Jake had kissed Cassandra good night at her door and gone upstairs to his own place. It reminded him of the early weeks of their relationship, these days they seemed to share a bed more often than not. He'd been wondering more and more as of late the point of even keeping two separate places.

Hell, I've been wonderin' about a whole hell of lotta things lately.

He walked through to his bedroom, tossing his bag in the corner, he'd unpack it later. He had a passing thought about grabbing a beer but he ended up toeing off his boots and flopping backwards on the unmade bed. The one major thought that had been swirling around him all weekend coming back to the front of his mind.

We could actually have a baby. Our baby.

When he was young, he'd assumed he'd be like every other guy in his small town. Marry some local girl, raise a family in a house just like his parents had raised him in. As he got to high school, reluctantly hiding his brains behind a jock persona, he figured he'd end up marrying the cheerleader he'd lost his virginity to. But Mary Ellen had dreams bigger than their home town. And unlike him, she'd gone after them.

It'd been years before his next relationship. Oh, he'd dated beyond the girls he pretended to pick up in the bars. But he had that weird hang up about love and sex, his teenage mind having deluded him into thinking he loved Mary Ellen, and nothing came of those relationships beyond a make out session or two. Not until Emma had breezed into town.

Emma had been something else. And he'd loved her with everything he'd been able to share with the world. She'd been his chance at the family that all of his friends, most of his siblings had. But there were two things holding him back from ever proposing.

The biggest one had been himself. He loved her. But he didn't trust her. Not completely, not like the way he trusted Cassandra. Emma knew the good ole boy, the roughneck that everyone else in town knew. They lived together and yet he carefully hid all of his research from her. He'd even fixed his work schedule to be opposite to hers so that he could write without her knowing. He'd blamed the rig for the schedule when she'd complain. That was no way to live, no way to have a relationship. So he'd let her walk away.

The second reason was one that still haunted him. Haunted him even more with Cassandra. He worried he was too much like his father. His father had always loved the bottle a bit too much but his mother had always keep him in line. But she'd died shortly after he'd graduated high school. His daddy had hit the bottle hard, leaving the kids to fend largely for themselves. His oldest sister, Betty, already married and a mother, had taken Annie in. That left him and his sister Jess to raise Kyle and Joey. Jess, rebellious and angry, had run off with the first guy who offered. Betty did her best to help him then, trying to keep their Daddy sober and Joey in particular out of trouble.

He remembered coming home one night, a hard day trying to keep the family business afloat.

"I don't think I can do this, Betty."

Betty had sighed kissing his cheek. "I think we're gonna have to sell, Jakey."

"If the old man would crawl out of his fuckin' bottle . . . ."

His sister shook her head. "He loved mama too much. Without her, life just ain't worth living. I think he's tryin' to join her."

Jake drank, but not really anything like his father. A beer or two, he didn't like getting drunk. Part of it was his fear of losing control over his mask, the other was of course, becoming his father. But here he was, hopelessly in love with a woman who was going to die far too young. She always assured him that she was not in immediate danger, but she would leave him earlier than they wanted.

He'd tried, oh so very hard, not to get involved with her. But it had been a losing battle. Cassandra was the woman he'd been looking for all of his life. He could simply be himself with her. And never in his life would he have thought he would have something in common with a quirky math and science genius. But he did. From their tastes in food to a mutual love of antiques . . . her apartment was furnished with pieces that he loved for their history, beauty and the way they reminded him of her. Before the Library, he'd had daydreams of antique shopping and picnics in meadows with a girl not that dissimilar to Cassandra. He couldn't, wouldn't walk away now from her.

But a child . . . .

The odds were that if they had a child now, he or she would be in college before anything happened to Cassandra. But what if the odds were against them? What if she died earlier and he'd followed his father's downward spiral? He never wanted a child of his to have to deal with what Joey and Annie had gone through. Annie at least had Betty's stable influence. Joey still bore scars. As hard as it had been for the older kids, Joey had ended up messed up the most. Well, except for possibly Jess, now on her third husband but at least talking again to her siblings.

Cassandra wanted a baby. She hadn't bothered to conceal her longing this weekend. Even the first time they'd talked about children, he knew that she longed for what she had thought was impossible. Like her, he'd let himself dream about smart little children with big blue eyes, maybe a little red haired girl who'd be the apple of her daddy's eye.

Neither of them had had the best childhoods. His family hadn't had much and he hadn't exactly fit in. His mama had always been poorly and his father was often absent. Cassandra's parents had seen her more as a project then a child. He'd at least felt love, there was love in the Stone household, no matter what. Cassandra's upbringing had been far colder. He was sure Cassandra's parents had loved her, but Cassandra herself wasn't sure.

He was certain he and Cassandra could give a child a far more loving, accepting life than they had had. But were they ready?

Maybe they were moving too fast? Hell, they didn't even live together. And they'd talked babies before marriage.

Call him old fashioned but he wanted to be married before he had children. But he had no idea how Cassandra felt about marriage. When they talked about the future, the word marriage had never come up. Which was strange because they talked in terms of spending the rest of their lives together.

Were they both assuming that marriage was implied? It was strange that it had never come up. Not until earlier when Annie had mentioned a wedding.

It was time they had that discussion. He knew he wasn't going anywhere. His future was with his Cassandra. But it was best to know exactly what the other expected.

He yawned. It had been a long emotional weekend. With his luck, they'd probably have something in the clippings book first thing in the morning. So he abandoned plans for raiding the fridge and stood up to take his jeans and belt off. Suddenly he was too tired to even bother with finding something else to sleep in.

Within minutes, he fell asleep. And in his dreams, he and Cassandra chased after a little blue eyed girl . . . .