A/N Sorry for the delay in posting. I was very busy with exams, but I'll try to do better for rest of the chapters.

Chapter 3

Arthur had that incredibly unpleasant sinking sensation in his stomach. Like something terrible had just happened and he just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. He had been over that night a million times in his head, and with each time he felt like someone dropped a tonne of lead onto his shoulders. He was jealous and drunk and he dragged Merlin, who obviously didn't want him that way, into bed and made him fuck him. And sure he didn't resist. But it was fucking Merlin; he probably thought that he had to give Arthur anything he needed. He probably thought that Arthur was just looking for a quick fuck like he nearly always did after a night of drinking and that with a shortage of other options he just settled for the closest available ass. He probably thought it was his duty to let Arthur touch him, because that was what the prince needed at the time.

Arthur felt sick. He couldn't believe that after months, years of desiring and loving his servant, his friend, he did this to him. He was jealous and he just took him. And Merlin let him! As if he didn't believe he was worth anything more than one of the whores Arthur dragged into his bed every once in a while. That was the kind of person Merlin was, he couldn't see how amazing he was. He couldn't see how much Arthur loved him. And how could he, when the only affection Arthur had shown him was dragging him into his bed and coercing him into sex.

This was so, so bad.

Merlin showed up the next morning like everything was normal. He was more quiet than usual, no quips or jokes, he just went about the business of setting up Arthur's breakfast. Changing his sheets and preparing his clothes. Arthur couldn't bring himself to say anything, the guilt was eating him alive. Those words kept ringing in his head "do you need anything else?", like an endless reminder of the terrible person that he was. Merlin did everything for him and he foolishly thought that they were equal. Did he really expect that Merlin would tell him 'no'? Did he truly believe Merlin would say 'no' to anything he asked of him? He couldn't possibly have been that foolish, but he was. And it was his duty as a master and a prince to make sure he didn't abuse the blind trust of his servant. But he did.

He couldn't bring himself to eat a single bite. Thoughts kept racing in his mind like the guilt and the shame and the pain. Merlin probably liked Gwaine, the way they were talking they could have been in love. And Arthur felt threatened because he loved him and he couldn't bear the thought of anyone else touching him. He was marking his territory – that's what he was doing last night. In the most basic way possible, he was fucking Merlin to mark him as his own, to prove that he could possess him and Gwaine couldn't.

"Arthur" Arthur was startled out of his thoughts by Merlin calling his name. "Do you want me to polish your second set of armour for you. For the tournament?" Arthur just stared at him for a second, not comprehending. How could he talk about armour like Arthur's whole world wasn't crumbling at his feet?

"Merlin, can you sit for a second, please". Arthur's voice sounded small. He spent so much time in the past few months imaging that moment when they would finally be together, when Arthur would hold him and make love to him, and it would be like an union made in heaven, their bodies coming together and Arthur whispering "I love you" quietly and sensually and Merlin responding in kind. He imagined other things as well, them laughing bed together, sneaking around and being together, just being together. But instead all he got was a drunken tumble in bed and Arthur would have given his right hand to make that night disappear and he would even put up with Merlin being with Gwaine and it would kill him, but at least he would still have their friendship.

Merlin had been sitting for a while now while Arthur took the time to think through all this for the hundredth time.

"I want to apologize"

"You don't need to apologize, Arthur. It's fine" It's fine. Arthur wanted to start banging his head against a wall until he bled out and died. Do you need anything else? It's fine, you can do whatever you want to me, coz you're the fucking prince.

"No Merlin, it was inappropriate. I should have never crossed that line" Arthur felt he also needed to apologize, to get on his knees and beg for Merlin for forgive him. But he was too proud, even though the guilt was eating him alive, he couldn't bring himself to admit it just yet. That would make it all too real to bear. Even though it was already too real to bear.

Merlin just nodded in response. He looked like he was fighting to keep from crying.

"Merlin," he hesitated because it hurt to think of what he was about to say next "Your body is your own and are free to do with it as you please. You should date whoever you want." He thought back to Merlin and Gwaine sitting next to each other, their thighs touching. That thought hurt so much that it threatened to eat him whole but the shame of what he did after, in his jealousy, hurt even more.

Merlin nodded again. He really looked like he was about to burst into tears, he swallowed a big lump in his throat.

"Merlin, I'm really sorry" Arthur said, his voice breaking.

"It's fine" Merlin repeated again and then briskly stood up so Arthur wouldn't see his face.

"I'm going to go and get started on that second set of armour" he called from behind and the prince could hear tears in his voice. A second later the door closed with a bang; Arthur flinched.

He stood up and flung everything off the table in one swift swipe. The food and dishes clattered on the floor. Arthur sunk to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest letting a raw sob escape his throat. Then, he just let it all go and cried.