Of Dances and Dreams
2 A.M.
Rose set her glow-in-the-dark watch down on the bedside table and fumbled with the blankets. What had woken her? She couldn't remember having any sort of nightmare. In fact, she had been rather enjoying her dreams of relaxation after such an action-packed day.
It had been the usual. She and The Doctor had been having a brilliant morning, exploring a planet she had never heard of before that day, when a few menacing aliens intent on destroying said planet caused a big stir and forced Rose and The Doctor into a race to save their lives. Finally The Doctor had been able to talk them into leaving, but not before irreparable damage was done to the once beautifully perfect planet.
Rose sighed to herself, rolling over to face her faut window that showed time in her normal, linear, Earthly fashion. Staring out at the starlight dancing in the night, her thoughts began to wander. She absolutely loved it, the traveling, the exploring, and, yes, even the running sometimes. But occasionally, without warning, her brain reminded her of the days before The Doctor. Days when she wasn't surrounded by danger and destruction. Days when life was simple and the biggest decision was which chippy to eat at with Mickey. Was this life better?
She mentally chastised herself. She made her decision a long time ago. The Doctor needed her, and, although she didn't admit it, she needed him, too. If that meant dealing with the occasional bad guy, then so be it. The TARDIS was her home now. The Powell Estate was a distant memory of a life ridden in eating and sleeping and working the 9-5. Meeting The Doctor, was, of course, the best thing to have ever happened to her.
She picked up her eate and let it glow once more. Through her squinted eyes, she read '2:10'. Ten minutes of thinking over the same old thoughts. Her mind traced back to when she had first opened her eyes. What could've woken her?
A faint sound of drums came from down the hall. Ah, of course. Somewhere in her mind entered the memory of noise; soft and distant, but enough to wake Rose, especially on a night such as this, when adrenaline still seemed to be coursing through her from the day's adventure.
Without really thinking, Rose stood and began walking towards the door of her room. Her hand rested around the knob for a moment, her ears perking up from curiosity. Slowly, and as quietly as she possibly could, she eased the door open and peaked her head out. The sound was definitely music and, although Rose had never heard the song before, it sounded slightly familiar. Rose padded through the hallway, the grating cold on her bare feet, until she reached the threshold of the Console Room. The sight before her forced her to cover her mouth and look away, so her laughter wouldn't be heard by the source of her humor.
The Doctor was jumping all over the room, clicking buttons on the Console as he spun around, punching the air every so often when the drum hit. Rod turned back to him and her grin grew to the width of her entire face. As he slowly turned around, Rose considered running off so he wouldn't know she was there, but a bigger part of her wanted to see his face when he found out he had been dancing for an audience.
His eyes met hers and, almost instantaneously, his face faded from the usual pale to deep red. He stared at her for a moment, two doey eyes caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. For a second, Rose was sorry she had seen his little party, but then he cleared his throat and gazed around the room, putting his hands in his pocket nonchalantly.
"So how long have you been there?"
"Longer than you'd like."
An awkward kind of silence hung in the air between them, though the music was still faintly playing. "What song is this, anyway?"
"It's, umm...from your future."
"Who's it by? She sounds familiar."
"Oh, you know, just some Grammy winning artist."
Rose paced slowly towards The Doctor, who was still looking at everything in the room except her. Some traces of pink were still warming his usually chill cheeks.
"Hang on, is this Taylor Swift?"
The song seemed to be beginning once more, a catchy tune that Rose-without a TARDIS-wouldn't have heard for another eight years. The Doctor mindlessly tugged his ear, a quirk that Rose never admitted she noticed when he was nervous. "Ah, yes, I think it is, actually."
"You don't have to act all shy. It's actually pretty catchy. What's it called?"
The Doctor's lips curled into a slight smile. How did Rose always manage to say the perfect thing? "It's called 'Shake it Off', from an album called '1984' that Taylor releases in 2014. Great music. My favorite of hers, actually."
