Okay, so there's a teeny tiny reference to the episode airing tonight in this story. I'm mostly unspoiled for TBBT episodes, so literally if you've seen the sneak peek on the CBS website or even know the basic premise of the episode then you should be all set. if you know nothing and wish to keep it that way, you can wait to read this until after it airs.

Anyhoo, enjoy!

"I must say," Sheldon began as he stirred his noodles together while seated in his usual spot. "We haven't been able to get everyone together for dinner in so long, mostly thanks to somebody who insisted on moving away and disrupting the fragile ecosystem of our social group."

"Sheldon, it's been three years, let it go," Leonard groaned. "Did you expect Sam to stay in our bedroom for the rest of his childhood?"

"Why would that be a problem? Sleeping in close proximity with your offspring has been scientifically proven to be beneficial for the emotional health of the child," Sheldon argued. "And the same goes for the best friend, might I add."

Howard raised one graceful eyebrow. "Your kids don't sleep with you and Amy."

"Well, uh, that's- that's because…" for the first time in the history of mankind, Howard Wolowitz had rendered Sheldon Cooper speechless. "That's beside the point!" (it wasn't, but he chose not to dwell on that). "The fact of the matter is that things just haven't been the same since you relocated yourselves from across the hall."

"Yes," Penny replied dryly. "And moved upstairs instead."

"Exactly! Like I said, proximity!"

"Sheldon, you really ought to count your blessings," Bernadette piped up. "Look at Raj, besides us all of his friends live on the other side of the world! Right, Raj?"

The man in question didn't reply, entirely focused on his phone.

"Is something wrong, Rajesh?" Amy asked.

"Ooh, ooh, lemme try and guess," Howard said. "Let's see, high-pitched voice, sickeningly lovey-dovey grin, blowing kisses to the screen… it's a toss up between facetiming Emily or Cinnamon."

Even as the group laughed, Raj remained oblivious as he continued to serenade the phone screen. Signaling the others to remain quiet, Leonard got up from his seat and stealthily made his way in back of his mocha-skinned friend. Once he had tip-toed his way directly behind, Leonard grabbed one of the earbuds and screamed, "HEY RAJ, WHATCHYA DOING?"

"And I love y- HEY, HEY!" Snatching the bud back, Raj glared at each of his friends in turn as the dissolved into laughter. "Can't a man speak to his lady love in peace?"

"So it's Cinnamon, then, I knew it!" Howard concluded in triumph.

"No it's not, it's Emily," Raj replied irritably. "You know she's at a conference in Seattle, and she's been busy all day. This is the first chance I've had to talk with her."

"Can't we at least say hi?" Penny asked just a little too sweetly.

With a sigh, Raj disconnected his earphones and lifted the device for all to see. "Say hello to Nerd Central, Emily."

After a chorus of 'hey's' and 'how are you's?' and "have you had the sense knocked into you and you're escaping the prison warden's?' (that last one courtesy of Howard), Emily smiled warmly. "Hey guys, how's it goi-"

"Okay that's enough," Raj said as he plugged himself back in. "Now if you don't mind I'd like to return to conversing with my wife-" he tossed a glare Leonard's way. "Without interruption."

With the entertainment of the hour now at an end, talk eventually meandered to school.

"Amelia's doing fantastic so far," Sheldon boasted. "There's already been talk of moving her up from first to second grade. And Josie's doing just as well at her preschool. Ordinarily I wouldn't hesitate to bump her up, too, but the teachers want her to stay under the guise of 'socializing with children her own age'." He punctuated the last bit with an eyeroll, but the pride in his eyes for his daughters was still clearly evident.

"Well Sam's at the top of his kindergarten class," Leonard added quickly, obviously bothered by Sheldon's bragging. "We're expecting the call to have him skip a grade or two any day now."

"A grade or two?" Sheldon released his breathy laugh. "Leonard, your boy is smart, I admit it, but don't forget that he's still got Penny's genes to contend with."

"Excuse me?" Penny accused harshly. "What gives you the right to compare our children like we're at a state fair? Why, if we were back in Nebraska I'd have you in a headlock so fast you'd cry like a-"

"Speaking of which," Amy interrupted as she looked about the room with a frown etched on her face. "Where are the kids?"

