As much as I would like it, I don't think there is an easy fix for Harvey's and Donna's situation right now. So of course, I expect them to put us through a lot of drama next season before these two can find some kind of peace.

Also, I stole a line from another famous TV redhead whose life was consumed by a man's cause. And it is not Jean Harlow.

And I would like to thank Nikki Macht, Guest, Guest, LivinNMyWorld, Luti, Guest, LoverandaFighter, Maesoul, alleemaria, AlternateShadesofBlue and everybody who follows this story or made it one of their favorites for their feedback! It really makes a difference to me! Thank you!

xxx

To let me dangle at a cruel angle
Oh my feet don't touch the floor
Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out
But never close the door

Florence + The Machine, What Kind Of Man

xxx

For Harvey the shift is gradual but substantial.

It is an odd sensation he can't quite pinpoint at first. But then lost memories of another time and long buried desires bubble to the surface without his doing or his consent. And for the first time he curses the many glass walls the Pearson Specter Litt office floor is composed of. It's a feature he's always admired because they convey transparency and integrity so well. But nowadays when he lifts his gaze from the files on his desk and sees the temp that now occupies her cubicle, all he can feel is betrayal and regret.

And they haven't really talked since she started working for Louis two months ago. And the irony of it all isn't lost on him because this is exactly why he's kept her at arm's length for all those years. But now he's lost her despite his best efforts and the distance stretches like a chasm between them. And sometimes he thinks that this is ironic too, because they are the only two people in the world a mutual confession of love could drive further apart, instead of the other way round.

And it is his anger at that, that paralyzes him and that keeps him form even trying to reach out to her.

And it is not because she told him that she loved him and then walked out on him, just like he did earlier. It is because she had to walk all the way to Louis. It is because she was just so ready to sacrifice twelve years of their working relationship and of their friendship in the blink of an eye as if they didn't mean anything to her – as if they were never quite enough to her. As if she somehow expected him to know, that for her, all those years were never quite enough.

And to be honest, he finds that quite confusing because he distinctly remembers her getting actively involved in his relationship with Scottie not that long ago, and with Zoe before that, because she is Donna – and Donna just has to get involved and fix things.

He's angry at her because now it feels like all this time she has deliberately kept something very important from him. And now she just expects him to have known somethin, she obviously went to great length hiding from him. And if there's one thing Harvey never could stand it is her having secrets from him – her keeping things from him.

And he just doesn't know what to make of it.

Harvey knows that the possibility of a romantic relationship with Donna has been a stable undercurrent to their professional one for years. After all, he's been trying to get her into bed from the moment he laid eyes on her for the first time. But it's an idea he's buried so deep inside of him that he just doesn't know if he can ever go back. And all this time he thought that she had done the same.

And the sensation of it all makes him want to shatter the glass walls of his office because they so gloriously fail at shielding him from any of it.

But when he sees her then, in the dim lights of the expensive uptown bar that is the location of Mike's and Rachel's engagement party, he's reminded that despite of his anger and his confusion she wasn't the one who had to stir their status quo with an unexpected declaration of love.

And so again, it is impulse rather than reason that propels him to move into the empty spot at the bar next to her.

"Mind if I get a little drunk with you?"

He knows it's inappropriate, but it's the first thing that comes to his mind and at least it seems save enough a thing to say.

Donna looks at him equal parts surprised and amused and he takes that as a win.

She raises one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows at him when she says, "So that is what you do now? Use cheesy movie pick-up lines on girls in bars?"

Harvey shrugs at her unapologetically as he takes a sip of his scotch. "If it is good enough for Clark Gable, it is good enough for me."

And when she smiles at him then, he's grateful because easy banter has always been their safest form of communication. But then the silence stretches between them and it occurs to him that he's not on save ground with this at all because easy banter has always been their most compromising form of communication as well. So Harvey turns serious when he says,

"How's working for Louis going?" And he's aware he's on shaky ground with that too, but at least the question is sincere because he really doesn't know.

Donna flinches only for the split of a second but Harvey catches a glimpse of the frustration and the resignation that suddenly transpires so palpable thorough her polished and casual exterior. He feels the urge to reach out, touch her wrist above her pulse point to draw her attention like he has done countless times, but before he can act on it Donna grabs the Jameson Rocks on the counter top in front of her with both hands – as though to steady herself – and says,

"Good-" She doesn't look at him then, but keeps her eyes trained on the drink in her hands as she nods to make up for the conviction lacking in her voice. "Working for Louis is good."