The Doctor looked down at the heating of the floor, heat returning to his face as he realized he had said too much. Rose looked pitifully at the quiet, awkward mess she had made him, though inside she was smiling with delight at how important her opinion of him was. "Come here."
The Doctor's eyes looked up in alarm. "What?"
Rose held out her hand and beckoned to him. "Come here."
The Doctor's feet fumbled towards her and, finally, his hand reached hers, causing three hearts to miss their beat and two minds to feel a rush of adrenaline. Rose pulled him towards her and, before he could get his mind working, he was holding her in his arms as she rested her head on his shoulder, smiling into the brown, pinstriped fabric of his suit.
"Do you know the lyrics?"
The Doctor was silent for a moment and Rose wondered if he had heard her. The song was beginning it's loop once more and, just as Rose was about to ask again, The Doctor's voice entered her ear, quiet and full of nerves, but existing none the less as an echo of the music that had faded out of Rose's mind. All she could was smile and dig her face deeper into his shoulder, which seemed to inject some confidence in him. His volume grew and instead of the soft muttering of before, he was now attempting to reach the correct notes with his falsetto, which forced laughter out of he and Rose both.
Time seemed to stand still. For another few rounds, the two simple stood holding each other, neither wishing the moment to be over. Even as Rose's eyes began closing and she missed an entire loop of the song, The Doctor refused to make her go to her room.
At some point, when Rose's watch struck 4A.M. and she abandoned all hope of getting any sleep that night, they found themselves with a new kind of energy. The drum hit it's three beats and both human and Time Lord punched the air at exactly the same time, followed by a round of alternate singers.
"'Cuz the players gonna play, play, play, play, play-"
"And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, baby-"
"I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake."
They both joined in, voices loud and obnoxious, hands shaking in the air, "Shake it off! Shake it off! I-I-I shake it off, shake it off! Awoohoo! Shake it off; shake it off. I-I-I-shake if off, shake it off!"
Rose shooshed The Doctor and began pacing around the TARDIS. "My ex-man brought his new girlfriend; she's like 'oh my god'...I'm just gonna shake." She looked up at The Doctor, who's face couldn't hold his wife grin. "And to the fellah over there with the hallagood hair, won't you come on over baby we could shake, shake, shake-"
On the "shake, shake, shake, Rose had prodded to The Doctor with her pointer finger and by the next round of the chorus, they were together once more, bouncing around like students at a club.
Eventually, their hearts began steadying and their energy started fading. Rose's watch beeped as it struck 7, but didn't hear it. She was sleeping soundly against the Console, The Doctor's jacket draped over her, as he fiddled with some controls, casting a sideway smile whenever she moved or made a sound in her sleep. He scratched his head and felt a silky fabric beneath his messy, unkempt hair and pulled it over his head. He stared at the tie in his hand, wondering when he had even put this thing around his scalp, when his uncontrollable smile returned.
Images of the previous night whizzed through him. What had been an awkward, embarrassing moment had turned into one of the best nights of his life. Because Rose was here. His beautiful Rose. Because he hadn't slept that awful, war-ridden, guilt-bringing sleep that always haunted him when he closed his eyes for too long.
He touched a hand to his eye and felt the moisture of a tear threatening to escape. He brought his finger down to eye level and stared at it quizzically for a moment, feeling other tears fall down his cheek without hesitation.
"Crying when you're happy now, Doctor?"
For the second time in 24 hours, Rose had caused The Doctor to jump from surprise. Before his super-Time Lord-brain could catch up, his vocal chords had dribbled out a dumbstruck, "what?"
He turned to his smirking pink and yellow human, his hand still frozen in midair and his lips still curled into a smile.
"Your eyes say one thing but your smile says another. It's like two feelings at once."
The Doctor let his hand drop to his side as he sat next to her, both leaning their backs on the strong, uncomfortable control panel. "Thank you for joining me tonight."
