Jake and Cassandra have a chat in the final part of Old Ways Best
"Are you upset with me?" Cassandra asked the next morning. They were eating breakfast that mostly consisted of toast. Jake was itching to make omelets because he really wanted to chop something, but obviously he couldn't in his condition.
"No," His voice was sharp and he immediately regretted it. "No, I was angry with myself. Not you, never you."
"Why are you angry with yourself? I don't understand."
Jake stared at her, his blue eyes filled with a mix of anger, disgust and shame. Not directed at her but the intensity, suddenly she was taken back to the previous day.
She was standing in the sunlight, watching as Jake mumbled to himself looking at a tapestry on the wall of the ancient castle. Then he turned to tell her something about it.
She couldn't remember now what his point had been, other than it was important to the case. But she couldn't forget the look in his eyes as he suddenly trailed off, looking at her. His expression full of awe, like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Sometimes in intimate moments, he claimed she was.
She remembered being mesmerized by his stare, as he came closer to her, both of them spellbound by that moment. He'd cupped her face gently and then kissed her. A reverent kiss, a cherishing one, like she was made of the sunlight that surrounded them.
And that's when all hell had broke loose.
His voice startled her from her thoughts, "You got hurt because of me."
"How? Jake, I remember, the Brotherhood attacked you first, you were on the ground and that big one . . ." Cassandra closed her eyes, remembering Jake crying out in pain despite himself and her attempts to run to him. "I ran at them foolishly to keep you safe, that's when they threw me. It's my fault I got hurt. I know better, but they were hurting you."
"Cassie, I don't even . . ." His voice trailed off. He didn't remember. The big one had stomped on his shoulder and he barely had been able to remain conscious. All he'd remembered through the haze of red was the sick thud of Cassandra hitting that wall. By that point, Baird and to a lesser extent Jones had gotten the situation back in their favor. "I don't remember. Did you think I was upset with you for running in?"
She nodded.
"Oh darlin', I was upset because I thought the Brotherhood attacked us because I was kissin' you and not payin' attention." His voice had gone completely hoarse with emotion. "And you're upset with you for tryin' to help me."
She nodded, tears starting to trickle down her face. "We need to stop doing this Jake."
He nodded, taking a step forward and brushing the tears off her face with his good hand. "Baird basically told me that last night."
"Baird?"
"Yeah, she was waitin' outside my door. I was afraid she was gonna dress me down. But she was kind. Told me I shouldn't beat myself up for bein' human."
"You shouldn't. "
"And neither should you. Look, Cassie, I never really thought about it before. My need to protect you is strong . . ."
"So is mine to protect you. I know I'm not very strong but . . ."
"You're brave, so very brave." Jake whispered, curving his arm around her. "So much braver then any of us."
"Jake, I'm not, you and Baird, even Ezekiel, Flynn."
"You get up in the morning and I know you look your death in the eye. And every morning you put on a smile, a real one, not a fake one. And you live your life. You are brave. More brave than I would be. And I've waited a long time to apologize to you for bein' an ass about it. Not forgivin' you like you needed my forgiveness."
"I, Jake that's behind us."
"Yeah, but me bein' an ass is not. I should have just told you last night that I was upset with myself and I needed to brood. Instead I scared you."
"And I should have apologized to you as well. If we talked, we'd have realized we had two different viewpoints of what happened."
"Don't ever apologize for trying to protect me, you're my prince Charming," Jake chuckled. "I need to remember you have my back."
"Always Jake. Even when we're not together."
"Baird talked to you."
"Yeah, she was afraid that you wouldn't get around to it. She said that sometimes she was going to need us apart. That it wasn't a judgment, it was just the best thing for a case. Reminded me that it's her job to protect you, not mine."
"Same here. " He sighed. "I think I'm goin' to have to tell her to hit me if she sees me bein' an ass again."
Cassandra giggled but pressed a kiss to his nose. "We just need to tell each other things. That's all. Promise?"
"I promise. No more keepin' things from each other. And we do have to try to keep the distractions down."
"I know," Cassandra nodded. "But we're only human Jake. Sometimes you get swept up in a moment."
"You looked so beautiful . . . ." Jake mused, thinking back.
She smiled, then winced as he'd pulled her tighter.
"Oh, sorry I forgot. We're both hurtin'."
"Yeah, how about we go upstairs to your much comfier couch and I don't know watch some mindless movie marathon? See if Baird and Ezekiel are around. We can all just have a big pity party."
"That actually sounds like fun. You are a bad influence on me. Makin' me want to spend time with the co-workers."
Cassandra's laughter, like music to his ears, rang out in the hallway and carried them upstairs.