"-uncomplicated", she adds, as if it was a mere afterthought.

Harvey studies her for a moment and when she looks at him then, all determination and vulnerability at the same time, he can't help but think that he's never seen her look more fragile than right at this moment. And fragile isn't an adjective that goes well with the name Donna Paulsen. And Harvey knows that he really shouldn't press the issue – at least not at their friend's engagement party – but it took him eight weeks to corner her and Harvey has never been a patient man. He needs to get some answers and he needs to get them right now.

And despite a very awkward conversation with Mike earlier this week, who specifically asked him not to cause a scene at their engagement party – on Rachel's behalf, he is sure – Harvey fixes his stare on the golden liquid that is his drink as he says,

"I miss you, Donna."

It surprises them both, really. And it sounds far too much like something he would say to a lost lover rather than to a lost secretary or to a lost friend. But then again, none of these categories seem to apply to her anymore even though she has once been all three of them to him. But it is the truth and he has fucked up way to many times since she started working for Louis.

Donna doesn't look at him but instead closes her eyes in resignation. Her left hand comes up to massage her temple as if him saying that actually causes her physical pain.

"Harvey-", she says and he can hear how tiered and frustrated she is, how much he's worn her down with this already. "Don't do this now."

"Then when?"

He knows he's being cruel now. He knows he's trying to push her over the edge. And he knows it's an unfair move because Donna has made her choices and that he should honor them, no matter his personal feelings. And this really is neither a good place nor a good time but despite their working proximity Donna has managed to evade him for weeks now and Harvey is tired of waiting. He thinks that he's done with giving her space and with respecting her decisions because she still owes him some answers too.

But Donna takes her drink form the counter top and slides off her bar stool. Harvey doesn't anticipate her movement and fails to give her some space. For a few seconds she's almost standing between his legs and she's so close he can smell her shampoo. The familiarity of it all hits him like a wave. He has really missed her. Before he can think better of it, his hand flexes and reaches out to lightly touch her elbow to still her movements.

Donna shoots him one of her deadliest looks before she shrugs him off. Harvey lets go of her instantly.

"Donna-", he tries as she steps away from him. He wonders if they will ever manage to actually finish a conversation again without walking out on each other.

"No, Harvey, you don't get to do this."

Her voice is stern as she turns to walk away from him. He doesn't know whether she's talking about him touching her or trying to get answers from her. But at least she's talking to him and he thinks that he can't just let her walk out on him again. Avoiding each other has gotten them nowhere and he knows it will take them another eight weeks to get to this point again if he lets her walk away now. As he slides off his own bar stool to follow her, he chooses his next words carefully,

"Donna, why are you doing this-?" And Harvey only stops himself short from ending his question with -to me-, because even he knows that that's a very narcissist and self-righteous thing to say.

Of course, Donna catches it anyway and Harvey knows then he's said the wrong thing all together again, because Donna suddenly whirls around in one fluid motion and spills parts of her drink all over her black cocktail dress. She doesn't even look down and her face is flushed red when she shouts at him,

"Not everything is about you, Harvey."

It earns them looks because her voice level was well above the background music and Donna immediately looks sorry. It occurs to him that now would be a good time to start not making a scene.

Donna's hand comes up to her temple again as she tries to collect herself.

Harvey clenches his jaw as he stares at her. He idly wonders how long it took her to tell him that. It might have been twelve years, he thinks then. He knows that he has taken more out of this relationship over the years than she has, but he has always assumed that they were on the exact same page with this. Because despite his consuming nature, Harvey has never taken her for granted.

"I have to live my life, Harvey", Donna says, more quietly this time, and her anger gives way to resignation again.

She's told him these exact same words before. And as much as Harvey likes to believe that the last time she told him that was because he had a bad feeling about Stephen Huntley and what was about to come, Harvey knows that it really was plain old jealousy and possessiveness, which had moved him to tell her that he was bothered by her seeing another man and that that didn't change a thing with regard to their own arrangement in the exact same conversation. He didn't want to be with her then – has even told her outright – but he also didn't want her to be with anyone else. And it dawns on him then, that that is a very selfish and narcissist thing to expect from anyone. That he has indeed made her wait – that he is still trying to make her wait.

And as he watches her walk away and disappear into the crowd of people celebrating Mike's and Rachel's engagement, he wonders if the only right thing to do now is to set her free.