"Oh, is this an every night sort of thing?"
"Not every night!"
"No? Do you listen to Katy Perry sometimes?"
"Oi!"
"Sorry."
They say in silence for a second. Rose looked over at The Doctor, who was staring into space, his mind turning over a million thoughts that he'd never share, even with her. His eyes had dark circles underneath them, a testament to how tired he truly was, even if he'd never tell Rose. Finally she felt compelled to say something. "You should get some sleep."
A smug grin came over his features as he came back to the present. "I don't need half as much sleep as humans do."
"Oh yeah? When was the last time you've slept?"
"Ugh..."
The Doctor knew fully well that he hadn't slept in two weeks. He could still hear the explosions of his nightmare and his promise that he would never sleep again. "Just a few days ago, I-"
"Doctor."
The Doctor loved how intelligent Rose was. It had gotten them out of trouble on more than a few occasions and added more excitement to TARDIS game night (which was held every five trips), but at this moment in time and space, he wished more than anything that she couldn't see straight through his lies. His face turned grim as he muttered, "Two weeks."
"Go to sleep."
"I'm fine. Honestly. Don't worry about me."
Rose put her hand softly on his arm and stared at him, eyes filled with pity and concern. "Please. Tell me what's wrong."
The Doctor took a deep breath and turned to Rose. In the fraction of a second after he saw her kind eyes, all of his inhibitions flew away. "I have nightmares. All the time. The war; the Daleks; the traveling; all of it. It all comes back to me. Everything I've ever done. All of the people I couldn't save. No more." He looked down at his trainers, eyes closing sadly as he whispered, "No more."
Rose didn't know what to say. No words could heal the old soldiers' wounds. "Think of everyone you have saved."
The Doctor's voice was gruff and full of a sadness Rose would never understand. "I'm afraid that's a much shorter list."
"You saved me. You saved the entire universe; time and time again!"
"I've made so many mistakes, Rose."
The Doctor's hands were covering his face and Rose could hardly stand seeing him so upset. This beautiful man. This mind-blowingly good person. All he wanted was to be better. To save more people. To be the doctor that the universe so often needed. "Everyone makes mistakes. But ya wanna know how you fix that? You remember all the people out there who you've helped. All the people living their lives, safe; because of you. You get some sleep so you have energy to make a billion non-mistakes."
The Doctor ignored her use of a made up word and looked over at her now crouched form next to him. His face was covered in tears that had suppressed for so long; his mouth gaping slightly; his eyes fixed on the most amazing person he had ever met.
"Have I ever told you how brilliant you are?"
Rose gave him one of her warmest smiles and simultaneously they came together in the strongest embrace of their lives. He whispered a thank-you into her ear and gripped her tighter, letting all of his negative feelings drift away. "Go to sleep."
Rose's soft voice was like a Siren's, and The Doctor was compelled to obey. Slowly he sank down so his head rested on her lap, his mind too befuddled and exhausted to think anything the wiser. She smiled down at him, happy that her Time Lord had finally found enough rest to sleep. Just as she was about to lean back against the Console and join in his slumber, his eyes shot open. "What if I have another nightmare?"
Rose sighed, but she was still smiling. "You won't. I promise."
The Doctor didn't seem convinced by her words. Adgitated, he looked deep into her brown eyes. "I can't go through it again."
Rose stroked his always messy brown hair. "I'm right here. If you have start havin' a nightmare, I'll wake you. Alright?"
The Doctor nodded in agreement and closed his eyes. His body quickly relaxed and his breathing came in slow, even gusts of air. Rose watched his chest rise and fall evenly, still absentmindedly fingering his hair, until sleep came to her as well. As they both drifted off into neverland, The Doctor whispered, "I love you, Rose Tyler."
Although she was quickly falling into a steady slumber, Rose's brain somehow sent a signal to her vocal chords. "Quite right, too."
The End
