"Your mother did what she thought was right too, and I'm telling you she had some pretty good reasons for doing it. They were not selfish reasons, if anything it was the most unselfish thing she has ever done."
Laura looked him in the eye, suddenly finding her voice and feeling betrayed that he would think such a thing. "How can you say that?" she challenged. "What is so unselfish about not telling a man that he has a daughter?"
Matt sighed, wondering if it was even possible to explain the complicated dynamics of a nineteen-year relationship to a fifteen-year-old girl when there were times he could barely explain it to himself. Still, he had to try and make her understand.
"Laura, things were different back then. I was married to my job and had no room in my life for a family, and I'm afraid I made that painfully clear to her. I loved your mother more than I could have loved anyone, but I wasn't ready to be a husband or father. I look back on it now and it sounds selfish and immature, but that was my reality. Had I known she was pregnant, I absolutely would have quit that job and moved to New Orleans to do right by the both of you, make no mistake about that. But Kitty Russell is not the type of woman who lets a man take care of her out of obligation, even if it makes things easier on her. You know that. She thought I would end up resenting both of you for getting trapped in a life I didn't want, and truthfully, she may have been right. We'll never know for sure how things might have turned out, but what I do know is that if there is any blame to assign, it's on me. She was only thinking about what was best for the people she loved."
Laura frowned and bit her lip. She could begin to understand her mother's dilemma, even if she wasn't quite ready to forgive.
"I'm going to tell you something else," he went on, feeling as though he may be getting through to her. "My job was filled with vengeful criminals who knew that the best way to get back at me was to harm the people I loved. Your mother knew that better than anyone because she was a victim of that revenge. I'm not going to get into specifics because she wouldn't want that, but she suffered a great deal and part of me will never get over what was done to her because I loved her. She had to protect you, Laura, and in doing so, in a way, she protected me too. I don't think I can ever repay her for that."
Laura swallowed hard. She had seen scars on her mother's body as she was undressing and once asked what caused them. "An accident," Kitty had said curtly. "Nothing for you to be concerned about." Laura was still confused and wanted more answers, but one thing she knew for certain—her mother was a remarkable woman who deserved a better hand than life had dealt her, and the last thing she needed was a daughter who ridiculed her for her sacrifices. She could ask her questions later.
"Thank you, Mr. Dillon," she said formally, softly, unable to call him anything else for now. "I think I need to talk to my mother." Matt could tell from the tone of her voice that she was not angry, quite the contrary. They stood up at the same time, and he escorted her across the hall. Kitty answered the knock with red, swollen eyes that told that spoke to her anguish. Laura threw her arms around her mother's neck and squeezed tightly, not saying a word. Kitty looked at Matt gratefully and opened one arm, inviting him to make this their first true family hug.
TBC
