Jasper's POV

We finally had some down time and what I meant by that is that Peter and Jane had finally taken a break from their near constant fucking and I was so thankful for it. I knew they needed it to get closer and to better understand each other, but that didn't mean I wanted to see it twenty-four seven.

I watched them as they lay on the ground in each other's arms, contentment, happiness and love surrounding them. It sure was something else to witness. They were growing closer with every moment they spent together. I hadn't been around many mated vampires. In the army Maria had warned me time and time again how they weren't allowed because they weakened not only us, but the mates themselves. And ultimately if one was injured or killed then the other one went on a rampage until they killed themselves. I never wanted that for Peter nor did I want it for myself.

Peter's emotions made yet another shift to mesh in better with Jane's and vice versa. I couldn't help but wonder if this would happen between Bella and me. Would I made her stronger? Would she make me weaker? I wasn't sure and I didn't know if I wanted to find out. I didn't want her to be the cause of my demise or I hers. It just seemed smarter to leave it all alone. I didn't want to imagine a world without her, but then my eyes fell on Peter and Jane and a small piece of hope flickered inside me and I thought that just maybe it would work out.

My brain began battling with itself. Showing me all the reasons it would never work, showing me all the mated couples I had to separate and kill because Maria wouldn't allow them. This was all new to me. Seeing Peter with Jane… They were the only mated couple I had truly been around. There were the Cullens, Emmett and Rose, Carlisle and Esme, but their bonds were nowhere near as strong as Peter and Jane's. Plus I didn't take much note of them during my time in Forks; I didn't think I needed to. I saw it as their weakness. Emmett was so dependent on Rose, and Esme on Carlisle. It was sickening to witness. I doubted neither knew how to stand on their own and I never wanted that for myself or Bella. I was content with living my life as a lone soldier... Was.

There was a moment, early on, when I met Jane and knew she was Peter's that I wanted to give her to him, but I resisted. Jane was still dealing with the loss of her brother and I was certain that Peter had the same outlook on mates as I did, because we were raised in the same environment. I was also selfish, wanting to make sure Jane was good enough, strong enough for Peter before giving her to him. I tested her and her gift constantly. She didn't know, but I needed to make sure she was worthy of Peter. He was my boy, he still is.

I always looked out for him. I fought for him too. Maria wanted me to kill him when he hit the year mark, but I convinced her otherwise and I still struggle with whether or not I made the right decision. Maybe it would have been easier if he was killed, then he wouldn't have been subjected to everything that came after. I tried to protect him. I never let him kill the newborns, never let him change the humans. I sent him away on trivial missions when I knew we were facing a formidable opponent. I even sent him away when I felt Maria's lust. I didn't want her to get her claws into him. I didn't want her to manipulate him, to abuse him. I took the brunt of it all.

I looked at Peter and he had a blissed out look on his face. He hadn't spoken or even looked at me in days. His entire focus was on his mate and her needs. My mind went to Bella again. I knew she had to be strong. If the Volturi sent her after vampires like me then she must be able to handle herself, but I still saw her as the weak human she was. I tried to figure out why and there were two reasons that came to mind; one, that's the last time I allowed myself to see her, and two, that was who she was when I formed the mating bond with her. She was so small and fragile in my mind, weak. I was certain I would break her, damage her both physically and emotionally. But what had I denied myself and her of in the meantime? Maybe we could be as happy as Peter and Jane, maybe.

But even if I could get to her… I was not a good vampire and she must know this. She would be foolish to take me on as a mate. I had wounded her. I killed her girlfriend Makka, but I was tactful about that. Bella didn't care about her, not anymore. She even felt a sense of relief when I ended Makka's life. I knew Bella would never admit that out loud or to herself, she was too selfless for that, but I felt it. I did her a favor. She had gotten herself into a situation that would have been near impossible to get out of. Sure Makka lost her life, but she was a vampire and all of us are on borrowed time. Our lives ended the moment our hearts stopped beating. With that being said, I wasn't about to waste my second life.

Peter finally looked up at me and I could feel his gratitude. I sent him some pride back. He always did like feeling my pride for him. Peter was my greatest creation, the only light in my life. I had fought hard for him to not be surrounded in the darkness that I constantly was. He laughed, he smiled, he joked around. He wasn't tainted. Sure he had his bad days and memories, but he wasn't consumed by them like I was.

Peter was feeling conflicted and I looked at him closely. There was a longing in him, a regret, a sadness. I wondered if he was missing Bella. Surely as Bella was my mate my boy would feel connected to her just like I was. I didn't want to force Peter to stay here nor did I want to force him away from Bella. I stood up.

"I'm going to go for a hunt," I said and Jane looked up at me. "I'm not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing just yet, but I'll be gone for at least a day."

Peter nodded his head in understanding and I left, not looking back. I was making it easy for him. With my absence he would be able to make a choice. I wondered if he would return to Bella, maybe he would just contact her, maybe he wouldn't even leave me. I knew that was highly unlikely and I was proud of myself. Although I didn't say it out loud Peter would be smart enough to figure out that I was giving him a choice. I wasn't commanding him, I wasn't ordering him. This was a decision he would have to make on his own and I decided that whatever he chose I would not hold it against him and whatever came next I would just handle it the best way I could.