~0~0~0~0~0~

"And then you just add two tablespoons of baking soda in…" Sam continued as he dropped the powder into a two liter bottle, turned onto its head and seated on a large sheet in the middle of the bedroom.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Amelia asked with an anxious glance to the doorway. "I've never done an experiment without my mom or dad before."

"Come on Amelia, this is totally safe," said Sam. "And besides, you, me and Jo, we're the smartest kids there are."

"Hey!"

The three little scientists looked over at Hiranya as she sat on Josie's bed, arms crossed and glowering straight back at them.

"Well do you even want to help?" Josie challenged, hands placed her pudgy four-year-old hips.

"Heck, no!" the girl replied with a toss of her head, causing a ripple effect across her dark curls. "But it's not my fault I didn't have genius parents. Can't we do something that's fun for all of us?"

"In a minute," Sam replied distantly, tongue poking out slightly in concentration as he adjusted his new glasses. "We just need to add one final ingredient: vinegar!"

Josie gasped. "I know what you're trying to do now! The baking soda and vinegar make a chem'cal reaction, producing enough carbon dioxide that it erupts like a volcano!"

"Right, only I have it upside down, so it'll shoot up like a rocket. I saw it on the Science for Kids channel and I thought I'd add my own twist," Sam said with a grin as he added several drops of red food coloring. "Okay, I'm ready. Amelia, you have the duct tape?"

The eldest of the group tore off a strip and positioned it directly over the small opening Sam had made on the bottom of the bottle. "All set."

"Perfect. Now prepare for liftoff in three…"

Hiranya suddenly bolted upright from her position of lying disinterested on the bed. "Sam?"

"Not now. Two…"

"But Sam-"

"One!" And with that the young Hofstadter dumped the entire container of vinegar into the brew, Amelia promptly responding with smacking the duct tape over the bottle's hole. Every child in the vicinity waited with bated breath as they saw the tinted container begin to fill, yet nothing else happened.

"I don't get it. What went wrong?" Sam asked no one.

"I'll tell you what, smarty-pants," Hiranya answered from the bed. "You didn't unscrew the cap on the bottom."

Three pairs of eyes widened to epic proportions, turning as one to the deadly concoction they had created without thought or shame.

"So without a way to escape," Amelia stated slowly. "The pressure will keep on building until it-"

KABOOM!

The splat heard 'round the world.

When the proverbial smoke had cleared, Amelia, Josie and Sam could only stare stunned as they and the entire bedroom stood spattered in the pinkish baking soda mixture. The only one who remained unscathed was Hiranya, who had wisely dove beneath the covers at the last possible second.

The door just about burst apart as Sheldon charged in, releasing some kind of war cry and brandishing a fire extinguisher above his head as his weapon of choice against whatever had his children in danger. Paused mid-blow, his eyes roved excruciatingly slow across the scene before him, and it wash't until he put all the pieces together that he lowered the extinguisher along with his jaw. The other adults stood behind him in the hall, all in varying stages of shock. Even Emily was there, held up by Raj in the back so she could survey the damage as well.

One generation stared down the other as opposing sides in battle, neither daring to speak, nor move, nor breathe. At last, one brave soul chose to pierce the unbearable silence.

"It wasn't me!" Hiranya shouted as she leaped from the bed, took her mother by the hand and began dragging her away. "We have to go now, bye!"

Howard watched his wife and child go before turning back to the masses and shrugging. "The lady's word goes." And with that he followed with his own escape.

Both the Cooper and Hofstadter couples soon returned to the matter at hand, both mothers tapping their feet and giving the well-known death glare as they silently debated on the best course of torment, both fathers torn between anger and masculine pride. All three children shrunk in their shoes, dreading whatever unpleasantness was certain to befall upon them.

"I've changed my mind," Raj said, glancing up at his wife's pixellated face. "I don't want kids anymore."

"Are you kidding?" Emily cried. "Ruin, destruction, and near-annihilation? If we were guaranteed kids like these we'd have five by now."

Oddly enough, neither set of parents were quite so amused.

Just to be clear I am not very scientifically inclined, so any science info comes straight from Google. If it's wrong I apologize in advance.